Reality Check: Notes from a Younger Self

Reality Check: Notes from a Younger Self

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Somewhere (Barbra Streisand/Josh Groban)
http://youtu.be/aPgqeVROE_4

I have recently been re-reading some notes and quotes I copied. They were taken from readings of wise authors over the years.  I wanted to keep them safely in one spot so as to be able to reference them when I needed to. I started keeping these notes in a spiral-bound journal that I started in December of 2000, when I was having a mid-life crisis of sorts. I was looking for meaning, joy and happiness that I did not seem to be able to find in my day to day life at that time. I started searching for some answers to the bigger questions in my life, and as a result I started reading some great books written by some very wise people. Marianne Williamson, Cheryl Richardson, Sarah Ferguson - The Duchess of York, Sarah Ban Breathnach, to name a few. One of those quotes by "wise people" turned out to be mine!

I wrote an entry titled "Reality Check". It was a list I compiled for myself to read so as to be able to face some realities in my life that I was not wanting to face and deal with. After re-reading this I think I want to share it here for my own children to read someday, when they have to face the realities of their own life. Perhaps by putting it here it will give them the courage to face their own fears and realities. Maybe they will better understand me and the way I saw things back then, too. I have changed much over the past 17 years (life has a way of doing that to you) but the wisdom is still relevant and timeless.

Reality Check

September 1, 2001

 - I'll never be 20 years old again. I'll never be 30 or 35 or 40 years old again.

- I'm never going to weigh 130 lbs again, but now I exercise to feel better and stay healthy, not just to lose weight.

 - I'm never going to be able to live by my parents again in this life. Mom's gone. Dad won't live forever (he passed away in 2005). Time to "get a life" here." It's not about where you live, but how you live.

 - It's time to start "living in the moment" and enjoying who I am, where I am, and what I have/do. "Enjoy life, this is not a dress rehearsal."

 - We are never going to have enough money to be able to do all I would like to do, so do what we can, when we can, where we can and be grateful we can!

 - I won't be (fill in the blank)  forever, so do your best now so you have no regrets when the release comes, and endure to the end.

 - Don't fear the future callings, they are in the Lord's hands. "Always follow faith and never fear".

 - My children are growing up and away. Hopefully to someday be capable, responsible adults. Enjoy them while you still can.

 - Life holds no guarantees, just miracles and blessings for those open to receive and perceive them.

 - Don't quit!

What a blessing that I wrote this down! As I look back I can see the wisdom in living these words. Maybe I would add one more...

- Life is short, buy the shoes! ;-)

"I Wish You Enough"

Leaving on a Jet Plane (John Denver)
http://youtu.be/H9qvjRVty7Q

     Our son and his wife recently left us to return home from spending their Christmas holidays here. We really enjoyed our too short time together. We laughed, played, sang, talked, shared and even cried a little. Finally the time came when we had to drive them to the airport to return back to their home and lives elsewhere. We arrived at the airport and stopped by the curb to unload their things. We gave them a lingering hug and then waved good-bye to them as they made their way into the terminal and we returned to our car. (Sadly, long gone are the days when you could actually accompany them to the gate and say good bye there as they walked down the boarding corridor).  As we drove away from the curb and made our way out of the airport, thoughts returned of the many, (too many) times I had done this same thing at various airports and times in the past.

     I remember an especially poignant departure from that same airport on the day my father flew away after his last visit to see us. It was his return flight home after the occasion of attending this same son's high school graduation. Little did I know at that time that it would be the last time I would see my father alive, our last "good bye". He passed away suddenly a few months later from a heart attack.

(The last picture of my father, taken at the airport with my son and me.)

     I remember landing at the airport near my home a few days prior to his funeral. So often I had looked for and seen his face in the crowds at that airport when I returned home for a visit, but that day it was not there. I remember how stark and sad that was for me.

     Airports are portals of arrival and departure. People we love come and go there throughout our life's journey. Birth and death are also portals of arrival and departure. We greet and part with loved ones through these portals of mortality. The goal is to make the best use of the time we have together between the arrivals and the departures. Take nothing for granted, because there are no guarantees in life. Make the best of the time together, "say what you need to say" and cherish the precious and few moments. Love, laugh, play, share, forgive and embrace because you never know when that next departure may be the last good bye.


(From an email, author unknown)

Recently, I overheard a Mother and her daughter in their last moments together at a regional airport. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and she said, "I love you. I wish you enough."

She in turn said, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too." They kissed and she left.

She walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."

She paused for a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, she smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," she continued. Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from
memory:


"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."


She then began to sob and walked away.

They say "It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them"

My friends and loved ones, I wish you ENOUGH!!! 

Fly Away (John Denver/Olivia Newton John)
http://youtu.be/LNsLGHs89iM

Wisdom via Hindsight

We May Never Pass This Way Again (Seals and Croft)

http://youtu.be/i3mp4dkm1fQ

     I have been thinking about writing this post for a while and finally decided that today is the day. I hope that at some time in the future, when my own daughters and daughter-in-law need it, they will come to this blog post and read and re-read it. Perhaps it will help them, and others, understand and do things differently than I did. They say that hindsight is 20/20, so I am going to share some things that I learned over the years. How I might have done some things differently had I known then what I know now as a post stay-at-home motherhood and current empty-nester.

     What sparked my decision to finally write about this was a phone call the other day from a sweet, young mother who was at the end of her rope. She has several children, all of which are age 6 and under, and she is currently pregnant with another. She was feeling overwhelmed with her life, and she felt like she needed a break from her children before she did something she might regret. I was her "phone a friend" lifeline that day.  My heart went out to her and her situation. I have felt like her at various times in my own life and so I could most certainly empathize with how she was feeling and what she was going through. We love our children and are very thankful to have them. We feel a tremendous sense of responsibility to care for them and fulfill their every need, but there are times when being with them 24/7 is simply more than we can handle. Having "been there, done that",  I am going to share with you some of what I learned about those years and what I would have done differently if I had it to do over again....

     First of all, I would have taken more time for myself to develop my own interests and pursue some of my dreams. There simply has to be more of a balance in life. When one is in the midst of raising children, especially small children, we feel so selfish and guilty when we take even a little "time out" for ourselves. I am not suggesting that one goes overboard to the point of neglect or of being obsessively self-serving, but what I am suggesting is that you set aside a few hours or an afternoon one day a week to do something for yourself. It is very easy to loose your identity when you becomes a wife and a mother and it is very important, even essential, that you have something you can call your own that identifies you as an individual person - as you. For me, it was my taking the time to teach piano lessons for a couple of hours a week. It was something that I loved to do, it kept me in touch with my own skills and talents, it was of service to others and it also helped to bring in some much needed extra income to contribute to the family budget (or have some play money fore me - guilt free). It was a small amount but I can't count the times that it was just enough to cover what was needed. It has been a great blessing in my life and it blessed the lives of others - both student and parent. I felt good about what I was able to contribute to the world through teaching and adding to the beauty of the world through music education.

     Another thing that I would do is seek out  the support of and friendship of others who are in similar situations. Women need other women - girlfriend! I tended to isolate myself and think that I could do "it" all by myself, and even worse, that I had to do it all by myself. I suffered in silence and that was a big mistake. I needed to be around and talk to adults, especially when I was home with toddlers and infants all day. There are only so many episodes of Barney and Sesame Street that one can handle in a day (or Dora or Teletubbies  or ________ fill in the blank here)! When I was a new mother and living in a state far away from family and friends it soon became clear to me that I had to do something about my isolation and loneliness or I was going to go crazy (or MIA). I had a dear friend from back home who suggested that I get involved with La Leche League, which is an organization that supports and helps women who are breastfeeding their children. It was, hands down, THE best decision I ever made for my mental health! I found a local chapter of the group and attended one of their meetings. I was hooked. I soon found a group of like-minded women who had children my own children's ages and who were going through what I was going through and feeling what I was feeling. It was a miracle! We started a playgroup as well as getting together for the monthly meetings. Our children became friends as did we. Admittedly there were some challenges due to some differences of religious opinions, but for the most part we were able to set those aside and find more things in common than were different. La Leche League became one of my "lifelines" when we moved from town to town for schooling and jobs during those early years of our children's lives. It became a constant in the midst of chaos. I will be forever thankful for those dear women who supported and helped me during the good times and the bad times of those years. They helped to keep me "off the ledge" many times.

     And finally, I would have kept up some of my professional skills, either by taking a class and/or dabbling in my field of choice. Not to the point of neglecting my children, but only to the point of being able to keep up my skill set. At this time in my life I am facing a situation that the skills and training I received in my profession are no longer of use in the same way as they were pre-babies. I was trained as a secretary and worked in that field prior to having my first child, but  I have not worked in that field for many years and I no longer have adequate skills to work in an office environment as a secretary. I would need to go through retraining in order to work in that field now, and I figure that if I have to be retrained anyway that I would rather get my education in something that I feel more passionate about than working in an office as a secretary. I am also finding that the field that I have been working in for the past 20+ years is losing ground (as a piano instructor) to more exciting, instantly gratifying extra -curricular activities such as soccer, softball, gymnastics, dance, etc. I hate to see the devaluation of learning to play the piano (or any musical instrument), and I think that it will become a rare talent and skill in the future. It is not an instant gratification talent, but one that takes time and practice and patience to perfect and I see too few willing to put the time and energy into perfecting this talent.  The world will be a much sadder place without music in it, and those who play it well. I find it very difficult to find a young student who is willing to put in the time and practice and patience that it takes to become a skilled musician. My career choices have and are becoming obsolete, and so  I am finding myself at this point in life having to retrain myself in a job market that desires younger, thinner and better skilled employees than what I have to offer. Attending college in middle age is much harder than if I had continued to pursue my degree along the way and continued to dabbled in the field of study as I went along in life. So my advice, get the degree or training skills while you are young, but if you can't do it while you are young, just do it - and keep a finger on the pulse of your area of expertise. The world is changing so fast with the new technologies that exist that a degree or skill might become obsolete in the future, but if you keep an eye on the changes and can tap into it to whatever extent you can, you won't regret it in the future. And, it will make your future "empty nest" years (yes, they do eventually come) much easier to navigate.

    So, the bottom line is:

     Don't give up on your dreams; find a way to follow them,
     Enjoy play dates with your girlfriends and their kids, and
     Never stop learning.

That's The Way It Is (Celine Dion)
http://youtu.be/sLSWJtxvaUY

When You Have Your Health....

Every Breath You Take (The Police)

http://youtu.be/_wsMEj2ZfW8

     "They" say that when you have your health you have everything. My recent bout with a nasty virus has caused me to ponder on this truth. It all started with some congestion in my chest and some slight wheezing. The weather was changing abruptly - again - so I just thought it was my body trying to adjust to the barometric pressure shift. Twenty-four hours later I felt like I had been hit by a truck! After many days and hours of rest, pumping Coldeze, Sambucol, Luden's Cherry Flavored cough drops and eventually some Theraflu (at night so I could finally sleep) into my system, and watching way too many hours of television, I have survived. This experience has given me a new appreciation for good health. This morning, after more than a week, I could actually take a deep breath without coughing, and I finally had a good night's sleep! Life is good!

    It has been a long time since I was this ill. I have had other health challenges within the past year or so, but this one seemed to be the one that tried my patience the most. There is definitely a mind/body connection when it comes to one's health.  There is nothing quite as unsettling as feeling like you have little control over your health and what is happening inside of your body or your mind. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to live with a chronic illness or disease every day of one's life. It must be very difficult to endure and remain positive and upbeat. I'll admit it, I am not a good sick person. In fact, one of my greatest fears is that I will lose my health, but still keep my mind and will. (I secretly hope that if I lose one I will also lose the other). To add to it, the side effects of the over-the-counter medications are worse than the illness is for me, so this is why I usually choose to take the homeopathic ones over the pharmaceutical company brands, if at all possible. 

     The past few months of health challenges have also caused me to re-evaluate the importance of taking better care of myself. I am certainly not getting any younger, and apparently not a lot healthier either. I think it is past time for me to get my act together and start doing something more about it. I just hope I am not too late to make the necessary changes for a better, healthier me. I know that I will be limited at this time in my life as to what type of exercise I will be able to do, especially considering my back/leg/knee/ankle issues. I used to bike much more frequently than I have the past few years and I always enjoyed it, but the added weight and joint issues have kept me from participating.  I could return to that but would most likely need to "graduate" to a recumbent bike due to my back and leg issues. Swimming is another healthy option. However, I am not a very good swimmer and I really dislike smelling of chlorine, not to mention how dry my skin gets and (gulp) the thought of putting a bathing suit on this out-of-shape body and being seen in public! I used to participate in a water exercise class and I really liked it, perhaps that would be a good place to start again, if my leg and knee can take the motion and jarring. If not, there is always Yoga - great exercises for the mind and body connections.

     My mother used to say that growing old was not all it was cracked up to be. "The golden years, aren't so golden". Aging is certainly not for sissys or the faint of heart. Sometimes one just has to set aside one's pride and take the plunge (no pun intended) and jump in with both feet. I have not felt as good as I could and should at this stage of my life. I haven't been as happy as I have been at times when I have taken better care of myself. I hope it is not too late to start over. It is time to start doing some research and focus on taking care of me - my body with physical exercise, my mind with learning new things, my soul. Since they are all connected perhaps if I start taking care of the one - the body - I will be better able to take care of the rest. It is also time to start accepting that I will never be as young as I was nor as old as I will be. The place to start is here, the time to start is now. 

Suddenly I See (KT Tunstall)

http://youtu.be/QrbO-Tw-mEY

(my apologies for the expletive - I didn't write it, I just used it ;-))

     

We Dreamers Have Our Ways....

I Made It Through the Rain (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/wlQPnNy6JR0

     I thought I had "retired" from teaching piano lessons when, surprise, I was approached by two individuals recently who expressed a desire to have me teach their children to play the piano. One of them was the parent of a former student who had decided to take some time off to regroup following a family crisis. The other was a family who is new to the area and upon learning that I have taught, approached me to teach their child to learn to play. I was both pleased and surprised by their requests.

     I have always tried to willingly and openly share my knowledge and talent with others. I began teaching lessons back in 1989, when my first child was about 18 months old. We were fairly new on our path into the world of parenting and living on our own. My husband had taken a job in another state that was far away from where I was born and raised. We were fairly fresh out of college and this was our first "real" salaried job. We tried hard to be able to live on his salary alone, but we were struggling to make ends meet.

    One day I decided I needed to do something to help stretch our budget, but what? I had a two-year diploma in Secretarial Training/Administrative Support, but I had not worked since the birth of our son. We were now living in a different state than where I had worked previously using that degree, and I was unsure where I would be able to find any employment. I was also very concerned about the care and welfare of my son. If I went back to work outside of the home, who would take care of him? I had no family members nearby and few friends. So, I did what I try to always due when faced with these kinds of dilemmas - I prayed and asked God what I should do.

    I remember explaining to Heavenly Father our dilemma. I explained how I desired to help out with the family finances, but that I felt I also needed to be home with our son. I needed something that I could do, I could feel good about and something that was mine. The answer came to me, "teach piano lessons". I had studied piano for many years growing up and felt confident that I had enough skills to be able to teach others how to play. But where to begin?

      I lacked a piano and teaching experience. God took care of these concerns. I happened to have a friend who had children that took piano lessons and she gave me some information and pointers that her children's teacher used with them. Upon asking around in my church community, I came across an individual who had a piano that was in storage and not being used. She was willing to give me the piano in exchange for teaching her to play. The only thing we had to do was go and pick up the piano and move it into our home. And so it began....

    I have been teaching for more than 20 years now and I have learned a lot about how to succeed as a business owner, and how to help my students succeed at learning to play the piano. God has placed people and resources in my path that have helped me all along the way. When I look back over those years of teaching I can't count how many times the little amount of money I brought in teaching piano lessons gave us just enough to have what we needed. It was and is truly a calling from God and a blessing in my life. It is one of my life purposes, though admittedly I sometimes haven't seen it that way.

    When I returned to college a few years ago I decided to put my piano lesson business onto the back burner and limit my teaching. I felt I needed to do that in order to be able to keep up with my classes and the homework demands. While I enjoyed getting my schooling, I missed my teaching. It was a nice change of pace, and maybe the sabbatical that I needed in order to help me appreciate what I had - and the fact that it truly is a calling from God for me.

     I will be forever grateful to my parents who started me playing and supported me financially and physically all throughout my journey. I am also very grateful to the 4 women who taught me how to play the piano, and to do it well. They were terrific mentors and role models for me as I began my own piano teaching business. I am thankful for the woman who gave me the piano that got me started, and for the beautiful piano that once sat in my parent's house and now sits in mine. It is truly a privilege and a gift from God to be able to share my talent and love of music with future generations. My hope is that they too will come to appreciate and use what they are learning to make this world a more beautiful place to live. in my dreams....

The Medium Is The Messenger

Operator, can you help me place this call? 

- Jim Croce

Hello (Neil Diamond)

http://youtu.be/K0MIKngHn_c

     The more things change, the more they stay the same. I was "chatting" online with my son (who lives 12 hours away) this morning and we were discussing his keeping in better touch with his siblings. He mentioned that it was "Hard to keep in touch when we are all spread out".  Recognizing this as a teaching moment, I decided to take advantage of it to share my thoughts with him. I mentioned how much easier it is to keep in touch in his present world than it was when I was in his situation so many years ago. When I was his age and living 2000 miles away from my family we didn't have such things as email, Skype, cell phones or texting. We had to pay exorbitant long distant phone call fees and/or write snail mail that took at least a week to get to it's destination. It was VERY hard to be so far away from my family, especially my parents. Many a family vacation was spent traveling to the West to see our family and maintain close family ties. Many Sunday evenings were spent on the telephone with my parents getting updates on my siblings. My siblings lived in the West and we were in the southern United States for many years, now we live in the Midwest. Most of my husband's family live in the West. At that time they were in different stages of their lives than we were at the time. I tried to send letters and cards for birthdays, but as my own children grew and my family responsibilities increased my priorities shifted. The distance drove us apart and we stopped communicating on a regular basis. 

     I have watched myself and my siblings struggle to maintain relationships long distance. In a time of need or crisis (like my parent's death), we are very good about staying in contact with each other. But as life settled back down and returned to some semblance of normalcy, we have drifted apart and become less connected that we were during that time of crisis. It takes effort on everyone's part to keep the lines of communication open and the relationships alive. Relationships are a two-way street. It is so easy to do the "out of sight, out of mind" thing when we don't live near to each other and see or contact each other so infrequently. Sure, we are still family and ultimately love each other, but what about being an active part of each others lives? I learned in one of my sociology courses that distance can drive us apart, and it takes an active, consistent effort by all to be able to maintain close family relationships. 

  In a phone call I received just after Christmas from my daughter, she mentioned the desire to stay in better contact with her siblings. It is also a desire of mine to see my children remain close in spite of the distances between them. Life is hard sometimes, and changes can happen quickly. We need to keep the communication ongoing, and put the effort into caring about and supporting one another. I do not want to let something that is as doable as simple communication long distance, cause us to drift apart. 

   So, one of my New Year's resolutions is to stay in better contact with my family members, and develop closer relationships with them. One of the ways I plan to do this is to make "meaningful monthly contacts" with them via Skype, email, texting, or telephoning. I want to develop a list of meaningful questions that I can ask to find out what is really going on in their lives and how they feel about things. My desire is to maintain close family relationships no matter the distance, time or space, because in the end these are the things that matter most and the things that will remain when someday I am gone.

Cat's in the Cradle (Harry Chapin)

http://youtu.be/-s5r2spPJ8g

Is There Room In Your Christmas for Christ?

O Holy Night (Josh Groban w/scenes from The Nativity)

http://youtu.be/4Zh-yR0pbmU

     This morning I was doing some Christmas shopping in one of my local stores. I had to pick up some extra tape for wrapping some presents. I have a friend who mentioned that she couldn't find any Nativity sets in the local store where she was looking, so I decided to do some checking for them in the store where I was shopping. Much to my dismay I found sets for "A Charlie Brown Christmas", "Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer" and "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", but I didn't find one Nativity set in the whole store! It gave me pause to think. Why was I shopping in a store that didn't honor Christ at Christmas, the holiday that we celebrate his birth?!

   I have another friend who will only buy Christmas cards that feature pictures of Jesus Christ or the nativity. She has mentioned to me how difficult it has become to find those as well. I liked her suggestion and so I have been trying to focus my Christmas Cards more on the birth of the Savior, Jesus Christ. Do you know how hard it is to find Christmas Cards with pictures of Christ or his birth on them? Try it sometime and you will be amazed at how difficult it is.

   Christmas has become such a secular holiday. These days it is more a celebration of anything winter, anything except the birth of the Lord, Jesus Christ! I say put Christ back into Christmas! After all, He is the reason we celebrate Christmas each year. He was around long before Rudolph, The Grinch, Frosty the Snowman, Santa Claus or any of the derivatives thereof.

    This year due to my difficulties getting around post knee/leg surgery, I have decided to limit how much decorating I am doing at my house. The one thing that I have decided that I will decorate with is my collection of Nativity scenes. I have a ceramic one displayed in my china cabinet that my mother and I made together many years ago. It always held a place of honor in the living room of my parent's home. As I child I remember sitting by the round table on which it was displayed and gazing at it, pondering the scripture story of the birth of Jesus. I remember the feeling of warmth and peace that I felt in my heart as I gazed at the pieces finished with antique gold over the white ceramic. I wondered about what it would have been like to have been there and seen the star and heard the angels singing.

    The Christmas after my father passed away my sister and brother-in-law gifted me with The Nativity by Willow Tree. If you are familiar with this set you will recognize the fact that there are no facial expressions painted on the figurines. I love this nativity set because of that fact. The designer portrayed so much of what the figures might have felt in the way she designed the positions of their bodies. Mary is cradling the baby Jesus in her arms, lovingly looking into His face. Joseph is looking over her shoulder, keeping watch over his precious little family. One shepard is kneeling in reverence and respect, and another is lovingly holding a lamb in his arms as he looks on. Even the animals exhibit reverence for the Savior and the event of His birth. I love this set, not only for the beautiful images it portrays, but also because every time I take it out to display it I think of the dear ones that gave it to me.

     I have another figurine of just Joseph keeping watch over his beloved Mary and the baby Jesus. It is painted a pale blue and white and had a bit of an ethereal quality to it. It is not large nor expensive, but I really like the details and the design of this one as well. I have a couple of other smaller sets as well that I cherish for various reasons. One was a gift that my sister brought back from Israel when they made a trip to the Holy Land many years ago. It is made of olive wood and I treasure it because it came from there and it was such a thoughtful gift from them. It can be made into an ornament and hung on the tree if I so desire. I have another small set with individual character pieces that is made of white porcelain.

    I guess this is a round about way of getting to something that I learned many years ago while listening to a then "new" set of Christmas Carols written by a brilliant musician, Michael McLean titled "The Forgotten Carols". Each year we must choose which aspect of Christmas will get the focus of our attention. Each year we must choose whether we will "let Him in" or spend our time and attention on the more secular aspects of Christmas. Which will you choose? Is there room in your Christmas for Jesus?  Is there room in your heart for our Savior? I choose to make room and "let Him in". Christ is the reason we celebrate Christmas each year.

    "He let's us choose,

     each hour of each day,

     if we'll let him in to stay.

     Let Him in, let Him in

     Let the joy and hope begin

     Let Him in, let Him in

     Let the peace on earth begin

     And whether it be in your world today

     or a crowded Bethlehem Inn

     Find a way, make Him room...

    

     LET HIM IN"

 

Let Him In (Michaela McLean from "The Forgotten Carols")

http://youtu.be/C3f6SXPYDAU

BONUS CLIP:

Is There Room? (Hilary Weeks)

http://youtu.be/kpxuAZgS_JM

Somnambulism



I'm In A Hurry (Alabama)

http://youtu.be/CICwZ01bT3w

som·nam·bu·lism, n.

 - pronounced  - som-nam-byuh-liz-uh m, meaning: sleepwalking.


     I was first introduced to the term "somnambulism" in my Introduction to Communications Technologies class. I had never heard the term before then, but I have thought of it often since then in several different contexts. This time of year it bears asking the questions, "Do you suffer from somnambulism? Are you sleepwalking through life, especially during the busy holiday season?"

     I remember when I was a mother of young children how difficult it was on the days I didn't get enough sleep at night. It felt like I was literally sleepwalking through my days. In fact, lack of sleep is what I remember the most from those days. It was a challenge to maintain a positive attitude and be kind and loving when all I wanted to do was be able to sleep uninterrupted through the night. I still have some of that insomnia in this stage of my life, but that is for a different reason all together - though related (darned hormones).

     I have recently become aware of how much we figuratively sleepwalk through our lives. We often over schedule our time, or we feel such a deep sense of responsibility that we seem to going through life on autopilot.  Our society values business and equates it with productivity, and because of this it can lead us down the slippery slope to sleepwalking through our lives. I am not advocating laziness, but there is such a thing as too much busy-ness. So, how do you know when you are sleepwalking through your life?

    Here are a symptoms that I have noticed that would indicate one is sleepwalking through their life:

     1. Finding it difficult to relax when you have nothing on your agenda.
   
     2. Finding yourself sitting in front of a computer doing work for more than 8 hours a day, especially when you are no longer technically "at work".

     3. You can't remember what you ate for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

     4. You are so exhausted at the end of the day that all you want to do is go to bed.

     5. You lose your temper and snap at loved ones when all they want to do is be with you.

     6. You cry, a lot, and every day or, the tears lie just below the surface most of the time.

     7. You feel like you can never get caught up, there is always something looming on your "to do" list.

     8. You have a hard time feeling connected to a greater being, life force, or God. You feel alone.

     9. You feel like if you are asked to do one more thing you will explode.

    10. You don't remember the last time you felt anticipation for or joy about an event or project.

     These are just a few symptoms that would indicate you are suffering from somnambulism, I'm sure there are many more and that you could probably come up with additional ones to add to the list. Let me be clear that I am not an expert on how to manage somnambulism, but I would like to give a few suggestions from my own and others experiences, that I think can help:

   1. Take time each day to pray or meditate, preferably in the morning before you start your day. Connect with God and ask Him to guide your actions/choices for that day. Ask Him to help you determine what are the most important things that needs to be done, and to help you to let go of those lesser important ones.

   2. Read something uplifting at least once a day. I first read this idea in Steven R. Covey's book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and have incorporated it into my days. I find it helps to keep me focused on what matters most. It's a vital part of "sharpening the saw" (for you Covey fans out there).

   3. Connect with loved ones, preferably face-to-face. If you unable to be with loved ones then by all means a phone call or Skype is acceptable. I think we are too much connected via technology, so much so that we forget how to connect physically, face-to-face. There is something about seeing facial expressions and hearing voice fluctuations that makes us human.

    4. Do a good turn daily. I borrow this one from The Boy Scouts of America. If I am too busy to do something good or kind for someone on a daily basis, then I am too busy, period. It doesn't have to be a big thing, a simple smile for the grocery clerk can make their day!

     5. Slow down and do some deep breathing at least once a day, and if possible, include a 15 minute power nap. This forces you to "slow down and smell the roses", so to speak, and can really help with maintaining energy and staying focused on what matters most.

     6. Move. When I say move, I don't mean you have to spend hours at the gym (because who really has hours to spend at the gym anyway?) What I mean is to get at least 20 to 30 minutes of exercise 5 days a week. That's the minimum requirement, if you have time and energy to do more then go for it. I prefer yoga, walking or biking, but do what you love and what brings you joy.

     7. Keep a gratitude journal. When I write down at least 3 things for which I am grateful before I lay my head on the pillow at night, I find I am much happier and feel much less greedy or needy about what supposedly I don't have and I don't really need.  "All we have is all we need". This act forces me to review my day and what has happened in it; and, it helps me to see not only my blessings but also where I need to make changes.

     8. No "screens" an hour prior to bedtime. I ran across this and found it to be a brilliant suggestion! It is hard to get the mind to wind down and shut off if it continues to replay the latest adventure, drama, upsetting email or Facebook posting. Give yourself time to unwind and clear the head. And - shut off that cell phone before you go to bed! There are seriously few things that are so important they require you to be that connected 24-7! The brain needs some free space everyday, just to be able to process what has happened and categorize it to make some sense, and to regenerate more brain cells for tomorrow's adventures.

     9. And finally, give thanks to God for the privilege of living another day. Our life is a gift from God, what we do with this life is our gift to Him. As my friend says, "never complain about growing old, it is a privilege given to few". I like to do this before I fall asleep at night because I can then review how things went that day and ask for God to continue to watch over me and guide me life journey.

     These are some things that I find work for me that help me to have a better quality life and avoid sleepwalking through it. I'm sure if you took some time to think about it you could come up with some of your own. I know there are plenty of resources "out there" that can help to manage this syndrome, if we only had the time to find and read them. Hmmm, could we be suffering from somnambulism?

The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy) (Simon & Garfunkel)
http://youtu.be/TJBhdKrwTOc



Simple Things, Great Gifts



“Think of what a better world it would be if we had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon, and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.”

 – Barbara Jordan, United States Congresswoman

Simple Things (Jim Brickman, featuring Rebecca Lynn Howard)

http://youtu.be/YcUKvmqUCek

     I have been thinking a lot lately about "simple things". I think this is because of all of the chaos and upheaval I have been experiencing in my personal life these days. Last week I experienced the great pain and chaos (and 5+ hours in E.R.) of having a small kidney stone. Who knew that a 6 mm x 3 mm rock could wreak such havoc? If you have ever had one, I'm sure you can "feel my pain".  It amazes me how much pain and chaos this small stone has caused both in my physical body and in the world around me. It has totally disrupted my life for a week and wreaked havoc on my system. 

   But, if I look at this situation and turn it around and look at the "small and simple things" that bring joy into my life, my perspective changes. Sometime ago I made a "joy list" and saved it on my computer. I have revisited and revised it a little. I am glad I did this exercise so that, at times like these, I can go to it and remind myself that "all is not lost" and "this too shall pass" (pun intended ;-)). I can still have joy, in spite of the pain, if I choose to look at it from a different point of view.

 

My Joy List

1. Beautiful flowers and gardens

2. Beautiful music

3. Beautiful artwork (anything Thomas Kinkade)

4. Good chocolate

5. Time with family

6. Feeling the love of God through the Spirit

7. Helping others to feel the Spirit through learning, teaching and serving

8. Sunshine

9. The cat purring while sitting on my lap 

10. Holding my husband's hand

11. Autumn Leaves on the trees

12. Scented candles

     As much as I am able I am trying to surround myself with these simple things, trying to maintain some sort of balance between the positive and the negative to help me experience some joy in my life right now. 

   I think back to when my children were young, and we had less committments, money and time, yet we seemed to take great delight in the small and simple things of life. We enjoyed going on walks, playing games together, building with blocks, doing puzzles together, playing dolls, snacking on milk and cookies and naps. They were busy days, but simpler times. These seemingly small and simple things were the building blocks of good relationships. They promoted the secure foundation that my children needed in order to someday go out on their own and build their own lives with courage and confidence. As this quote states:

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."  ~Robert Brault

Simple Gifts (Yo Yo Ma and Alison Kraus)

http://youtu.be/fYi9Vr8bHJY

The Awakening



King of Anything (Sara Bareilles)
http://youtu.be/RPk4_XfYhjg

The Awakening

(Author Unknown)

"A time comes in your life when you finally get it ....

When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting, and crying or struggling to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tail endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's o.k. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...

And in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, and what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live; who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you own your parents, family and friends.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly o.k....and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect and you won't settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone... and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR, itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in it's most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can."

Birds



"When you see me fly away without you

Shadow on the things you know

Feathers fall around you

And show you the way to go

It's over . . . it's over."

-Neil Young



Birds (Dan Fogelberg)
http://youtu.be/78Zb4tE6aCc

     Last week we dropped our youngest daughter off to begin her first year in college. We are now officially "empty nesters" and all of our "birds" have flown the coop. The phase of life with children at home is over. I'm feeling like they have all flown away without me, leaving me behind to tend the empty nest until they fly in for a brief visit.

     I am unsure of how to navigate this new phase of life. I am feeling pretty unsteady and unsure of what to do. I have been responsible to or for someone else for most of my life, and now I am finding myself with a little too much time on my hands and wondering how to fill it. When I was a young mother with three children to tend I longed for these days and the chance to do something that I wanted to do with my time other than take care of them. Now that I am here, I am feeling very displaced and unsettled. I don't know what to do with myself or how to fill my time. It doesn't help that I am facing an unplanned (and unwanted) knee surgery which will likely postpone the one thing that I was counting on being able to do next in my life. Isn't that the way it goes sometimes? The best laid plans don't always work out and so you have to learn how to manage a "plan B" that was neither expected nor wanted.

     But, life goes on whether we like it or not. Chores have to be done, jobs have to be worked, meetings have to be attended and food has to be prepared. I have found that there have been moments in my life when I wished that time would just stop or at least slow down long enough for me to catch up to it. I remember when my parents died I felt the same way. Life kept on going even when it felt like mine was falling apart and it just didn't seem right or fair or whatever. I needed some time to put the pieces of the puzzle back together again and make some sense of the disruption and chaos taking place. Right now I feel like I am living my life on a different trajectory than just about everyone else I know. No one seems to understand how I am feeling or what it feels like to be me in this life path right now. It is a very lonely feeling all in all. People mean well with their comments and questions, but sometimes it is all just to much for me to manage. It is very tempting to isolate myself, but I do not think that would be the best course of action for me to take because I have been here before and I know that I need support.

     And so my "birds" have flown away. Each one has their own flight pattern to follow, and ultimately that is what I would want for them. The hard part is feeling left behind. I know that we will always be connected by the invisible bonds of love that we share, but right now it's hard to see this. I never really thought about what it would be like to be here, now, in this situation. It always seemed to be so far away, until this past few months when it became all too near. I guess the lesson in all of this is to enjoy each moment that you have with your loved ones because it changes all too soon. Enjoy each day you have together and don't long for the future when things might seem to be better. Live each day to the fullest and appreciate every golden moment that you have with those you love - whenever and for however long you can get them.

"Time stills the singing a child holds so dear
And I'm just beginning to hear
Gone are the pathways the child followed home
Gone like the sand and the foam"
The Sand and the Foam (Dan Fogelberg)
http://youtu.be/Oh8H-SGoJ0E

    



The Hungry Years



The Hungry Years (Neil Sedaka)

http://youtu.be/y8WZ9cMeVhM

     I recently had the opportunity to take some time to read through some old journal entries to fulfill an assignment for church. I started reading entries back when my husband and I first moved to Georgia from our home in Utah with our infant son. It was almost 25 years ago. I was a young and busy mother, and he was even busier as a newly employed 4-H agent fresh out of college. He was eager to succeed and I was anxious about being a fairly new mother of a four month old. We had just moved across the country from our family, friends and anything familiar. Considering I had never been any further east than Evanston, Wyoming, we had taken on quite an adventure. It was quite a culture shock for us, but we were young and adventurous and thought that we were ready to "seek our fortune" and  make our way in the world.

     I read entries that covered the entire 7 1/2 years that we lived there. They brought back many, many memories and feelings. Some of them were happy, and some of them were gut-wrenching.  I laughed, I cried and I felt the feelings of those moments over again. Those were some very difficult days. Some days we weren't sure how we were going to make it. Money was tight and there was a lot of stress with the move, starting a new job and living in a strange place with few friends and no family nearby. There were days that I thought I would lose my mind. I remember the loneliness and the long distance phone calls. This was in the days when we had to pay some pretty hefty long-distance fees if I wanted to call home. There was no such thing as an Internet, Facebook or email back then. In order to communicate with my family and friends I would have to chose an inexpensive time to call with a two hour time difference to worry about, or write a letter (yes, that's what we did back then). I remember anxiously checking the mail, hoping to receive a letter or package from home. My mother would usually write on a Sunday and mail it on Monday, so I could expect the letter by Wednesday or Thursday at the latest. I would send pictures of us, especially of my children as they grew up, in hopes that my parents would still feel like they were part of our life. I looked forward to Sunday evenings when I could call home for the cheaper rate and talk longer with my parents. I can't count the times I would hang up the phone and then bawl like a baby. Our family vacations were trips "home" to see our family, so that our children would at least have some idea of where they came from and that they were part of a larger family. Like I said, those were some difficult days.

     But, as difficult as those days were they were also days of enormous personal growth. The challenges that we faced and worked through together bonded and strengthened our relationships and our love for each other. It was a time of great introspection and testing to see what we were made of and what we really valued. We had to learn to prioritize and chose what was the most important and what wasn't. We worked together to communicate with each other and solve problems that we faced. We sacrificed and watched out for each other's welfare because we were really, literally, all we had. Our church family became enormously important to us because they became our "family" away from family. We forged friendships that have lasted a lifetime. We helped each other deal with life's ups and downs - the births, the deaths, the tragedies, the joys.  The burdens and the blessings we shared were what brought us closer together. I think this is an element that is missing in the current society in which we live. Everyone is so isolated and busy, so "plugged in" to their electronic devices, technologies or the latest activity, so much so that we neglect to connect with each other - even when we are in the same room! It is one of those times that I question whether these modern technological communication devices are a blessing or a curse!

     My parents never did "go online", despite how much we tried to get them to "modernize". Yet, I wonder if maybe they didn't have the right idea after all. I have decided that not all modern technology is a blessing. I guess it isn't the device itself, but how we use it that is really the crux of the issue. I know that my life would be much harder without the Internet, email, cell phones, Facebook and Skype to be able to stay connected to my children who are living so far away. But, interestingly enough, we seem to connect and communicate less, not more, with these modern devices. Maybe we just take each other for grandid and don't take the time to share our life and time or express our loving care like we used to in "the old days". It seems to take a crisis or a tragedy for us to realize that we need each other, and then we make the effort to connect.  Some days I wonder if all of these changes that have come about over the past 25 years are really bringing us closer, or if they are distracting us so much that they keep us from connecting to one another on a much more intimate and deeper level. Now it seems to be almost too easy to communicate, so much so that we don't appreciate and make the effort to stay in touch.

     What I guess I'm trying to say is: "I miss the hungry years, the once upon a times, the lovely long ago, we didn't have a dime... those days of me and you, we lost along the way.....everything we wanted was everything we had.... Honey, take me home, let's go back to yesterday.... Looking through my tears, I miss the hungry years." However, not enough to go back to long distance phone calls and snail mail ;-).

Friends, I Will Remember You

 

“At the end of life, you will never regret not having passed one more test,

not winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal.

You will regret time not spent with a husband, a child, a friend, or a parent.”

– Barbara Bush-

Friends With You (John Denver)

http://youtu.be/P9v5rhVcj6c

     We live in a very mobile society, and summertime seems the be the season for relocation! It seems like just about every summer for most of my life at least one of my friends moves away. I am thankful for modern technology (i.e. Facebook) that makes it easier to stay connected to each other, but somehow it just isn't the same as a face-to-face encounter. Friends have moved away for a multitude of reasons, jobs - lost or gained, schooling, moving closer to family, and simply the desire for a change of scenery.

     I find myself longing for the days of my childhood when society, at least in my world, seemed to be much less mobile. I grew up living in the same house and the same neighborhood until I was 22 years old, so I had a fairly stable and predictable childhood. Once I was married and had a child, however, I too became mobile. I was counting the number of times I have moved since I married and so far, the total is 8 times in the first 14 years of our married life. We have lived in our current location for over 13 years. As a result, I now have friends living in various parts of the United States from Georgia (hi Lee Ann and Chris) to Utah (hi Kim and Jody) with several more locations in between.

     No matter where I have lived, I have been blessed to find at least one good friend. The hardest thing is when one of us, or sometimes both of us, move away from each other. Our lives have crossed at a moment in time and become part of each other's tapestry of life, if even for a brief moment. As I have been thinking back over my life there seems to be certain events that I will always associate with certain people with whom I have shared those special, sacred moments - and I am very grateful that our life's paths have crossed. They have left "footprints on my heart" and in my life.

     This summer is no exception, another good friend will be moving to California this July. I will miss her and her family, but am also happy that she has the opportunity to live closer to her family after being away from them for the past 20 years. I admit, I am a bit jealous as I have not had that luxury in my own life for very long, just a brief 22 months after I was first married. It is challenging and lonely to live so far away from my family. As a result, my friends become my family, and when they move away a part of my heart goes with them.

     Some friends don't have to move across the country for me to miss them. Some friends have changes come into their lives that make us drift apart. I experienced this when I returned to school three years ago. I was extremely busy during those three years and as hard as I tried not to, I lost the connections that I had with some of my friends. Now those friends have, for various reasons, moved on with their lives - one by choice, and the other by circumstances beyond her control. I miss them, and now that my life has slowed down a bit, I am lonely without them. One of the reasons that I returned to school was for what I thought would be an opportunity to make some new friends. I was sadly disappointed, as I didn't find too many 20-somethings that wanted to be friends with an almost 50 year old. I was closer in age to my professors, than to the students! It turned out that what I thought would be a solution to a problem, just created more problems for me. As I think back on my time in school, I don't regret taking the classes and learning (though it was an expensive trail to follow), I do regret that I didn't find more friends with whom I could spend time. But, as I have stated in previous postings, I went back to what was familiar to me - not realizing how much circumstances and I had changed over the years.

     So, the search goes on to find "where I belong" and find the people who share my same interests and passions. Honestly, sometimes it is a very lonely journey and I wonder if I will ever feel "at home" again. Having spent a great deal of my life in the same place, I know how it feels to feel content and comfortable in a place. Regretably, even after the 13 years I have lived here, I do not always feel that way. I wonder if I ever will again. Maybe I just need to do a little more exploring and "get out of my confort zone" a bit. Try to find some new interests and hobbies, voluteer or take another class and explore something different and see where that path might lead. I am not much of a risk taker and it puts me way out of my confort zone, but I am feeling that "grow or die" feeling creeping back on me once again. If I can just keep it all in balance. I have been "sitting patiently with the waiting" for a while now. I guess it's time to pull myself back up and put myself back out there. Perhaps "I'm ready to take a change again....after all" We'll see.

Ready To Take A Chance Again (Barry Manilow - of course!)

http://youtu.be/qedV2nL4Ou4

Tainted "Love"

“Everyone suffers at least one bad betrayal in their lifetime. It’s what unites us. The trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others when that happens. Don’t let them take that from you.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Invincible

The Stranger (Billy Joel)
http://youtu.be/q6yQ14TGB8U

     Yesterday I had an "interesting" experience that as I have thought about since, and as I look back on it from this side of it, it could have been a very "scarey" experience - perhaps fatal. It involved helping someone in need. I didn't know this person and I was naive to the possible dangers that could have resulted from my trying to help. It wasn't until after I was safely home that I thought of what could have happened to me, or to my family, as a result of my "good intentions".

     I have had other similar experiences to this at times in my life, and sometimes I have gotten burned from helping someone else. For example, One time, thought I didn't know it at that time, I was enabling someone to feed their prescription drug addiction habit. I like to give people the "benefit of the doubt" and so, in my naive and innocent way, I was thinking I was helping them out when they needed a ride to a doctor's office or to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy. Often these requests would come at inconvenient times and take away from the needs of my own family. It wasn't until I was recovering from having a baby and received a phone call from this person asking me to take her to the doctor that the truth was made clear. I refused to do so, which then sparked a verbally insulting exchange. Suddenly, the light went on in my head and I realized what I had been doing. I felt betrayed and used. Others had tried to warn me, but I thought they were being judgmental and overreacting, and I was being "charitable".

     So, how do you discern the individuals who are sincerely "in need" and the "poser"? This is a really tricky one for me. My natural tendency is to be kind and want to help someone that I see someone who is seemingly in need. However, I have found that sometimes this is not always the best idea. I need to stop and think the situation through and work through possible scenarios in my mind of the possible consequences of taking on their situation before I get myself into it. I need to "build in a pause" and evaluate. As a Christian, it is a challenge for me to know when I should give service to another who might really be in need, or when not to help because I might be enabling a bad behavior or addiction. Sometimes the line becomes very, very fuzzy. One thing that I do try to do is to pray before I act in such a situation, trusting that God will warn me of any dangers. Another thing I try to do is to put my own needs and the needs of my family first. Sometimes I don't do this, and it is usually then that I get myself into sticky situations like yesterday (when I really needed to be home preparing a lesson for an activity and dinner for my family).

    I have pondered about these incidents before. One time, as I was pondering this dilemma, and I came across a quote that helped me to get a somewhat better idea about what direction to go when faced with this dilemma. It said something about erring on the side of generousity and charity - of helping and serving in a Christlike way. Then, if something happens you will know that you were innocently trying to "do the right thing" and will be blessed for it. The "curse" will be upon those who "despitefully use and persecute" you. That gave me some clarity, but I still feel kind of uncomfortable when I get myself into such situations, especially when I feel that my trust had been betrayed or that I have been used for unseeming measures.  When something like that happens to me I tend to pull away from and shun people for a while, just to get my balance and perspective back - get a "reality check" of sorts.

   I think the trick is like the quote at the top of this entry states: "The trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others when that happens. Don’t let them take that from you.” That is hard to do when you have been put in such difficult and dishonest situations. It is difficult to not get "tainted", bitter, angry and resentful. I think it is only human to do so, but the trick is to not let it be a permanent situation; to not be a victim twice and to try to continue to have an open, kind and loving heart and attitude even though it has been trampled on a bit. That being said, learn from the incident, and try not to get yourself back in the same situation again.  I have to remind myself  that I cannot control what another person does to themselves, but I can control what they do to me and how I choose to respond to their actions. That is my right as a human being. I try to remember what Jesus taught about loving our neighbor as ourselves - not in spite of ourselves; which I interpret to mean that I need to take care of myself and my family first, and others as I can and feel comfortable doing. I can love my neighbor, but I do not need to enable their bad behaviors.

     It can be difficult to know if such situations are a test of my integrity and level of charity, or a tactic Satan is using to try to destroy me. Satan can be very deceptive and I have to always be on my guard for his tactics. Sometimes I get tired and sometimes I get a little to prideful and, as I learned yesterday, the world can be a very scarey and unsure place. I need to constantly be vigilant about protecting the things that are the most important to me - my life, my health, my safety, my family, my time, my resources - and my heart.

Tainted Love (Soft Cell)
http://youtu.be/7rik7xV7Tj4

What Matters Most?



Simple Things (Jim Brickman)

http://youtu.be/_MWPjaABtuM



     Every day we give up a portion of our precious lives for what we value most. What do you value most? What matters most to you? It is really something to stop and think about. You only have one life. You only have one chance each moment of each day to do what you do, so what do you choose to do with that precious moment? How do you decide what matters most or what is the most important thing that needs to be done at that moment of that day? Where did these values come from? From your parents? From your past? From your own life experiences? From your religious beliefs? You choose each day what you value most by how you spend your time.

    Life can get pretty messy sometimes. There is so much sadness, grief, sorrow, anger, injustice and just plain pain that goes on in, and around us, every day. How do we separate ourselves from it? How do we protect ourselves from letting it permeate our lives? How do we find what's "right with the world", when everything appears to be so wrong? How do we stay connected to "the world", but not become part of "the world"?  I suggest that one way is to turn off the television and tune out the internet occasionally, just to catch a breath.

   I don't know all the answers, but I will tell you what seems to work the best for me. Perhaps by sharing what I do, it may help you.  One of the first things I do in the morning is to pray. I believe in God, and I believe in His Son, Jesus Christ, and because of this belief I feel it is essential for me to talk to God each day through prayer. As I ponder what I want to talk about with God it helps me to focus on the things that matter most to me, the things that I am the most grateful for in my life. When I feel sorrow or anger, grief or pain, lack of understanding, a need for guidance in my life or a need for some peace, God is where I turn. I also turn to God's word through the Scriptures. I try to spend some time each day reading, pondering and studying God's word. Praying is how I talk to God. Scripture study is one way that God "speaks" to me.

    Another thing that I try to do at least a few days of the week is to do some form of exercise.  I am unable to do every kind of exercise that I would like to do due to some physical limitations, but I try to at least do something. One of my favorite forms of exercise is yoga. Yoga helps to slow down my thought processes and focuses my mind on the present, on just "being" for 20 to 30 minutes in my busy day. I sometimes struggle with anxiety, and by doing my yogic breathing I am able to release some of the tension and anxiety that sits in the pit of my stomach. It has made a world of difference for my physical and mental health. I also enjoy doing some strength training and stretching a few times a week, usually along with the yoga. It makes me feel like I have accomplished something, done something good for my body.  It makes me feel powerful and strong enough to handle what each day brings my way.

    One of the best things that I use on a daily basis to help me focus on what matters most is music. It is a rare occasion when I don't have some sort of music playing in the background. Different types of music can make me feel different ways. If I am especially tense or anxious, I play some more relaxing types of music. It is usually instrumental, usually piano or strings, and it is slow and calming. If I need energy then I play something more upbeat and positive, a little soft rock or oldies. And if I am angry or frustrated, bring out the harder rock - not acid rock (no fan here) - but something with a more intense beat and rhythm. Then sometimes I go out and take a walk with the ear phones in or hop on my stationary bike and ride away until those feelings are worked through (this way I am not taking my feelings out on those around me - which helps to preserve those precious relationships).

    I enjoy being out of doors as much as possible. I think that focusing on and connecting with the beauties of nature in the world around us helps us to get a better perspective on what really matters, and on who made it all possible.I gives us a better view of "the big picture". I especially enjoy digging and working in my flower garden. There is just something about "the cycle of life" that one experiences through gardening that helps to put things into perspective. When it feels like all the world around us is full of ugliness, stepping outside and into a "beautiful world" just seems to make everything feel better.

"God is in His heaven; all's right with the world."

Beautiful World (Jim Brickman featuring Adam Crossley)

http://youtu.be/2VzmOCcopB4