Reality Check: Notes from a Younger Self

Reality Check: Notes from a Younger Self

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Somewhere (Barbra Streisand/Josh Groban)
http://youtu.be/aPgqeVROE_4

I have recently been re-reading some notes and quotes I copied. They were taken from readings of wise authors over the years.  I wanted to keep them safely in one spot so as to be able to reference them when I needed to. I started keeping these notes in a spiral-bound journal that I started in December of 2000, when I was having a mid-life crisis of sorts. I was looking for meaning, joy and happiness that I did not seem to be able to find in my day to day life at that time. I started searching for some answers to the bigger questions in my life, and as a result I started reading some great books written by some very wise people. Marianne Williamson, Cheryl Richardson, Sarah Ferguson - The Duchess of York, Sarah Ban Breathnach, to name a few. One of those quotes by "wise people" turned out to be mine!

I wrote an entry titled "Reality Check". It was a list I compiled for myself to read so as to be able to face some realities in my life that I was not wanting to face and deal with. After re-reading this I think I want to share it here for my own children to read someday, when they have to face the realities of their own life. Perhaps by putting it here it will give them the courage to face their own fears and realities. Maybe they will better understand me and the way I saw things back then, too. I have changed much over the past 17 years (life has a way of doing that to you) but the wisdom is still relevant and timeless.

Reality Check

September 1, 2001

 - I'll never be 20 years old again. I'll never be 30 or 35 or 40 years old again.

- I'm never going to weigh 130 lbs again, but now I exercise to feel better and stay healthy, not just to lose weight.

 - I'm never going to be able to live by my parents again in this life. Mom's gone. Dad won't live forever (he passed away in 2005). Time to "get a life" here." It's not about where you live, but how you live.

 - It's time to start "living in the moment" and enjoying who I am, where I am, and what I have/do. "Enjoy life, this is not a dress rehearsal."

 - We are never going to have enough money to be able to do all I would like to do, so do what we can, when we can, where we can and be grateful we can!

 - I won't be (fill in the blank)  forever, so do your best now so you have no regrets when the release comes, and endure to the end.

 - Don't fear the future callings, they are in the Lord's hands. "Always follow faith and never fear".

 - My children are growing up and away. Hopefully to someday be capable, responsible adults. Enjoy them while you still can.

 - Life holds no guarantees, just miracles and blessings for those open to receive and perceive them.

 - Don't quit!

What a blessing that I wrote this down! As I look back I can see the wisdom in living these words. Maybe I would add one more...

- Life is short, buy the shoes! ;-)

Conviction of the Heart

Where are the dreams that we once had?

This is the time to bring them back.

What were the promises 

caught on the tips of our tongues?

Do we forget or forgive?

There's a whole other life

waiting to live.

One day we're brave enough

to talk with conviction of the heart.

Down your streets I've walked alone,

As if my feet were not my own.

Such is the path I chose,

doors I have opened and closed.

I'm tired of living this lie,

fooling myself, believing we're right 

when I've never given love

with any conviction of the heart.

One with the earth, 

with the sky, 

one with everything in life.

I believe we'll survive if we only try. 

How long must we all wait to change

the world bound in chains that we live in?

To know what it is to forgive 

and be forgiven.

Too many years of taking now

 isn't it time to stop somehow?

Air that's too angry to breathe. 

Water our children can drink

You've heard it hundreds of times.

You say you're aware, 

believe, and you care.

Do you care enough?

Where's your conviction of the heart?

One with the earth, 

with the sky, 

one with everything in life.

I believe it will start 

with conviction of the heart.

One earth, one sky

only one world

only one chance for

one life

When will we live?

Only one earth,

only one sky,

only one shot!

We've only got one chance to give it

One life

Believe

It's only gonna start 

when we believe with some 

conviction of the heart! 

Conviction of the Heart (Kenny Loggins - It's awesome!)
http://youtu.be/rQZbB5CUXFI

     I have recently had some experiences that have caused me to pause and take look deep into my heart, and review what I really believe and what I really feel about some things in my life. I neither sought nor necessarily desired to have these experiences come into my sphere of consciousness and awareness, but they came none the less.  Although I would rather not have had to address them, I believe it was necessary for my personal growth and character development, and to be able to move forward with conviction in my life. By facing these experiences I have come to better understand and solidify parts of my character and my life of which perhaps I was still a little unsure and uncertain. I have pondered, prayed, analyzed (and re-analyzed) and read as I searched for answers as to why they came into my life at this time and what I am to do about them.

     Today I had a breakthrough, and have come to better understand why they were put in my path and what I was to do about them. It is all part of my healing and growing process. One experience strengthened my "conviction of the heart" as I shared with an individual how I felt about things that are near and dear to my heart; things that it has taken me a lifetime to come to understand. The other experience strengthened my commitment to maintain choices that I had made many, many years ago in my life. It was not comfortable having to think about these things and having to re-assess them in my life, but it was very necessary in order for me to move forward with full "conviction of the heart" regarding them. I have solidified my feelings about them, and now I can move forward with a full understanding and with a full "conviction of heart" - and to be able to do so makes me feel good for the first time in a very long time.

For The First Time (Kenny Loggins)
http://youtu.be/lwFRB7sC7P4

What I Want My Children to Know, Part 2

He Is (Hilary Weeks)

http://youtu.be/GeXA4A8INJ4

The nature of God: 

"How do you view God? As a vengeful God or as a kind and loving Father in Heaven? This is how I choose to view Him. I guess it helped me to have a kind and loving earthly father that was a good example for me to look up to. When I was about 12 or 13 years old I began to question whether there even was a God. I remember taking a long walk and pondering this question. I remember looking around me at the beautiful world in which I lived and I felt an overwhelming assurance that it could not have happened by accident, and that there had to be a God who created all of the beautiful things that I saw around me. How or why would a vengeful and angry God create such a beautiful place for us to live? Why would he even care about us and what we did if He was always angry and just waiting to pounce on us any time we did something wrong? My own experiences with God have taught me that he is kind, merciful and loving. Heavenly Father tells us that it is his work and his glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. This is his primary purpose in our even having this earth on which we live. Why would a vengeful and angry God even care? Sometimes it seems that we tend to put our own understanding of mortal men into the personality of God, but he is so much better and so much more than what we see manifest around us on a regular basis.

Our relationship to Jesus Christ: 

Yes, we do worship Jesus Christ, but as our Savior and Redeemer and co-creator of our world. He is our loving and kind older brother, and our friend. He is also a son of our Heavenly Father, who- because he loved us - chose to take upon Him our sins and our trials and our cares in order to be able to teach us, help us and guide us as we go through our own mortal experience. He showed us the way, and he is the example we can choose to follow that will help us navigate the storms of mortality. I never forget that he is part immortal, and that is what made such a difference in his being able to withstand the challenges and temptations of mortality. However, he too, had to call upon our Father in Heaven for help in his time of need. But, because he was both mortal and immortal, he is the only candidate to show us how to live in order to return home to our kind, loving Heavenly Father.

Obedience brings blessings: 

Sometimes we just expect Heavenly Father to give us answers to our prayers without any effort expended on our own part. Obedience brings blessings. When we are obeying God's commandments he is going to bless us with the knowledge and the understanding for which we are seeking. Just like how we learn in school, there is usually an expectation that we will do some searching, pondering and praying to find the answers. Often it is through this effort and the search that we find the answers and then the answers "stick", because we have put in the consistent effort to find them. What we do then, after we know the truth, is to act upon that knowledge and to live in accordance with what we know to be true. Just like with any subject, we need to look to the "experts" to find the most valid truth and information. If we want to find the answers regarding God and Christ and our purpose in life, we need to look at the source, i.e. the scriptures, as they are the Word of God to man on earth. Have you read the Bible, Book of Mormon and Pearl of Great Price lately? This is the best resource to look to to find your answers. These are the truths that have been written by the experts who have had personal experiences with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and they know them and their teachings and expectations.

What about organized religion? Why do we need it? 

Now, regarding organized religion, per se. One of the things that makes a difference between the various religious sects is that those who are preaching, teaching, expounding and exhorting need to have the authority to do so. This authority must come from God himself, not be determined by some man-made source - like a seminary or theological institution or their own decision to start their own church. That is what the Priesthood of God is - the power given to man from God to act in His name. Frankly, our church and it's leaders is the only church that had been authorized by God himself, through the Prophet Joseph Smith, to be able to do His work here on this earth. You wouldn't go to a dentist to have them do an appendectomy on you! You go to someone who has learned the skills and knows what they are doing. Such are the leaders who have been called by God to lead and direct our church. These men have had experiences and tests and trials that have proved them to see if they would do all things which our Heavenly Father asks of them. They have not been found wanting, and that is why they are called, sustained and set apart to lead in our church. They are mortal, just like us, but they have chosen to follow the teachings of God and Christ to the best of their knowledge and ability, and God has chosen them to help lead others back to him. They are special witnesses of God and his son, Jesus Christ, because they know them - intimately. Because of this knowledge I know I can trust what they teach and how they lead. I have also had this confirmed to me many times as I have prayed about and followed their counsel and direction."

These are a few of the truths that I have come to know and understand throughout my life. I, too, have had questions and times when I sought the answers to "the big questions".  I want to share the answers that I have found with you here to be sure that you know that I know. Now it's your turn to find the answers for yourself, because each of us must have a testimony of our own of the truthfulness of these things. Search, ponder and pray and the answers will come, but until they do and you have a firm testimony of your own, you can borrow mine....

Origin (MormonMessagesYouth)

http://youtu.be/YqZ8bTjj-_E