"It is well with my soul"

"Goin' Home" Alex Boye and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
https://youtu.be/AAw78FOkhZs

It has been quite some time since I last wrote on this blog. Mainly because there has not been too much that I wanted to blog about, until today....

The past couple of weeks have been challenging. My daughter has been going through some struggles, and I lost a dear friend, neighbor and mentor to cancer and congestive heart failure. It is my friend, Rachel that I want to blog about today.

Rachel was a special soul. She loved everyone unconditionally. She never said an unkind word and always made you feel like you were "her favorite" when you would visit with her. She never had a lot in the way of worldly possessions, but she was rich in so many other ways. She would always welcome your visit and never made you feel like it was inconvenient for her.

Rachel lost her dear husband about 2 1/2 years ago, they were inseparable. She has missed him greatly over the past few years. On top of losing her husband (the love of her life) she also lost a daughter and a brother in the past two years. It had been a long and difficult few years for her.

Over the past year or so, I would make it a point to check on her or go and visit her on Thursday afternoons (my day off of work). We would talk for an hour or more, and we both came away supported, uplifted and able to carry on with the tasks of living. However, in mid-October, Rachel's health began to deteriorate rather quickly and we knew it was just a matter of time until the inevitable. Rachel had chosen not to seek treatment for her conditions and so we knew it was only a matter of a few weeks until she would pass through the veil to join her loved ones there.  She made it through Christmas and her granddaughter's birthday, and then it felt alright to go "home".

I saw Rachel the evening before she passed away. It was a Monday night. My husband, daughter and I went to visit her at the hospice where she was being cared for. Her oldest son was there with her. She was unconscious and her breathing was labored. Because of the experience I had when my own mother passed away, I knew it was just a matter of hours before she would leave us. She passed away quietly at 1:00 a.m. on Tuesday morning.

When I awoke on Tuesday morning I did not know that she had passed, but when I checked my Facebook feed I had a feeling that she had crossed over. A video clip was posted by Alex Boye of him singing the spiritual "Going Home" along with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir,and I had a feeling. The words to a scripture came into my mind...the same one that brought me great peace and comfort following the death of my mother 15 years ago.

 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14: 27) ... and I knew.

I soon had word that she had passed away. Before Rachel got so very ill, but when she knew she was going to die, a few of us sat down with her and pre-planned her funeral. She requested that I and two other friends dress her body in preparation for burial. She also requested that I play the organ at her service, and she requested a special musical number "It Is Well With My Soul" be performed at the service. She wanted my husband to give a talk, along with two other individuals, dear friends. All of her wishes were honored.

Fast forward 10 days... to today. The funeral has passed and we are all beginning to adjust to our life without Rachel in it. It is Thursday, the day that I would have usually made my connection with Rachel. I was feeling a little down, but that is not unusual under the circumstances. In preparation for a church activity tonight I needed to go to the store, Meijer, to pick up a snack to share. While walking through the store I came across a plaque with the words "It is well with my soul" printed on it, and I knew...it was a message from Rachel to me. It was the last one of its kind, on sale, at Meijer (where I used to always see Rachel and Ted), on Thursday. It felt like a Rachel was telling me that all was well. It was very unexpected, but also very welcome.

After my shopping trip I decided to drive over to where Rachel and Ted are buried to check on the graves. On my way home from the cemetery I heard the song "I Will Remember You" by Sarah Mclaughlan on the radio....the song that connects me to my mother. Coincidences you might ask? Perhaps, but I don't think so. I don't believe in coincidences, but I do believe in divine intervention and divine communications, and that is what I believe happened today. The veil can be very thin sometimes, and it would be just like Rachel to want me to know that she was fine and all was well. It was very reassuring because we had had a few discussions since her husband's passing that were filled with some doubt and uncertainty (on her part) about life after death.

I will miss Rachel very much. She was like a second mother to me after my mother passed away, and a substitute grandmother to my children for the past 17 years that we have been neighbors. She was a dear friend, a great support, a mentor and a care giver. We shared many good and bad times together and we helped each other through some of the hardest things mortality can bring. I am so thankful to have known this sweet soul, and I look forward to "goin' home" and seeing her again someday. For now I must be content to know that she is not far away, just out of sight.

Thank you, Rachel for another Thursday visit. I love you, dear friend..."I will remember you".

"It Is Well With My Soul"  - Chris Rice
https://youtu.be/ulfBlMdkT-E

"I Wish You Enough"

Leaving on a Jet Plane (John Denver)
http://youtu.be/H9qvjRVty7Q

     Our son and his wife recently left us to return home from spending their Christmas holidays here. We really enjoyed our too short time together. We laughed, played, sang, talked, shared and even cried a little. Finally the time came when we had to drive them to the airport to return back to their home and lives elsewhere. We arrived at the airport and stopped by the curb to unload their things. We gave them a lingering hug and then waved good-bye to them as they made their way into the terminal and we returned to our car. (Sadly, long gone are the days when you could actually accompany them to the gate and say good bye there as they walked down the boarding corridor).  As we drove away from the curb and made our way out of the airport, thoughts returned of the many, (too many) times I had done this same thing at various airports and times in the past.

     I remember an especially poignant departure from that same airport on the day my father flew away after his last visit to see us. It was his return flight home after the occasion of attending this same son's high school graduation. Little did I know at that time that it would be the last time I would see my father alive, our last "good bye". He passed away suddenly a few months later from a heart attack.

(The last picture of my father, taken at the airport with my son and me.)

     I remember landing at the airport near my home a few days prior to his funeral. So often I had looked for and seen his face in the crowds at that airport when I returned home for a visit, but that day it was not there. I remember how stark and sad that was for me.

     Airports are portals of arrival and departure. People we love come and go there throughout our life's journey. Birth and death are also portals of arrival and departure. We greet and part with loved ones through these portals of mortality. The goal is to make the best use of the time we have together between the arrivals and the departures. Take nothing for granted, because there are no guarantees in life. Make the best of the time together, "say what you need to say" and cherish the precious and few moments. Love, laugh, play, share, forgive and embrace because you never know when that next departure may be the last good bye.


(From an email, author unknown)

Recently, I overheard a Mother and her daughter in their last moments together at a regional airport. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and she said, "I love you. I wish you enough."

She in turn said, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too." They kissed and she left.

She walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."

She paused for a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, she smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," she continued. Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from
memory:


"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."


She then began to sob and walked away.

They say "It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them"

My friends and loved ones, I wish you ENOUGH!!! 

Fly Away (John Denver/Olivia Newton John)
http://youtu.be/LNsLGHs89iM

Simple Gifts

'' 'Tis the gift to be simple,'tis the gift to be free

'tis the gift to come down to where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right.

'Twill be in the valley of love and 

delight.

When true simplicity is gained, 

To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

Till by turning, turning we come round right."

(Simple Gifts by Joseph Brackett)

Simple Gifts (Jim Brickman)

 http://youtu.be/VyfNVVou878

      Not all Christmas gifts need to be expensive or are even materialistic. Today I received some "simple gifts" that were neither materialistic nor expensive, but to me were priceless. I had the opportunity to attend church meetings in another unit (Ward). I know many of the people in this unit from living and serving in the Grand Rapids Stake Primary for many years. Some of the familiar faces I saw I had served with and become acquainted with during my tenure in the Stake Primary, and it was wonderful to see them, to share a hug and feel their love for me. 

    I began serving as the Stake Primary Music Leader in February 1997, shortly after we moved to Michigan. During my tenure in that position I was asked to organize a Stake Primary Choir to contribute to the singing of the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah (December 1998). This oratorio is frequently sung during the Christmas season, and the Hallelujah Chorus is one of the highlights. The choir I was asked to lead consisted of several children, boys and girls, ranging in ages from 8 to 12 years old. Logistically this presented some challenges, as our stake is spread across a wide geographical area. My assignment was to gather as many children together as I could, arrange a couple of practices together, and then we were to perform in conjunction with the adults at a special Stake Christmas event that year. I was so excited to be able to do this. I knew it would have it's challenges, but I also knew it could be done. I composed and sent out letters to each of the 12 units in the stake to recruit voices. 

     In the letter I promised that this experience singing with the choir would be something the children who chose to participated would never forget. I knew this because in my own life I had had the opportunity to participate in a Primary Children's Chorus that sang in the Mormon Tabernacle on Temple Square when I was 12 years old. We sang several songs for a General Conference of the church. President Harold B. Lee was the president and prophet at that time. At that conference, Elder Boyd K. Packer gave is infamous talk about life after death. I remember it to this day and have benefited from that talk several times in my life since that day. After we sang, President Lee took some time to commend and thank us for our participation. In his speaking to us, he told us that we would never forget this experience, and that it would add meaning to our lives. It was an unforgettable day for me. 

    Now back to the Children's chorus experience... I had set up several rehearsals a few weeks prior to the actual performance. Most of the children who participated were located in the Grand Rapids area because that was the central location for the rehearsals and would eventually be where we performed. We practiced and worked until were able to sound pretty good. As the evening of the performance event approached, I decided that I wanted to make some kind of a thank you gift item for each of the children who participated in the chorus to remember it by. I decided to make each of them an angel Christmas ornament out of lace, a wooden bead, a gold pipe cleaner, and a golden elastic string (see photo). As the children sung like angels, I thought it would be a fitting reminder of their experience. The evening of the performance came and they sang beautifully - like angels. It was a successful venture and I was so grateful to all who chose to participate. I handed out the ornaments, thanked them, and proceeded on my way, not thinking much about it ... until today.

     As I have previously mentioned in this blog, I have had a difficult year this year, and as a result I have been struggling with many things lately. My "simple gift" came today. As I was talking with someone who I had come to know those many years ago, she re-introduced me to two of her sons, both of which participated in the Children's Chorus those many years ago. They did not really remember me, but their mother told them that it was I who had organized that chorus those many years ago, and it was I who had given them the ornaments which they continue to place on their Christmas tree every year to commemorate that event. It made me feel so good to know that I and my efforts of so many years ago are still fondly remembered and celebrated in this family. There was no greater 'gift' I could have received than that today than to be remembered, and to have that memory shared again with two young men who were part of that experience. It was a delight to share in that memory and to reap a gift from a seed sown so many years ago. What a precious and priceless gift! So simple, and yet for me, so sweet.  It was a Christmas miracle moment for me, and I am grateful for the opportunity to remember ... and to be remembered. 

Merry Christmas!

Hallelujah Chorus (Handel's Messiah)

http://youtu.be/IUZEtVbJT5c

Angels Among Us

"Our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh." (President Joseph F. Smith [1838-1918], Gospel Doctrine 5th ed. (1939), 436.

Angels Among Us (Alabama)

http://youtu.be/zCYFPMjCgKA

It was Thanksgiving evening, November 27, 2014. The events of the day, the dinner, the cleanup, the conversation, were winding down and we were settling in for the night. My husband was watching a ball game in the den. My daughter was sleeping in preparation for having to work from midnight to 6 a.m. on Black Friday. My married children were spending the holiday with their in-laws.  I was alone and restless, beginning to feel that longing for home, family and friends that I have known so often on past Thanksgiving days. We were alone and lacking in company this year, so I decided that I needed to do something, anything, that would help take away some of the lonely, longing, homesick feeling that I could feel creeping into my soul. 

I had some yarn and knitting needles that I had put aside to knit another dishcloth, like my mother used to make, so I decided to bring it out and see if I could get one done before the evening was over. I sat down in my chair and began knitting. I turned the television on and decided to see what was worth watching that might bring me some comfort. I noticed on INSP that they were playing a series of The Waltons for the day, specifically Thanksgiving related shows, one of which was titled "The Waltons: A Thanksgiving Reunion". It was set in 1963, the Thanksgiving following when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. The entire clan was returning to the family home for Thanksgiving dinner. I had enjoyed watching this television series when I was younger, with my father sitting in his chair across the room, so I decided to watch is while I knit (something my mother usually did at home in the evenings). 

As I began to knit and watch the show I began to feel a warmth and comfort come over me. I have had this feeling before and was pretty familiar with what it meant - my father was nearby, checking in on me. He passed away near Thanksgiving 9 years ago. We we very close and I have occasionally felt his presence at times when I have needed him over the past 9 years. I think had he been visible on this side of the veil he would have been sitting in the chair next to me, he felt that close to me. l felt his presence there throughout the remainder of the show. I said nothing to my daughter, who later joined me, but I felt certain that daddy was there. It would have been so like him to come and check in when I was feeling so exceptionally down on this Thanksgiving because of the loss of a dear friend and brother just a few weeks prior. 

We usually spent our Thanksgivings with this dear family, but due to the current circumstances felt it better to allow them their privacy allowing them to grieve their great loss of a beloved husband and father. Thanksgiving was Bob's holiday, and we have spent countless Thanksgiving dinners seated at their table and enjoying the feast and company, so this year felt exceptionally lonely and sad. Each year Bob would lead the sharing for those of us seated around his table to tell the one thing for which we were most grateful this year. It was different without them this year, without the sharing, the laughter and the games of "Ticket to Ride" seated around their dining room table with a football game playing on the television in the background and a fire in the fireplace. Good food, good company and good times. I think that had I sat around that table this year the one thing I would have shared that I was most thankful for would have been for having had Bob and his family as such a wonderful and big part of my life and the life of my family over the past 15 years, and most especially over this past year. They have been such a wonderful and much needed support to our family through the difficulties we have experienced over the past year or so. They have truly been angels as they have offered love, support and service to our family, and I will miss the close association we have had with Bob. 

Now, as another chapter has closed on that life that once was. I am sad. I, too, must take some time to grieve this great loss in our life. I hope to share more special and fun times with his family, but it will somehow not be quite the same without Bob there. I will miss his sense of humor, his smiling face, and his hugs. He truly was someone that I would consider an "angel among us", and I hope that he, like my father, will decide to check in on us once in a while and share his love with us once again. 

Angels We Have Heard On High
http://youtu.be/sb0Jg96bWMo

Things Take Time

"There are two types of pain, one that hurts you and the other that changes you" - Unknown

Beautiful Heartbreak - Hilary Weeks - Every Step: http://youtu.be/xyX-I-um5Kk

I have finally returned to writing again, after a very difficult year.  My life journey over this past year has been one of trials, tears, fears, anxiety,  disappointments, heartache, loss, great joy and unexpected miracles. In short, it has been quite a roller coaster ride!  Extreme highs and extreme lows. Agony and ecstasy.  I feel I have lived through an entire lifetime in a year - at least I have experienced enough in one year to last a lifetime. I didn't know one person could go through so much turmoil in such a short period of time and still survive!

I have also learned the value of the phrase "things take time". Perhaps this is God's way of teaching and testing my patience. Certainly, it has tried it. I have had experiences over the past year that I never expected to ever have to go through in my lifetime. As I look back, I don't know why I never thought they would happen to me and my loved ones. I guess I lived in a type of a bubble, expecting only good things to happen in life, and not the bad. The "happily ever after" syndrome.  Pretty unrealistic. But, in spite of that fact, some of what could have turned out to be really bad turned out to be really good - even miraculous!

I have learned a lot about trusting God and His plan for me and my family over the last year. His plans are not always my plans. I have also learned  alot about God's plans for families, and that it is much bigger and much broader than I ever imagined! I have also learned that God strengthens us through difficulties and "saves" us in unexpected, but glorious ways. He compensates us for our losses. He carries us when we no longer have the strength to carry on. Truly, His grace IS amazing, and sufficient.

I have learned that I was capable of doing some really hard things. I learned how very much I love my family. I have learned that we can get through difficult times much better working together and supporting each other, than we could ever do alone. I have learned that God put this family together for a reason; that when we pull together and love and support each other, no matter what, God helps us get through the rough parts of life.

I would never want to relive this year again-ever. It has truly been "the worst of times and the best if times". But, I have learned this great lesson that, "if God brings you to it, He will lead you through it". We are NEVER alone in our trials in this life journey. We have a Father in Heaven who cares and is always there to hear, help and heal us; and He will make everything right -  if not today, then someday.

Jim Brickman: Amazing Grace: http://youtu.be/9mj_kO7LIFY

Of Apples, Walnuts and Honey

 "If thou wilt do good, yea, and hold out faithful to the end, 

thou shalt be saved in the kingdom of God, 

which is the greatest of all the gifts of God; 

for there is no gift greater than the gift of salvation." 

(Doctrine and Covenants 6:13)

The Homecoming (Hagood Hardy)
http://youtu.be/xXeHIfMBZtQ

Autumn always brings forward memories of home; memories of apples, walnuts and honey. Maybe this is why the high schools and universities always hold their homecoming events in the Fall. 

The home in which I grew up had an apple tree in the front yard. I loved that apple tree! When I was a child I would climb up into the tree and stay there for hours reading, writing or doing a handicraft. It wasn't a large enough tree in which to build a fort, but boy, the apples were the best in town! They would always ripen in about September and we could hardly wait to eat them, along with some neighbors and strangers who would walk by on the sidewalk and help themselves to the fruit. That used to make my father angry because it was dishonest to him and he hated dishonesty. One of the things that irritated my father the most about our apple tree situation was when the children from across the street would watch to see that we were not at home and then help themselves to several of the apples, but rather than eating them they would line them up across the busy street in front of our house and watch the cars run over them and smash them. As you can imagine, this made my father livid. I kind of think that was the purpose the children had in doing what they did all along - to make my father mad. There was absolutely nothing he could do about it, especially after he arrived home to find a line of smashed apples in the street in front of our houses. I think he spoke to the children's parents about the situation, but they never did anything to prevent it. To my Depression Era father, it was a terrible waste of precious food. My father worked hard to maintain the integrity of the apples on that tree. He pruned it, sprayed it and nurtured it so as to produce the best crop he possibly could from it. In fact, one of the only memories my children have of my father and visiting their house was when he got angry at them for losing their toys in the tree and climbing it to get them down. It was his baby. One of the great things about the relationship between my father and this apple tree was the fact that we could never eat or preserve all of the fruit that it produced, so my father would load some of the apples into 5 gallon buckets and deliver them to friends and neighbors in the area. It is rather funny because he would get so angry when the apples were stolen, but when he gave them away, well, that was a different story. Sadly the apple tree was cut down a few years after my father died and we sold the house. The next occupant neglected the tree and it finally died and had to be removed. Perhaps it too mourned the passing of my father in its own way.

One of the other trees that we had on our property was located in the back yard of our home. It was a Black Walnut tree. I remember the day my father planted that tree as a sapling. I remember asking him how big he thought it would get, and if it would get big enough to shade the back side of the house. He said that he imagined that it would, but it would take a long time to get there. My father cared for that tree as he did the apple tree and other trees on the property. He sprayed it, pruned it and cared for it and, like the apple tree, it produced an overabundance of walnuts that my father would gather and lay on newspaper in the basement of our house to dry out. Once the hulls were dried he could take them off of the nuts and would crack the nuts and put them in jars, or simply take the whole nuts, and deliver them along with the apples to neighbors and friends. It was a real source of joy to my father to be able to help provide for his neighbors and friends, and he enjoyed the visits that went along with the deliveries. My father loved to talk and could find friends or make friends most anywhere he went.

The other item that I always think of in conjunction with the apples and the walnuts is honey. My father helped to manage a honey production plant that was owned and operated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was part of the church's welfare system. When my father retired it became like another job for him to go down to the plant and oversee the operations and production there. It made him feel needed and was a source of pride for him. It was a sad day when the production was moved to Welfare Square in Salt Lake City and they decided to shut down his honey plant. It was like he was fired from a job, and he grieved it. I, and many others, were recipients of jars of honey produced at that plant. He was very proud of the job he and others did there.

At my father's funeral his friend and Home Teacher (for those who know what that is) spoke. He brought some visual aids to help him with his talk: apples, walnuts and a jar of honey :-). In his talk he used them as symbols for some important lessons of life, lessons that my father knew and understood well. The apples, he said, symbolized "the sweet taste of service". The walnuts represented "the hard knocks of life and enduring to the end". And the honey, he said, represented "the sweetness of the Lord, Jesus Christ, and his Atonement". It was a beautiful talk and one that I remember well. I have it on a CD that was recorded of that service and I listen to it occasionally, when I am missing my father and want to be reminded of his legacy. A legacy that has become a great blessing in my life. I watched my father serve others with love and compassion. I watched him and my mother endure many of the hard knocks of life, yet they both endured faithfully to the end. I know that both of them understood and applied the Atonement of Jesus Christ in their lives, and because of that Atonement I know that I will one day be reunited with them and "live together in love".

My father passed away near Thanksgiving of 2005. In tribute to him each Thanksgiving I make a special salad that contains - you guessed it - apples, walnuts and honey! It is a sweet reminder to be thankful for the wonderful legacy of a wonderful father, friend and mentor who is greatly missed in my daily life.

Homecoming (Jim Brickman)
http://youtu.be/zp4a0Cmn4ag

Love Wins

Say Love (Hilary Weeks)
http://youtu.be/wYPxi5GeMqc

Today I had a wonderful experience, I attended a funeral. Now, usually you don't associate funerals with wonderful experiences, but this was an exception.

My friend, Helen, was who was 85 years old, passed away a few days ago. It was not unexpected as she had been deteriorating for quite some time and had been under hospice care for the past 8 months. But the one thing that was amazing to me was the outpouring of love I saw given to her today by almost a hundred young men who weren't even there!

As I have mentioned previously, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, commonly known as "The Mormons". I have lived in this area for just over 14 years. I met Helen just over 5 years ago when she joined our church after being taught by a couple of our missionaries. I was in attendance at her baptismal service and I also witnessed her participation at a temple ceremony that made it possible for her to be with her eternal companion forever. Those were wonderful moments, but today I saw something that made me stop and ponder the power of love.

As I walked into the funeral home I saw one of the missionaries who is serving here. I shook his hand and we talked for a few minutes and then I made my way over to the open casket where my friend, Helen's, body lay. She wasn't too much thinner than the last time I saw her and she looked at peace, finally, after being in pain for a very long time. The thing that struck me most though, was what I saw laying across a table next to her casket. On this table, on two different shelves, were ties. Yes, ties! Helen had a tradition of collecting a tie from each missionary that has served in our area over the past 5 years. She would ask them to write something on the back of them, or at least sign them. Some said how much they loved her and how much they loved being a missionary and serving the Lord here. Helen loved her missionaries!  She collected the ties and kept this collection visible in all of the various places that she has lived over the past 5 years. On the other side of her casket was a picture frame with many pictures of the various missionaries who have served in this area. It was fun to see their faces again and reminisce about the good memories and times we had when they were here. In a final act of love, Helen asked that all of the ties be placed in the casket with her so that she could be buried with the love and warm wishes that were written on each of the ties.

In the course of conversations during the luncheon that followed the service, I discovered that each set of missionaries who were here, when they were getting transferred, would pass along the request to be sure to visit "Grandma Helen". Each set that followed did so and adopted her as a substitute grandma. Many of these young men were far from home, some for the first time, so it was a great comfort to them to have a "grandma" who loved them, fed them and cared about them here. They all came to love her and she loved them. It was a simple act of kindness to leave a tie behind for a memory for dear "Grandma Helen" but she cherished each and every one.

Grandma Helen has passed on to be with her beloved now, but her memory will live on in the lives and hearts of each of us that loved her and cared for her. I am a little sad to know that the next missionaries that serve here won't have the blessing of getting to know her and to be one of "her boys". But I know, because I felt it, that she loved us and is mindful of each one of us. She will now be stronger and better able to serve and love us from the other side of the veil. Now she is strong and pain free. We will miss her, but know that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ we will see each other again someday.

Rest in peace, sweet Helen, rest in peace.

That's What Love is For (Amy Grant)
http://youtu.be/QaeUgmoL7HE

What a Difference a Day Makes!

"So tell that someone you love

just what you're thinking of

if tomorrow never comes"

If Tomorrow Never Comes (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/b2AAsqcJPkI

I have had a couple of experiences of the past few weeks that have, once again, reinforced the importance of expressing how we feel about someone special in our lives to them, while we still have the opportunity to do so. Everything can change overnight. One night I went to bed and all was well, the next morning I checked my Facebook and discovered that life had changed overnight.

Just over a week ago I had the opportunity to spend a few precious hours with my brother-in-law, Keith, as he was staying in a hotel not too far from where I live. We live about 1600 miles apart, and so we don't get to see other very often. He happened to be on a tour that stopped overnight in a town that was about two hours south of where I live. On a whim, he texted me and suggested that we get together for a visit, since he was staying so close by. I decided it would be a great idea so I ventured the four hours round trip to have a visit. We shared a joke or two, discussed our family members and what was going on in our respective lives, and generally had a really nice visit. He called his wife, my sister, on his phone and we surprised her with a conversation from me, her sister. We enjoyed the visit (which, of course, was too short) and then I headed out for the two hour trip north to home. I arrived about 1:30 a.m. Tired, but safe and satisfied that I had gotten to spend some time with my great brother-in-law. Who would have thought.....

A week later I woke up in the morning and glanced at my Facebook feed to find that my niece, his daughter, had posted a comment that this same brother-in-law had been in a serious motorcycle/car accident and that he was in critical condition at their local hospital. I was shocked. He was unconscious and sedated so that the medical team could stabilize his vital signs. I could hardly believe what I was reading. I immediately said a quick prayer and began to try to get to the bottom of the situation. Another niece, also his daughter, finally phoned me and told me that their phone batteries had died during the time spent in the hospital and that my sister would call me as soon as she could. I was grateful for the preparatory phone call so that I could, again, say another quick prayer and ask for help to know what to say or do to help from such a long distance away. I felt so helpless. After talking with both my niece and my sister I felt somewhat better, but I was still very much concerned for what they were all having to deal with, as well as for the life of my dear brother-in-law.

Their life has been turned upside down since then. My sister says that it has only been a few days, but it feels like it has been months. She misses him. We all do. He is one of those individuals that lights up a room just by being in it - and not just because of his stature ;-). He is kind, caring and thoughtful, generous, supportive, intelligent, and has a great sense of humor. He is also spiritual and has touched many lives with his insights and understanding heart (as is evident from the many Facebook comments and postings in which his friends and family have expressed their love and appreciation for him). He is a rock that many of us lean on for strength and support. He has had a great impact on my own life, both as a brother-in-law and as a friend. We share family history, and family ties that will never be broken. He is the kind of brother-in-law that everyone wishes they had. Just before we parted the last time I saw him, he said how glad he was to be a part of our family. I feel the same way - how glad and grateful I am that he is a part of our family. (Well done, sister dear).

Another thing that I appreciate about Keith is the fact that we are both Barry Manilow "fanilows". We also talked about that when we visited, since Mr Manilow was to do a concert in his home town the following weekend. We shared some thoughts on Barry and he suggested I put my greatest hits CD in my player for the drive home - which I did and it kept me awake as I sang along with Barry. When I was younger I was often teased because of my "appreciation" for Barry Manilow, so it is really fun to have that connection with my brother-in-law. It says a lot about him in my opinion, because those of us that are "Fanilows" stick together. Truly, "It's a Miracle" that he is still alive. A gift from God that he got for his birthday this year, even though he spent it unconscious in the hospital.  I know he has a long and difficult recovery road ahead of him, but I also know that if anyone can "(Make) it Through the Rain", he can. So Keith, I love you my brother from another mother.  Here's to a speedy recovery!

This One's For You (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/QPfjxb35ZDc

What I Want My Children to Know, Part 1

 "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; 

knock, and it shall be opened unto you:" (Matt. 7:7)

http://youtu.be/Pzmw6DDEodQ

I Stand All Amazed

     This week I had to opportunity to reconnect with an old friend. She is searching for answers to some of the "big questions" of life and felt comfortable enough with me to ask my opinion. I felt so honored to be able to tell her what I believe. I got to thinking about my own children and how much I hope they understand the same things that I shared with her. So, I decided it was important enough to blog about it. So, here it is - part 1:

"The short answer to your question, "Why do we need a Savior?" is this - because we all sin.

Because of the Fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (when they transgressed and partook of the forbidden fruit) they introduced both temporal and spiritual death into the world. If these two deaths had not been overcome by Jesus Christ's Atonement, two consequences would have resulted: our bodies and our spirits would have been separated forever, and we could not have lived again with our Heavenly Father (See 2 Nephi 9:7-9 - actually all of 2 Nephi 2 - http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2?lang=eng - is a wonderful chapter to enlighten us about this concept).

But our wise Heavenly Father prepared a wonderful, merciful plan to save us from physical and spiritual death. He planned for a Savior to come to earth to ransom (redeem) us from our sins and from death. Because of our sins and the weakness of our mortal bodies, we could not ransom ourselves (see Alma 34:10-12 - http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/34.10?lang=eng#9). The one who would be our Savior would need to be sinless and to have power over death.

Maybe a story, a parable,  by Elder Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles will better illustrate what I am trying to tell you:

"There once was a man who wanted something very much. It seemed more important than anything else in his life. In order for him to have his desire, he incurred a great debt.

"He had been warned about going into that much debt, and particularly about his creditor. But it seemed so important for him to do what he wanted to do and to have what he wanted right now. He was sure he could pay for it later.

"So he signed a contract. He would pay it off some time along the way. He didn't worry too much about it, for the due date seemed such a long time away. He had what he wanted now, and that was what seemed important.

"The creditor was always somewhere in the back of his mind, and he made token payments now and again, thinking somehow that the day of reckoning really would never come.

"But as it always does, the day came, and the contract fell due. The debt had not been fully paid. His creditor appeared and demanded payment in full.

"Only then did he realize that his creditor not only had the power to repossess all that he owned, but the power to cast him into prison as well.

" 'I cannot pay you, for I have not the power to do so,' he confessed.

" 'Than,' said the creditor, 'we will exercise the contract, take your possessions, and you shall go to prison. You agreed to that. It was your choice. You signed the contract, and now it must be enforced.'

"'Can you not extend the time or forgive the debt?' the debtor begged. 'Arrange some way for me to keep what I have and not go to prison. Surely you believe in mercy? Will you not show mercy?'

“The creditor replied, ‘Mercy is always so one-sided. It would serve only you. If I show mercy to you, it will leave me unpaid. It is justice I demand. Do you believe in justice?’

“‘I believed in justice when I signed the contract,’ the debtor said. ‘It was on my side then, for I thought it would protect me. I did not need mercy then, nor think I should need it ever. Justice, I thought, would serve both of us equally as well.’

“‘It is justice that demands that you pay the contract or suffer the penalty,’ the creditor replied. ‘That is the law. You have agreed to it and that is the way it must be. Mercy cannot rob justice.’

“There they were: One meting out justice, the other pleading for mercy. Neither could prevail except at the expense of the other.

“‘If you do not forgive the debt there will be no mercy,’ the debtor pleaded.

“‘If I do, there will be no justice,’ was the reply.

“Both laws, it seemed, could not be served. They are two eternal ideals that appear to contradict one another. Is there no way for justice to be fully served, and mercy also?

“There is a way! The law of justice can be fully satisfied and mercy can be fully extended—but it takes someone else. And so it happened this time.

“The debtor had a friend. He came to help. He knew the debtor well. He knew him to be shortsighted. He thought him foolish to have gotten himself into such a predicament. Nevertheless, he wanted to help because he loved him. He stepped between them, faced the creditor, and made this offer.

“‘I will pay the debt if you will free the debtor from his contract so that he may keep his possessions and not go to prison.’

“As the creditor was pondering the offer, the mediator added, ‘You demanded justice. Though he cannot pay you, I will do so. You will have been justly dealt with and can ask no more. It would not be just.’

“And so the creditor agreed.

“The mediator turned then to the debtor. ‘If I pay your debt, will you accept me as your creditor?’

“‘Oh yes, yes,’ cried the debtor. ‘You save me from prison and show mercy to me.’

“‘Then,’ said the benefactor, ‘you will pay the debt to me and I will set the terms. It will not be easy, but it will be possible. I will provide a way. You need not go to prison.’

“And so it was that the creditor was paid in full. He had been justly dealt with. No contract had been broken.

“The debtor, in turn, had been extended mercy. Both laws stood fulfilled. Because there was a mediator, justice had claimed its full share, and mercy was fully satisfied” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1977, 79–80; or Ensign, May 1977, 54–55).

Our sins are our spiritual debts. Without Jesus Christ, who is our Savior and Mediator, we would all pay for our sins by suffering spiritual death. But because of Him, if we will keep His terms, which are to repent and keep His commandments, we may return to live with our Heavenly Father.

It is wonderful that Christ has provided us a way to be healed from our sins. He said:

“Behold, I have come unto the world … to save the world from sin.

“Therefore, whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God. Behold, for such I have laid down my life, and have taken it up again; therefore repent, and come unto me ye ends of the earth, and be saved” (3 Nephi 9:21–22).

Let me add my testimony of the truthfulness of this doctrine. I have recently been working with the Family Support Group at church, and  I have found that by applying the principles I have learned in this program I have come to have a greater understanding of the grace and mercy of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and of his love for ALL of God's children - including you and including me. It is because of His great love for us that Jesus Christ chose to take upon Him our sins and suffer a horrible death in order that we might someday have eternal life. What we do to qualify for this blessing is to have faith, repent of our sins and continually choose to be obedient to God's commandments. There is nothing that you or I have done (short of denying the Holy Ghost after we have had a sure witness) for which we cannot repent and be forgiven. That is the beauty of the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. It is a marvelous and wonderful gift from a loving Heavenly Father, but we have to choose to accept it and act upon it.

You are a special child of a loving Heavenly Father. You have experienced many challenges and difficulties over your lifetime, as we all have, but I know that through the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, all things will be made right someday - either in this life or the next. My counsel to you would be to pray with an open and sincere heart and I know that our loving Heavenly Father will answer your prayers in His own way and in His own time. As a truth seeker, listen to what your heart and your mind are telling you. I would also counsel you to be sure that the sources that you are learning from are sincere and true. The best source for learning truth, in my opinion and God's, are the scriptures. Through them truths are made manifest if we are open and seeking for them.

To Be Continued....

I Know That My Redeemer Lives

http://youtu.be/z0NoxhsH8rE

Making It Work

Along the Road (Dan Fogelberg)
http://youtu.be/ywx6CIw3RIA

    Last night my husband and I were discussing love and life, and how both have changed over the years of our marriage. Our empty nest has necessitated some renegotiating of some areas of our life together. We have been reading the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman together and discussing some of the questions at the end of the book. It has given us a great opportunity to talk about some things that we have really needed to talk about for years, but just never had time to with the busyness of life with children at home. The discussions have brought back some memories and feelings, sometimes difficult ones, about the different times and events in our life together.

    One of the things that Gary Chapman brings up in Chapter 3 of the book is the difference between the euphoric feelings of  "falling in love" and "real love" (which usually naturally shifts at about two years into a marriage relationship). He states:

"....During the in-love stage, we felt all of those emotions. It was heavenly while it lasted. Our mistake was in thinking it would last forever.
     But that obsession was not meant to last forever. In the textbook of marriage, it is but the introduction. The heart of the book is rational, volitional love. That is the kind of love to which the sages have always called us. It is intentional.
     That is good news to the married couple who have lost all of their 'in love' feelings. If love is a choice, then they have the capacity to love after the 'in love' obsession has died and they have returned to the real world. That kind of love begins with an attitude -a way of thinking. Love is the attitude that says, 'I am married to you, and I choose to look out for your interests.' Then the one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision."

    My husband and I were both blessed with examples of stable marriages in our parent's marriages. we learned much by watching our own parent's navigate their marriages. They also went through some definite challenges in their lives and in their marriages, but they also worked through the challenges and negotiated and re-negotiated the relationship to "make it work". Giving up was simply not an option.

      Let me make it clear that I do not advocate staying in any kind of an abusive relationship or situation. It does take each individual working at it to "make it work". Some things and situations are out of one's control, but I fear that too often couples give up too soon on their relationships. As with anything in life, the real growth comes with some growing pains. Sometimes it takes sacrifice and overcoming our own selfish tendencies - putting the partnership's interest first - to make a relationship work.

   I have learned that real love, like real happiness, is a choice. We have had good times and we have had some really difficult times in our marriage. As we have recently reminisced about the various times and situations in our lives we can see where both of us have had to make a conscious decision to "make it work". As we have learned to work through our differences, we have grown individually and as a couple.  By "making it work" I have had to learn to decide what is worth fighting or worrying about, and what is simply "chaff" that can be blown away by the wind. I think that one of the things that has made our marriage work is the level of commitment that we have toward each other and toward making our marriage work - no matter what. We both take our marriage covenants seriously and know that it needs to be a priority in our lives.  It has not always been easy, but it has always been worth it.

    I think that one of the greatest challenges, for me, is in finding the balance between meeting my own needs and the needs of others - including the ones I love. I am still learning this and trying to figure it out, and I probably will be for the rest of my life - and beyond. I am very grateful that we are still both willing to try and we are still committed to "making it work". That is the real blessing.
   
Somewhere Down the Road (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/p7vP6iAX4dw

The Leader of the Band



"Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad"

In The Living Years (Mike and the Mechanics)
http://youtu.be/4BrTFH9jmmo

     Today is Father's Day, and it has been 8 years since my father passed away. It can be a difficult day for those of us who had great fathers that have passed beyond the veil. Our thoughts are never far away from the memories of them, but especially on this day of the year.

     Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend a Youth Conference for the youth of my church. Throughout the course of the day I was able to reconnect with some friends that I had not seen in quite a while. One such friend and I took a short walk and talked a bit about our childhood. She happened to grow up in the same town that my Father was born and raised in. As a child and youth I spent quite a bit of time there, as it that was my Father's favorite vacation spot. We talked about some of the familiar sites in the town and what it was like there many years ago when both of us were young. We decided that we were probably there at many of the same holidays and times and didn't even know it! We both expressed the desire to return there someday and observe how much it had changed over the years we have been away.

    Our discussion brought to my memory the special times I was able to spend with my father there in our family's 100+ year old cabin located up the canyon from the town where he was raised. It was the one place on earth when I saw my father genuinely relaxed and content. It was home to him, I could tell. When we visited there it brought to his mind many happy memories from his childhood. He would talk about his family and the summers he would spend living up on the ranch tending the cattle and sheep, and working with his family there.

     My father's father passed away from an electrical accident when he was just shy of 10 years old. My father happened to be present when the accident took place and his mother was left a widow for the rest of her life. It was near the end of the Great Depression and it changed their lives forever.  My father's oldest brother took on the father figure role in his life because my grandfather passed away when my father was so young,. As a result, they became very close and remained so throughout his life. When my uncle passed away it was like my father losing his father all over again.

    My father and his siblings took care of his mother until she died many years later. I was a small child then and barely new her. All I really know of her was how highly my mother and aunts spoke of her and her pleasing disposition. She was a strong woman and well-loved by her children. I have one picture of her standing on the front porch of our house next to my mother, who was holding me as an infant . It was probably on the day I was given a name and a blessing at church. I also have a few letters that she wrote to my father when he served his LDS Mission (coincidentally he served in the same Mission area as my husband did, only many years earlier).

    Today I have been thinking about what it was that made my father so special. He was a gentle, tender-hearted and loving man. Generous to a fault at times. He took special care of his mother and my mother, both of whom had some serious physical challenges that they dealt with over their lifetimes. He loved them and showed that love by how he served them faithfully and unconditionally. I am blessed to have a son who seems to carry some of the same personality traits that my father had, and because of this he frequently reminds me of my dad when we are together. It is a special blessing to me.

     I have been twice blessed. There is another father with whom I have been blessed to associate in my life. He is my husband, the father of my three children. He too carries many of the great traits of my father, as well as a few that are unique to him alone. He blesses our lives as he faithfully fulfills his role as a husband and father in our home. One of the ways I knew that we were to be eternal companions was by observing the way he interacted with my father when we would visit. There was a mutual respect and love for each other that was obvious when they were together. 

     I wasn't there the day my father passed away; and that has been one of the difficult parts of his passing. However, I do believe he knew how I felt about him and our relationship. I have since reflected on the last time we were together, it was at my son's high school graduation. I was helping him pack his suitcase to return home from that trip, and I slipped a note into his suitcase for him to open when he returned home. I indicated in that note how much I loved and cared for him, and always would. I am so glad that I made the choice to write those words and put them in his suitcase that day.

     The last picture I have of us together -  me, my son and my father - was taken by a kind man who worked at the airport. My father was preparing to go through security to board his plane home and we paused to take a picture of the three of us. That man, the anonymous photographer, will never know the significance of that simple act of kindness that he did for us that day, but I will never forget it. It has meant the world to me every day since my father's passing. It seems fitting that it was a simple act of kindness that someone did for us that is the last memory I have of my father here, as that is part of the legacy that he left for me. A combination of the many small and simple acts of kindness and service that my father extended to me, and to many others whose path he crossed over his lifetime. I  hope I can continue his legacy in a like manner. Only then will I feel I have paid an adequate tribute to him, and to The One he tried to follow during his lifetime.... "My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man, I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band".

     "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (The Book of Mormon, Mosiah 2:17)

The Leader of the Band (Dan Fogelberg)
http://youtu.be/NzpiwKNecHc

Reviewing the Past for a Brighter Future



Another Life (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/V5l1JS0oWzc

     Not long ago I awoke in the morning to the words of a Don Henley song going through my head. "Don't look back, you can never look back" (Boys of Summer). Then, a few weeks later I had the opportunity to visit some old friends that I hadn't seen in a very long time. Some of my memories of previous experience among this group weren't pleasant, and I admit that I was anxious about encountering some of them again after such a long time apart. I worried about what they remembered about me and how I handled some trying situations in my past. I was pleasantly surprised to be welcomed with loving embraces and warm memories! What could have been a very uncomfortable and unfortunate event, turned out to bring a welcome closure to some events in my past. Many of the individuals with whom I had quarrels were no longer present and it was, overall, a very healing experience for me.

  I am grateful that the individuals that I encountered from my past were so willing to remember only the good and not bring up or remember the past. Many whom I saw likely didn't know about the experiences I had had, nor did it really matter to them. What mattered to them we renewing our acquaintance and friendship and showing forth love and care for one another. That acceptance, that love, was exactly what was needed for me at that time to heal from the painful experiences of the past. And, it says a lot about their character and mine.

     I find it interesting that sometimes when I reflect back on past experiences it is harder to remember the good times, but very easy to remember the bad. (I guess that says as much about me and my perceptions as it does about my attitudes). We tend to attract what we focus on, and in order to change the future we may need to review the past. I have found that the journal which I have kept for many years helps me with this exercise. Re-reading some of the entries helps me to get a better perspective on where I was at mentally, emotionally and physically at the various "moments" of my life that were sometimes trying to experience. Often, when I re-read past journal entries I see things differently.

    I cannot change what has happened in the past, nor would I want to (although I'm certain I didn't feel that way when I was going through the trials). But now, from this side of them, I am better able to be grateful for what I have learned and who I have become as a result of experiencing and overcoming those challenges. It is through these experiences that I have come to "know God" and better understand that He is there for me, to help carry me as I go through them and bring me safely through to the other side of them. I have become more willing to trust in Him and His plan for me, and I have a better understanding of my relationship with Him. As I come to feel his love for me I am better able to love others as He would have me do. I am better able to "cut some slack" to others who might be experiencing their own tailor-made trials and tests of life. I am better able to feel compassion for myself as I look back at what I was going through during those trying times in my life when I may not have behaved as well as I could/should have.

     We are all entitled to a new beginning. Everyone has had challenging experiences in their lives where we may have behaved badly. It's what we learn from them that matters and, hopefully, moves us forward. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to leave the past in the past and look forward to the future. I do not need to let what happened in the past define who I am now, nor who I will become. This is one of the blessings of repentance, forgiveness, and the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As a result of having gone through this experience I am better able to turn the hurt and sorrow over to God, and let it go in order to move into a happier, healthier, and more peaceful and joy-filled future.
    
O Remember, Remember (Henry B. Eyring)
http://youtu.be/DF01BQAcj8E

Self-worth or Self-esteem?

"When we strive to see each other as our Father sees us,

we will look not on the outward appearance and

imperfections of a brother or sister or ourselves,

not on the person that we are,

but on the angel we may become."

 

-Ardeth Greene Kapp

 

You Are Loved (Josh Groban)

http://youtu.be/EBSwA8pMgrA

 

     This week I would like to share a more personal note. This is an edited letter I recently wrote to my daughters regarding self-worth. It is something that I think we all can learn from and need to be reminded of from time to time. Thank you for indulging me :-).

 

My dear daughters,

 

     I have had a lot of time to read and think over these past few weeks and I feel a need to share this with you. This has been weighing heavily on my mind, especially in light of what some of you have respectively been going through in their life experiences.   A lot of my sharing comes from a book by Ardeth Greene Kapp called Doing What We Came Here To Do: Living a Life of Love. As you may know, Sister Kapp is a former General Young Women's President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and has been a valuable and cherished mentor to me throughout my adult life. The chapter that I will take these quotes from is entitled "A Feeling of Worth". I think that as women we aren't always valued as much as Our Heavenly Father, or we, would like for us to be. I have come to learn that it is the nature of mortality; for some reason (perhaps the "original sin" doctrine of Eve) women seem to hold a perceived less valuable place in society. However this being said, this is not how our Heavenly Parents, especially our Heavenly Father views things. One of my greatest desires is for you to come to understand your worth as divine daughters of Our Heavenly Father. This is also something with which I have struggled in my life, and my wish and hope is that you will not have to experience the same struggles I have had with this. This is the reason I am deciding to share this with you now.

 

    In her book, Sister Kapp shares these truths:

 

     "Feeling loved, with an assurance of our infinite worth, has a tremendous effect on our ability to accept and love others. To feel loved is to feel valued, accepted, and appreciated for who we "really" are and for who we are capable of becoming...."

 

     "This feeling of self-worth comes from an inner sense of our true eternal identity as a son or daughter of God. Self-worth cannot be earned. It is a part of our divine nature as children of God. Looking inside ourselves with an eternal perspective of our divine heritage and infinite worth allows us to be more receptive to expressions of love and to express love."

 

     " The source of all righteous love is centered in God. A feeling of self-worth comes from an understanding of who we were, who we are, and who we will always be. We did not come to this earth to gain our worth; we brought it with us."

 

     "....Self-worth cannot be increased or decreased. The worth of every soul that has ever lived is absolute and infinite. It is the same for everyone. No matter what our circumstances or appearance or social status, we have worth as God's creations!"

 

     "There is a difference between self-esteem and self-worth. Self-esteem is defined as "a confidence and satisfaction in oneself" (Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, s.v. "self-esteem"). In other words, it's your perspective of yourself." (MUCH different than self-worth?)

 

     "....Circumstances of life appear to have a tremendous influence on self-esteem, to the extent that people who have been verbally, emotionally, or physically abused may even respond as they have been treated. In the movie My Fair Lady, Eliza Doolittle tells Henry Higgins, "The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated." That's a challenge we all face - to not allow our perception of ourselves to be negatively impacted by the way we might sometimes be treated.

 

    "On the other hand, self-worth cannot be earned or affected by anything that may happen in this life. Worth is constant and unchanging. It is a fact that worthiness does not determine worth. You cannot sin enough to change your worth to the Lord who loves you." (A profound truth!!!)

 

     "When we experience a feeling of God's view of our worth, we are better able to feel His unconditional love for us, to remember who we really are, and to believe we are who God says we are - a son or daughter of God with a divine inheritance." (So, when we are feeling unloved or unlovable we need to ask ourselves "What happened?" "Why do I feel this way?" Heavenly Father's opinion of us did not change, so on whose opinion are we basing our evaluation of ourselves?)

 

     "....It is not until you and I comprehend the magnitude of our eternal destiny - who we are and Whose we are - and find peace, regardless of life's circumstances, that we reach our potential. Recognizing our self-worth controls ultimately our ability to love God, to love others, to love life, and to love ourselves." (In other words, it doesn't matter where you live, but how you live.)

 

     "The need to feel loved is basic to our ability to love one another and to believe in every person's divine nature and individual worth. This inner assurance releases a powerful force for good. When we strive to see each other as our Father sees us, we will look not on the outward appearance and imperfections of a brother or sister or ourselves, not on the person that we are, but on the angel we may become." (Herein is the key - because life can throw us some unexpected and sometimes undeserving curve balls. Some circumstances may be or are beyond our own control, whether it be a crappy boss, loss, poor health, difficult roommates or relationships, they are unfortunately a part of our mortal journey. But, if we can see ourselves and others as God sees us through these circumstances, we can come through them with grace, greater strength, greater appreciation for what God has blessed us with, and the ability to continue to work toward our goal of exaltation in His kingdom - become the angels he intends for us to be. Therefore, we are twice blessed as we lovingly accept ourselves and bless others through our loving acceptance and understanding).

 

    Feel it, believe it, live it and it will be a great blessing to your life and help you to manage and cope as you face the challenges of life and trials of adversity that are a part of this mortal experience.

 

With much love.

Walk Tall, You're A Daughter of God

http://youtu.be/mHANOO2vq3E



He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother



 "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order;

 for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength.

And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent,

that thereby he might win the prize;

therefore, all things must be done in order.

Mosiah 4:27



He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother (sung by Neil Diamond)

http://youtu.be/usZtSl8mX08

    I am currently at home recuperating from my recent aforementioned knee/leg surgery. The procedure was done about 11 days ago at our community hospital. I had to have some repair work done to the meniscus in my right knee, and I also had to have a walnut-sized cyst removed from the top of my tibia bone and filled in with some cadaver bone. The procedure went well, except for the fact that I react adversely to Demerol. Demerol is usually injected into individuals who are coming out of anesthesia to prevent the shakes, which can and does happen due to the shock to your body that has just undergone major surgery. Yes, I did wake up to a bad case of the shakes in the recovery room. The nurses surrounded me with heated blankets from head to toe and with that with a combination of other drugs, I was able to recover quite well.

   My husband has been by my side faithfully during my surgery and over this recovery period. He has been so kind to take care of me and literally wait on me hand and foot, as there is little one can do with two crutches in one's hand and a lame leg. I am so thankful for him and his loving kindness to me over these past few days. He has not complained or lost patience with me once, which I find to be truly amazing! He has served me with love and devotion, and words seem inadequate to express my deep level of love and appreciation for him and all that he has done to take care of me and see that my needs are met.

    Throughout all of this I have been thinking quite a bit about my mother and her lifetime of health challenges.  My mother suffered from a Rheumatic heart condition and endured 5 open-heart surgeries over her lifetime. Her first heart surgery was to install a pacemaker in her heart. I was three years old at the time and really don't remember any of the details of the event except that fact that I was left to spend what felt like endless days at my friend and neighbor's house across the street. My two siblings had been flown off to stay with an aunt and uncle, but my parents felt that I was too young to be sent that far away. It was originally intended that I would spend the time staying at a local day care center run by a woman in our church, but that was very short lived as I would not be comforted and cried most of my time I was there. The next alternative was to send me across the street to stay with my friend and neighbor. I would play at their house on a frequent basis, and I felt much more comfortable staying there with them. I can still remember standing in their living room looking out the large picture windows that connected the corner of their house, anxiously waiting for my father's car to turn the corner and drive into our driveway across the street.

     Four more open-heart operations were performed on my mother, some were valve replacement procedures and others were for repair work on what was already in place in her heart. I cannot imagine the depth of fear and anguish she must have felt before each one of her surgeries. I can only remember her getting emotional before one of her surgeries, her last one. She had endured so very much and wasn't sure she would be able to endure another one. Thankfully, after that one she never had to. I was blessed and privileged to be living or visiting home when each of these surgeries was performed. I can remember one of her surgeries was done while I was taking a test in one of my business classes when I attended Weber State College. The professor was quite amazed when she found out what was going on with my mother and I was present in class that day.

    Another of her surgeries took place just after the Christmas holidays. We were able to be home for that Christmas holiday and when I found out that she needed the surgery I was able to extend my stay in order to be able to care for my father and for her when she returned home. I was very thankful to be able to be there and grateful that I could at least do something to help out during that difficult time for my parents. During   the last surgery my mother suffered a slight stroke and lost some of her long term memory. It was because of this that I was able to write down some of my childhood memories for her prior to her death. That was a wonderful experience for me to be able to reminisce and to share those memories with her, and to finally thank her for always being so supportive of me and for being such a good example to me.

   My mother was a very brave woman. She suffered much over her lifetime and rarely complained. I can only imagine the fear and frustrations she must have felt due to the limitations this condition had on her life. My mother never felt sorry for herself, and she never let those limitations keep her from living a full and productive life. I have learned so much from her example of courage, patience, endurance and embracing what really matters most in life. I have learned how to live by watching her live. By remembering how she endured her suffering, I am better able to endure mine without complaint and discouragement. She had such a deep and abiding faith and trust in God's plan for her and for her life. So much so that I think she knew ahead of her passing that her time was short. As a result she prepared by pre-planning her own funeral arrangements. Needless to say, this was a great blessing to us during a difficult time.

      I have not suffered nearly as much as my mother did over her lifetime, but this past few days has put me to the test. It has not been easy and I am not a very patient person. I have been so blessed to have so much help, and by so many that have taken time out of their busy lives to prepare a meal for us, send or bring me flowers, chocolates, videos and books. I have had many caring phone calls, cards and visits that have helped me endure this difficult and trying time in my life. I am deeply appreciative of these blessings that have come from others - brothers and sisters - who have been willing to "carry me" through this challenging time. Thank you. Thank you for making me feel loved. Thank you for being willing to help carry my burden. Thank you for helping me through. You are loved.

Because You Loved Me (Celine Dion)

http://youtu.be/ih1945e4q7I