Reality Check: Notes from a Younger Self

Reality Check: Notes from a Younger Self

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Somewhere (Barbra Streisand/Josh Groban)
http://youtu.be/aPgqeVROE_4

I have recently been re-reading some notes and quotes I copied. They were taken from readings of wise authors over the years.  I wanted to keep them safely in one spot so as to be able to reference them when I needed to. I started keeping these notes in a spiral-bound journal that I started in December of 2000, when I was having a mid-life crisis of sorts. I was looking for meaning, joy and happiness that I did not seem to be able to find in my day to day life at that time. I started searching for some answers to the bigger questions in my life, and as a result I started reading some great books written by some very wise people. Marianne Williamson, Cheryl Richardson, Sarah Ferguson - The Duchess of York, Sarah Ban Breathnach, to name a few. One of those quotes by "wise people" turned out to be mine!

I wrote an entry titled "Reality Check". It was a list I compiled for myself to read so as to be able to face some realities in my life that I was not wanting to face and deal with. After re-reading this I think I want to share it here for my own children to read someday, when they have to face the realities of their own life. Perhaps by putting it here it will give them the courage to face their own fears and realities. Maybe they will better understand me and the way I saw things back then, too. I have changed much over the past 17 years (life has a way of doing that to you) but the wisdom is still relevant and timeless.

Reality Check

September 1, 2001

 - I'll never be 20 years old again. I'll never be 30 or 35 or 40 years old again.

- I'm never going to weigh 130 lbs again, but now I exercise to feel better and stay healthy, not just to lose weight.

 - I'm never going to be able to live by my parents again in this life. Mom's gone. Dad won't live forever (he passed away in 2005). Time to "get a life" here." It's not about where you live, but how you live.

 - It's time to start "living in the moment" and enjoying who I am, where I am, and what I have/do. "Enjoy life, this is not a dress rehearsal."

 - We are never going to have enough money to be able to do all I would like to do, so do what we can, when we can, where we can and be grateful we can!

 - I won't be (fill in the blank)  forever, so do your best now so you have no regrets when the release comes, and endure to the end.

 - Don't fear the future callings, they are in the Lord's hands. "Always follow faith and never fear".

 - My children are growing up and away. Hopefully to someday be capable, responsible adults. Enjoy them while you still can.

 - Life holds no guarantees, just miracles and blessings for those open to receive and perceive them.

 - Don't quit!

What a blessing that I wrote this down! As I look back I can see the wisdom in living these words. Maybe I would add one more...

- Life is short, buy the shoes! ;-)

Simple Gifts

'' 'Tis the gift to be simple,'tis the gift to be free

'tis the gift to come down to where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right.

'Twill be in the valley of love and 

delight.

When true simplicity is gained, 

To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

Till by turning, turning we come round right."

(Simple Gifts by Joseph Brackett)

Simple Gifts (Jim Brickman)

 http://youtu.be/VyfNVVou878

      Not all Christmas gifts need to be expensive or are even materialistic. Today I received some "simple gifts" that were neither materialistic nor expensive, but to me were priceless. I had the opportunity to attend church meetings in another unit (Ward). I know many of the people in this unit from living and serving in the Grand Rapids Stake Primary for many years. Some of the familiar faces I saw I had served with and become acquainted with during my tenure in the Stake Primary, and it was wonderful to see them, to share a hug and feel their love for me. 

    I began serving as the Stake Primary Music Leader in February 1997, shortly after we moved to Michigan. During my tenure in that position I was asked to organize a Stake Primary Choir to contribute to the singing of the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah (December 1998). This oratorio is frequently sung during the Christmas season, and the Hallelujah Chorus is one of the highlights. The choir I was asked to lead consisted of several children, boys and girls, ranging in ages from 8 to 12 years old. Logistically this presented some challenges, as our stake is spread across a wide geographical area. My assignment was to gather as many children together as I could, arrange a couple of practices together, and then we were to perform in conjunction with the adults at a special Stake Christmas event that year. I was so excited to be able to do this. I knew it would have it's challenges, but I also knew it could be done. I composed and sent out letters to each of the 12 units in the stake to recruit voices. 

     In the letter I promised that this experience singing with the choir would be something the children who chose to participated would never forget. I knew this because in my own life I had had the opportunity to participate in a Primary Children's Chorus that sang in the Mormon Tabernacle on Temple Square when I was 12 years old. We sang several songs for a General Conference of the church. President Harold B. Lee was the president and prophet at that time. At that conference, Elder Boyd K. Packer gave is infamous talk about life after death. I remember it to this day and have benefited from that talk several times in my life since that day. After we sang, President Lee took some time to commend and thank us for our participation. In his speaking to us, he told us that we would never forget this experience, and that it would add meaning to our lives. It was an unforgettable day for me. 

    Now back to the Children's chorus experience... I had set up several rehearsals a few weeks prior to the actual performance. Most of the children who participated were located in the Grand Rapids area because that was the central location for the rehearsals and would eventually be where we performed. We practiced and worked until were able to sound pretty good. As the evening of the performance event approached, I decided that I wanted to make some kind of a thank you gift item for each of the children who participated in the chorus to remember it by. I decided to make each of them an angel Christmas ornament out of lace, a wooden bead, a gold pipe cleaner, and a golden elastic string (see photo). As the children sung like angels, I thought it would be a fitting reminder of their experience. The evening of the performance came and they sang beautifully - like angels. It was a successful venture and I was so grateful to all who chose to participate. I handed out the ornaments, thanked them, and proceeded on my way, not thinking much about it ... until today.

     As I have previously mentioned in this blog, I have had a difficult year this year, and as a result I have been struggling with many things lately. My "simple gift" came today. As I was talking with someone who I had come to know those many years ago, she re-introduced me to two of her sons, both of which participated in the Children's Chorus those many years ago. They did not really remember me, but their mother told them that it was I who had organized that chorus those many years ago, and it was I who had given them the ornaments which they continue to place on their Christmas tree every year to commemorate that event. It made me feel so good to know that I and my efforts of so many years ago are still fondly remembered and celebrated in this family. There was no greater 'gift' I could have received than that today than to be remembered, and to have that memory shared again with two young men who were part of that experience. It was a delight to share in that memory and to reap a gift from a seed sown so many years ago. What a precious and priceless gift! So simple, and yet for me, so sweet.  It was a Christmas miracle moment for me, and I am grateful for the opportunity to remember ... and to be remembered. 

Merry Christmas!

Hallelujah Chorus (Handel's Messiah)

http://youtu.be/IUZEtVbJT5c

Physical Therapy for the Soul

White Flag (Dido)

    I have not posted on this blog for a few months because "real life" has taken over for a while. I will not post details either, but I want to post something I read that has significant impact for me right now - today.

     Elder Richard G. Scott, of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Saints Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, explained: "Now may I share some suggestions with you who face the second source of adversity, the testing that a wise Heavenly Father determines is needed even when you are living a worthy, righteous life and are obedient to His commandments.  Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously.  When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience,  they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more....He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding,  and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain." (Richard G. Scott, "Trust in the Lord," Ensign, Nov. 1995. )

     I have, once again, been prescribed some physical therapy for a painful hip. During my initial consultation with the physical therapist, she told me that in order to fix the problem and relieve the pain (to get me from where I am to where she wants me to be), I would initially feels some additional pain and discomfort until things got back in place and on track. Believe me, they have caused me some discomfort and pain. She gave me some strengthening and stretching exercises to do at home as well. I am to do them "to the edge of the pain" and no further. And, if I feel too much discomfort for too long afterward I am to ease off a bit.  

      The correlation of this physical therapy and the "soul therapy" that I am currently undergoing is not lost on me. Often times the conditions that our bodies are manifesting are the physical equivalents of what we are experiencing in our souls, as the two are interconnected. "Soul therapy" can also be painful and difficult, and it can push me to the very edge at times. But, just as I trust that my physical therapist knows what I need to improve my physical condition, I am also trusting that my "soul therapist" also knows what I need to improve my "soul" condition.

    And for now, that is enough....stay tuned....

Let's Get Physical (Olivia Newton John)

(I can relate to the poor guy who was getting beat on on the massage table - lol). 

Wisdom via Hindsight

We May Never Pass This Way Again (Seals and Croft)

http://youtu.be/i3mp4dkm1fQ

     I have been thinking about writing this post for a while and finally decided that today is the day. I hope that at some time in the future, when my own daughters and daughter-in-law need it, they will come to this blog post and read and re-read it. Perhaps it will help them, and others, understand and do things differently than I did. They say that hindsight is 20/20, so I am going to share some things that I learned over the years. How I might have done some things differently had I known then what I know now as a post stay-at-home motherhood and current empty-nester.

     What sparked my decision to finally write about this was a phone call the other day from a sweet, young mother who was at the end of her rope. She has several children, all of which are age 6 and under, and she is currently pregnant with another. She was feeling overwhelmed with her life, and she felt like she needed a break from her children before she did something she might regret. I was her "phone a friend" lifeline that day.  My heart went out to her and her situation. I have felt like her at various times in my own life and so I could most certainly empathize with how she was feeling and what she was going through. We love our children and are very thankful to have them. We feel a tremendous sense of responsibility to care for them and fulfill their every need, but there are times when being with them 24/7 is simply more than we can handle. Having "been there, done that",  I am going to share with you some of what I learned about those years and what I would have done differently if I had it to do over again....

     First of all, I would have taken more time for myself to develop my own interests and pursue some of my dreams. There simply has to be more of a balance in life. When one is in the midst of raising children, especially small children, we feel so selfish and guilty when we take even a little "time out" for ourselves. I am not suggesting that one goes overboard to the point of neglect or of being obsessively self-serving, but what I am suggesting is that you set aside a few hours or an afternoon one day a week to do something for yourself. It is very easy to loose your identity when you becomes a wife and a mother and it is very important, even essential, that you have something you can call your own that identifies you as an individual person - as you. For me, it was my taking the time to teach piano lessons for a couple of hours a week. It was something that I loved to do, it kept me in touch with my own skills and talents, it was of service to others and it also helped to bring in some much needed extra income to contribute to the family budget (or have some play money fore me - guilt free). It was a small amount but I can't count the times that it was just enough to cover what was needed. It has been a great blessing in my life and it blessed the lives of others - both student and parent. I felt good about what I was able to contribute to the world through teaching and adding to the beauty of the world through music education.

     Another thing that I would do is seek out  the support of and friendship of others who are in similar situations. Women need other women - girlfriend! I tended to isolate myself and think that I could do "it" all by myself, and even worse, that I had to do it all by myself. I suffered in silence and that was a big mistake. I needed to be around and talk to adults, especially when I was home with toddlers and infants all day. There are only so many episodes of Barney and Sesame Street that one can handle in a day (or Dora or Teletubbies  or ________ fill in the blank here)! When I was a new mother and living in a state far away from family and friends it soon became clear to me that I had to do something about my isolation and loneliness or I was going to go crazy (or MIA). I had a dear friend from back home who suggested that I get involved with La Leche League, which is an organization that supports and helps women who are breastfeeding their children. It was, hands down, THE best decision I ever made for my mental health! I found a local chapter of the group and attended one of their meetings. I was hooked. I soon found a group of like-minded women who had children my own children's ages and who were going through what I was going through and feeling what I was feeling. It was a miracle! We started a playgroup as well as getting together for the monthly meetings. Our children became friends as did we. Admittedly there were some challenges due to some differences of religious opinions, but for the most part we were able to set those aside and find more things in common than were different. La Leche League became one of my "lifelines" when we moved from town to town for schooling and jobs during those early years of our children's lives. It became a constant in the midst of chaos. I will be forever thankful for those dear women who supported and helped me during the good times and the bad times of those years. They helped to keep me "off the ledge" many times.

     And finally, I would have kept up some of my professional skills, either by taking a class and/or dabbling in my field of choice. Not to the point of neglecting my children, but only to the point of being able to keep up my skill set. At this time in my life I am facing a situation that the skills and training I received in my profession are no longer of use in the same way as they were pre-babies. I was trained as a secretary and worked in that field prior to having my first child, but  I have not worked in that field for many years and I no longer have adequate skills to work in an office environment as a secretary. I would need to go through retraining in order to work in that field now, and I figure that if I have to be retrained anyway that I would rather get my education in something that I feel more passionate about than working in an office as a secretary. I am also finding that the field that I have been working in for the past 20+ years is losing ground (as a piano instructor) to more exciting, instantly gratifying extra -curricular activities such as soccer, softball, gymnastics, dance, etc. I hate to see the devaluation of learning to play the piano (or any musical instrument), and I think that it will become a rare talent and skill in the future. It is not an instant gratification talent, but one that takes time and practice and patience to perfect and I see too few willing to put the time and energy into perfecting this talent.  The world will be a much sadder place without music in it, and those who play it well. I find it very difficult to find a young student who is willing to put in the time and practice and patience that it takes to become a skilled musician. My career choices have and are becoming obsolete, and so  I am finding myself at this point in life having to retrain myself in a job market that desires younger, thinner and better skilled employees than what I have to offer. Attending college in middle age is much harder than if I had continued to pursue my degree along the way and continued to dabbled in the field of study as I went along in life. So my advice, get the degree or training skills while you are young, but if you can't do it while you are young, just do it - and keep a finger on the pulse of your area of expertise. The world is changing so fast with the new technologies that exist that a degree or skill might become obsolete in the future, but if you keep an eye on the changes and can tap into it to whatever extent you can, you won't regret it in the future. And, it will make your future "empty nest" years (yes, they do eventually come) much easier to navigate.

    So, the bottom line is:

     Don't give up on your dreams; find a way to follow them,
     Enjoy play dates with your girlfriends and their kids, and
     Never stop learning.

That's The Way It Is (Celine Dion)
http://youtu.be/sLSWJtxvaUY

What I Want My Children to Know, Part 2

He Is (Hilary Weeks)

http://youtu.be/GeXA4A8INJ4

The nature of God: 

"How do you view God? As a vengeful God or as a kind and loving Father in Heaven? This is how I choose to view Him. I guess it helped me to have a kind and loving earthly father that was a good example for me to look up to. When I was about 12 or 13 years old I began to question whether there even was a God. I remember taking a long walk and pondering this question. I remember looking around me at the beautiful world in which I lived and I felt an overwhelming assurance that it could not have happened by accident, and that there had to be a God who created all of the beautiful things that I saw around me. How or why would a vengeful and angry God create such a beautiful place for us to live? Why would he even care about us and what we did if He was always angry and just waiting to pounce on us any time we did something wrong? My own experiences with God have taught me that he is kind, merciful and loving. Heavenly Father tells us that it is his work and his glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. This is his primary purpose in our even having this earth on which we live. Why would a vengeful and angry God even care? Sometimes it seems that we tend to put our own understanding of mortal men into the personality of God, but he is so much better and so much more than what we see manifest around us on a regular basis.

Our relationship to Jesus Christ: 

Yes, we do worship Jesus Christ, but as our Savior and Redeemer and co-creator of our world. He is our loving and kind older brother, and our friend. He is also a son of our Heavenly Father, who- because he loved us - chose to take upon Him our sins and our trials and our cares in order to be able to teach us, help us and guide us as we go through our own mortal experience. He showed us the way, and he is the example we can choose to follow that will help us navigate the storms of mortality. I never forget that he is part immortal, and that is what made such a difference in his being able to withstand the challenges and temptations of mortality. However, he too, had to call upon our Father in Heaven for help in his time of need. But, because he was both mortal and immortal, he is the only candidate to show us how to live in order to return home to our kind, loving Heavenly Father.

Obedience brings blessings: 

Sometimes we just expect Heavenly Father to give us answers to our prayers without any effort expended on our own part. Obedience brings blessings. When we are obeying God's commandments he is going to bless us with the knowledge and the understanding for which we are seeking. Just like how we learn in school, there is usually an expectation that we will do some searching, pondering and praying to find the answers. Often it is through this effort and the search that we find the answers and then the answers "stick", because we have put in the consistent effort to find them. What we do then, after we know the truth, is to act upon that knowledge and to live in accordance with what we know to be true. Just like with any subject, we need to look to the "experts" to find the most valid truth and information. If we want to find the answers regarding God and Christ and our purpose in life, we need to look at the source, i.e. the scriptures, as they are the Word of God to man on earth. Have you read the Bible, Book of Mormon and Pearl of Great Price lately? This is the best resource to look to to find your answers. These are the truths that have been written by the experts who have had personal experiences with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and they know them and their teachings and expectations.

What about organized religion? Why do we need it? 

Now, regarding organized religion, per se. One of the things that makes a difference between the various religious sects is that those who are preaching, teaching, expounding and exhorting need to have the authority to do so. This authority must come from God himself, not be determined by some man-made source - like a seminary or theological institution or their own decision to start their own church. That is what the Priesthood of God is - the power given to man from God to act in His name. Frankly, our church and it's leaders is the only church that had been authorized by God himself, through the Prophet Joseph Smith, to be able to do His work here on this earth. You wouldn't go to a dentist to have them do an appendectomy on you! You go to someone who has learned the skills and knows what they are doing. Such are the leaders who have been called by God to lead and direct our church. These men have had experiences and tests and trials that have proved them to see if they would do all things which our Heavenly Father asks of them. They have not been found wanting, and that is why they are called, sustained and set apart to lead in our church. They are mortal, just like us, but they have chosen to follow the teachings of God and Christ to the best of their knowledge and ability, and God has chosen them to help lead others back to him. They are special witnesses of God and his son, Jesus Christ, because they know them - intimately. Because of this knowledge I know I can trust what they teach and how they lead. I have also had this confirmed to me many times as I have prayed about and followed their counsel and direction."

These are a few of the truths that I have come to know and understand throughout my life. I, too, have had questions and times when I sought the answers to "the big questions".  I want to share the answers that I have found with you here to be sure that you know that I know. Now it's your turn to find the answers for yourself, because each of us must have a testimony of our own of the truthfulness of these things. Search, ponder and pray and the answers will come, but until they do and you have a firm testimony of your own, you can borrow mine....

Origin (MormonMessagesYouth)

http://youtu.be/YqZ8bTjj-_E

What I Want My Children to Know, Part 1

 "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; 

knock, and it shall be opened unto you:" (Matt. 7:7)

http://youtu.be/Pzmw6DDEodQ

I Stand All Amazed

     This week I had to opportunity to reconnect with an old friend. She is searching for answers to some of the "big questions" of life and felt comfortable enough with me to ask my opinion. I felt so honored to be able to tell her what I believe. I got to thinking about my own children and how much I hope they understand the same things that I shared with her. So, I decided it was important enough to blog about it. So, here it is - part 1:

"The short answer to your question, "Why do we need a Savior?" is this - because we all sin.

Because of the Fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (when they transgressed and partook of the forbidden fruit) they introduced both temporal and spiritual death into the world. If these two deaths had not been overcome by Jesus Christ's Atonement, two consequences would have resulted: our bodies and our spirits would have been separated forever, and we could not have lived again with our Heavenly Father (See 2 Nephi 9:7-9 - actually all of 2 Nephi 2 - http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2?lang=eng - is a wonderful chapter to enlighten us about this concept).

But our wise Heavenly Father prepared a wonderful, merciful plan to save us from physical and spiritual death. He planned for a Savior to come to earth to ransom (redeem) us from our sins and from death. Because of our sins and the weakness of our mortal bodies, we could not ransom ourselves (see Alma 34:10-12 - http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/34.10?lang=eng#9). The one who would be our Savior would need to be sinless and to have power over death.

Maybe a story, a parable,  by Elder Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles will better illustrate what I am trying to tell you:

"There once was a man who wanted something very much. It seemed more important than anything else in his life. In order for him to have his desire, he incurred a great debt.

"He had been warned about going into that much debt, and particularly about his creditor. But it seemed so important for him to do what he wanted to do and to have what he wanted right now. He was sure he could pay for it later.

"So he signed a contract. He would pay it off some time along the way. He didn't worry too much about it, for the due date seemed such a long time away. He had what he wanted now, and that was what seemed important.

"The creditor was always somewhere in the back of his mind, and he made token payments now and again, thinking somehow that the day of reckoning really would never come.

"But as it always does, the day came, and the contract fell due. The debt had not been fully paid. His creditor appeared and demanded payment in full.

"Only then did he realize that his creditor not only had the power to repossess all that he owned, but the power to cast him into prison as well.

" 'I cannot pay you, for I have not the power to do so,' he confessed.

" 'Than,' said the creditor, 'we will exercise the contract, take your possessions, and you shall go to prison. You agreed to that. It was your choice. You signed the contract, and now it must be enforced.'

"'Can you not extend the time or forgive the debt?' the debtor begged. 'Arrange some way for me to keep what I have and not go to prison. Surely you believe in mercy? Will you not show mercy?'

“The creditor replied, ‘Mercy is always so one-sided. It would serve only you. If I show mercy to you, it will leave me unpaid. It is justice I demand. Do you believe in justice?’

“‘I believed in justice when I signed the contract,’ the debtor said. ‘It was on my side then, for I thought it would protect me. I did not need mercy then, nor think I should need it ever. Justice, I thought, would serve both of us equally as well.’

“‘It is justice that demands that you pay the contract or suffer the penalty,’ the creditor replied. ‘That is the law. You have agreed to it and that is the way it must be. Mercy cannot rob justice.’

“There they were: One meting out justice, the other pleading for mercy. Neither could prevail except at the expense of the other.

“‘If you do not forgive the debt there will be no mercy,’ the debtor pleaded.

“‘If I do, there will be no justice,’ was the reply.

“Both laws, it seemed, could not be served. They are two eternal ideals that appear to contradict one another. Is there no way for justice to be fully served, and mercy also?

“There is a way! The law of justice can be fully satisfied and mercy can be fully extended—but it takes someone else. And so it happened this time.

“The debtor had a friend. He came to help. He knew the debtor well. He knew him to be shortsighted. He thought him foolish to have gotten himself into such a predicament. Nevertheless, he wanted to help because he loved him. He stepped between them, faced the creditor, and made this offer.

“‘I will pay the debt if you will free the debtor from his contract so that he may keep his possessions and not go to prison.’

“As the creditor was pondering the offer, the mediator added, ‘You demanded justice. Though he cannot pay you, I will do so. You will have been justly dealt with and can ask no more. It would not be just.’

“And so the creditor agreed.

“The mediator turned then to the debtor. ‘If I pay your debt, will you accept me as your creditor?’

“‘Oh yes, yes,’ cried the debtor. ‘You save me from prison and show mercy to me.’

“‘Then,’ said the benefactor, ‘you will pay the debt to me and I will set the terms. It will not be easy, but it will be possible. I will provide a way. You need not go to prison.’

“And so it was that the creditor was paid in full. He had been justly dealt with. No contract had been broken.

“The debtor, in turn, had been extended mercy. Both laws stood fulfilled. Because there was a mediator, justice had claimed its full share, and mercy was fully satisfied” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1977, 79–80; or Ensign, May 1977, 54–55).

Our sins are our spiritual debts. Without Jesus Christ, who is our Savior and Mediator, we would all pay for our sins by suffering spiritual death. But because of Him, if we will keep His terms, which are to repent and keep His commandments, we may return to live with our Heavenly Father.

It is wonderful that Christ has provided us a way to be healed from our sins. He said:

“Behold, I have come unto the world … to save the world from sin.

“Therefore, whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God. Behold, for such I have laid down my life, and have taken it up again; therefore repent, and come unto me ye ends of the earth, and be saved” (3 Nephi 9:21–22).

Let me add my testimony of the truthfulness of this doctrine. I have recently been working with the Family Support Group at church, and  I have found that by applying the principles I have learned in this program I have come to have a greater understanding of the grace and mercy of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and of his love for ALL of God's children - including you and including me. It is because of His great love for us that Jesus Christ chose to take upon Him our sins and suffer a horrible death in order that we might someday have eternal life. What we do to qualify for this blessing is to have faith, repent of our sins and continually choose to be obedient to God's commandments. There is nothing that you or I have done (short of denying the Holy Ghost after we have had a sure witness) for which we cannot repent and be forgiven. That is the beauty of the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. It is a marvelous and wonderful gift from a loving Heavenly Father, but we have to choose to accept it and act upon it.

You are a special child of a loving Heavenly Father. You have experienced many challenges and difficulties over your lifetime, as we all have, but I know that through the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, all things will be made right someday - either in this life or the next. My counsel to you would be to pray with an open and sincere heart and I know that our loving Heavenly Father will answer your prayers in His own way and in His own time. As a truth seeker, listen to what your heart and your mind are telling you. I would also counsel you to be sure that the sources that you are learning from are sincere and true. The best source for learning truth, in my opinion and God's, are the scriptures. Through them truths are made manifest if we are open and seeking for them.

To Be Continued....

I Know That My Redeemer Lives

http://youtu.be/z0NoxhsH8rE

Motherhood? It Will Change Your Life.

Return to Pooh Corner (Kenny Loggins with Amy Grant)
http://youtu.be/BpXUYIOoFzM

     Spring has sprung, and with it comes the season of graduations, weddings and . . . baby showers! With my own children on the cusp of making parenthood decisions, I thought I would share an article that I came across when I was just begining to have children of my own. It was originally written in 1989 and I found it in the May 1990 Guideposts Magazine. I have kept it all of these years and re-read it many times. I still find it to be full of wisdom and truth. I share it here for those who are mothers, those who are soon-to-be mothers, and for those who are still thinking about it:

Motherhood - It Will Change Your Life

by Dale Hanson Bourke



"Time is running out for my friend. We are sitting at lunch when she casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."  What she means is that her biological clock has begun its countdown and she is considering the prospect of motherhood.

"We're taking a survey," she says, half jokingly. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say carefully.

"I know," she says. "No more sleeping in on Saturdays, no more spontaneous vacations..."

But that is not what I mean at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. 

I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.  I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbirth heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will be forever vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking "What if that had been my child?"  That every plane crash, every fire will haunt her.  That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will look at the mothers and wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think she should know that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will immediately reduce her to the primitive level.  That a slightly urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle' or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. That the anger she will feel if that call came over a lost toy will be a joy she has never before experienced.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might successfully arrange for child care, but one day she will be waiting to go into an important business meeting, and she will think about her baby's sweet smell.  She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure he is all right.

I want my friend to know that everyday routine decisions will no longer be routine.  That a visit to McDonald's and a five year old boy's understandable desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's room will become a major dilemma.  That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that danger may be lurking in the rest room.I want her to know that however decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. 

Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but will never feel the same about herself.  That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child.  That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not so much to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish his. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My friend's relationship with her husband will change, I know, but not in the ways she thinks.  I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is always careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his son.  I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my modern friend could sense the bond she will feel with other women throughout history who have tried desperately to stop war and prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children"s future.

I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your son learn to hit a baseball.  I want to capture for her the laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time.  I want her to taste the joy that is so real that it hurts.

My friend's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I say finally. Then I reach across the table, and squeezing my friend's hand, I offer a prayer for her and me and all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this holiest of callings."

I Am Your Child (Barry Manilow)

http://youtu.be/acpgHpFFNSY

Change of Heart



Change of Heart (Jim Brickman and Olivia Newton John)
http://youtu.be/_n4rzwX_GUA

     I have had lots of time to think about my life lately because of my current life circumstances. I wonder if this might be the reason why God has placed some of the challenges in my path of late. I feel I am at a crossroad in my life. I look behind and see my life as a child and as a parent and all that went with that, and look before me and see what life might bring in the future. I see that I am at a pivotal and critical time in my life choices. I have read about this time in a woman's life and how that sometimes feelings and emotions that have often been suppressed for years tend to surface. I find that I just can't "stuff it" or shove them back underground like I have done for many years. At times it feels like I am riding an emotional roller coaster and I don't know how to get off!

     Some days are more manageable than others. For example, I recently had an experience that brought to the surface a character weakness of mine that I thought I had conquered years ago! It seems that as life cycles around and around, hopefully spiraling upward, that at some times these situations come back to haunt me and need to be re-addressed and dealt with. I find this to be especially true if it is an issue that I "stuffed" or shoved aside earlier in my life journey because for whatever reason I didn't want to deal with it then. With this particular weakness I have felt embarrassed or ashamed about it because it was not what "good girls" are supposed to feel. But I am finding that if the issues haven't been dealt with in a productive and healing way the first time around, they resurface later on at vulnerable times in my life and demand to be dealt with then. Such is the nature of my latest revelation.

   It is a hard thing to see your weakness put blatantly in front of your face, and then realize that you aren't who you thought you were or who you would like to be. It certainly isn't very flattering or positive. It is also difficult to realize I cannot "fix" this by myself because I have tried - over and over again. The habit track of reacting this way is so deeply ingrained in my psyche that I'm not even sure where to start to fix it. But "they" say that recognition is the first step to healing it, so I think I am on the right track so far. It will take some time, prayer and patience to work through this and hopefully overcome it, eventually turning it into a character strength. I believe that with God all things are possible, but I also feel like "Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief". I know it will take a leap of faith and trust in an all wise and knowing God in order to be able to turn this over to him and allow him to "fix" it. This is a hard thing for us "control freaks" to do, but I am so tired of dealing with this one that I am willing to try. It has disrupted my peace of mind and sucked the joy out of my life for the last time! It is time to "let go and let God". Time to surrender. I have to fight the urge to retain any part of it because if I do that I will never be free from it.

      So maybe this crossroad in my life journey, this point in time, really is about me after all. Maybe it's finally my turn to work some of this out and decide who I want to be and how I want to live the rest of my life. What a revelation! The trick for me will be allowing myself permission to take this time for me to figure it all out. I have taken care of everyone else but me for so long, this feels pretty selfish, scarey and overwhelming right now. I feel like a bird whose mother has just pushed her out of the nest and said fly - but without any instructions.

     Yesterday I "found" a necklace with a circular charm with the word "Greatness" engraved on it. Lying on top of the circle is another charm, a gold star. The card to which it was attached said: "The pursuit of Greatness is always daring, and calls forth our True potential. Never underestimate Your power for greatness. Wear this pendant as a symbol that greatness lives within you."  I may make some mistakes along the way, but I also know that I have to try, otherwise I will stagnate and die. Grow or die, it seems like I have heard (and said) that before. I will discover "what lies within" me and under God's watchful eye  - I will fly.

It's My Turn (Diana Ross)
http://youtu.be/veJl__sjDt4

Phoenix

We Dreamers Have Our Ways....

I Made It Through the Rain (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/wlQPnNy6JR0

     I thought I had "retired" from teaching piano lessons when, surprise, I was approached by two individuals recently who expressed a desire to have me teach their children to play the piano. One of them was the parent of a former student who had decided to take some time off to regroup following a family crisis. The other was a family who is new to the area and upon learning that I have taught, approached me to teach their child to learn to play. I was both pleased and surprised by their requests.

     I have always tried to willingly and openly share my knowledge and talent with others. I began teaching lessons back in 1989, when my first child was about 18 months old. We were fairly new on our path into the world of parenting and living on our own. My husband had taken a job in another state that was far away from where I was born and raised. We were fairly fresh out of college and this was our first "real" salaried job. We tried hard to be able to live on his salary alone, but we were struggling to make ends meet.

    One day I decided I needed to do something to help stretch our budget, but what? I had a two-year diploma in Secretarial Training/Administrative Support, but I had not worked since the birth of our son. We were now living in a different state than where I had worked previously using that degree, and I was unsure where I would be able to find any employment. I was also very concerned about the care and welfare of my son. If I went back to work outside of the home, who would take care of him? I had no family members nearby and few friends. So, I did what I try to always due when faced with these kinds of dilemmas - I prayed and asked God what I should do.

    I remember explaining to Heavenly Father our dilemma. I explained how I desired to help out with the family finances, but that I felt I also needed to be home with our son. I needed something that I could do, I could feel good about and something that was mine. The answer came to me, "teach piano lessons". I had studied piano for many years growing up and felt confident that I had enough skills to be able to teach others how to play. But where to begin?

      I lacked a piano and teaching experience. God took care of these concerns. I happened to have a friend who had children that took piano lessons and she gave me some information and pointers that her children's teacher used with them. Upon asking around in my church community, I came across an individual who had a piano that was in storage and not being used. She was willing to give me the piano in exchange for teaching her to play. The only thing we had to do was go and pick up the piano and move it into our home. And so it began....

    I have been teaching for more than 20 years now and I have learned a lot about how to succeed as a business owner, and how to help my students succeed at learning to play the piano. God has placed people and resources in my path that have helped me all along the way. When I look back over those years of teaching I can't count how many times the little amount of money I brought in teaching piano lessons gave us just enough to have what we needed. It was and is truly a calling from God and a blessing in my life. It is one of my life purposes, though admittedly I sometimes haven't seen it that way.

    When I returned to college a few years ago I decided to put my piano lesson business onto the back burner and limit my teaching. I felt I needed to do that in order to be able to keep up with my classes and the homework demands. While I enjoyed getting my schooling, I missed my teaching. It was a nice change of pace, and maybe the sabbatical that I needed in order to help me appreciate what I had - and the fact that it truly is a calling from God for me.

     I will be forever grateful to my parents who started me playing and supported me financially and physically all throughout my journey. I am also very grateful to the 4 women who taught me how to play the piano, and to do it well. They were terrific mentors and role models for me as I began my own piano teaching business. I am thankful for the woman who gave me the piano that got me started, and for the beautiful piano that once sat in my parent's house and now sits in mine. It is truly a privilege and a gift from God to be able to share my talent and love of music with future generations. My hope is that they too will come to appreciate and use what they are learning to make this world a more beautiful place to live. in my dreams....