Who I Was Born to Be

"You either walk inside your story and own it

or you stand outside your story and

hustle for your worthiness." 

- Brene Brown

Who I Was Born to Be (Susan Boyle w/lyrics)
http://youtu.be/mhXYHRS5aDo

       My thoughts have been wandering as I approach another birthday, and they have led me to this particular song. As a child I loved to sing. I would often stand on my front porch and watch the birds flying among the trees and try to imitate their songs, thinking I was somehow talking to them. I would stand there and sing songs. Some of these songs were familiar, but often they were of my own creation. I would sing about whatever I felt like. Music has always touched me in a special place inside of my soul, a place that feels intimately mine and very safe. Music has saved my sanity and, quite possibly, my life at times.

     I have been on a journey of self-discovery over the past few years. I have learned a lot about myself on this journey, most recently (with the help of a good therapist) the realization that I have a "highly sensitive personality". I had no idea there even was such a thing until my therapist recommended I read the book, The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. As I read through this book, lights and bells and whistles began going off; it was one "aha' moment followed by another! It was me that she was writing about. I have always felt different than most people I have known in my life, but I never understood why. I always thought it was something wrong with me, so I have tried to change me to try to better fit in with those around me. It never worked, and I always came away feeling disappointed, lost and inadequate. As it turns out, I have a minority personality type (only about 20% of the population manifest this type of personality). No wonder I have always felt different and like I didn't belong in this world!

     Upon further exploration, I have also connected the dots with Brene Brown's, Power of Vulnerability, and Carol Tuttle's, Type 2 - soft, subtle energy profile (more on this in later blogs) I am beginning to see myself so much more clearly now - what motivates me, what cripples me and where and why I need to set clear and definite boundaries. I am still the same person I have always been, but now I am finally understanding why I am the way I am, and that it is o.k. to be that way - that is "who I am was born to be". I may not have found all of the answers, but at least I now know more than I ever have and I feel very liberated. I understand that I truly am not like everyone else, and that it is o.k. not to be. I am enough and I am okay just the way I am. I am who Heavenly Father made me to be. He created me this way, and I am trying my best to fulfill the measure of that creation to the best of my ability. I have always understood that not everyone will always like me or understand why I do what I do, but I have gifts that this world is in desperate need of, such as a large capacity to love, kindness, gentleness, patience, empathy, and peacefulness. I have also learned that this personality trait runs in families (much like "the force" in Star Wars). My father had it (I suspect his mother had it), my daughter has it (and my son too, I believe, though it tends to be harder for guys to manifest because of the world's view of masculinity). It is not something of which to be ashamed, it is something to be embraced and celebrated!

    I feel like I am finally coming out of a very dark place. For so long I felt like Winnie the Pooh with that little black rain cloud always following me (or maybe more like Eeyore "thanks for noticing me").  I feel empowered and more confident because I now know who I am and who I am meant to be, and that it is good, in fact, great to be that person! I truly am unique (something I have always wanted to be). I am special. I am me...and I am enough.

"Because true belonging only happens 

when we present our authentic, 

imperfect selves to the world.

Our sense of belonging 

can never be greater 

than our level of self-acceptance." 

- Brene Brown, The Gift of Imperfection

I Love You Just the Way You Are (Billy Joel)
http://youtu.be/vBZnGk1nAjw

Live Your Life

Beautiful World (Jim Brickman)

http://youtu.be/FHohxz0NhvI

     Spring is finally sprung! Hallelujah! There is just something about emerging from a long, cold, dark and lonely winter that intensifies the senses. It seems like everything is just better, brighter and more beautiful this time of year. The purple, white and yellow crocuses are emerging and showing their colors more brilliantly this Spring, or at least that's how it seems. The smell of the rain (instead of snow) seems more intense and refreshing. The songs of the birds are more joyous and lovely, and welcome. The glow of the sun, on those days when we see it, is brighter and more appreciated than I seem to remember in the past. The sweet taste of fresh strawberries and crunch of asparagus is just better in the Spring. Oh, how I have missed them!

     I had an interesting experience last night as I was listening to the local Public Radio Station on my car radio last night driving home from a meeting. The Pittsburgh Symphony was playing selections from The Nutcracker Suite by Peter I. Tchaikovsky. I love this music, but I usually associate it with Christmas. It was so wonderful to hear it played last night (and they did a magnificent job) that I just had to pause in my car in the garage and listen to the rest of the program! Somehow it was just more beautiful last night than during the Christmas rush. "Visions of  Sugar Plum Fairies dance(d) in my head" as I reminisced about the times I have seen this performed with various ballet companies. Did you know that The Nutcracker Suite was not considered a success when it was first introduced back on December 18, 1892? Now it is an "annual occasion" to attend The Nutcracker! Tchaikovsky's score has become one of his most famous and familiar compositions. Who'd have thought?  I'm sure not Tchaikovsky, who thought he'd failed. I just goes to show, you never know what can happen when you pursue your dreams!

    What a great lesson for me to learn and understand right now. I have been "hearing" over and over again in my head the words "live your life". What exactly does this mean, I wonder? I am beginning to think that it means that I need to live my life embracing the things that I love, regardless of what others around me may think, say or do. (You'd have thought that by this age I would have made this determination already, but it doesn't hurt to have reminders every now and then!)

    I am finding that I want to fill my time, my life and my mind with quality. Quality music, literature, art, and activities. Classical music seems to be much more satisfying for me. As I read good literature my mind is filled with inspiration and I am uplifted. As I view beautiful artwork by the Masters my eyes seem to open to the beauties of the world around me. I don't want to spend my time or resources on things that don't build, uplift and inspire. I want a quality life within the quantity of life I have left to live. Maybe I'm finally "growing up" and have learned to appreciate why the "Classics" are considered "classics", because they are timeless.

    One of the "issues" that I have seen going around on the internet these days is the sad, uneducated and ignorant decision by some lawmakers to eliminate some of "The Arts" education programs in the public schools due to budget restrictions. How very tragic this is and will be for future generations! The Arts is what enriches life and makes a people civilized! To eliminate this is to cut out a portion of our culture that may become extinct. Not everyone is a Math or Science scholar or an athlete. I wasn't, nor ever will be! My interests and skills simply do not lie there, and I think it is not right for a government to "legislate" to it's citizens what is "important" and what is not. It takes away from an individual's right to choose, as well as the opportunity to develop talents and gifts that are God given. What gives the government the right to legislate that? I certainly didn't vote for that when I voted for them! In fact, it makes me just angry enough that I want to go out and buy season tickets to every "Arts" venue available! (If I only had the money - sigh).

     We live in a country that gives us so many opportunities to become our best selves and it is a real tragedy when we don't take advantage of these opportunities. Maybe we are a bit spoiled, and it might take losing some of these opportunities to really appreciate having them. The sad question though is that when they are gone will we ever be able to regain them? All the more reason we must continue to fight for what we believe is right. We must make the effort to pursue the dreams and work to accomplish what we are meant to do in this life, whatever it may be.

    

Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy (P.TCHAIKOVSKY - "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" / Nutcracker - Bolshoi Ballet 2010)

http://youtu.be/Wz_f9B4pPtg

The Awakening



King of Anything (Sara Bareilles)
http://youtu.be/RPk4_XfYhjg

The Awakening

(Author Unknown)

"A time comes in your life when you finally get it ....

When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting, and crying or struggling to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tail endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's o.k. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...

And in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, and what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live; who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you own your parents, family and friends.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly o.k....and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect and you won't settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone... and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR, itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in it's most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can."

The Star-Spangled Banner

Francis Scott Key - The Origin of The Star Spangled Banner

http://youtu.be/lrhUMhAmsHo

     Two years ago I had the priviledge of viewing the original Star Spangled Banner that was on display in the Smithsonian Museum in Washington, D.C. It was truly a privilege for me and a very emotionally moving and touching experience. I have always loved and appreciated the flag that is the national symbol of the country that I love. My father served in the U.S. Air Force and later the U.S.Air Force Reserves, and I think that because of that I have always felt a strong sense of patriotism for the United States of America and especially it's symbol of the stars and stripes. I was usually the one who made sure that the flag was displayed on the flag pole that was attached just outside of the front door of my house where I grew up. I just seemed to have an innate appreciation for this symbol and for the meaning behind it.

     There have been several times in my life when the sight of this flag has moved me to the point of tears. One of those times was on the morning of September 11, 2001. As I watched the television coverage of the horrible events of that morning, the fact that the flag was being held aloft by some courageous and heroic firefighters gave me great peace and comfort. The flag still waved, in spite of the awful attacks that had been assaulted on my home soil. The events of that day also had a large impact on my son. He drew a picture of the twin towers with the American flag flying over head that I have kept in his scrapbook.

     My son decided that as part of his Eagle Project with The Boy Scouts of America he would install a flagpole in the front of the church building where we met. Part of his Eagle Ceremony was to raise the American flag for the first time on that pole. This also took place on September 11, a few years after the original attack. It was a very moving and emotional experience for me as a stood watching these young men in uniform carefully attach the flag to the pole and raise it above our heads. We then recited The Pledge of Allegiance.

    As I mentioned earlier, my father served in the U.S. Air Force and U.S. Air Force Reserves. When he died we were asked if we would like a military ceremony to accompany his burial, to which we replied that we definately would. As I sat in the cemetary and the Air Force cadets folded (and refolded for precision) the United States Flag that had been draped on the top of my father's casket and handed it to my older sister, I got a huge lump in my throat. When the buglar started playing Taps in the distance and we heard the 21 gun salute, I could no longer control my emotionals and they spilled out as tears the poured down my cheeks. To this day I cannot hear Taps without crying.

     Today in church we had the privilege of singing The Star Spangled Banner as a closing song. Everyone stood as a sign of respect. As I read the words to the song there was one verse that really struck me. It is in the third verse, a verse that is very often not sung, and it goes like this:

"Oh, thus be it ever, when free men shall stand

Between their loved homes and the war's desolation!

Blest with vic'tr'y and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land

Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserved us a nation!

Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,

And thus be our motto: "In God is our trust!"

And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!"

    These are important words to remember, especially in this day and time when so few individuals remember God, let alone praise Him for preserving our nation and allowing us to live in peace in this country! Freedom isn't free! So, on this July 4th, it is good to remember those who have both served and died to keep us free; and to give credit to Him in whom "is our trust", for our "vic'tr'y and peace". It reminds me of another patriotic hero from history who showed his patriotism to his country, and to his God, with a flag....Captain Moroni, whose story is found in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ.

Alma 40:11-13

 11 And now it came to pass that when Moroni, who was the chief commander of the armies of the Nephites, had heard of these dissensions, he was angry with Amalickiah.

 12 And it came to pass that he rent his coat; and he took a piece thereof, and wrote upon it—In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children—and he fastened it upon the end of a pole.

 13 And he fastened on his head-plate, and his breastplate, and his shields, and girded on his armor about his loins; and he took the pole, which had on the end thereof his rent coat, (and he called it the title of liberty) and he bowed himself to the earth, and he prayed mightily unto his God for the blessings of liberty to rest upon his brethren, so long as there should a band of Christians remain to possess the land—

Alma 41:18-22

 18 And he said: Surely God shall not suffer that we, who are despised because we take upon us the name of Christ, shall be trodden down and destroyed, until we bring it upon us by our own transgressions.

 19 And when Moroni had said these words, he went forth among the people, waving the rent part of his garment in the air, that all might see the writing which he had written upon the rent part, and crying with a loud voice, saying:

 20 Behold, whosoever will maintain this title upon the land, let them come forth in the strength of the Lord, and enter into a covenant that they will maintain their rights, and their religion, that the Lord God may bless them.

 21 And it came to pass that when Moroni had proclaimed these words, behold, the people came running together with their armor girded about their loins, rending their garments in token, or as a covenant, that they would not forsake the Lord their God; or, in other words, if they should transgress the commandments of God, or fall into transgression, and be ashamed to take upon them the name of Christ, the Lord should rend them even as they had rent their garments.

 22 Now this was the covenant which they made, and they cast their garments at the feet of Moroni, saying: We covenant with our God, that we shall be destroyed, even as our brethren in the land northward, if we shall fall into transgression; yea, he may cast us at the feet of our enemies, even as we have cast our garments at thy feet to be trodden under foot, if we shall fall into transgression.

and, finally

Alma 60:36

36 Behold, I am Moroni, your chief captain. I seek not for power, but to pull it down. I seek not for honor of the world, but for the glory of my God, and the freedom and welfare of my country. And thus I close mine epistle.

Now that is a true patriot!

The Star Spangled Banner (Whitney Houston)

http://youtu.be/eS4v431Mlak