"I Wish You Enough"

Leaving on a Jet Plane (John Denver)
http://youtu.be/H9qvjRVty7Q

     Our son and his wife recently left us to return home from spending their Christmas holidays here. We really enjoyed our too short time together. We laughed, played, sang, talked, shared and even cried a little. Finally the time came when we had to drive them to the airport to return back to their home and lives elsewhere. We arrived at the airport and stopped by the curb to unload their things. We gave them a lingering hug and then waved good-bye to them as they made their way into the terminal and we returned to our car. (Sadly, long gone are the days when you could actually accompany them to the gate and say good bye there as they walked down the boarding corridor).  As we drove away from the curb and made our way out of the airport, thoughts returned of the many, (too many) times I had done this same thing at various airports and times in the past.

     I remember an especially poignant departure from that same airport on the day my father flew away after his last visit to see us. It was his return flight home after the occasion of attending this same son's high school graduation. Little did I know at that time that it would be the last time I would see my father alive, our last "good bye". He passed away suddenly a few months later from a heart attack.

(The last picture of my father, taken at the airport with my son and me.)

     I remember landing at the airport near my home a few days prior to his funeral. So often I had looked for and seen his face in the crowds at that airport when I returned home for a visit, but that day it was not there. I remember how stark and sad that was for me.

     Airports are portals of arrival and departure. People we love come and go there throughout our life's journey. Birth and death are also portals of arrival and departure. We greet and part with loved ones through these portals of mortality. The goal is to make the best use of the time we have together between the arrivals and the departures. Take nothing for granted, because there are no guarantees in life. Make the best of the time together, "say what you need to say" and cherish the precious and few moments. Love, laugh, play, share, forgive and embrace because you never know when that next departure may be the last good bye.


(From an email, author unknown)

Recently, I overheard a Mother and her daughter in their last moments together at a regional airport. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and she said, "I love you. I wish you enough."

She in turn said, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too." They kissed and she left.

She walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."

She paused for a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, she smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," she continued. Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from
memory:


"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."


She then began to sob and walked away.

They say "It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them"

My friends and loved ones, I wish you ENOUGH!!! 

Fly Away (John Denver/Olivia Newton John)
http://youtu.be/LNsLGHs89iM

The Origin of the Christmas Creche

Angels We Have Heard on High (Home Free)
http://youtu.be/teSuDu84kMc

It's a part of many Christmas celebrations - the Christmas creche, or Nativity scene, graces tables and churchyards throughout the holiday season. Saint Francis of Assisi is credited with starting the tradition, and in his The Life of Saint Francis of Assisi, Saint Bonaventure tells us the story. (Saint Bonaventure - 1263)

     "It happened in the third year before his death, that in order to excite the inhabitants of Grecio to commemorate the nativity of the Infant Jesus with great devotion, [St. Francis] determined to keep it with all possible solemnity; and lest he should be accused of lightness or novelty, he asked and obtained the permission of the sovereign Pontiff. Then he prepared a manger, and brought hay, and an ox and an ass to the place appointed. The brethren were summoned, the people ran together, the forest resounded with their voices, and the venerable night was made glorious by many and brilliant lights and sonorous psalms of praise. The man of God [St. Francis] stood before the manger, full of devotion and piety, bathed in tears and radiant with joy; the Holy Gospel was chanted by Francis, the Levite of Christ. Then he preached to the people around the nativity of the poor King; and being unable to utter His name for the tenderness of his love, he called Him the Babe of Bethlehem. A certain valiant and veracious soldier, Master John of Grecio, who, for the love of Christ, had left the warfare of this world, and become a dear friend of this holy man, affirmed that he beheld an Infant marvelously beautiful, sleeping in the manger, Whom the blessed Father Francis embraced with both his arms, as if he would awake Him from sleep. This vision of the devout soldier is credible, not only by reason of the sanctity of him that saw it, but by reason of the miracles which afterward confirmed its truth. For example of Francis, if it be considered by the world, is doubtless sufficient to excite all hearts which are negligent in the faith of Christ; and the hay of that manger, being preserved by the people, miraculously cured all diseases of cattle, and many other pestilences; God thus in all things glorifying his servant, and witnessing to the great efficacy of his holy prayers by manifest prodigies and miracles." (Source: A Classic Christmas. Harper One, 2009 pages 237-238)

     Almost every Christmas for the past 15 years we have celebrated the holiday performing or participating in some form of a Christmas Creche with family and friends. When our children were younger we would dress them in the various attire of the characters of the Creche, and they would act out the parts as the Nativity story was read. Some years they were angels, some years shepherds, and some years the animals. My son would often play the part of the narrator because he was of an age where he was a bit old for dressing up to act out the parts, but he was still willing to participate. My daughters and their friends would happily dress up and play the various parts. We would insert appropriate Christmas Carols to sing together throughout the program so as to be able to include all of the adults in attendance, and to generally add to the celebration and pageantry of the occasion. These are some of my happiest memories of Christmases past. 

     This year our church group has decided to perform a pageant at the Ward Christmas Party involving most of the young children. They all seem to be very excited about having the opportunity. I have been involved due to the fact that I play the piano for the young children in Primary (our children's organization - similar to Sunday School for you non-LDS readers). I have to admit, most ashamedly, I have been much less than enthusiastic about doing this again this year. As I have previously mentioned, it has been a very difficult year for my family, and me personally, this year and I had secretly hoped to be allowed to take a breather this year from the pageantry and pomp that can get so involved and overwhelming this time of year. Needless to say, I was less than excited to be dragged into doing yet another Christmas Creche and on an even grander scale that usual this year. My attitude might be compared to that of Ebeneezer Scrooge, in fact. Unfortunately, I let this attitude spill over on to some of my co-workers on this project this year and I have added discomfort and Grinchiness to their holiday season. I have been so caught up in worrying about how this all will affect me and my holiday stress (adding to an already stressful year) that I lost sight of the purpose and meaning behind what we are trying to do. I have been complaining, grouchy and downright Scroogey about the whole thing, but this morning I had an epiphany! I had a visit from a "ghost of Christmas past" so to speak. This morning I awoke thinking about the pageant and knowing that my bad attitude toward the whole thing simply had to change - for everyone's sake. So I got to thinking about our past pageant experiences and what a sweet spirit and joyful experience they had been to share with our children and our friends. I was usually the one behind the piano and rarely got to experience the entire program, but the spirit that came and permeated the room when we did the pageants was undeniable - it was really what brought in the true Spirit of Christmas. 

    Our children are all grown now and most of them have moved away, so we no longer have the opportunity to perform the Christmas Creches like we have done in the past. There are many children in our Ward who would never have the opportunity to participate in such an experience unless we provide that opportunity to them through such a venue as the Ward Christmas Party. It will be a bittersweet experience this year because of the departure of our dear friend, Bob Roll, who passed away suddenly just a month ago. Our two families enjoyed many a Christmas Creche together. How lucky we all were to have the opportunity to participate in such a special and reverent occasion that brought in the true Spirit of Christmas. This year may be one of the last that I will be asked to even participate in such an experience, and so I will choose to make it a reverent and positive experience for the children's sake. I will think of our dear friends and the wonderful memories from Christmases past that we shared. I will strive to make the "Christmas present" a joyous and reverent occasion for the children and their families. Perhaps this will help bring the true Spirit of Christmas into their holiday celebration and provide a special memory for them that will last their lifetimes. Hearts will be touched, memories will be made and a tribute (at least in my heart) will be sent heavenward to a dear friend as well as to my Lord and Savior, the Babe in Bethlehem, whose birth we celebrate this, and every, Christmas season. 

     And may God bless us, every one!

The First Noel (David Archuleta)
http://youtu.be/ZgrcBCC0xgg

Angels Among Us

"Our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh." (President Joseph F. Smith [1838-1918], Gospel Doctrine 5th ed. (1939), 436.

Angels Among Us (Alabama)

http://youtu.be/zCYFPMjCgKA

It was Thanksgiving evening, November 27, 2014. The events of the day, the dinner, the cleanup, the conversation, were winding down and we were settling in for the night. My husband was watching a ball game in the den. My daughter was sleeping in preparation for having to work from midnight to 6 a.m. on Black Friday. My married children were spending the holiday with their in-laws.  I was alone and restless, beginning to feel that longing for home, family and friends that I have known so often on past Thanksgiving days. We were alone and lacking in company this year, so I decided that I needed to do something, anything, that would help take away some of the lonely, longing, homesick feeling that I could feel creeping into my soul. 

I had some yarn and knitting needles that I had put aside to knit another dishcloth, like my mother used to make, so I decided to bring it out and see if I could get one done before the evening was over. I sat down in my chair and began knitting. I turned the television on and decided to see what was worth watching that might bring me some comfort. I noticed on INSP that they were playing a series of The Waltons for the day, specifically Thanksgiving related shows, one of which was titled "The Waltons: A Thanksgiving Reunion". It was set in 1963, the Thanksgiving following when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. The entire clan was returning to the family home for Thanksgiving dinner. I had enjoyed watching this television series when I was younger, with my father sitting in his chair across the room, so I decided to watch is while I knit (something my mother usually did at home in the evenings). 

As I began to knit and watch the show I began to feel a warmth and comfort come over me. I have had this feeling before and was pretty familiar with what it meant - my father was nearby, checking in on me. He passed away near Thanksgiving 9 years ago. We we very close and I have occasionally felt his presence at times when I have needed him over the past 9 years. I think had he been visible on this side of the veil he would have been sitting in the chair next to me, he felt that close to me. l felt his presence there throughout the remainder of the show. I said nothing to my daughter, who later joined me, but I felt certain that daddy was there. It would have been so like him to come and check in when I was feeling so exceptionally down on this Thanksgiving because of the loss of a dear friend and brother just a few weeks prior. 

We usually spent our Thanksgivings with this dear family, but due to the current circumstances felt it better to allow them their privacy allowing them to grieve their great loss of a beloved husband and father. Thanksgiving was Bob's holiday, and we have spent countless Thanksgiving dinners seated at their table and enjoying the feast and company, so this year felt exceptionally lonely and sad. Each year Bob would lead the sharing for those of us seated around his table to tell the one thing for which we were most grateful this year. It was different without them this year, without the sharing, the laughter and the games of "Ticket to Ride" seated around their dining room table with a football game playing on the television in the background and a fire in the fireplace. Good food, good company and good times. I think that had I sat around that table this year the one thing I would have shared that I was most thankful for would have been for having had Bob and his family as such a wonderful and big part of my life and the life of my family over the past 15 years, and most especially over this past year. They have been such a wonderful and much needed support to our family through the difficulties we have experienced over the past year or so. They have truly been angels as they have offered love, support and service to our family, and I will miss the close association we have had with Bob. 

Now, as another chapter has closed on that life that once was. I am sad. I, too, must take some time to grieve this great loss in our life. I hope to share more special and fun times with his family, but it will somehow not be quite the same without Bob there. I will miss his sense of humor, his smiling face, and his hugs. He truly was someone that I would consider an "angel among us", and I hope that he, like my father, will decide to check in on us once in a while and share his love with us once again. 

Angels We Have Heard On High
http://youtu.be/sb0Jg96bWMo

My trip to Salt Lake City, 8-6-14 to 8-20-14

https://plus.google.com/117433820681562383971/stories/69859184-6073-333e-932d-6fd6fc055b08147f60061a4?authkey=CL2E5tKX247eLQ

Of Apples, Walnuts and Honey

 "If thou wilt do good, yea, and hold out faithful to the end, 

thou shalt be saved in the kingdom of God, 

which is the greatest of all the gifts of God; 

for there is no gift greater than the gift of salvation." 

(Doctrine and Covenants 6:13)

The Homecoming (Hagood Hardy)
http://youtu.be/xXeHIfMBZtQ

Autumn always brings forward memories of home; memories of apples, walnuts and honey. Maybe this is why the high schools and universities always hold their homecoming events in the Fall. 

The home in which I grew up had an apple tree in the front yard. I loved that apple tree! When I was a child I would climb up into the tree and stay there for hours reading, writing or doing a handicraft. It wasn't a large enough tree in which to build a fort, but boy, the apples were the best in town! They would always ripen in about September and we could hardly wait to eat them, along with some neighbors and strangers who would walk by on the sidewalk and help themselves to the fruit. That used to make my father angry because it was dishonest to him and he hated dishonesty. One of the things that irritated my father the most about our apple tree situation was when the children from across the street would watch to see that we were not at home and then help themselves to several of the apples, but rather than eating them they would line them up across the busy street in front of our house and watch the cars run over them and smash them. As you can imagine, this made my father livid. I kind of think that was the purpose the children had in doing what they did all along - to make my father mad. There was absolutely nothing he could do about it, especially after he arrived home to find a line of smashed apples in the street in front of our houses. I think he spoke to the children's parents about the situation, but they never did anything to prevent it. To my Depression Era father, it was a terrible waste of precious food. My father worked hard to maintain the integrity of the apples on that tree. He pruned it, sprayed it and nurtured it so as to produce the best crop he possibly could from it. In fact, one of the only memories my children have of my father and visiting their house was when he got angry at them for losing their toys in the tree and climbing it to get them down. It was his baby. One of the great things about the relationship between my father and this apple tree was the fact that we could never eat or preserve all of the fruit that it produced, so my father would load some of the apples into 5 gallon buckets and deliver them to friends and neighbors in the area. It is rather funny because he would get so angry when the apples were stolen, but when he gave them away, well, that was a different story. Sadly the apple tree was cut down a few years after my father died and we sold the house. The next occupant neglected the tree and it finally died and had to be removed. Perhaps it too mourned the passing of my father in its own way.

One of the other trees that we had on our property was located in the back yard of our home. It was a Black Walnut tree. I remember the day my father planted that tree as a sapling. I remember asking him how big he thought it would get, and if it would get big enough to shade the back side of the house. He said that he imagined that it would, but it would take a long time to get there. My father cared for that tree as he did the apple tree and other trees on the property. He sprayed it, pruned it and cared for it and, like the apple tree, it produced an overabundance of walnuts that my father would gather and lay on newspaper in the basement of our house to dry out. Once the hulls were dried he could take them off of the nuts and would crack the nuts and put them in jars, or simply take the whole nuts, and deliver them along with the apples to neighbors and friends. It was a real source of joy to my father to be able to help provide for his neighbors and friends, and he enjoyed the visits that went along with the deliveries. My father loved to talk and could find friends or make friends most anywhere he went.

The other item that I always think of in conjunction with the apples and the walnuts is honey. My father helped to manage a honey production plant that was owned and operated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was part of the church's welfare system. When my father retired it became like another job for him to go down to the plant and oversee the operations and production there. It made him feel needed and was a source of pride for him. It was a sad day when the production was moved to Welfare Square in Salt Lake City and they decided to shut down his honey plant. It was like he was fired from a job, and he grieved it. I, and many others, were recipients of jars of honey produced at that plant. He was very proud of the job he and others did there.

At my father's funeral his friend and Home Teacher (for those who know what that is) spoke. He brought some visual aids to help him with his talk: apples, walnuts and a jar of honey :-). In his talk he used them as symbols for some important lessons of life, lessons that my father knew and understood well. The apples, he said, symbolized "the sweet taste of service". The walnuts represented "the hard knocks of life and enduring to the end". And the honey, he said, represented "the sweetness of the Lord, Jesus Christ, and his Atonement". It was a beautiful talk and one that I remember well. I have it on a CD that was recorded of that service and I listen to it occasionally, when I am missing my father and want to be reminded of his legacy. A legacy that has become a great blessing in my life. I watched my father serve others with love and compassion. I watched him and my mother endure many of the hard knocks of life, yet they both endured faithfully to the end. I know that both of them understood and applied the Atonement of Jesus Christ in their lives, and because of that Atonement I know that I will one day be reunited with them and "live together in love".

My father passed away near Thanksgiving of 2005. In tribute to him each Thanksgiving I make a special salad that contains - you guessed it - apples, walnuts and honey! It is a sweet reminder to be thankful for the wonderful legacy of a wonderful father, friend and mentor who is greatly missed in my daily life.

Homecoming (Jim Brickman)
http://youtu.be/zp4a0Cmn4ag

What a Difference a Day Makes!

"So tell that someone you love

just what you're thinking of

if tomorrow never comes"

If Tomorrow Never Comes (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/b2AAsqcJPkI

I have had a couple of experiences of the past few weeks that have, once again, reinforced the importance of expressing how we feel about someone special in our lives to them, while we still have the opportunity to do so. Everything can change overnight. One night I went to bed and all was well, the next morning I checked my Facebook and discovered that life had changed overnight.

Just over a week ago I had the opportunity to spend a few precious hours with my brother-in-law, Keith, as he was staying in a hotel not too far from where I live. We live about 1600 miles apart, and so we don't get to see other very often. He happened to be on a tour that stopped overnight in a town that was about two hours south of where I live. On a whim, he texted me and suggested that we get together for a visit, since he was staying so close by. I decided it would be a great idea so I ventured the four hours round trip to have a visit. We shared a joke or two, discussed our family members and what was going on in our respective lives, and generally had a really nice visit. He called his wife, my sister, on his phone and we surprised her with a conversation from me, her sister. We enjoyed the visit (which, of course, was too short) and then I headed out for the two hour trip north to home. I arrived about 1:30 a.m. Tired, but safe and satisfied that I had gotten to spend some time with my great brother-in-law. Who would have thought.....

A week later I woke up in the morning and glanced at my Facebook feed to find that my niece, his daughter, had posted a comment that this same brother-in-law had been in a serious motorcycle/car accident and that he was in critical condition at their local hospital. I was shocked. He was unconscious and sedated so that the medical team could stabilize his vital signs. I could hardly believe what I was reading. I immediately said a quick prayer and began to try to get to the bottom of the situation. Another niece, also his daughter, finally phoned me and told me that their phone batteries had died during the time spent in the hospital and that my sister would call me as soon as she could. I was grateful for the preparatory phone call so that I could, again, say another quick prayer and ask for help to know what to say or do to help from such a long distance away. I felt so helpless. After talking with both my niece and my sister I felt somewhat better, but I was still very much concerned for what they were all having to deal with, as well as for the life of my dear brother-in-law.

Their life has been turned upside down since then. My sister says that it has only been a few days, but it feels like it has been months. She misses him. We all do. He is one of those individuals that lights up a room just by being in it - and not just because of his stature ;-). He is kind, caring and thoughtful, generous, supportive, intelligent, and has a great sense of humor. He is also spiritual and has touched many lives with his insights and understanding heart (as is evident from the many Facebook comments and postings in which his friends and family have expressed their love and appreciation for him). He is a rock that many of us lean on for strength and support. He has had a great impact on my own life, both as a brother-in-law and as a friend. We share family history, and family ties that will never be broken. He is the kind of brother-in-law that everyone wishes they had. Just before we parted the last time I saw him, he said how glad he was to be a part of our family. I feel the same way - how glad and grateful I am that he is a part of our family. (Well done, sister dear).

Another thing that I appreciate about Keith is the fact that we are both Barry Manilow "fanilows". We also talked about that when we visited, since Mr Manilow was to do a concert in his home town the following weekend. We shared some thoughts on Barry and he suggested I put my greatest hits CD in my player for the drive home - which I did and it kept me awake as I sang along with Barry. When I was younger I was often teased because of my "appreciation" for Barry Manilow, so it is really fun to have that connection with my brother-in-law. It says a lot about him in my opinion, because those of us that are "Fanilows" stick together. Truly, "It's a Miracle" that he is still alive. A gift from God that he got for his birthday this year, even though he spent it unconscious in the hospital.  I know he has a long and difficult recovery road ahead of him, but I also know that if anyone can "(Make) it Through the Rain", he can. So Keith, I love you my brother from another mother.  Here's to a speedy recovery!

This One's For You (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/QPfjxb35ZDc

Making It Work

Along the Road (Dan Fogelberg)
http://youtu.be/ywx6CIw3RIA

    Last night my husband and I were discussing love and life, and how both have changed over the years of our marriage. Our empty nest has necessitated some renegotiating of some areas of our life together. We have been reading the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman together and discussing some of the questions at the end of the book. It has given us a great opportunity to talk about some things that we have really needed to talk about for years, but just never had time to with the busyness of life with children at home. The discussions have brought back some memories and feelings, sometimes difficult ones, about the different times and events in our life together.

    One of the things that Gary Chapman brings up in Chapter 3 of the book is the difference between the euphoric feelings of  "falling in love" and "real love" (which usually naturally shifts at about two years into a marriage relationship). He states:

"....During the in-love stage, we felt all of those emotions. It was heavenly while it lasted. Our mistake was in thinking it would last forever.
     But that obsession was not meant to last forever. In the textbook of marriage, it is but the introduction. The heart of the book is rational, volitional love. That is the kind of love to which the sages have always called us. It is intentional.
     That is good news to the married couple who have lost all of their 'in love' feelings. If love is a choice, then they have the capacity to love after the 'in love' obsession has died and they have returned to the real world. That kind of love begins with an attitude -a way of thinking. Love is the attitude that says, 'I am married to you, and I choose to look out for your interests.' Then the one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision."

    My husband and I were both blessed with examples of stable marriages in our parent's marriages. we learned much by watching our own parent's navigate their marriages. They also went through some definite challenges in their lives and in their marriages, but they also worked through the challenges and negotiated and re-negotiated the relationship to "make it work". Giving up was simply not an option.

      Let me make it clear that I do not advocate staying in any kind of an abusive relationship or situation. It does take each individual working at it to "make it work". Some things and situations are out of one's control, but I fear that too often couples give up too soon on their relationships. As with anything in life, the real growth comes with some growing pains. Sometimes it takes sacrifice and overcoming our own selfish tendencies - putting the partnership's interest first - to make a relationship work.

   I have learned that real love, like real happiness, is a choice. We have had good times and we have had some really difficult times in our marriage. As we have recently reminisced about the various times and situations in our lives we can see where both of us have had to make a conscious decision to "make it work". As we have learned to work through our differences, we have grown individually and as a couple.  By "making it work" I have had to learn to decide what is worth fighting or worrying about, and what is simply "chaff" that can be blown away by the wind. I think that one of the things that has made our marriage work is the level of commitment that we have toward each other and toward making our marriage work - no matter what. We both take our marriage covenants seriously and know that it needs to be a priority in our lives.  It has not always been easy, but it has always been worth it.

    I think that one of the greatest challenges, for me, is in finding the balance between meeting my own needs and the needs of others - including the ones I love. I am still learning this and trying to figure it out, and I probably will be for the rest of my life - and beyond. I am very grateful that we are still both willing to try and we are still committed to "making it work". That is the real blessing.
   
Somewhere Down the Road (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/p7vP6iAX4dw

The Leader of the Band



"Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad"

In The Living Years (Mike and the Mechanics)
http://youtu.be/4BrTFH9jmmo

     Today is Father's Day, and it has been 8 years since my father passed away. It can be a difficult day for those of us who had great fathers that have passed beyond the veil. Our thoughts are never far away from the memories of them, but especially on this day of the year.

     Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend a Youth Conference for the youth of my church. Throughout the course of the day I was able to reconnect with some friends that I had not seen in quite a while. One such friend and I took a short walk and talked a bit about our childhood. She happened to grow up in the same town that my Father was born and raised in. As a child and youth I spent quite a bit of time there, as it that was my Father's favorite vacation spot. We talked about some of the familiar sites in the town and what it was like there many years ago when both of us were young. We decided that we were probably there at many of the same holidays and times and didn't even know it! We both expressed the desire to return there someday and observe how much it had changed over the years we have been away.

    Our discussion brought to my memory the special times I was able to spend with my father there in our family's 100+ year old cabin located up the canyon from the town where he was raised. It was the one place on earth when I saw my father genuinely relaxed and content. It was home to him, I could tell. When we visited there it brought to his mind many happy memories from his childhood. He would talk about his family and the summers he would spend living up on the ranch tending the cattle and sheep, and working with his family there.

     My father's father passed away from an electrical accident when he was just shy of 10 years old. My father happened to be present when the accident took place and his mother was left a widow for the rest of her life. It was near the end of the Great Depression and it changed their lives forever.  My father's oldest brother took on the father figure role in his life because my grandfather passed away when my father was so young,. As a result, they became very close and remained so throughout his life. When my uncle passed away it was like my father losing his father all over again.

    My father and his siblings took care of his mother until she died many years later. I was a small child then and barely new her. All I really know of her was how highly my mother and aunts spoke of her and her pleasing disposition. She was a strong woman and well-loved by her children. I have one picture of her standing on the front porch of our house next to my mother, who was holding me as an infant . It was probably on the day I was given a name and a blessing at church. I also have a few letters that she wrote to my father when he served his LDS Mission (coincidentally he served in the same Mission area as my husband did, only many years earlier).

    Today I have been thinking about what it was that made my father so special. He was a gentle, tender-hearted and loving man. Generous to a fault at times. He took special care of his mother and my mother, both of whom had some serious physical challenges that they dealt with over their lifetimes. He loved them and showed that love by how he served them faithfully and unconditionally. I am blessed to have a son who seems to carry some of the same personality traits that my father had, and because of this he frequently reminds me of my dad when we are together. It is a special blessing to me.

     I have been twice blessed. There is another father with whom I have been blessed to associate in my life. He is my husband, the father of my three children. He too carries many of the great traits of my father, as well as a few that are unique to him alone. He blesses our lives as he faithfully fulfills his role as a husband and father in our home. One of the ways I knew that we were to be eternal companions was by observing the way he interacted with my father when we would visit. There was a mutual respect and love for each other that was obvious when they were together. 

     I wasn't there the day my father passed away; and that has been one of the difficult parts of his passing. However, I do believe he knew how I felt about him and our relationship. I have since reflected on the last time we were together, it was at my son's high school graduation. I was helping him pack his suitcase to return home from that trip, and I slipped a note into his suitcase for him to open when he returned home. I indicated in that note how much I loved and cared for him, and always would. I am so glad that I made the choice to write those words and put them in his suitcase that day.

     The last picture I have of us together -  me, my son and my father - was taken by a kind man who worked at the airport. My father was preparing to go through security to board his plane home and we paused to take a picture of the three of us. That man, the anonymous photographer, will never know the significance of that simple act of kindness that he did for us that day, but I will never forget it. It has meant the world to me every day since my father's passing. It seems fitting that it was a simple act of kindness that someone did for us that is the last memory I have of my father here, as that is part of the legacy that he left for me. A combination of the many small and simple acts of kindness and service that my father extended to me, and to many others whose path he crossed over his lifetime. I  hope I can continue his legacy in a like manner. Only then will I feel I have paid an adequate tribute to him, and to The One he tried to follow during his lifetime.... "My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man, I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band".

     "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (The Book of Mormon, Mosiah 2:17)

The Leader of the Band (Dan Fogelberg)
http://youtu.be/NzpiwKNecHc

Motherhood? It Will Change Your Life.

Return to Pooh Corner (Kenny Loggins with Amy Grant)
http://youtu.be/BpXUYIOoFzM

     Spring has sprung, and with it comes the season of graduations, weddings and . . . baby showers! With my own children on the cusp of making parenthood decisions, I thought I would share an article that I came across when I was just begining to have children of my own. It was originally written in 1989 and I found it in the May 1990 Guideposts Magazine. I have kept it all of these years and re-read it many times. I still find it to be full of wisdom and truth. I share it here for those who are mothers, those who are soon-to-be mothers, and for those who are still thinking about it:

Motherhood - It Will Change Your Life

by Dale Hanson Bourke



"Time is running out for my friend. We are sitting at lunch when she casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."  What she means is that her biological clock has begun its countdown and she is considering the prospect of motherhood.

"We're taking a survey," she says, half jokingly. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say carefully.

"I know," she says. "No more sleeping in on Saturdays, no more spontaneous vacations..."

But that is not what I mean at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. 

I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.  I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbirth heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will be forever vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking "What if that had been my child?"  That every plane crash, every fire will haunt her.  That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will look at the mothers and wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think she should know that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will immediately reduce her to the primitive level.  That a slightly urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle' or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. That the anger she will feel if that call came over a lost toy will be a joy she has never before experienced.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might successfully arrange for child care, but one day she will be waiting to go into an important business meeting, and she will think about her baby's sweet smell.  She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure he is all right.

I want my friend to know that everyday routine decisions will no longer be routine.  That a visit to McDonald's and a five year old boy's understandable desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's room will become a major dilemma.  That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that danger may be lurking in the rest room.I want her to know that however decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. 

Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but will never feel the same about herself.  That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child.  That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not so much to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish his. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My friend's relationship with her husband will change, I know, but not in the ways she thinks.  I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is always careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his son.  I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my modern friend could sense the bond she will feel with other women throughout history who have tried desperately to stop war and prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children"s future.

I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your son learn to hit a baseball.  I want to capture for her the laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time.  I want her to taste the joy that is so real that it hurts.

My friend's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I say finally. Then I reach across the table, and squeezing my friend's hand, I offer a prayer for her and me and all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this holiest of callings."

I Am Your Child (Barry Manilow)

http://youtu.be/acpgHpFFNSY

"Graduation Day"

The Circle of Life (from: The Lion King - of course ;-))

http://youtu.be/XhDdw8rATic

     It's that time of year again. It comes around every Spring. Graduations! Announcements arrive in the mail. Pictures get posted on Facebook or in photo albums.. Parties and open houses are scheduled on the calendar. I do not think it is coincidental that Graduation Day usually occurs around the Memorial Day holiday, because both of these events celebrate a type of moving on to the next phase of life. A "graduation" of sorts; the end of one stage of life and the beginning of another. The ceremonies and rituals we observe at these times are in celebration of moving into another phase of our existence - one earthly, one Heavenly. Each event gives us a time to pause and reflect on our life and what where we are going with it. One stage of life ends and another begins. There is fear of the unknown, but also excited anticipation of the adventures yet to come.

    It is fun to see the pictures of the children of some of my friends who are graduating this year. It was about a year ago that my youngest child graduated from High School. Little did we know then what would be ahead of us over the next year!  There has been the pain of parting, homesickness, roommate challenges, expenses (always more expenses!), moves, highs and lows.  "There's more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done. There's far too much to take in here, more to find than can ever be found". 

    The challenge of change is not unfamiliar to me; the time of transition.Yesterday my sister and her family spent some time in the cemetery at the grave site of my parents. My brother-in-law sent me a series of picture texts with photographs of them arriving at the cemetery, cleaning around the headstone and placing flowers in the two vases located on either side of the stone. As I viewed the pictures a lump formed in my throat and tears came to my eyes.  I live a great distance away from where my parents are buried, and so I rarely get to go "home" and visit the site. It can make Memorial Day a difficult holiday for me because I would like to be able to visit there and take a few minutes out of my life to remember and pay tribute to them for being such wonderful parents. I miss them and "home" very much, and it was an unexpected gift to me when I got to "visit" it vicariously through the picture texts sent from a sweet brother-in-law and sister. 

     Death, too, is a type of graduation, a type of moving on. It, too, is a time of transition when one stage of life ends and another begins. There is often fear of the unknown, but also excited anticipation of the adventures yet to come. I remember the day that we buried my mother. There was a beautiful sunset that we could see from the back yard of my childhood home. My brother-in-law (yes, the same one who sent me the picture texts) suggested that we stop for a few minutes and watch the sun go down on that day. It was truly one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen in my life. The symbolic meaning was not lost on me. The sun had figuratively set in the life of my mother, and life as I knew it. But there would also be a sunrise. The sunrise of another day for those of us who were left to carry on in this world, and a sunrise, or a new beginning, for my mother who was transitioning to another world. "But the sun rolling high in the sapphire sky, keeps great and small on the endless round,... 

"It's the circle of life, 

And it moves us all

Through despair and hope,

Through faith and love, 

Till we find our place,

On a path unwinding, 

In the circle, 

The circle of life."

    When my first child was four months old we moved across the country, about 2000 miles away from my "home". There were days and nights of homesickness, and sometimes it would get really hard. At those times I used to think of this song and sing it to sooth me. It seemed to help then and it still does now. So, "graduates" and loved ones of " graduates", I can guarantee there will be times of loneliness, longing and homesickness.But I hope that this bit of wisdom might bring some small measure of comfort to you from one who's been there....

"And even though I know 

How very far apart we are.

It helps to think we might be wishing 

On the same bright star.

And when the night wind starts 

To sing a lonesome lullaby.

It helps to think we're sleeping

Underneath the same big sky.

Somewhere out there,

if love can see us through. 

Then we'll be together.

Somewhere out there 

Out where dreams come true."

Somewhere Out There (from: An American Tail)

http://youtu.be/EgHh3WaCOpw

And for all of those who will be "graduating" this year....

In the Arms of the Angels



"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way...."

- Charles Dickens 

(The opening paragraph from A Tale of Two Cities)

Remember When It Rained (Josh Groban)
http://youtu.be/FvWnHAhKX6E

     I awoke this morning with several thoughts running through my head. As another Mother's Day approaches my thoughts turn to my own experiences as a Mother. This has been one of the most challenging aspects of my life in many ways. To quote Charles Dickens, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...."

     I have three beautiful children, and now two wonderful "children-in-law", that bless and grace my life  in wonderful ways and for which I am very thankful. However, as I have mentioned in a previous blog, I am also the mother of three other children whom I never seen or to known.  I experienced three miscarriages during my childbearing years, and thoughts of them are never far from my consciousness this time of year. I am a mother to them as well, and a piece of my heart still aches and longs for them. Each loss was painful and devastating in it's own way, but I learned some very valuable life-changing lessons through the experiences of losing those three children.

     The first thing that I learned is that each life is precious. Before I miscarried my first baby I never really thought about how fragile and fleeting a human life can be. When I found out I was expecting our second child I was a bit overwhelmed with thoughts of number two on the way, but I was also excited. Our first child would be about 22 months old when number 2 came along. I thought that was close in age, but manageable. However, I had a feeling inside of my heart that something was not right with this pregnancy. When I began to bleed at 11 weeks into the pregnancy the realization that something could (and eventually did) go wrong smacked me in the face. I had never thought it would happen to me. This miscarriage occurred around a Mother's Day and ever since then this holiday brings this memory back to my consciousness. My husband and I had made plans to have a large number of children, and until that moment the thought that I might not be able to do so had never, ever entered my mind. I lost a type of innocence and a dream was soon shattered when the reality of the situation hit me full force. Within a week I went from expecting to suddenly not expecting any more, and it was quite a shock to both my physical body and my mental and emotional health. No answers, little support, just a lot of questions and a lot of pain. I was numb for months afterward. Mother's Day was a painful blur and while well meaning friends tried to comfort me, I found that time,  prayer and journaling was what helped me the heal the most.

     The second thing I learned is that each child is an individual being. Each of my pregnancies was as individual as each one of my children are now. I think that because of the losses I have endured, I have tried to make a better effort at being the best mother I could be to the children that I do have. Part of this process has been coming to understand and value each one of my children as the individual personalities that they are. I have tried to never compare my children to each other, but to help them see their individuality and develop their own interests and talents. Each child is a precious human being with God-given gifts and abilities, and I felt it was one of my jobs as their mother to help them find and develop these. As much as possible I allowed my children to try new things, learn new things and make their own choices and decisions. I have tried to help them see the consequences of what some of their choices might be. I have tried to support them in their positive interests, and steer them away from what I see are potential hazards and problems. As their parent, I was willing to sacrifice whatever it took to be available for them as they needed. I have discovered that sacrifice and support are two very important elements of parenting. My needs and wants sometimes had to be put on the back burner in order to make sure that my children's needs were met. Sometimes the sacrifices were not appreciated, but they were well worth it.

      The third thing I learned is that there are many ways to "mother". After my third and final miscarriage, I found myself wondering if I would ever be able to experience being a biological mother again. The physical, emotional and mental turmoil I had been through had taken a heavy toll. After much pondering and prayer I felt that I was done having my own biological children, but I wondered how I was going to handle having the dream of a large family taken from me. I cried, I prayed, I searched, and then God blessed me with an opportunity that has blessed my life in many ways. He, through his faithful and worthy servants, called me to serve in the children's organization in our church. These experiences and opportunities helped me to see that I could be a mother to many children besides my own. I discovered that there are many ways to mother, and one of them was to be sure that other people's children were learning what they needed in order to progress and become who God meant for them to be. I found that by serving in the Primary Organization of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I could have an impact, however small, on other of God's beautiful and precious children. I could be the "mother of many children" after all! I could have an impact on other people's children by how I taught, treated and loved them. This opportunity to serve in that capacity blessed my life then, and continues to bless my life now, as I see "my children" grow up and make good choices and decisions. I also still share some wonderful friendships with others with whom I served during those years in the Stake Primary that continue to bless my life.

      These are three of the things that stand out in my mind when I think about what I have learned as a mother. I'm sure there are many more, but this is all I will share here. Mothering is the hardest work that I have ever been asked to do, but it has also been the most rewarding "job" of my life. Three of "my children" are with the angels now who are caring for them, but I look forward to someday being able to be a mother to them that I was not able to be in this mortal life. I have come to understand that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ all things will be made right someday. I believe that a part of that, for me, will be to have the opportunity to raise the children that I lost in mortality.  But, for now, they are in the arms of the angels and I "find some comfort there".

Angel (Sarah McLachlin)

http://youtu.be/jVbkz_3lO3c

The Medium Is The Messenger

Operator, can you help me place this call? 

- Jim Croce

Hello (Neil Diamond)

http://youtu.be/K0MIKngHn_c

     The more things change, the more they stay the same. I was "chatting" online with my son (who lives 12 hours away) this morning and we were discussing his keeping in better touch with his siblings. He mentioned that it was "Hard to keep in touch when we are all spread out".  Recognizing this as a teaching moment, I decided to take advantage of it to share my thoughts with him. I mentioned how much easier it is to keep in touch in his present world than it was when I was in his situation so many years ago. When I was his age and living 2000 miles away from my family we didn't have such things as email, Skype, cell phones or texting. We had to pay exorbitant long distant phone call fees and/or write snail mail that took at least a week to get to it's destination. It was VERY hard to be so far away from my family, especially my parents. Many a family vacation was spent traveling to the West to see our family and maintain close family ties. Many Sunday evenings were spent on the telephone with my parents getting updates on my siblings. My siblings lived in the West and we were in the southern United States for many years, now we live in the Midwest. Most of my husband's family live in the West. At that time they were in different stages of their lives than we were at the time. I tried to send letters and cards for birthdays, but as my own children grew and my family responsibilities increased my priorities shifted. The distance drove us apart and we stopped communicating on a regular basis. 

     I have watched myself and my siblings struggle to maintain relationships long distance. In a time of need or crisis (like my parent's death), we are very good about staying in contact with each other. But as life settled back down and returned to some semblance of normalcy, we have drifted apart and become less connected that we were during that time of crisis. It takes effort on everyone's part to keep the lines of communication open and the relationships alive. Relationships are a two-way street. It is so easy to do the "out of sight, out of mind" thing when we don't live near to each other and see or contact each other so infrequently. Sure, we are still family and ultimately love each other, but what about being an active part of each others lives? I learned in one of my sociology courses that distance can drive us apart, and it takes an active, consistent effort by all to be able to maintain close family relationships. 

  In a phone call I received just after Christmas from my daughter, she mentioned the desire to stay in better contact with her siblings. It is also a desire of mine to see my children remain close in spite of the distances between them. Life is hard sometimes, and changes can happen quickly. We need to keep the communication ongoing, and put the effort into caring about and supporting one another. I do not want to let something that is as doable as simple communication long distance, cause us to drift apart. 

   So, one of my New Year's resolutions is to stay in better contact with my family members, and develop closer relationships with them. One of the ways I plan to do this is to make "meaningful monthly contacts" with them via Skype, email, texting, or telephoning. I want to develop a list of meaningful questions that I can ask to find out what is really going on in their lives and how they feel about things. My desire is to maintain close family relationships no matter the distance, time or space, because in the end these are the things that matter most and the things that will remain when someday I am gone.

Cat's in the Cradle (Harry Chapin)

http://youtu.be/-s5r2spPJ8g

Somnambulism



I'm In A Hurry (Alabama)

http://youtu.be/CICwZ01bT3w

som·nam·bu·lism, n.

 - pronounced  - som-nam-byuh-liz-uh m, meaning: sleepwalking.


     I was first introduced to the term "somnambulism" in my Introduction to Communications Technologies class. I had never heard the term before then, but I have thought of it often since then in several different contexts. This time of year it bears asking the questions, "Do you suffer from somnambulism? Are you sleepwalking through life, especially during the busy holiday season?"

     I remember when I was a mother of young children how difficult it was on the days I didn't get enough sleep at night. It felt like I was literally sleepwalking through my days. In fact, lack of sleep is what I remember the most from those days. It was a challenge to maintain a positive attitude and be kind and loving when all I wanted to do was be able to sleep uninterrupted through the night. I still have some of that insomnia in this stage of my life, but that is for a different reason all together - though related (darned hormones).

     I have recently become aware of how much we figuratively sleepwalk through our lives. We often over schedule our time, or we feel such a deep sense of responsibility that we seem to going through life on autopilot.  Our society values business and equates it with productivity, and because of this it can lead us down the slippery slope to sleepwalking through our lives. I am not advocating laziness, but there is such a thing as too much busy-ness. So, how do you know when you are sleepwalking through your life?

    Here are a symptoms that I have noticed that would indicate one is sleepwalking through their life:

     1. Finding it difficult to relax when you have nothing on your agenda.
   
     2. Finding yourself sitting in front of a computer doing work for more than 8 hours a day, especially when you are no longer technically "at work".

     3. You can't remember what you ate for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

     4. You are so exhausted at the end of the day that all you want to do is go to bed.

     5. You lose your temper and snap at loved ones when all they want to do is be with you.

     6. You cry, a lot, and every day or, the tears lie just below the surface most of the time.

     7. You feel like you can never get caught up, there is always something looming on your "to do" list.

     8. You have a hard time feeling connected to a greater being, life force, or God. You feel alone.

     9. You feel like if you are asked to do one more thing you will explode.

    10. You don't remember the last time you felt anticipation for or joy about an event or project.

     These are just a few symptoms that would indicate you are suffering from somnambulism, I'm sure there are many more and that you could probably come up with additional ones to add to the list. Let me be clear that I am not an expert on how to manage somnambulism, but I would like to give a few suggestions from my own and others experiences, that I think can help:

   1. Take time each day to pray or meditate, preferably in the morning before you start your day. Connect with God and ask Him to guide your actions/choices for that day. Ask Him to help you determine what are the most important things that needs to be done, and to help you to let go of those lesser important ones.

   2. Read something uplifting at least once a day. I first read this idea in Steven R. Covey's book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and have incorporated it into my days. I find it helps to keep me focused on what matters most. It's a vital part of "sharpening the saw" (for you Covey fans out there).

   3. Connect with loved ones, preferably face-to-face. If you unable to be with loved ones then by all means a phone call or Skype is acceptable. I think we are too much connected via technology, so much so that we forget how to connect physically, face-to-face. There is something about seeing facial expressions and hearing voice fluctuations that makes us human.

    4. Do a good turn daily. I borrow this one from The Boy Scouts of America. If I am too busy to do something good or kind for someone on a daily basis, then I am too busy, period. It doesn't have to be a big thing, a simple smile for the grocery clerk can make their day!

     5. Slow down and do some deep breathing at least once a day, and if possible, include a 15 minute power nap. This forces you to "slow down and smell the roses", so to speak, and can really help with maintaining energy and staying focused on what matters most.

     6. Move. When I say move, I don't mean you have to spend hours at the gym (because who really has hours to spend at the gym anyway?) What I mean is to get at least 20 to 30 minutes of exercise 5 days a week. That's the minimum requirement, if you have time and energy to do more then go for it. I prefer yoga, walking or biking, but do what you love and what brings you joy.

     7. Keep a gratitude journal. When I write down at least 3 things for which I am grateful before I lay my head on the pillow at night, I find I am much happier and feel much less greedy or needy about what supposedly I don't have and I don't really need.  "All we have is all we need". This act forces me to review my day and what has happened in it; and, it helps me to see not only my blessings but also where I need to make changes.

     8. No "screens" an hour prior to bedtime. I ran across this and found it to be a brilliant suggestion! It is hard to get the mind to wind down and shut off if it continues to replay the latest adventure, drama, upsetting email or Facebook posting. Give yourself time to unwind and clear the head. And - shut off that cell phone before you go to bed! There are seriously few things that are so important they require you to be that connected 24-7! The brain needs some free space everyday, just to be able to process what has happened and categorize it to make some sense, and to regenerate more brain cells for tomorrow's adventures.

     9. And finally, give thanks to God for the privilege of living another day. Our life is a gift from God, what we do with this life is our gift to Him. As my friend says, "never complain about growing old, it is a privilege given to few". I like to do this before I fall asleep at night because I can then review how things went that day and ask for God to continue to watch over me and guide me life journey.

     These are some things that I find work for me that help me to have a better quality life and avoid sleepwalking through it. I'm sure if you took some time to think about it you could come up with some of your own. I know there are plenty of resources "out there" that can help to manage this syndrome, if we only had the time to find and read them. Hmmm, could we be suffering from somnambulism?

The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy) (Simon & Garfunkel)
http://youtu.be/TJBhdKrwTOc



Peace - You Find It Where the Heart Is



The Heart of the Matter (Don Henley)

http://youtu.be/dyLvZ9uC9F4

     Like the beginning of this song by Don Henley, "I got the call today I didn't want to hear, but I knew that it would come". It was inevitable considering the situation and the personality of the individual to whom I am referring. In this case it wasn't about hearing of an old flame finding another love, but of an old relationship needing mending. Ironically, it is nearing the anniversary of the event that split the relationship into pieces in the first place. It all has to do with a complicated relationship, inheritance money and who will take responsibility for each. Long story short, it's also about forgiveness and finding peace.

     Earlier this year I made the effort to mend this long broken relationship by initiating an email apology to the individual involved, even though I did not see myself as the one at fault in the situation. I felt the relationship was important enough to me to try to repair it if at all possible, so I initiated the truce. Of course, this person had know idea about my view of what happened and the damage that was done.  I was allowing this situation to cause me anxiety and guilt, and the individual involved knew nothing of my discomfort nor could they really have cared less about it. Needless to say, they didn't see things the same way as I did. Perhaps some if it was a result of my own unrealistic expectations of what I thought the relationship "should be"; what they should have done, or been, or should be to me in my life. It has become obvious to me that what I would like to have happen is never going to happen in this situation. I think I have finally gotten to the point where I am o.k. with this fact. After many years I have been able to forgive and put to rest the issue that resulted in the broken relationship in the first place. As a result, we can now both calmly and rationally discuss this current situation from a place of caring, understanding and forgiveness.

      I will not lie and say that this phone call didn't, once again, bring a few tears at the conclusion of the call. But this time they were tears of understanding and maybe a little relief. They were also tears of grief over the reality of the situation and the loss of what might have once been, but now will likely never be. It is time to grow up and face the facts. I have finally seen it for what it really is. Yes I am disappointed, but I am also realistic enough to know that this time it is what it is, and just because I want it to be a different way doesn't make it so. It takes two to have a relationship and, as much as I would desire one, the other party in the relationship is content with the status quo.

     So, after many years and tears, I am able to be at peace with it all. What a liberating feeling that is! The knowledge that I have absolutely done all that I can do to make this relationship work and knowing that now the rest is up to the other party involved, brings great peace to my heart and mind. No longer will I continue to hold on to the hope that something different will ever come of it, because it most likely will not - at least in this lifetime - ever happen. It is what it is and until more effort is expended on the part of the other party involved, it will remain what it is. I do not feel the need to expend any more of my time or energy into a losing situation.

    This experience gives more meaning to the yuletide phrase "peace on earth, goodwill to men". I have longed to have peace about this situation for so long, and now I finally feel it. What a gift!  I can honestly say that I feel goodwill to this person. I am sincerely glad to hear that things have worked out well for them, that things continue to go well for this person, that they are happy and content with their life.

    Two very important life lessons I can take from this experience are these:



First -

and second -

Peace - You find it where the heart is!

Peace (Jim Brickman)

http://youtu.be/Pvx74fkqTwk



Simple Things, Great Gifts



“Think of what a better world it would be if we had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon, and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.”

 – Barbara Jordan, United States Congresswoman

Simple Things (Jim Brickman, featuring Rebecca Lynn Howard)

http://youtu.be/YcUKvmqUCek

     I have been thinking a lot lately about "simple things". I think this is because of all of the chaos and upheaval I have been experiencing in my personal life these days. Last week I experienced the great pain and chaos (and 5+ hours in E.R.) of having a small kidney stone. Who knew that a 6 mm x 3 mm rock could wreak such havoc? If you have ever had one, I'm sure you can "feel my pain".  It amazes me how much pain and chaos this small stone has caused both in my physical body and in the world around me. It has totally disrupted my life for a week and wreaked havoc on my system. 

   But, if I look at this situation and turn it around and look at the "small and simple things" that bring joy into my life, my perspective changes. Sometime ago I made a "joy list" and saved it on my computer. I have revisited and revised it a little. I am glad I did this exercise so that, at times like these, I can go to it and remind myself that "all is not lost" and "this too shall pass" (pun intended ;-)). I can still have joy, in spite of the pain, if I choose to look at it from a different point of view.

 

My Joy List

1. Beautiful flowers and gardens

2. Beautiful music

3. Beautiful artwork (anything Thomas Kinkade)

4. Good chocolate

5. Time with family

6. Feeling the love of God through the Spirit

7. Helping others to feel the Spirit through learning, teaching and serving

8. Sunshine

9. The cat purring while sitting on my lap 

10. Holding my husband's hand

11. Autumn Leaves on the trees

12. Scented candles

     As much as I am able I am trying to surround myself with these simple things, trying to maintain some sort of balance between the positive and the negative to help me experience some joy in my life right now. 

   I think back to when my children were young, and we had less committments, money and time, yet we seemed to take great delight in the small and simple things of life. We enjoyed going on walks, playing games together, building with blocks, doing puzzles together, playing dolls, snacking on milk and cookies and naps. They were busy days, but simpler times. These seemingly small and simple things were the building blocks of good relationships. They promoted the secure foundation that my children needed in order to someday go out on their own and build their own lives with courage and confidence. As this quote states:

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."  ~Robert Brault

Simple Gifts (Yo Yo Ma and Alison Kraus)

http://youtu.be/fYi9Vr8bHJY