“Everyone suffers at least one bad betrayal in their lifetime. It’s what unites us. The trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others when that happens. Don’t let them take that from you.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Invincible
The Stranger (Billy Joel)
http://youtu.be/q6yQ14TGB8U
Yesterday I had an "interesting" experience that as I have thought about since, and as I look back on it from this side of it, it could have been a very "scarey" experience - perhaps fatal. It involved helping someone in need. I didn't know this person and I was naive to the possible dangers that could have resulted from my trying to help. It wasn't until after I was safely home that I thought of what could have happened to me, or to my family, as a result of my "good intentions".
I have had other similar experiences to this at times in my life, and sometimes I have gotten burned from helping someone else. For example, One time, thought I didn't know it at that time, I was enabling someone to feed their prescription drug addiction habit. I like to give people the "benefit of the doubt" and so, in my naive and innocent way, I was thinking I was helping them out when they needed a ride to a doctor's office or to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy. Often these requests would come at inconvenient times and take away from the needs of my own family. It wasn't until I was recovering from having a baby and received a phone call from this person asking me to take her to the doctor that the truth was made clear. I refused to do so, which then sparked a verbally insulting exchange. Suddenly, the light went on in my head and I realized what I had been doing. I felt betrayed and used. Others had tried to warn me, but I thought they were being judgmental and overreacting, and I was being "charitable".
So, how do you discern the individuals who are sincerely "in need" and the "poser"? This is a really tricky one for me. My natural tendency is to be kind and want to help someone that I see someone who is seemingly in need. However, I have found that sometimes this is not always the best idea. I need to stop and think the situation through and work through possible scenarios in my mind of the possible consequences of taking on their situation before I get myself into it. I need to "build in a pause" and evaluate. As a Christian, it is a challenge for me to know when I should give service to another who might really be in need, or when not to help because I might be enabling a bad behavior or addiction. Sometimes the line becomes very, very fuzzy. One thing that I do try to do is to pray before I act in such a situation, trusting that God will warn me of any dangers. Another thing I try to do is to put my own needs and the needs of my family first. Sometimes I don't do this, and it is usually then that I get myself into sticky situations like yesterday (when I really needed to be home preparing a lesson for an activity and dinner for my family).
I have pondered about these incidents before. One time, as I was pondering this dilemma, and I came across a quote that helped me to get a somewhat better idea about what direction to go when faced with this dilemma. It said something about erring on the side of generousity and charity - of helping and serving in a Christlike way. Then, if something happens you will know that you were innocently trying to "do the right thing" and will be blessed for it. The "curse" will be upon those who "despitefully use and persecute" you. That gave me some clarity, but I still feel kind of uncomfortable when I get myself into such situations, especially when I feel that my trust had been betrayed or that I have been used for unseeming measures. When something like that happens to me I tend to pull away from and shun people for a while, just to get my balance and perspective back - get a "reality check" of sorts.
I think the trick is like the quote at the top of this entry states: "The trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others when that happens. Don’t let them take that from you.” That is hard to do when you have been put in such difficult and dishonest situations. It is difficult to not get "tainted", bitter, angry and resentful. I think it is only human to do so, but the trick is to not let it be a permanent situation; to not be a victim twice and to try to continue to have an open, kind and loving heart and attitude even though it has been trampled on a bit. That being said, learn from the incident, and try not to get yourself back in the same situation again. I have to remind myself that I cannot control what another person does to themselves, but I can control what they do to me and how I choose to respond to their actions. That is my right as a human being. I try to remember what Jesus taught about loving our neighbor as ourselves - not in spite of ourselves; which I interpret to mean that I need to take care of myself and my family first, and others as I can and feel comfortable doing. I can love my neighbor, but I do not need to enable their bad behaviors.
It can be difficult to know if such situations are a test of my integrity and level of charity, or a tactic Satan is using to try to destroy me. Satan can be very deceptive and I have to always be on my guard for his tactics. Sometimes I get tired and sometimes I get a little to prideful and, as I learned yesterday, the world can be a very scarey and unsure place. I need to constantly be vigilant about protecting the things that are the most important to me - my life, my health, my safety, my family, my time, my resources - and my heart.
Tainted Love (Soft Cell)
http://youtu.be/7rik7xV7Tj4
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