Angels Among Us

"Our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh." (President Joseph F. Smith [1838-1918], Gospel Doctrine 5th ed. (1939), 436.

Angels Among Us (Alabama)

http://youtu.be/zCYFPMjCgKA

It was Thanksgiving evening, November 27, 2014. The events of the day, the dinner, the cleanup, the conversation, were winding down and we were settling in for the night. My husband was watching a ball game in the den. My daughter was sleeping in preparation for having to work from midnight to 6 a.m. on Black Friday. My married children were spending the holiday with their in-laws.  I was alone and restless, beginning to feel that longing for home, family and friends that I have known so often on past Thanksgiving days. We were alone and lacking in company this year, so I decided that I needed to do something, anything, that would help take away some of the lonely, longing, homesick feeling that I could feel creeping into my soul. 

I had some yarn and knitting needles that I had put aside to knit another dishcloth, like my mother used to make, so I decided to bring it out and see if I could get one done before the evening was over. I sat down in my chair and began knitting. I turned the television on and decided to see what was worth watching that might bring me some comfort. I noticed on INSP that they were playing a series of The Waltons for the day, specifically Thanksgiving related shows, one of which was titled "The Waltons: A Thanksgiving Reunion". It was set in 1963, the Thanksgiving following when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. The entire clan was returning to the family home for Thanksgiving dinner. I had enjoyed watching this television series when I was younger, with my father sitting in his chair across the room, so I decided to watch is while I knit (something my mother usually did at home in the evenings). 

As I began to knit and watch the show I began to feel a warmth and comfort come over me. I have had this feeling before and was pretty familiar with what it meant - my father was nearby, checking in on me. He passed away near Thanksgiving 9 years ago. We we very close and I have occasionally felt his presence at times when I have needed him over the past 9 years. I think had he been visible on this side of the veil he would have been sitting in the chair next to me, he felt that close to me. l felt his presence there throughout the remainder of the show. I said nothing to my daughter, who later joined me, but I felt certain that daddy was there. It would have been so like him to come and check in when I was feeling so exceptionally down on this Thanksgiving because of the loss of a dear friend and brother just a few weeks prior. 

We usually spent our Thanksgivings with this dear family, but due to the current circumstances felt it better to allow them their privacy allowing them to grieve their great loss of a beloved husband and father. Thanksgiving was Bob's holiday, and we have spent countless Thanksgiving dinners seated at their table and enjoying the feast and company, so this year felt exceptionally lonely and sad. Each year Bob would lead the sharing for those of us seated around his table to tell the one thing for which we were most grateful this year. It was different without them this year, without the sharing, the laughter and the games of "Ticket to Ride" seated around their dining room table with a football game playing on the television in the background and a fire in the fireplace. Good food, good company and good times. I think that had I sat around that table this year the one thing I would have shared that I was most thankful for would have been for having had Bob and his family as such a wonderful and big part of my life and the life of my family over the past 15 years, and most especially over this past year. They have been such a wonderful and much needed support to our family through the difficulties we have experienced over the past year or so. They have truly been angels as they have offered love, support and service to our family, and I will miss the close association we have had with Bob. 

Now, as another chapter has closed on that life that once was. I am sad. I, too, must take some time to grieve this great loss in our life. I hope to share more special and fun times with his family, but it will somehow not be quite the same without Bob there. I will miss his sense of humor, his smiling face, and his hugs. He truly was someone that I would consider an "angel among us", and I hope that he, like my father, will decide to check in on us once in a while and share his love with us once again. 

Angels We Have Heard On High
http://youtu.be/sb0Jg96bWMo

Wisdom via Hindsight

We May Never Pass This Way Again (Seals and Croft)

http://youtu.be/i3mp4dkm1fQ

     I have been thinking about writing this post for a while and finally decided that today is the day. I hope that at some time in the future, when my own daughters and daughter-in-law need it, they will come to this blog post and read and re-read it. Perhaps it will help them, and others, understand and do things differently than I did. They say that hindsight is 20/20, so I am going to share some things that I learned over the years. How I might have done some things differently had I known then what I know now as a post stay-at-home motherhood and current empty-nester.

     What sparked my decision to finally write about this was a phone call the other day from a sweet, young mother who was at the end of her rope. She has several children, all of which are age 6 and under, and she is currently pregnant with another. She was feeling overwhelmed with her life, and she felt like she needed a break from her children before she did something she might regret. I was her "phone a friend" lifeline that day.  My heart went out to her and her situation. I have felt like her at various times in my own life and so I could most certainly empathize with how she was feeling and what she was going through. We love our children and are very thankful to have them. We feel a tremendous sense of responsibility to care for them and fulfill their every need, but there are times when being with them 24/7 is simply more than we can handle. Having "been there, done that",  I am going to share with you some of what I learned about those years and what I would have done differently if I had it to do over again....

     First of all, I would have taken more time for myself to develop my own interests and pursue some of my dreams. There simply has to be more of a balance in life. When one is in the midst of raising children, especially small children, we feel so selfish and guilty when we take even a little "time out" for ourselves. I am not suggesting that one goes overboard to the point of neglect or of being obsessively self-serving, but what I am suggesting is that you set aside a few hours or an afternoon one day a week to do something for yourself. It is very easy to loose your identity when you becomes a wife and a mother and it is very important, even essential, that you have something you can call your own that identifies you as an individual person - as you. For me, it was my taking the time to teach piano lessons for a couple of hours a week. It was something that I loved to do, it kept me in touch with my own skills and talents, it was of service to others and it also helped to bring in some much needed extra income to contribute to the family budget (or have some play money fore me - guilt free). It was a small amount but I can't count the times that it was just enough to cover what was needed. It has been a great blessing in my life and it blessed the lives of others - both student and parent. I felt good about what I was able to contribute to the world through teaching and adding to the beauty of the world through music education.

     Another thing that I would do is seek out  the support of and friendship of others who are in similar situations. Women need other women - girlfriend! I tended to isolate myself and think that I could do "it" all by myself, and even worse, that I had to do it all by myself. I suffered in silence and that was a big mistake. I needed to be around and talk to adults, especially when I was home with toddlers and infants all day. There are only so many episodes of Barney and Sesame Street that one can handle in a day (or Dora or Teletubbies  or ________ fill in the blank here)! When I was a new mother and living in a state far away from family and friends it soon became clear to me that I had to do something about my isolation and loneliness or I was going to go crazy (or MIA). I had a dear friend from back home who suggested that I get involved with La Leche League, which is an organization that supports and helps women who are breastfeeding their children. It was, hands down, THE best decision I ever made for my mental health! I found a local chapter of the group and attended one of their meetings. I was hooked. I soon found a group of like-minded women who had children my own children's ages and who were going through what I was going through and feeling what I was feeling. It was a miracle! We started a playgroup as well as getting together for the monthly meetings. Our children became friends as did we. Admittedly there were some challenges due to some differences of religious opinions, but for the most part we were able to set those aside and find more things in common than were different. La Leche League became one of my "lifelines" when we moved from town to town for schooling and jobs during those early years of our children's lives. It became a constant in the midst of chaos. I will be forever thankful for those dear women who supported and helped me during the good times and the bad times of those years. They helped to keep me "off the ledge" many times.

     And finally, I would have kept up some of my professional skills, either by taking a class and/or dabbling in my field of choice. Not to the point of neglecting my children, but only to the point of being able to keep up my skill set. At this time in my life I am facing a situation that the skills and training I received in my profession are no longer of use in the same way as they were pre-babies. I was trained as a secretary and worked in that field prior to having my first child, but  I have not worked in that field for many years and I no longer have adequate skills to work in an office environment as a secretary. I would need to go through retraining in order to work in that field now, and I figure that if I have to be retrained anyway that I would rather get my education in something that I feel more passionate about than working in an office as a secretary. I am also finding that the field that I have been working in for the past 20+ years is losing ground (as a piano instructor) to more exciting, instantly gratifying extra -curricular activities such as soccer, softball, gymnastics, dance, etc. I hate to see the devaluation of learning to play the piano (or any musical instrument), and I think that it will become a rare talent and skill in the future. It is not an instant gratification talent, but one that takes time and practice and patience to perfect and I see too few willing to put the time and energy into perfecting this talent.  The world will be a much sadder place without music in it, and those who play it well. I find it very difficult to find a young student who is willing to put in the time and practice and patience that it takes to become a skilled musician. My career choices have and are becoming obsolete, and so  I am finding myself at this point in life having to retrain myself in a job market that desires younger, thinner and better skilled employees than what I have to offer. Attending college in middle age is much harder than if I had continued to pursue my degree along the way and continued to dabbled in the field of study as I went along in life. So my advice, get the degree or training skills while you are young, but if you can't do it while you are young, just do it - and keep a finger on the pulse of your area of expertise. The world is changing so fast with the new technologies that exist that a degree or skill might become obsolete in the future, but if you keep an eye on the changes and can tap into it to whatever extent you can, you won't regret it in the future. And, it will make your future "empty nest" years (yes, they do eventually come) much easier to navigate.

    So, the bottom line is:

     Don't give up on your dreams; find a way to follow them,
     Enjoy play dates with your girlfriends and their kids, and
     Never stop learning.

That's The Way It Is (Celine Dion)
http://youtu.be/sLSWJtxvaUY

"Mixed Blessings"





Blessings (Laura Story)

http://youtu.be/GMeFzFUbmJo

     Yesterday I was driving to my yoga class and I heard this song for the first time on my car radio. It was such a powerful experience that it felt like time just stopped, and I was transported to a space in time that was limitless and yet all encompassing. It is hard to explain, but I knew that hearing this song at that exact moment in time was no coincidence. It was a spiritual moment meant for me, then and there. It was the message from God that I needed to hear. It was a tender mercy to me in a time of great need. I think the thing that gave it the greatest impact was the feelings that it invoked in me; feelings of complete understanding, hope and love.

      We are all fighting battles within our souls, every day, in our own way. It is the nature of the mortal life we live, especially in these days of trial and troubles on every side. President Ezra Taft Benson said this:

"Great battles can make great heroes and heroines. We will never have a better opportunity to be valiant in a more crucial cause than in the battle we face today and in the immediate future. Some of the greatest battles we will face will be fought within the silent chambers of our own souls." ("In His Steps" Ensign, Sept. 1988).

     I find a great reassurance and understanding in this quote by Elde Quentin R. Cook. "We know from the scriptures that some trials are for our good and are suited for our own personal development" ("Hope Ya Know, We Had a Hard TIme" Ensign, October 2008).  We experience pain and heartache that are "tailor maid" for us. It is by experiencing these challenges that will ultimately sanctify us and purify us. The intent of these trials and tests is to help us to become who our Father in Heaven intended us to be. This is hard to see when one is in the midst of them though because growing pains are exactly that - painful!

   Elder Orson F. Whitney shared: "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, build[s] up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable ...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire." (Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, Deseret Book, 19785, 98).

   Perhaps I needed to be reminded of this truth yesterday and that is why this song had such an impact on me. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in the battle. That is perhaps the most important thing to remember when experiencing the fight. We continue to pray for relief, knowing that we are not alone in our battle. Maybe we should be grateful to know we are growing , and that God has enough confidence in us to make it.

"What if Your blessings come through raindrops?

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

   are what it takes to know Your near?

What if trials in this life are Your mercies in disquise? ....

We know that pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our Home....

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops,

what if your healing comes through tears.

What if a thousand sleepless nights

   are what it take to know your near.

What if my greatest disappointments

or the aching of this life

is the revealing of a "greater thirst" this world can't satisfy.

What if trials of this life - the rain, the storms, the hardest nights

are your mercies in disguise"

Laura Story - "Blessings" - The story behind the song

http://youtu.be/gjB2skJi2co

Change of Heart



Change of Heart (Jim Brickman and Olivia Newton John)
http://youtu.be/_n4rzwX_GUA

     I have had lots of time to think about my life lately because of my current life circumstances. I wonder if this might be the reason why God has placed some of the challenges in my path of late. I feel I am at a crossroad in my life. I look behind and see my life as a child and as a parent and all that went with that, and look before me and see what life might bring in the future. I see that I am at a pivotal and critical time in my life choices. I have read about this time in a woman's life and how that sometimes feelings and emotions that have often been suppressed for years tend to surface. I find that I just can't "stuff it" or shove them back underground like I have done for many years. At times it feels like I am riding an emotional roller coaster and I don't know how to get off!

     Some days are more manageable than others. For example, I recently had an experience that brought to the surface a character weakness of mine that I thought I had conquered years ago! It seems that as life cycles around and around, hopefully spiraling upward, that at some times these situations come back to haunt me and need to be re-addressed and dealt with. I find this to be especially true if it is an issue that I "stuffed" or shoved aside earlier in my life journey because for whatever reason I didn't want to deal with it then. With this particular weakness I have felt embarrassed or ashamed about it because it was not what "good girls" are supposed to feel. But I am finding that if the issues haven't been dealt with in a productive and healing way the first time around, they resurface later on at vulnerable times in my life and demand to be dealt with then. Such is the nature of my latest revelation.

   It is a hard thing to see your weakness put blatantly in front of your face, and then realize that you aren't who you thought you were or who you would like to be. It certainly isn't very flattering or positive. It is also difficult to realize I cannot "fix" this by myself because I have tried - over and over again. The habit track of reacting this way is so deeply ingrained in my psyche that I'm not even sure where to start to fix it. But "they" say that recognition is the first step to healing it, so I think I am on the right track so far. It will take some time, prayer and patience to work through this and hopefully overcome it, eventually turning it into a character strength. I believe that with God all things are possible, but I also feel like "Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief". I know it will take a leap of faith and trust in an all wise and knowing God in order to be able to turn this over to him and allow him to "fix" it. This is a hard thing for us "control freaks" to do, but I am so tired of dealing with this one that I am willing to try. It has disrupted my peace of mind and sucked the joy out of my life for the last time! It is time to "let go and let God". Time to surrender. I have to fight the urge to retain any part of it because if I do that I will never be free from it.

      So maybe this crossroad in my life journey, this point in time, really is about me after all. Maybe it's finally my turn to work some of this out and decide who I want to be and how I want to live the rest of my life. What a revelation! The trick for me will be allowing myself permission to take this time for me to figure it all out. I have taken care of everyone else but me for so long, this feels pretty selfish, scarey and overwhelming right now. I feel like a bird whose mother has just pushed her out of the nest and said fly - but without any instructions.

     Yesterday I "found" a necklace with a circular charm with the word "Greatness" engraved on it. Lying on top of the circle is another charm, a gold star. The card to which it was attached said: "The pursuit of Greatness is always daring, and calls forth our True potential. Never underestimate Your power for greatness. Wear this pendant as a symbol that greatness lives within you."  I may make some mistakes along the way, but I also know that I have to try, otherwise I will stagnate and die. Grow or die, it seems like I have heard (and said) that before. I will discover "what lies within" me and under God's watchful eye  - I will fly.

It's My Turn (Diana Ross)
http://youtu.be/veJl__sjDt4

Phoenix

"March Madness"



Unwell (Matchbox 20)

http://youtu.be/t_TL9YFemic

     Doesn't the month of March just drive you mad?! One day it can be sunny, clear and warm, and the next day it can be a blizzard! When one is already suffering from cabin fever after months of being cooped up indoors, the ups and downs of schetzophrenic weather can drive a person crazy!!! Add to this an extended cold and flu season and it can really put one over the top. Enough already!

    Spring really is just around the corner, all you have to do is hold on for a few more weeks. Soon we will be able to get out into the great outdoors again and dig in that garden or walk around the block without fear of slipping and falling. In the meantime why not try taking a "Spring Break" by enjoying a few simple things that will help to make the shortening days even shorter. Here are a few suggestions that might just put a little "spring" back into your step:

    1. Just in time for Spring cleaning, rearrange the furniture! Why not try rearranging and/or sprucing up the furniture in one of your rooms. This need not cost you a dime if you use what you already have! Start by sketching a floor plan of the room you want to change and lay it out on paper first. Get creative and rethink how you might re-purpose something that you already own. Could that old vase be used as to hold a new Spring scented candle? Could I put a floral cover or pillow case over a throw pillow to give it a new look? It's time to put away the wool blankets and bring out the pastel colored throws. Spritz a Spring floral scent around the room to bring some cheer. Open up the curtains and/or blinds and let the sunshine in! (Just try to ignore the dirty windows).

     2. Listen to those sounds of Summer! Pull out the old Beach Boys albums, turn up Sheryl Crow and "Soak Up the Sun" and blast them while you do a dance! The exercise will make you feel better.

    3. Watch a Summer movie! Lay down some beach towels on the floor and watch "Mama Mia",  "Somewhere in Time" or some other movie that emits warm memories of summers gone by and warms your heart. Have a picnic with summer foods on the living room floor, eat some berries and/or watermelon and imagine escaping into a warm Summer day.

     4. Take a Spring Break trip to the Library! There is no better escape than a good book (well, except maybe a trip to Hawaii....but that's not always possible). Go and explore what's available at the local library and you will be amazed the many "place" you can "go". Borrow a travel video to some exotic place and "take a trip". Escape to a tropical paradise from the comfort of your own home. While you are at the Library why not pick up a cookbook of recipes that are native to the travel location in the video. Try fixing some new foods and let your sense of taste travel abroad.

     5. Bring a little Spring indoors! Purchase some Spring flowers and display them strategically around your home. If you are allergic or - as in my case, your pet likes to eat them - use artificial flowers. Your eyes can't tell the difference, just your nose (and cat) can! You will be amazed how much a bouquet will brighten a room and your disposition. Think Spring - daisies, tulips, hyacinths, daffodils!

       6. Visit an indoor botanical garden! It's butterfly season and many of the indoor gardens have special exhibits that involve the hatching and emerging of butterflies. What a great way to welcome a sign of Spring! Purchase some decorations with butterflies on them and display them around your home. The butterfly represents flight, freedom, and creative thinking - all three of which we could use in a March full of madness!

         You don't have to have a lot of money to "get away" and have a "Spring Break". According to Sheryl Crow,  "it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got" that makes the difference. So, go "soak up the sun" - while it's still free! 

Soak Up the Sun (Sheryl Crow)

http://youtu.be/_8czkKRGPVQ

Cheers!



We Dreamers Have Our Ways....

I Made It Through the Rain (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/wlQPnNy6JR0

     I thought I had "retired" from teaching piano lessons when, surprise, I was approached by two individuals recently who expressed a desire to have me teach their children to play the piano. One of them was the parent of a former student who had decided to take some time off to regroup following a family crisis. The other was a family who is new to the area and upon learning that I have taught, approached me to teach their child to learn to play. I was both pleased and surprised by their requests.

     I have always tried to willingly and openly share my knowledge and talent with others. I began teaching lessons back in 1989, when my first child was about 18 months old. We were fairly new on our path into the world of parenting and living on our own. My husband had taken a job in another state that was far away from where I was born and raised. We were fairly fresh out of college and this was our first "real" salaried job. We tried hard to be able to live on his salary alone, but we were struggling to make ends meet.

    One day I decided I needed to do something to help stretch our budget, but what? I had a two-year diploma in Secretarial Training/Administrative Support, but I had not worked since the birth of our son. We were now living in a different state than where I had worked previously using that degree, and I was unsure where I would be able to find any employment. I was also very concerned about the care and welfare of my son. If I went back to work outside of the home, who would take care of him? I had no family members nearby and few friends. So, I did what I try to always due when faced with these kinds of dilemmas - I prayed and asked God what I should do.

    I remember explaining to Heavenly Father our dilemma. I explained how I desired to help out with the family finances, but that I felt I also needed to be home with our son. I needed something that I could do, I could feel good about and something that was mine. The answer came to me, "teach piano lessons". I had studied piano for many years growing up and felt confident that I had enough skills to be able to teach others how to play. But where to begin?

      I lacked a piano and teaching experience. God took care of these concerns. I happened to have a friend who had children that took piano lessons and she gave me some information and pointers that her children's teacher used with them. Upon asking around in my church community, I came across an individual who had a piano that was in storage and not being used. She was willing to give me the piano in exchange for teaching her to play. The only thing we had to do was go and pick up the piano and move it into our home. And so it began....

    I have been teaching for more than 20 years now and I have learned a lot about how to succeed as a business owner, and how to help my students succeed at learning to play the piano. God has placed people and resources in my path that have helped me all along the way. When I look back over those years of teaching I can't count how many times the little amount of money I brought in teaching piano lessons gave us just enough to have what we needed. It was and is truly a calling from God and a blessing in my life. It is one of my life purposes, though admittedly I sometimes haven't seen it that way.

    When I returned to college a few years ago I decided to put my piano lesson business onto the back burner and limit my teaching. I felt I needed to do that in order to be able to keep up with my classes and the homework demands. While I enjoyed getting my schooling, I missed my teaching. It was a nice change of pace, and maybe the sabbatical that I needed in order to help me appreciate what I had - and the fact that it truly is a calling from God for me.

     I will be forever grateful to my parents who started me playing and supported me financially and physically all throughout my journey. I am also very grateful to the 4 women who taught me how to play the piano, and to do it well. They were terrific mentors and role models for me as I began my own piano teaching business. I am thankful for the woman who gave me the piano that got me started, and for the beautiful piano that once sat in my parent's house and now sits in mine. It is truly a privilege and a gift from God to be able to share my talent and love of music with future generations. My hope is that they too will come to appreciate and use what they are learning to make this world a more beautiful place to live. in my dreams....

Becoming You

"Sometime in your life you will go on a journey.

It will be the longest journey you have ever taken.

It is the journey to find yourself."

- Katherine Shay

Fly Away (Jim Brickman)

http://youtu.be/gqHIslGaEyY

     Did you know that in dream lore and mythology the butterfly is the symbol of the emergent soul?  The butterfly also represents flight, freedom, and creative thinking. The butterfly is also symbolic of resurrection and eternal life.

    The symbolism of the butterfly causes me to pause and think about it's life cycle. First, it is the catapillar, lazily climbing along and chewing away on the milkweed leaves seemingly unaware of why it is doing so, only that it is it's lifestyle. Gradually, after feeling somewhat satisfied, the catapillar attaches itself to a secure limb and begins to make it's cocoon.  This takes some time but then, when the cocoon is complete, it must wait and develop. It waits...and waits... and waits. (Have you ever wondered what it is doing inside of the cocoon? My theory is that it is doing the "internal work" that it needs to do to develop into a beautiful butterfly.) Finally, after what seems like much too long, it begins to break open it's cocoon and emerge. This also takes time, and occasionally the butterfly had to rest and recouperate before it can continue on. Eventually it fully emerges. Even then it must wait a while longer, until it's wings are dry. Finally, after all of that internal and external work, it spreads its beautiful, colorful wings and flys away. It is off to unknown adventures and unexplored territory, leaving behind only the shell of the cocoon from which it emerged.

     In ways I can relate this cycle to my own life.  I was just humming along in my life (eating the milkweed). I was relatively satisfied with my life and feeling pretty content. Then, the challenges came, and I had to "attach myself to the secure limb" of my faith and my family and all that was familiar and "safe" to me. I began to "make my cocoon" as I insulated myself and began to do some serious soul searching and self-examination, all the while holding fiercely onto what I knew to be solid and true.

      Next came the cocooning stage. Days turned into weeks, turned into months, turned into years of self-evaluation, life assessment, cross examination, goal setting and self-discovery. I journaled. I wrote my life story. I took classes  I counseled and I prayed. I read and researched. I cried and I screamed. Sometimes it has been hard and frightening and I have felt like I didn't know whether I would make it, whether I would ever survive the insular world in which I existed. 

     I am only now beginning to feel like I am starting to emerge from that cocoon, finally starting to discover what it means and feels like to be a "butterfly". There are definately moments that I have had to stop and rest along the way. Somedays it feels like "two steps forward and one step back". But the important thing is that I am getting there, one day at a time. I am making the effort to break free of my cocoon and moving toward eventually emerging as a beautiful butterfly with wonderfully georgeous and colorful "wings" that were created during that insular, cocoon stage.  "Wings" that will let me fly, and take me to adventures and places of which I have only dreamed!

    

         After learning about this symbolism I seem to have seen a butterfly at very opportune moments in my journey, moments when I especially needed encouragement, support and love. I have wondered if it isn't God's, and my mother's, way of saying "keep going, keep trying, I know where you have been, I know what you are going through, and I know what you can become - fly!!!!

- - - - -

"Don't worry about searching for the kind of person you want to be.

You will discover that as you pursue that journey you will not only find yourself,

but chances are you will be pleasantly surprised and proud of the person you find along the way."

 - Joseph B. Wirthlin

Someday I'll Find "it"



Mandy/Could It Be Magic? (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/7NKxzKRBk-0

      I had the priviledge of attending another Barry Manilow concert last night (my fourth). What a show and what a showman!! I have had an ongoing relationship with Barry since I was 13 years old! I knew from the first time that I heard "Mandy" and "Could It Be Magic?" that there was something very special and different about this artist. Who knew?!! To me, Barry is a shining example of someone who found his "calling" early in life and has made a life of "music and passion" by pursuing his passion for music. I admit, I envy people like him - those who figured out early in life their purpose and then go for it! I know his childhood growing up in Brooklyn was "less than ideal", but look what a life he has made out of it! He has chosen to rise above his "circumstances" and gone on to have a "successful" life he seems to love.

(sigh)

     Barry had his grandfather who believed in his talents and abilities, and that was a huge motivator and support for his chosen profession. I don't know that I had that level of support growing up. My parents were great people and I knew they loved me.  They gave me a great life foundation, but I don't see them as the "cheerleaders" in my life. There are a lot of reasons for this that I won't go into, but I sometimes wonder if my life would have turned out differently had I had someone cheering me on and telling me "you're not so bad" (All The Time by Barry Manilow http://youtu.be/sXj8djMeMzs). In fact, you are really good at _______? Everyone needs a "cheerleader" in their life. Everyone needs to feel like they are good at something.

    I have always thought it would nice to have known early in my life what my life's purpose was. I feel like I have wasted a lot of time and energy trying to figure out "what I wanna be when I grow up". Don't get me wrong, I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother. But, I have always felt like there is something more that I am supposed to do in my lifetime. I have taught piano lessons for over 20 years, and have had lots of fun (and some frustration) doing it. I hope I have blessed lives along the way. But now, as I am reaching the end of the "child raising years", I am wondering what else there is for me to do.

     I guess that this is why I continue to explore new avenues and try new things. Never stop growing! This is why I went back to college in my late 40's. I'm not what I would call adventureous or a risk taker, but I do enjoy learning about new things and thinking "outside of the box". I think when I felt that familiar restlessness that there is just something more for me to do, I went back to what I was familiar with to try to figure it out - i.e. back to school. I have enjoyed my 3 years back in college, but I'm now feeling that my life's journey is taking me in another direction. I think that this time there is something new that I need to explore and try.  I continue to hope that "someday I'll find it , the rainbow connection, the lovers the dreamers  - and me...."

The Rainbow Connection

http://youtu.be/f5_y0s-COl8

Vision: The Road Not Taken

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."

~ Carl Jung, psychologist

Nether Lands by Dan Fogelberg
http://youtu.be/ePrQFaB50w0

The first time I heard this song I thought of the poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. It is a favorite of mine.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

There have been times in my life when I have "stood at a fork in the road" and had to decide which road I was going to take. Should I play it safe and take the road that was the most "well traveled", and follow the crowd? Or should I take the "one less traveled" that seemed to lead to something unchartered, unknown and even a little bit scarey - but somehow just felt right. Admittedly, I have take some of both, but the roads that I feel I have learned and grown the most were the "one(s) less traveled by". I have tried to listen to and trust my feelings and my heart. I have chosen to "look inside", to pray and listen for what my heart and mind feels is right, and then take an action that followed those feelings. Sometimes the ends of those roads were more obvious when I started out at the beginning than others. But by making the "harder choices", by choosing "the road not taken", I have learned (and am still learning) to trust my instincts, trust myself, and trust in God and His plan for me - and that brings me peace. Sometimes the hardest part is the deciding, but once the decision is made and I feel peace then I could move forward with confidence and "my vision became my release". "When you learn to trust yourself, then you will know how to live" (Goethe) - "and that has made all the difference".