Everyday Miracles

"Real Life" Miracles

Ordinary Miracle by Sarah McLachlan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMSLWvK7cUc 

"We think of a miracle, such as a sudden physical healing, as an event. Actually, the real miracle is not the event, but how we perceive the event in our lives. Ask yourself which is the real miracle: when the check finally arrives, the deadline extended, the lawsuit is settled, the exception is made? Or when you cope, serene and smiling in the face of unbearable circumstances, triumphantly blowing everybody's mind - including your own - with poise and courage?

In becoming aware of this we experience the miracle of Real Life. 'In asking for miracles, we are seeking a practical goal,' Marianne Williamson reminds us, 'a return to inner peace. We're not asking for something outside us to change, but for something inside us to change.' 

(Sara Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance, November 13- 14)

Strength - Wisdom - Grace

"Strength to meet your challenges. Wisdom to embrace real life, and the Grace to be grateful not only for what you have, but what you've escaped."

Reality Check: Notes from a Younger Self

Reality Check: Notes from a Younger Self

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Somewhere (Barbra Streisand/Josh Groban)
http://youtu.be/aPgqeVROE_4

I have recently been re-reading some notes and quotes I copied. They were taken from readings of wise authors over the years.  I wanted to keep them safely in one spot so as to be able to reference them when I needed to. I started keeping these notes in a spiral-bound journal that I started in December of 2000, when I was having a mid-life crisis of sorts. I was looking for meaning, joy and happiness that I did not seem to be able to find in my day to day life at that time. I started searching for some answers to the bigger questions in my life, and as a result I started reading some great books written by some very wise people. Marianne Williamson, Cheryl Richardson, Sarah Ferguson - The Duchess of York, Sarah Ban Breathnach, to name a few. One of those quotes by "wise people" turned out to be mine!

I wrote an entry titled "Reality Check". It was a list I compiled for myself to read so as to be able to face some realities in my life that I was not wanting to face and deal with. After re-reading this I think I want to share it here for my own children to read someday, when they have to face the realities of their own life. Perhaps by putting it here it will give them the courage to face their own fears and realities. Maybe they will better understand me and the way I saw things back then, too. I have changed much over the past 17 years (life has a way of doing that to you) but the wisdom is still relevant and timeless.

Reality Check

September 1, 2001

 - I'll never be 20 years old again. I'll never be 30 or 35 or 40 years old again.

- I'm never going to weigh 130 lbs again, but now I exercise to feel better and stay healthy, not just to lose weight.

 - I'm never going to be able to live by my parents again in this life. Mom's gone. Dad won't live forever (he passed away in 2005). Time to "get a life" here." It's not about where you live, but how you live.

 - It's time to start "living in the moment" and enjoying who I am, where I am, and what I have/do. "Enjoy life, this is not a dress rehearsal."

 - We are never going to have enough money to be able to do all I would like to do, so do what we can, when we can, where we can and be grateful we can!

 - I won't be (fill in the blank)  forever, so do your best now so you have no regrets when the release comes, and endure to the end.

 - Don't fear the future callings, they are in the Lord's hands. "Always follow faith and never fear".

 - My children are growing up and away. Hopefully to someday be capable, responsible adults. Enjoy them while you still can.

 - Life holds no guarantees, just miracles and blessings for those open to receive and perceive them.

 - Don't quit!

What a blessing that I wrote this down! As I look back I can see the wisdom in living these words. Maybe I would add one more...

- Life is short, buy the shoes! ;-)

Who I Was Born to Be

"You either walk inside your story and own it

or you stand outside your story and

hustle for your worthiness." 

- Brene Brown

Who I Was Born to Be (Susan Boyle w/lyrics)
http://youtu.be/mhXYHRS5aDo

       My thoughts have been wandering as I approach another birthday, and they have led me to this particular song. As a child I loved to sing. I would often stand on my front porch and watch the birds flying among the trees and try to imitate their songs, thinking I was somehow talking to them. I would stand there and sing songs. Some of these songs were familiar, but often they were of my own creation. I would sing about whatever I felt like. Music has always touched me in a special place inside of my soul, a place that feels intimately mine and very safe. Music has saved my sanity and, quite possibly, my life at times.

     I have been on a journey of self-discovery over the past few years. I have learned a lot about myself on this journey, most recently (with the help of a good therapist) the realization that I have a "highly sensitive personality". I had no idea there even was such a thing until my therapist recommended I read the book, The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. As I read through this book, lights and bells and whistles began going off; it was one "aha' moment followed by another! It was me that she was writing about. I have always felt different than most people I have known in my life, but I never understood why. I always thought it was something wrong with me, so I have tried to change me to try to better fit in with those around me. It never worked, and I always came away feeling disappointed, lost and inadequate. As it turns out, I have a minority personality type (only about 20% of the population manifest this type of personality). No wonder I have always felt different and like I didn't belong in this world!

     Upon further exploration, I have also connected the dots with Brene Brown's, Power of Vulnerability, and Carol Tuttle's, Type 2 - soft, subtle energy profile (more on this in later blogs) I am beginning to see myself so much more clearly now - what motivates me, what cripples me and where and why I need to set clear and definite boundaries. I am still the same person I have always been, but now I am finally understanding why I am the way I am, and that it is o.k. to be that way - that is "who I am was born to be". I may not have found all of the answers, but at least I now know more than I ever have and I feel very liberated. I understand that I truly am not like everyone else, and that it is o.k. not to be. I am enough and I am okay just the way I am. I am who Heavenly Father made me to be. He created me this way, and I am trying my best to fulfill the measure of that creation to the best of my ability. I have always understood that not everyone will always like me or understand why I do what I do, but I have gifts that this world is in desperate need of, such as a large capacity to love, kindness, gentleness, patience, empathy, and peacefulness. I have also learned that this personality trait runs in families (much like "the force" in Star Wars). My father had it (I suspect his mother had it), my daughter has it (and my son too, I believe, though it tends to be harder for guys to manifest because of the world's view of masculinity). It is not something of which to be ashamed, it is something to be embraced and celebrated!

    I feel like I am finally coming out of a very dark place. For so long I felt like Winnie the Pooh with that little black rain cloud always following me (or maybe more like Eeyore "thanks for noticing me").  I feel empowered and more confident because I now know who I am and who I am meant to be, and that it is good, in fact, great to be that person! I truly am unique (something I have always wanted to be). I am special. I am me...and I am enough.

"Because true belonging only happens 

when we present our authentic, 

imperfect selves to the world.

Our sense of belonging 

can never be greater 

than our level of self-acceptance." 

- Brene Brown, The Gift of Imperfection

I Love You Just the Way You Are (Billy Joel)
http://youtu.be/vBZnGk1nAjw

"I Wish You Enough"

Leaving on a Jet Plane (John Denver)
http://youtu.be/H9qvjRVty7Q

     Our son and his wife recently left us to return home from spending their Christmas holidays here. We really enjoyed our too short time together. We laughed, played, sang, talked, shared and even cried a little. Finally the time came when we had to drive them to the airport to return back to their home and lives elsewhere. We arrived at the airport and stopped by the curb to unload their things. We gave them a lingering hug and then waved good-bye to them as they made their way into the terminal and we returned to our car. (Sadly, long gone are the days when you could actually accompany them to the gate and say good bye there as they walked down the boarding corridor).  As we drove away from the curb and made our way out of the airport, thoughts returned of the many, (too many) times I had done this same thing at various airports and times in the past.

     I remember an especially poignant departure from that same airport on the day my father flew away after his last visit to see us. It was his return flight home after the occasion of attending this same son's high school graduation. Little did I know at that time that it would be the last time I would see my father alive, our last "good bye". He passed away suddenly a few months later from a heart attack.

(The last picture of my father, taken at the airport with my son and me.)

     I remember landing at the airport near my home a few days prior to his funeral. So often I had looked for and seen his face in the crowds at that airport when I returned home for a visit, but that day it was not there. I remember how stark and sad that was for me.

     Airports are portals of arrival and departure. People we love come and go there throughout our life's journey. Birth and death are also portals of arrival and departure. We greet and part with loved ones through these portals of mortality. The goal is to make the best use of the time we have together between the arrivals and the departures. Take nothing for granted, because there are no guarantees in life. Make the best of the time together, "say what you need to say" and cherish the precious and few moments. Love, laugh, play, share, forgive and embrace because you never know when that next departure may be the last good bye.


(From an email, author unknown)

Recently, I overheard a Mother and her daughter in their last moments together at a regional airport. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and she said, "I love you. I wish you enough."

She in turn said, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too." They kissed and she left.

She walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."

She paused for a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, she smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," she continued. Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from
memory:


"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."


She then began to sob and walked away.

They say "It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them"

My friends and loved ones, I wish you ENOUGH!!! 

Fly Away (John Denver/Olivia Newton John)
http://youtu.be/LNsLGHs89iM

Simple Gifts

'' 'Tis the gift to be simple,'tis the gift to be free

'tis the gift to come down to where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right.

'Twill be in the valley of love and 

delight.

When true simplicity is gained, 

To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

Till by turning, turning we come round right."

(Simple Gifts by Joseph Brackett)

Simple Gifts (Jim Brickman)

 http://youtu.be/VyfNVVou878

      Not all Christmas gifts need to be expensive or are even materialistic. Today I received some "simple gifts" that were neither materialistic nor expensive, but to me were priceless. I had the opportunity to attend church meetings in another unit (Ward). I know many of the people in this unit from living and serving in the Grand Rapids Stake Primary for many years. Some of the familiar faces I saw I had served with and become acquainted with during my tenure in the Stake Primary, and it was wonderful to see them, to share a hug and feel their love for me. 

    I began serving as the Stake Primary Music Leader in February 1997, shortly after we moved to Michigan. During my tenure in that position I was asked to organize a Stake Primary Choir to contribute to the singing of the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah (December 1998). This oratorio is frequently sung during the Christmas season, and the Hallelujah Chorus is one of the highlights. The choir I was asked to lead consisted of several children, boys and girls, ranging in ages from 8 to 12 years old. Logistically this presented some challenges, as our stake is spread across a wide geographical area. My assignment was to gather as many children together as I could, arrange a couple of practices together, and then we were to perform in conjunction with the adults at a special Stake Christmas event that year. I was so excited to be able to do this. I knew it would have it's challenges, but I also knew it could be done. I composed and sent out letters to each of the 12 units in the stake to recruit voices. 

     In the letter I promised that this experience singing with the choir would be something the children who chose to participated would never forget. I knew this because in my own life I had had the opportunity to participate in a Primary Children's Chorus that sang in the Mormon Tabernacle on Temple Square when I was 12 years old. We sang several songs for a General Conference of the church. President Harold B. Lee was the president and prophet at that time. At that conference, Elder Boyd K. Packer gave is infamous talk about life after death. I remember it to this day and have benefited from that talk several times in my life since that day. After we sang, President Lee took some time to commend and thank us for our participation. In his speaking to us, he told us that we would never forget this experience, and that it would add meaning to our lives. It was an unforgettable day for me. 

    Now back to the Children's chorus experience... I had set up several rehearsals a few weeks prior to the actual performance. Most of the children who participated were located in the Grand Rapids area because that was the central location for the rehearsals and would eventually be where we performed. We practiced and worked until were able to sound pretty good. As the evening of the performance event approached, I decided that I wanted to make some kind of a thank you gift item for each of the children who participated in the chorus to remember it by. I decided to make each of them an angel Christmas ornament out of lace, a wooden bead, a gold pipe cleaner, and a golden elastic string (see photo). As the children sung like angels, I thought it would be a fitting reminder of their experience. The evening of the performance came and they sang beautifully - like angels. It was a successful venture and I was so grateful to all who chose to participate. I handed out the ornaments, thanked them, and proceeded on my way, not thinking much about it ... until today.

     As I have previously mentioned in this blog, I have had a difficult year this year, and as a result I have been struggling with many things lately. My "simple gift" came today. As I was talking with someone who I had come to know those many years ago, she re-introduced me to two of her sons, both of which participated in the Children's Chorus those many years ago. They did not really remember me, but their mother told them that it was I who had organized that chorus those many years ago, and it was I who had given them the ornaments which they continue to place on their Christmas tree every year to commemorate that event. It made me feel so good to know that I and my efforts of so many years ago are still fondly remembered and celebrated in this family. There was no greater 'gift' I could have received than that today than to be remembered, and to have that memory shared again with two young men who were part of that experience. It was a delight to share in that memory and to reap a gift from a seed sown so many years ago. What a precious and priceless gift! So simple, and yet for me, so sweet.  It was a Christmas miracle moment for me, and I am grateful for the opportunity to remember ... and to be remembered. 

Merry Christmas!

Hallelujah Chorus (Handel's Messiah)

http://youtu.be/IUZEtVbJT5c

Musicians, are not Magicians!

"I heard the bells on Christmas Day

Their old, familiar carols play,

and wild and sweet 

The words repeat

Of Peace on Earth, good-will to men!

(I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

Grown-up Christmas List

http://youtu.be/RmF2rsDHOZc

     I have one heartfelt Christmas wish, or perhaps it is more of a Christmas request, that I have been carrying around for many years. Please don't take this wrong, but I feel compelled to finally share it this holiday season. It is this - please be mindful of musicians and their equally busy and stressful lives during the holiday season, especially if you are a non-musician!

     Speaking as a musician, most musicians I know are very generous with their talents and their time, and we enjoy sharing both most of the time. However, in general, we do not appreciate being called on to prepare and perform a difficult musical number at the last minute. We do not appreciate being handed a piece of music that we have not seen before that moment, and then be expected to be able to (or even want to) sit down and play it perfectly through the first time. Clearly, this is an unrealistic expectation! It can take weeks, even months, to get a piece of music to performance quality. (And quite frankly, we just might not be up to it this time/season/year!).

      Musicians, in general, tend to be highly sensitive people who appreciate the beauty of music well done. We are not, however, magicians! Learning to play and execute a musical number well takes hours of practice time, and lots of skill and work. Most of us tend to be a little bit of a perfectionist, and we cringe at the idea of doing or participating in a shoddy performance. That's how we were trained.  Let me be clear... failure to plan on YOUR part does not constitute and emergency on OUR part! If you would like a musical number for your Christmas Creche, your holiday party or your Christmas church service, then please, please, PLEASE plan ahead and show enough respect for our time and our talents (not to mention our families) to allow us adequate notice and lead time to prepare and provide a well done performance. It will benefit all of us in the long run.

      Here's another musician secret I'll share, most of us welcome the opportunity to share our talents and we feel strongly enough about the value of music and it's ability to uplift, bless and inspire, that we don't like have to turn down the opportunity to share our gifts and talents, but sometimes we have to - especially during the already stressful and demanding holiday season.  We feel sad when we have to refuse an opportunity due to poor planning (on your part) and lack of enough lead/preparation time for us. Often we sacrifice our own needs and the needs of our family, putting them on hold until after the concert, the party, the church service, etc., are over. And, if, by chance, we should have to say "no" to a request, then please accept and respect that as well (we, too, can get a little cranky during the Christmas "strush" - so don't add to it - you have been warned!!!). We honestly breathe a huge sigh of relief when Christmas is finally past, because we know that we will be able to take a breather for a little while (at least until Easter preparations start).

     If you are a non-musician you may think it is "not such a big deal" or "it's easy" to ask someone to sing or play a lengthy or difficult piece at the last minute; but to us, it is not always easy and it can be a big deal!  So, please take this into account when you are wanting that special musical number, or are considering asking someone to play the beloved Christmas Carols for the pageant or party. A successful "miracle choir" is actually quite rare, so don't push that luck. Practice, makes perfect! It is a good musician's job to make it look easy, but that doesn't mean that it is. So please, be respectful, mindful and considerate of the musicians you know and love during the holiday season, and give them a break, including enough lead time for them to be able to perform well and enjoy the Christmas holiday (and maybe the opportunity to see their own children participating in the Christmas pageant one year before they get too old). Oh, and please don't forget to thank them for the music! This will help to make it a Merrier Christmas and happier holiday for us all!

Thank You for the Music! (Amanda Seyfried)

http://youtu.be/qAUD64Fnkeg

The Origin of the Christmas Creche

Angels We Have Heard on High (Home Free)
http://youtu.be/teSuDu84kMc

It's a part of many Christmas celebrations - the Christmas creche, or Nativity scene, graces tables and churchyards throughout the holiday season. Saint Francis of Assisi is credited with starting the tradition, and in his The Life of Saint Francis of Assisi, Saint Bonaventure tells us the story. (Saint Bonaventure - 1263)

     "It happened in the third year before his death, that in order to excite the inhabitants of Grecio to commemorate the nativity of the Infant Jesus with great devotion, [St. Francis] determined to keep it with all possible solemnity; and lest he should be accused of lightness or novelty, he asked and obtained the permission of the sovereign Pontiff. Then he prepared a manger, and brought hay, and an ox and an ass to the place appointed. The brethren were summoned, the people ran together, the forest resounded with their voices, and the venerable night was made glorious by many and brilliant lights and sonorous psalms of praise. The man of God [St. Francis] stood before the manger, full of devotion and piety, bathed in tears and radiant with joy; the Holy Gospel was chanted by Francis, the Levite of Christ. Then he preached to the people around the nativity of the poor King; and being unable to utter His name for the tenderness of his love, he called Him the Babe of Bethlehem. A certain valiant and veracious soldier, Master John of Grecio, who, for the love of Christ, had left the warfare of this world, and become a dear friend of this holy man, affirmed that he beheld an Infant marvelously beautiful, sleeping in the manger, Whom the blessed Father Francis embraced with both his arms, as if he would awake Him from sleep. This vision of the devout soldier is credible, not only by reason of the sanctity of him that saw it, but by reason of the miracles which afterward confirmed its truth. For example of Francis, if it be considered by the world, is doubtless sufficient to excite all hearts which are negligent in the faith of Christ; and the hay of that manger, being preserved by the people, miraculously cured all diseases of cattle, and many other pestilences; God thus in all things glorifying his servant, and witnessing to the great efficacy of his holy prayers by manifest prodigies and miracles." (Source: A Classic Christmas. Harper One, 2009 pages 237-238)

     Almost every Christmas for the past 15 years we have celebrated the holiday performing or participating in some form of a Christmas Creche with family and friends. When our children were younger we would dress them in the various attire of the characters of the Creche, and they would act out the parts as the Nativity story was read. Some years they were angels, some years shepherds, and some years the animals. My son would often play the part of the narrator because he was of an age where he was a bit old for dressing up to act out the parts, but he was still willing to participate. My daughters and their friends would happily dress up and play the various parts. We would insert appropriate Christmas Carols to sing together throughout the program so as to be able to include all of the adults in attendance, and to generally add to the celebration and pageantry of the occasion. These are some of my happiest memories of Christmases past. 

     This year our church group has decided to perform a pageant at the Ward Christmas Party involving most of the young children. They all seem to be very excited about having the opportunity. I have been involved due to the fact that I play the piano for the young children in Primary (our children's organization - similar to Sunday School for you non-LDS readers). I have to admit, most ashamedly, I have been much less than enthusiastic about doing this again this year. As I have previously mentioned, it has been a very difficult year for my family, and me personally, this year and I had secretly hoped to be allowed to take a breather this year from the pageantry and pomp that can get so involved and overwhelming this time of year. Needless to say, I was less than excited to be dragged into doing yet another Christmas Creche and on an even grander scale that usual this year. My attitude might be compared to that of Ebeneezer Scrooge, in fact. Unfortunately, I let this attitude spill over on to some of my co-workers on this project this year and I have added discomfort and Grinchiness to their holiday season. I have been so caught up in worrying about how this all will affect me and my holiday stress (adding to an already stressful year) that I lost sight of the purpose and meaning behind what we are trying to do. I have been complaining, grouchy and downright Scroogey about the whole thing, but this morning I had an epiphany! I had a visit from a "ghost of Christmas past" so to speak. This morning I awoke thinking about the pageant and knowing that my bad attitude toward the whole thing simply had to change - for everyone's sake. So I got to thinking about our past pageant experiences and what a sweet spirit and joyful experience they had been to share with our children and our friends. I was usually the one behind the piano and rarely got to experience the entire program, but the spirit that came and permeated the room when we did the pageants was undeniable - it was really what brought in the true Spirit of Christmas. 

    Our children are all grown now and most of them have moved away, so we no longer have the opportunity to perform the Christmas Creches like we have done in the past. There are many children in our Ward who would never have the opportunity to participate in such an experience unless we provide that opportunity to them through such a venue as the Ward Christmas Party. It will be a bittersweet experience this year because of the departure of our dear friend, Bob Roll, who passed away suddenly just a month ago. Our two families enjoyed many a Christmas Creche together. How lucky we all were to have the opportunity to participate in such a special and reverent occasion that brought in the true Spirit of Christmas. This year may be one of the last that I will be asked to even participate in such an experience, and so I will choose to make it a reverent and positive experience for the children's sake. I will think of our dear friends and the wonderful memories from Christmases past that we shared. I will strive to make the "Christmas present" a joyous and reverent occasion for the children and their families. Perhaps this will help bring the true Spirit of Christmas into their holiday celebration and provide a special memory for them that will last their lifetimes. Hearts will be touched, memories will be made and a tribute (at least in my heart) will be sent heavenward to a dear friend as well as to my Lord and Savior, the Babe in Bethlehem, whose birth we celebrate this, and every, Christmas season. 

     And may God bless us, every one!

The First Noel (David Archuleta)
http://youtu.be/ZgrcBCC0xgg

Physical Therapy for the Soul

White Flag (Dido)

    I have not posted on this blog for a few months because "real life" has taken over for a while. I will not post details either, but I want to post something I read that has significant impact for me right now - today.

     Elder Richard G. Scott, of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Saints Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, explained: "Now may I share some suggestions with you who face the second source of adversity, the testing that a wise Heavenly Father determines is needed even when you are living a worthy, righteous life and are obedient to His commandments.  Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously.  When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience,  they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more....He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding,  and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain." (Richard G. Scott, "Trust in the Lord," Ensign, Nov. 1995. )

     I have, once again, been prescribed some physical therapy for a painful hip. During my initial consultation with the physical therapist, she told me that in order to fix the problem and relieve the pain (to get me from where I am to where she wants me to be), I would initially feels some additional pain and discomfort until things got back in place and on track. Believe me, they have caused me some discomfort and pain. She gave me some strengthening and stretching exercises to do at home as well. I am to do them "to the edge of the pain" and no further. And, if I feel too much discomfort for too long afterward I am to ease off a bit.  

      The correlation of this physical therapy and the "soul therapy" that I am currently undergoing is not lost on me. Often times the conditions that our bodies are manifesting are the physical equivalents of what we are experiencing in our souls, as the two are interconnected. "Soul therapy" can also be painful and difficult, and it can push me to the very edge at times. But, just as I trust that my physical therapist knows what I need to improve my physical condition, I am also trusting that my "soul therapist" also knows what I need to improve my "soul" condition.

    And for now, that is enough....stay tuned....

Let's Get Physical (Olivia Newton John)

(I can relate to the poor guy who was getting beat on on the massage table - lol). 

Wisdom via Hindsight

We May Never Pass This Way Again (Seals and Croft)

http://youtu.be/i3mp4dkm1fQ

     I have been thinking about writing this post for a while and finally decided that today is the day. I hope that at some time in the future, when my own daughters and daughter-in-law need it, they will come to this blog post and read and re-read it. Perhaps it will help them, and others, understand and do things differently than I did. They say that hindsight is 20/20, so I am going to share some things that I learned over the years. How I might have done some things differently had I known then what I know now as a post stay-at-home motherhood and current empty-nester.

     What sparked my decision to finally write about this was a phone call the other day from a sweet, young mother who was at the end of her rope. She has several children, all of which are age 6 and under, and she is currently pregnant with another. She was feeling overwhelmed with her life, and she felt like she needed a break from her children before she did something she might regret. I was her "phone a friend" lifeline that day.  My heart went out to her and her situation. I have felt like her at various times in my own life and so I could most certainly empathize with how she was feeling and what she was going through. We love our children and are very thankful to have them. We feel a tremendous sense of responsibility to care for them and fulfill their every need, but there are times when being with them 24/7 is simply more than we can handle. Having "been there, done that",  I am going to share with you some of what I learned about those years and what I would have done differently if I had it to do over again....

     First of all, I would have taken more time for myself to develop my own interests and pursue some of my dreams. There simply has to be more of a balance in life. When one is in the midst of raising children, especially small children, we feel so selfish and guilty when we take even a little "time out" for ourselves. I am not suggesting that one goes overboard to the point of neglect or of being obsessively self-serving, but what I am suggesting is that you set aside a few hours or an afternoon one day a week to do something for yourself. It is very easy to loose your identity when you becomes a wife and a mother and it is very important, even essential, that you have something you can call your own that identifies you as an individual person - as you. For me, it was my taking the time to teach piano lessons for a couple of hours a week. It was something that I loved to do, it kept me in touch with my own skills and talents, it was of service to others and it also helped to bring in some much needed extra income to contribute to the family budget (or have some play money fore me - guilt free). It was a small amount but I can't count the times that it was just enough to cover what was needed. It has been a great blessing in my life and it blessed the lives of others - both student and parent. I felt good about what I was able to contribute to the world through teaching and adding to the beauty of the world through music education.

     Another thing that I would do is seek out  the support of and friendship of others who are in similar situations. Women need other women - girlfriend! I tended to isolate myself and think that I could do "it" all by myself, and even worse, that I had to do it all by myself. I suffered in silence and that was a big mistake. I needed to be around and talk to adults, especially when I was home with toddlers and infants all day. There are only so many episodes of Barney and Sesame Street that one can handle in a day (or Dora or Teletubbies  or ________ fill in the blank here)! When I was a new mother and living in a state far away from family and friends it soon became clear to me that I had to do something about my isolation and loneliness or I was going to go crazy (or MIA). I had a dear friend from back home who suggested that I get involved with La Leche League, which is an organization that supports and helps women who are breastfeeding their children. It was, hands down, THE best decision I ever made for my mental health! I found a local chapter of the group and attended one of their meetings. I was hooked. I soon found a group of like-minded women who had children my own children's ages and who were going through what I was going through and feeling what I was feeling. It was a miracle! We started a playgroup as well as getting together for the monthly meetings. Our children became friends as did we. Admittedly there were some challenges due to some differences of religious opinions, but for the most part we were able to set those aside and find more things in common than were different. La Leche League became one of my "lifelines" when we moved from town to town for schooling and jobs during those early years of our children's lives. It became a constant in the midst of chaos. I will be forever thankful for those dear women who supported and helped me during the good times and the bad times of those years. They helped to keep me "off the ledge" many times.

     And finally, I would have kept up some of my professional skills, either by taking a class and/or dabbling in my field of choice. Not to the point of neglecting my children, but only to the point of being able to keep up my skill set. At this time in my life I am facing a situation that the skills and training I received in my profession are no longer of use in the same way as they were pre-babies. I was trained as a secretary and worked in that field prior to having my first child, but  I have not worked in that field for many years and I no longer have adequate skills to work in an office environment as a secretary. I would need to go through retraining in order to work in that field now, and I figure that if I have to be retrained anyway that I would rather get my education in something that I feel more passionate about than working in an office as a secretary. I am also finding that the field that I have been working in for the past 20+ years is losing ground (as a piano instructor) to more exciting, instantly gratifying extra -curricular activities such as soccer, softball, gymnastics, dance, etc. I hate to see the devaluation of learning to play the piano (or any musical instrument), and I think that it will become a rare talent and skill in the future. It is not an instant gratification talent, but one that takes time and practice and patience to perfect and I see too few willing to put the time and energy into perfecting this talent.  The world will be a much sadder place without music in it, and those who play it well. I find it very difficult to find a young student who is willing to put in the time and practice and patience that it takes to become a skilled musician. My career choices have and are becoming obsolete, and so  I am finding myself at this point in life having to retrain myself in a job market that desires younger, thinner and better skilled employees than what I have to offer. Attending college in middle age is much harder than if I had continued to pursue my degree along the way and continued to dabbled in the field of study as I went along in life. So my advice, get the degree or training skills while you are young, but if you can't do it while you are young, just do it - and keep a finger on the pulse of your area of expertise. The world is changing so fast with the new technologies that exist that a degree or skill might become obsolete in the future, but if you keep an eye on the changes and can tap into it to whatever extent you can, you won't regret it in the future. And, it will make your future "empty nest" years (yes, they do eventually come) much easier to navigate.

    So, the bottom line is:

     Don't give up on your dreams; find a way to follow them,
     Enjoy play dates with your girlfriends and their kids, and
     Never stop learning.

That's The Way It Is (Celine Dion)
http://youtu.be/sLSWJtxvaUY

I Haven't Got Time for the Pain

Don't think. Feel (Neil Diamond)
http://youtu.be/6QVmhdXnhlE

Lots of people think that it is wrong to cry when you are afraid, hurt or sad, or even when you are full of joy. Others frown on those whose laughter fills the room when they are experiencing great joy. I'm here to tell you that I believe that to be a "profoundly dangerous" myth.

I ran across a video clip the other day that resonated with me. It's message - The Power of Vulnerability - has now come into my sphere of consciousness several time over the past few weeks. I think it's trying to tell me something. (Here is the clip for those who want to view it: The Power of Vulnerability (Dr. Brene Brown)
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html).

Over the past few years of my life I have come to better understand this "power of vulnerability". One of the symptoms that all was not right in my world was my inability to really feel deeply. At some of the most emotional and meaningful moments of my life all I felt was numb and disconnected.  I felt that I was simply going through the motions of life and getting through what needed to be done. The reality of this fact really hit me at significant events in which I knew I didn't feel the way I was supposed to feel. Over the process of time and understanding, I have come to realize that I had shut down my emotions and feelings.  I had felt such great pain and sorrow, that I became afraid to feel anything at all. I have found that in trying to "guard and protect my heart" from pain, I am also protecting it from feeling peace, love and joy.  Life is meant to be lived and felt.

Frankly, the past few years of my life have been quite the roller coaster ride of emotions. I became overloaded and therefore, I became afraid to feel anything anymore - good or bad. I did not want to be vulnerable to any more pain, but as a result I was also not able to feel much joy or happiness. I think that one reason I shut down emotionally was because I hadn't had enough time to, nor did I completely know how to, process one life-altering event before another one came along. I felt like a sinking swimmer desperately trying to come up for air and getting hit with another wave. Wave, upon wave - and I was barely breathing.

As hard as the past year has been for me it has also been a relief for me to finally have had enough down time to be able to process a lot of what has happened in my life over these past years. It has been a year of healing both physically and emotionally. Due to my physical health and other circumstances, I have been forced to deal with things that I would really rather not have ever had to deal with.  It has been sad, and sometimes quite painful in spite of my best efforts to avoid it.  I have come to realize how much I missed out on feeling because I would not allow myself to be vulnerable. I have also come to realize that vulnerability is what makes us human, it is what makes life worth living. Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of humanness!

So, now I am finding that when I am in a situation in which I think I should be feeling a certain way - either joy or sorrow - and I am not feeling that way that there is something very wrong. I think that as I continue to explore understand this power of vulnerability, I am healing some of the underlying wounds and lighting up some of the darker places in my life. I am finding that in the long run it is much better to allow myself to feel what I need to feel than to suppress it, because these feelings inevitably come back later- stronger and more persistently.  I understand that being vulnerable will mean feeling more pain in my life, and I need to prepare myself for that possibility. But, it also opens up the possibility of feeling great peace, joy and happiness that has too long been absent from my life - and has been sorely missed. Life comes up short when the journey seems long.

I Haven't Got Time for the Pain (Carly Simon)
http://youtu.be/E3_l5Ss203I

Life Is Like a Piano....

Cristofori's Dream (David Lanz)
http://youtu.be/9wxrB41PMhw

     It's been quite a while since I last wrote. A lot has been going on in my personal life. Without going into detail, it's been a wonderful and challenging few weeks. I have been reminded of the life lesson (see photo insert) that "Life is like a piano: What you get out of it depends on how you play it.".  As a pianist, this one resonates with me.

     It seems to be the time of year that can be very unsettling for many people. Back-to-school preparations, moves to colleges or new job locations can disrupt and unsettle us. Fall seems to be the time that if someone is going to move or relocate, they are in the "short rows" to get moved and settled in before the snowflakes fly. We have moved multiple times in our married life and most of the time the moves happened in the Fall or Spring. 

     Our first move to Georgia from Utah took place in October 1987, 26 years ago. My husband had just finished his Bachelor's Degree and we got his first "real" job there. Our son was barely 4 months old. We arrived in the small town of Warm Springs, Georgia the day before Halloween. If you have ever been to Warm Springs, Georgia, then you know that this small town closes down fairly early in the evening. We drove into town and had no idea where we were going, nor how to contact the landlady for the home in which we were going to rent. There happened to be a Fall Festival that night at the school that her grandchildren attended, so she wasn't available at the number that we dialed on the town's one pay phone. (Yes, folks, it was back in the day before there were laptops, cell phones, email, Skype, Facebook - and, the pay phone only cost 25 cents to make a call). The town was so small that the sheriff immediately knew that we were strangers. He saw us at the phone booth (yes, that's what they had such a thing back then) and asked how he could help us. We told him of our dilemma and he knew exactly who we were talking about and how to get in touch with her. To make a long story short, she came over to the house (a double wide trailer on cinder block stilts - that that's a story for a different time) and opened the place up for us. We laid out our sleeping bags on the mattresses and crashed. It had been a long and eventful trip (also a story for another time). Talk about your culture shock!!!

     Seven moves later we settled into the home in which we now reside, and have resided for the past 14 years. Most of our moves have been job related, but a few of them were because I wasn't too happy where we were living. Most of the places where we lived up until moves 6 and 7 were rental places and so we were forced to move for various reasons, i.e. new job, new tenants that were related to the landlady that wanted to live where we were living, return to graduate school, rent increases, job changes. Once our children got in school we were much more careful about where we were located and how often we relocated. It can be very disrupting to a child in school to relocate and we wanted to minimize that as much as possible. 

     At the time of move number 5, my husband told me that I had better be happy at the next move because he wasn't too excited about doing it too many more times! Frankly, I wasn't either! This got me to thinking about what it was that made me happy and how it was more than just the house or place that we lived that contributed to my happiness.  You may have heard the phrase "Bloom where you are planted". I believe this is a pretty valid and wise philosophy. I have found that if I made the choice to be involved and contribute to the community in which I was living, I was a much happier person than if I just decided to sit back and wait for the community to come to me. The community didn't know me nor what I had to offer, so it was really my responsibility to decide how I wanted to live, how much I wanted to be involved and what I wanted to contribute to that community. At times it was refreshing to be able to relocate and "start fresh" where no one knew me nor anything about my past experiences. Sometimes that is what it takes to be able to "start over" and make life better. I hope that I have learned some things along the way..

     It isn't easy to "start over" when you move, but it can be an opportunity to decide what you need to change in your life. For example, if I have been a slacker in one location, I can change that attitude and step up to the plate and fulfill my responsibilities better in the next location. Another thing that is wonderful about the moves was the ability to take what I had learned in one location and share it with others in the new location. This would help to build up my skills and the share experiences  and what I have learned with others in the new location. It helped to build a better sense of community for me. These were priceless opportunities for growth for both the giver (me) and the receiver (them). Not to mention, the joy of being able to clear out and throw away some of the clutter and "stuff of life" that I had been collecting over the period of time before the move. Believe me, when you move as many times as we did, you learn what you can live without just so you don't have to move it again! What becomes important to you becomes very clear. 

    Some of the things that I came to appreciate through my moves were my family, my friends and my faith. These were the things that were constant and enduring throughout all of my moves. As a family, we learned to work together to support and help each other adjust to our new surroundings. I made some wonderful and enduring friendships in the different locations where we have lived and I value and treasure these true friendships. My faith is what has helped me to remain connected to what standards and values I need to maintain and on which to focus during the times of disruption and turmoil. Church has been my anchor in the turbulent waters of the moves, especially when I wasn't even sure where we were going to have a place to move into when we got there. God has put special people in my path at just the right time when I needed them to be there, and I will be eternally grateful for that. 

    I guess the bottom line is this, "it's not about where you live, but about how you live". Home truly is where the heart is, and if your heart is in the right place then "home" can be anywhere.

Home (Blake Shelton)

http://youtu.be/kkoT1nZOexY

     

"Gone Like the Sand and the Foam"

"Gone are the pathways the child followed home,

gone like the sand and the foam."

The Sand and the Foam (Dan Fogelberg)

http://youtu.be/adlvN-7jniY

    Today is Independence Day (July 4th) in the USA. A family holiday, and my family are all living far away from me right now. In trying to salvage the holiday, make an effort to do something fun and make new memories, my husband and I decided to go on a picnic at one of the local parks. So, we stopped by the local grocery store and picked up a bucket of chicken, coleslaw, potato salad, fruit and pop - the all-American picnic lunch. We took it and the picnic basket full of plates, utensils, tablecloth, etc. and headed over to the park. As we pulled in the drive we saw that it was less crowded than we expected. There is a lake that is attached to this park and you could see people playing in the water in various forms. Some canoeing, some swimming, and some fishing. There were several groups of people gathered under the pavilion eating their picnic lunches as well. We looked around for an empty picnic table and decided on one that was set off in a more secluded, tree-lined area and set up our lunch. 

    I grew up in the Intermountain West and so, as I kid, when we would do a family picnic we would often go to the picnic area that was in the canyon that was at the top of the street on which we lived - Mueller Park Canyon. I spent quite a bit of time with family and friends in that area, and it is one of my favorite spots on earth. (I spent a few hours the morning of my mother's funeral in that area, reminiscing). The area that we picked to eat in at the park today reminded me a lot of that area of "home". The trees and the picnic benches, even having the water so close by brought back some sweet memories of Independence Days past -  here and "home".  We ate our lunch and just as we were finishing up a family decided to set up their picnic on a table adjacent to us. There was a mother, 4 children, and her father (her husband was working). We exchanged some pleasantries and finished up our meal. We then packed up and headed toward the car to reload and go home. 

     A strange thing happened on the way home. We drove past some of the familiar sites along the road and memories of family times past came into my mind. There was the baseball field where our son had played little league baseball. The Middle School that each of my 3 children attended. They would often return to it on off hours so that they could catch frogs in the creek that runs through the wooded natural area there behind the school. We passed the street where my son's best friend used to live. All of a sudden I was overcome with emotion and I started to cry. I realized how many memories we have made while raising our family here. We have built and spent most of our life together here.  Here is home to my children, just as I consider the town where I was raised to be "home" to me.  Their childhood experiences and memories are of here, just like so many of mine are there. I felt a deep appreciation for the good times we have had here. I also had a greater understanding of the importance of where we live to our children, especially as unsettled as some of them are in their lives right now. To them, coming here is "going home". 

     I long to see them, and they will return home soon for a visit. We will welcome them with open arms and allow them the freedom to explore their old stomping ground, just as I did when I would return "home". We will cherish the time we have together and make new memories here that we will also cherish in the future. We are so blessed to call such a beautiful place home, and to have been able to raise our children here. I guess I got a greater understanding of what they will feel when they come home to visit, and perhaps a greater appreciation of what it will feel like when I can finally "go home" again. I miss it so. 

Goin' Home

Seminary Music: Doctrine and Covenants

Goin’ Home

Kindly fires burning there warm my soul

Yearning for the ones I call my own.

I’m going home.

Right at home steady shoulders gather there to share the load.

I’m learning how to give what’s needed most right at home.

This longing to be there is calling me there.

It’s stronger than words can tell. 

And once in homes sweetness I taste the love of Heav’n

Heavenly home

Holy faces wait for me and cheer me on.

I will do all that it takes to reach their arms

Where I belong

Goin’ home

Text:  Kenneth Cope

Music:  Kenneth Cope

Arranged By:  Jason Johnson

Artist:  Kenneth Cope

"Graduation Day"

The Circle of Life (from: The Lion King - of course ;-))

http://youtu.be/XhDdw8rATic

     It's that time of year again. It comes around every Spring. Graduations! Announcements arrive in the mail. Pictures get posted on Facebook or in photo albums.. Parties and open houses are scheduled on the calendar. I do not think it is coincidental that Graduation Day usually occurs around the Memorial Day holiday, because both of these events celebrate a type of moving on to the next phase of life. A "graduation" of sorts; the end of one stage of life and the beginning of another. The ceremonies and rituals we observe at these times are in celebration of moving into another phase of our existence - one earthly, one Heavenly. Each event gives us a time to pause and reflect on our life and what where we are going with it. One stage of life ends and another begins. There is fear of the unknown, but also excited anticipation of the adventures yet to come.

    It is fun to see the pictures of the children of some of my friends who are graduating this year. It was about a year ago that my youngest child graduated from High School. Little did we know then what would be ahead of us over the next year!  There has been the pain of parting, homesickness, roommate challenges, expenses (always more expenses!), moves, highs and lows.  "There's more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done. There's far too much to take in here, more to find than can ever be found". 

    The challenge of change is not unfamiliar to me; the time of transition.Yesterday my sister and her family spent some time in the cemetery at the grave site of my parents. My brother-in-law sent me a series of picture texts with photographs of them arriving at the cemetery, cleaning around the headstone and placing flowers in the two vases located on either side of the stone. As I viewed the pictures a lump formed in my throat and tears came to my eyes.  I live a great distance away from where my parents are buried, and so I rarely get to go "home" and visit the site. It can make Memorial Day a difficult holiday for me because I would like to be able to visit there and take a few minutes out of my life to remember and pay tribute to them for being such wonderful parents. I miss them and "home" very much, and it was an unexpected gift to me when I got to "visit" it vicariously through the picture texts sent from a sweet brother-in-law and sister. 

     Death, too, is a type of graduation, a type of moving on. It, too, is a time of transition when one stage of life ends and another begins. There is often fear of the unknown, but also excited anticipation of the adventures yet to come. I remember the day that we buried my mother. There was a beautiful sunset that we could see from the back yard of my childhood home. My brother-in-law (yes, the same one who sent me the picture texts) suggested that we stop for a few minutes and watch the sun go down on that day. It was truly one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen in my life. The symbolic meaning was not lost on me. The sun had figuratively set in the life of my mother, and life as I knew it. But there would also be a sunrise. The sunrise of another day for those of us who were left to carry on in this world, and a sunrise, or a new beginning, for my mother who was transitioning to another world. "But the sun rolling high in the sapphire sky, keeps great and small on the endless round,... 

"It's the circle of life, 

And it moves us all

Through despair and hope,

Through faith and love, 

Till we find our place,

On a path unwinding, 

In the circle, 

The circle of life."

    When my first child was four months old we moved across the country, about 2000 miles away from my "home". There were days and nights of homesickness, and sometimes it would get really hard. At those times I used to think of this song and sing it to sooth me. It seemed to help then and it still does now. So, "graduates" and loved ones of " graduates", I can guarantee there will be times of loneliness, longing and homesickness.But I hope that this bit of wisdom might bring some small measure of comfort to you from one who's been there....

"And even though I know 

How very far apart we are.

It helps to think we might be wishing 

On the same bright star.

And when the night wind starts 

To sing a lonesome lullaby.

It helps to think we're sleeping

Underneath the same big sky.

Somewhere out there,

if love can see us through. 

Then we'll be together.

Somewhere out there 

Out where dreams come true."

Somewhere Out There (from: An American Tail)

http://youtu.be/EgHh3WaCOpw

And for all of those who will be "graduating" this year....

Live Your Life

Beautiful World (Jim Brickman)

http://youtu.be/FHohxz0NhvI

     Spring is finally sprung! Hallelujah! There is just something about emerging from a long, cold, dark and lonely winter that intensifies the senses. It seems like everything is just better, brighter and more beautiful this time of year. The purple, white and yellow crocuses are emerging and showing their colors more brilliantly this Spring, or at least that's how it seems. The smell of the rain (instead of snow) seems more intense and refreshing. The songs of the birds are more joyous and lovely, and welcome. The glow of the sun, on those days when we see it, is brighter and more appreciated than I seem to remember in the past. The sweet taste of fresh strawberries and crunch of asparagus is just better in the Spring. Oh, how I have missed them!

     I had an interesting experience last night as I was listening to the local Public Radio Station on my car radio last night driving home from a meeting. The Pittsburgh Symphony was playing selections from The Nutcracker Suite by Peter I. Tchaikovsky. I love this music, but I usually associate it with Christmas. It was so wonderful to hear it played last night (and they did a magnificent job) that I just had to pause in my car in the garage and listen to the rest of the program! Somehow it was just more beautiful last night than during the Christmas rush. "Visions of  Sugar Plum Fairies dance(d) in my head" as I reminisced about the times I have seen this performed with various ballet companies. Did you know that The Nutcracker Suite was not considered a success when it was first introduced back on December 18, 1892? Now it is an "annual occasion" to attend The Nutcracker! Tchaikovsky's score has become one of his most famous and familiar compositions. Who'd have thought?  I'm sure not Tchaikovsky, who thought he'd failed. I just goes to show, you never know what can happen when you pursue your dreams!

    What a great lesson for me to learn and understand right now. I have been "hearing" over and over again in my head the words "live your life". What exactly does this mean, I wonder? I am beginning to think that it means that I need to live my life embracing the things that I love, regardless of what others around me may think, say or do. (You'd have thought that by this age I would have made this determination already, but it doesn't hurt to have reminders every now and then!)

    I am finding that I want to fill my time, my life and my mind with quality. Quality music, literature, art, and activities. Classical music seems to be much more satisfying for me. As I read good literature my mind is filled with inspiration and I am uplifted. As I view beautiful artwork by the Masters my eyes seem to open to the beauties of the world around me. I don't want to spend my time or resources on things that don't build, uplift and inspire. I want a quality life within the quantity of life I have left to live. Maybe I'm finally "growing up" and have learned to appreciate why the "Classics" are considered "classics", because they are timeless.

    One of the "issues" that I have seen going around on the internet these days is the sad, uneducated and ignorant decision by some lawmakers to eliminate some of "The Arts" education programs in the public schools due to budget restrictions. How very tragic this is and will be for future generations! The Arts is what enriches life and makes a people civilized! To eliminate this is to cut out a portion of our culture that may become extinct. Not everyone is a Math or Science scholar or an athlete. I wasn't, nor ever will be! My interests and skills simply do not lie there, and I think it is not right for a government to "legislate" to it's citizens what is "important" and what is not. It takes away from an individual's right to choose, as well as the opportunity to develop talents and gifts that are God given. What gives the government the right to legislate that? I certainly didn't vote for that when I voted for them! In fact, it makes me just angry enough that I want to go out and buy season tickets to every "Arts" venue available! (If I only had the money - sigh).

     We live in a country that gives us so many opportunities to become our best selves and it is a real tragedy when we don't take advantage of these opportunities. Maybe we are a bit spoiled, and it might take losing some of these opportunities to really appreciate having them. The sad question though is that when they are gone will we ever be able to regain them? All the more reason we must continue to fight for what we believe is right. We must make the effort to pursue the dreams and work to accomplish what we are meant to do in this life, whatever it may be.

    

Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy (P.TCHAIKOVSKY - "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" / Nutcracker - Bolshoi Ballet 2010)

http://youtu.be/Wz_f9B4pPtg

Broken

Take Me There (Hilary Weeks)

There is a place where every teardrop that falls is counted

And every piece of the heart that's been broken is put back together

A place where healing begins

And the hurting ends

Take me there

I'm ready to go

'Cause I can't carry this by myself anymore

Wrap me up

Hold me tight in Mercy's arms

Let Your sweet peace

Pour over me

And heal my soul

On the wings of this prayer

Take me there

There is a place where the past doesn't cast any shadows

Where love fills the corners of the heart and little by little

Dreams dare to be dreamed again

But only the broken know the way there

'Cause they've walked Redemption's road

Take me there

I'm ready to go

'Cause I can't carry this by myself anymore

Wrap me up

Hold me tight in Mercy's arms

Let Your sweet peace

Pour over me

And heal my soul

On the wings of this prayer

Take me there

I need Your name

I need Your grace

Oh to lead me to that place

Please take me to the place

Where You can heal my heart

Where You can heal my soul

Where You can heal me

Take me there

I'm ready to go

'Cause I can't carry this by myself anymore

Wrap me up

Hold me tight in Mercy's arms

Let Your sweet peace

Pour over me

And heal my soul

On the wings of this prayer

Take me there

     I have felt broken for a long, long time. This broken feeling goes back many years and through many different life experiences. Little by little pieces of my life have broken apart and along with them, so have pieces of my heart. Sometimes it was due to a loss of a loved one, sometimes it was due to a life change or a difficult life experience - all of which have chipped away at my heart and soul and have made me feel broken. I am starting to have a better understanding of the meaning of the words "a broken heart and a contrite spirit", and I have wondered if I would ever feel whole again.

    One night, not to long ago, I laid awake, once again unable to turn down the noise in my head so I could sleep. I tried clearing my thoughts. I tried deep breathing techniques I had learned. I went through the mental check list: was I hungry? cold? hot? uncomfortable? All answers were no. I was so frustrated. I knew I had a big day ahead of me and I needed my rest. As I laid there the thought came to me, "I just feel so broken". I wanted to cry. Instead, I decided to say a little prayer and ask God for some help in being able to relax and go to sleep. In my head I heard the words to the above Hilary Weeks song, particularly the lines "But only the broken know the way there/'Cause they've walked Redemption's road". I fought to remember where I had heard that line, and then I remembered the song. Then the rest of the song came to me, just like a lullaby, and lulled me into a restful sleep.

    That night I  felt broken, but I learned that:

    This experience was proof to me that God is there for me, that He knows me and how to succor me, that "God loves broken me", and that if I let God, he will do the mending. "Praise His name, my God loves broken things".

Broken (Kenneth Cope)

http://youtu.be/KAjkRkF2yEs