"Mixed Blessings"





Blessings (Laura Story)

http://youtu.be/GMeFzFUbmJo

     Yesterday I was driving to my yoga class and I heard this song for the first time on my car radio. It was such a powerful experience that it felt like time just stopped, and I was transported to a space in time that was limitless and yet all encompassing. It is hard to explain, but I knew that hearing this song at that exact moment in time was no coincidence. It was a spiritual moment meant for me, then and there. It was the message from God that I needed to hear. It was a tender mercy to me in a time of great need. I think the thing that gave it the greatest impact was the feelings that it invoked in me; feelings of complete understanding, hope and love.

      We are all fighting battles within our souls, every day, in our own way. It is the nature of the mortal life we live, especially in these days of trial and troubles on every side. President Ezra Taft Benson said this:

"Great battles can make great heroes and heroines. We will never have a better opportunity to be valiant in a more crucial cause than in the battle we face today and in the immediate future. Some of the greatest battles we will face will be fought within the silent chambers of our own souls." ("In His Steps" Ensign, Sept. 1988).

     I find a great reassurance and understanding in this quote by Elde Quentin R. Cook. "We know from the scriptures that some trials are for our good and are suited for our own personal development" ("Hope Ya Know, We Had a Hard TIme" Ensign, October 2008).  We experience pain and heartache that are "tailor maid" for us. It is by experiencing these challenges that will ultimately sanctify us and purify us. The intent of these trials and tests is to help us to become who our Father in Heaven intended us to be. This is hard to see when one is in the midst of them though because growing pains are exactly that - painful!

   Elder Orson F. Whitney shared: "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, build[s] up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable ...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire." (Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, Deseret Book, 19785, 98).

   Perhaps I needed to be reminded of this truth yesterday and that is why this song had such an impact on me. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in the battle. That is perhaps the most important thing to remember when experiencing the fight. We continue to pray for relief, knowing that we are not alone in our battle. Maybe we should be grateful to know we are growing , and that God has enough confidence in us to make it.

"What if Your blessings come through raindrops?

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

   are what it takes to know Your near?

What if trials in this life are Your mercies in disquise? ....

We know that pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our Home....

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops,

what if your healing comes through tears.

What if a thousand sleepless nights

   are what it take to know your near.

What if my greatest disappointments

or the aching of this life

is the revealing of a "greater thirst" this world can't satisfy.

What if trials of this life - the rain, the storms, the hardest nights

are your mercies in disguise"

Laura Story - "Blessings" - The story behind the song

http://youtu.be/gjB2skJi2co

Peace - You Find It Where the Heart Is



The Heart of the Matter (Don Henley)

http://youtu.be/dyLvZ9uC9F4

     Like the beginning of this song by Don Henley, "I got the call today I didn't want to hear, but I knew that it would come". It was inevitable considering the situation and the personality of the individual to whom I am referring. In this case it wasn't about hearing of an old flame finding another love, but of an old relationship needing mending. Ironically, it is nearing the anniversary of the event that split the relationship into pieces in the first place. It all has to do with a complicated relationship, inheritance money and who will take responsibility for each. Long story short, it's also about forgiveness and finding peace.

     Earlier this year I made the effort to mend this long broken relationship by initiating an email apology to the individual involved, even though I did not see myself as the one at fault in the situation. I felt the relationship was important enough to me to try to repair it if at all possible, so I initiated the truce. Of course, this person had know idea about my view of what happened and the damage that was done.  I was allowing this situation to cause me anxiety and guilt, and the individual involved knew nothing of my discomfort nor could they really have cared less about it. Needless to say, they didn't see things the same way as I did. Perhaps some if it was a result of my own unrealistic expectations of what I thought the relationship "should be"; what they should have done, or been, or should be to me in my life. It has become obvious to me that what I would like to have happen is never going to happen in this situation. I think I have finally gotten to the point where I am o.k. with this fact. After many years I have been able to forgive and put to rest the issue that resulted in the broken relationship in the first place. As a result, we can now both calmly and rationally discuss this current situation from a place of caring, understanding and forgiveness.

      I will not lie and say that this phone call didn't, once again, bring a few tears at the conclusion of the call. But this time they were tears of understanding and maybe a little relief. They were also tears of grief over the reality of the situation and the loss of what might have once been, but now will likely never be. It is time to grow up and face the facts. I have finally seen it for what it really is. Yes I am disappointed, but I am also realistic enough to know that this time it is what it is, and just because I want it to be a different way doesn't make it so. It takes two to have a relationship and, as much as I would desire one, the other party in the relationship is content with the status quo.

     So, after many years and tears, I am able to be at peace with it all. What a liberating feeling that is! The knowledge that I have absolutely done all that I can do to make this relationship work and knowing that now the rest is up to the other party involved, brings great peace to my heart and mind. No longer will I continue to hold on to the hope that something different will ever come of it, because it most likely will not - at least in this lifetime - ever happen. It is what it is and until more effort is expended on the part of the other party involved, it will remain what it is. I do not feel the need to expend any more of my time or energy into a losing situation.

    This experience gives more meaning to the yuletide phrase "peace on earth, goodwill to men". I have longed to have peace about this situation for so long, and now I finally feel it. What a gift!  I can honestly say that I feel goodwill to this person. I am sincerely glad to hear that things have worked out well for them, that things continue to go well for this person, that they are happy and content with their life.

    Two very important life lessons I can take from this experience are these:



First -

and second -

Peace - You find it where the heart is!

Peace (Jim Brickman)

http://youtu.be/Pvx74fkqTwk



The Awakening



King of Anything (Sara Bareilles)
http://youtu.be/RPk4_XfYhjg

The Awakening

(Author Unknown)

"A time comes in your life when you finally get it ....

When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting, and crying or struggling to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tail endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's o.k. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...

And in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, and what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live; who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you own your parents, family and friends.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly o.k....and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect and you won't settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone... and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR, itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in it's most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can."

Healing Tears

Just Let Me Cry (Hilary Weeks)

http://youtu.be/zt0BKDOe3x0

I believe that everything happens for a reason
We're not just tossed by the wind and left in the
   hands of fate
But sometimes life sends a storm that's unexpected
And we're forced to face our deepest pain

When I feel the heartache begin to pull me under
I dig my heels in deep and I fight to keep my ground
Still at times the hurt inside grows stronger
And there's nothing I can do but let it out

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

When I agreed that God could put this heart
   inside me
I understood that there would be a chance that it
    would break
But I know He knows exactly how I'm feeling
And I know in time He'll take the pain away
But for now

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

I have felt joy the kind that makes my heart
    want to sing
And so my tears are not a surrender
I'll feel that way again
But for now
For this moment

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

I believe that everything happens for a reason

    I'm a cryer, I admit it! I haven't always been a cryer, but I'm a cryer now. Maybe it's what happens as we age. Maybe it's what happens as we go through life and allow ourselves to actually feel the full impact of what's going on inside of us. I used to be embarrassed to cry in public, probably because so many people view crying and tears in public as a weakness. I confess I have probably been guilty of some of that myself when I was younger, but not anymore. Life is messy sometimes, and just plain hard. Bad things happen to good people.  I think it took the death of my father and the compassion of a loving friend to help me understand the necessity of crying to help me begin to heal. At first after my father died, I would try to control the tears and "be strong" - for who? If found that this just gave me panic attacks and a huge headache! I had to come to terms with the fact that tears heal us. If we "let it out" then we aren't holding it in. It's a release of our feelings and our emotions. God gave us tears to help us heal. I usually feel such a relief after I have a good cry. Why walk around in life on the edge of tears and wanting to let it out, but fearing what "everyone else around us will think"? Who cares? It's not about what they are feeling, it's about what I am feeling. As Shrek says, "better out than in" ;-). I think that if we cried more there would be less need for all of those anti-depressants! So, I'm giving you permission to go ahead and cry - sob, weep, bawl, bewail, blubber, boohoo, burst into tears, let go, let it out, grieve, mourn - because only then can we begin to heal. (Now there, don't you feel better?)

Hear Me (Tears into Wine) - Jim Brickman (lyrics)
http://youtu.be/zB0tvJSM0lo