Everyday Miracles

"Real Life" Miracles

Ordinary Miracle by Sarah McLachlan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMSLWvK7cUc 

"We think of a miracle, such as a sudden physical healing, as an event. Actually, the real miracle is not the event, but how we perceive the event in our lives. Ask yourself which is the real miracle: when the check finally arrives, the deadline extended, the lawsuit is settled, the exception is made? Or when you cope, serene and smiling in the face of unbearable circumstances, triumphantly blowing everybody's mind - including your own - with poise and courage?

In becoming aware of this we experience the miracle of Real Life. 'In asking for miracles, we are seeking a practical goal,' Marianne Williamson reminds us, 'a return to inner peace. We're not asking for something outside us to change, but for something inside us to change.' 

(Sara Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance, November 13- 14)

Strength - Wisdom - Grace

"Strength to meet your challenges. Wisdom to embrace real life, and the Grace to be grateful not only for what you have, but what you've escaped."

"It is well with my soul"

"Goin' Home" Alex Boye and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
https://youtu.be/AAw78FOkhZs

It has been quite some time since I last wrote on this blog. Mainly because there has not been too much that I wanted to blog about, until today....

The past couple of weeks have been challenging. My daughter has been going through some struggles, and I lost a dear friend, neighbor and mentor to cancer and congestive heart failure. It is my friend, Rachel that I want to blog about today.

Rachel was a special soul. She loved everyone unconditionally. She never said an unkind word and always made you feel like you were "her favorite" when you would visit with her. She never had a lot in the way of worldly possessions, but she was rich in so many other ways. She would always welcome your visit and never made you feel like it was inconvenient for her.

Rachel lost her dear husband about 2 1/2 years ago, they were inseparable. She has missed him greatly over the past few years. On top of losing her husband (the love of her life) she also lost a daughter and a brother in the past two years. It had been a long and difficult few years for her.

Over the past year or so, I would make it a point to check on her or go and visit her on Thursday afternoons (my day off of work). We would talk for an hour or more, and we both came away supported, uplifted and able to carry on with the tasks of living. However, in mid-October, Rachel's health began to deteriorate rather quickly and we knew it was just a matter of time until the inevitable. Rachel had chosen not to seek treatment for her conditions and so we knew it was only a matter of a few weeks until she would pass through the veil to join her loved ones there.  She made it through Christmas and her granddaughter's birthday, and then it felt alright to go "home".

I saw Rachel the evening before she passed away. It was a Monday night. My husband, daughter and I went to visit her at the hospice where she was being cared for. Her oldest son was there with her. She was unconscious and her breathing was labored. Because of the experience I had when my own mother passed away, I knew it was just a matter of hours before she would leave us. She passed away quietly at 1:00 a.m. on Tuesday morning.

When I awoke on Tuesday morning I did not know that she had passed, but when I checked my Facebook feed I had a feeling that she had crossed over. A video clip was posted by Alex Boye of him singing the spiritual "Going Home" along with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir,and I had a feeling. The words to a scripture came into my mind...the same one that brought me great peace and comfort following the death of my mother 15 years ago.

 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14: 27) ... and I knew.

I soon had word that she had passed away. Before Rachel got so very ill, but when she knew she was going to die, a few of us sat down with her and pre-planned her funeral. She requested that I and two other friends dress her body in preparation for burial. She also requested that I play the organ at her service, and she requested a special musical number "It Is Well With My Soul" be performed at the service. She wanted my husband to give a talk, along with two other individuals, dear friends. All of her wishes were honored.

Fast forward 10 days... to today. The funeral has passed and we are all beginning to adjust to our life without Rachel in it. It is Thursday, the day that I would have usually made my connection with Rachel. I was feeling a little down, but that is not unusual under the circumstances. In preparation for a church activity tonight I needed to go to the store, Meijer, to pick up a snack to share. While walking through the store I came across a plaque with the words "It is well with my soul" printed on it, and I knew...it was a message from Rachel to me. It was the last one of its kind, on sale, at Meijer (where I used to always see Rachel and Ted), on Thursday. It felt like a Rachel was telling me that all was well. It was very unexpected, but also very welcome.

After my shopping trip I decided to drive over to where Rachel and Ted are buried to check on the graves. On my way home from the cemetery I heard the song "I Will Remember You" by Sarah Mclaughlan on the radio....the song that connects me to my mother. Coincidences you might ask? Perhaps, but I don't think so. I don't believe in coincidences, but I do believe in divine intervention and divine communications, and that is what I believe happened today. The veil can be very thin sometimes, and it would be just like Rachel to want me to know that she was fine and all was well. It was very reassuring because we had had a few discussions since her husband's passing that were filled with some doubt and uncertainty (on her part) about life after death.

I will miss Rachel very much. She was like a second mother to me after my mother passed away, and a substitute grandmother to my children for the past 17 years that we have been neighbors. She was a dear friend, a great support, a mentor and a care giver. We shared many good and bad times together and we helped each other through some of the hardest things mortality can bring. I am so thankful to have known this sweet soul, and I look forward to "goin' home" and seeing her again someday. For now I must be content to know that she is not far away, just out of sight.

Thank you, Rachel for another Thursday visit. I love you, dear friend..."I will remember you".

"It Is Well With My Soul"  - Chris Rice
https://youtu.be/ulfBlMdkT-E

Simple Gifts

'' 'Tis the gift to be simple,'tis the gift to be free

'tis the gift to come down to where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right.

'Twill be in the valley of love and 

delight.

When true simplicity is gained, 

To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

Till by turning, turning we come round right."

(Simple Gifts by Joseph Brackett)

Simple Gifts (Jim Brickman)

 http://youtu.be/VyfNVVou878

      Not all Christmas gifts need to be expensive or are even materialistic. Today I received some "simple gifts" that were neither materialistic nor expensive, but to me were priceless. I had the opportunity to attend church meetings in another unit (Ward). I know many of the people in this unit from living and serving in the Grand Rapids Stake Primary for many years. Some of the familiar faces I saw I had served with and become acquainted with during my tenure in the Stake Primary, and it was wonderful to see them, to share a hug and feel their love for me. 

    I began serving as the Stake Primary Music Leader in February 1997, shortly after we moved to Michigan. During my tenure in that position I was asked to organize a Stake Primary Choir to contribute to the singing of the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah (December 1998). This oratorio is frequently sung during the Christmas season, and the Hallelujah Chorus is one of the highlights. The choir I was asked to lead consisted of several children, boys and girls, ranging in ages from 8 to 12 years old. Logistically this presented some challenges, as our stake is spread across a wide geographical area. My assignment was to gather as many children together as I could, arrange a couple of practices together, and then we were to perform in conjunction with the adults at a special Stake Christmas event that year. I was so excited to be able to do this. I knew it would have it's challenges, but I also knew it could be done. I composed and sent out letters to each of the 12 units in the stake to recruit voices. 

     In the letter I promised that this experience singing with the choir would be something the children who chose to participated would never forget. I knew this because in my own life I had had the opportunity to participate in a Primary Children's Chorus that sang in the Mormon Tabernacle on Temple Square when I was 12 years old. We sang several songs for a General Conference of the church. President Harold B. Lee was the president and prophet at that time. At that conference, Elder Boyd K. Packer gave is infamous talk about life after death. I remember it to this day and have benefited from that talk several times in my life since that day. After we sang, President Lee took some time to commend and thank us for our participation. In his speaking to us, he told us that we would never forget this experience, and that it would add meaning to our lives. It was an unforgettable day for me. 

    Now back to the Children's chorus experience... I had set up several rehearsals a few weeks prior to the actual performance. Most of the children who participated were located in the Grand Rapids area because that was the central location for the rehearsals and would eventually be where we performed. We practiced and worked until were able to sound pretty good. As the evening of the performance event approached, I decided that I wanted to make some kind of a thank you gift item for each of the children who participated in the chorus to remember it by. I decided to make each of them an angel Christmas ornament out of lace, a wooden bead, a gold pipe cleaner, and a golden elastic string (see photo). As the children sung like angels, I thought it would be a fitting reminder of their experience. The evening of the performance came and they sang beautifully - like angels. It was a successful venture and I was so grateful to all who chose to participate. I handed out the ornaments, thanked them, and proceeded on my way, not thinking much about it ... until today.

     As I have previously mentioned in this blog, I have had a difficult year this year, and as a result I have been struggling with many things lately. My "simple gift" came today. As I was talking with someone who I had come to know those many years ago, she re-introduced me to two of her sons, both of which participated in the Children's Chorus those many years ago. They did not really remember me, but their mother told them that it was I who had organized that chorus those many years ago, and it was I who had given them the ornaments which they continue to place on their Christmas tree every year to commemorate that event. It made me feel so good to know that I and my efforts of so many years ago are still fondly remembered and celebrated in this family. There was no greater 'gift' I could have received than that today than to be remembered, and to have that memory shared again with two young men who were part of that experience. It was a delight to share in that memory and to reap a gift from a seed sown so many years ago. What a precious and priceless gift! So simple, and yet for me, so sweet.  It was a Christmas miracle moment for me, and I am grateful for the opportunity to remember ... and to be remembered. 

Merry Christmas!

Hallelujah Chorus (Handel's Messiah)

http://youtu.be/IUZEtVbJT5c

The Origin of the Christmas Creche

Angels We Have Heard on High (Home Free)
http://youtu.be/teSuDu84kMc

It's a part of many Christmas celebrations - the Christmas creche, or Nativity scene, graces tables and churchyards throughout the holiday season. Saint Francis of Assisi is credited with starting the tradition, and in his The Life of Saint Francis of Assisi, Saint Bonaventure tells us the story. (Saint Bonaventure - 1263)

     "It happened in the third year before his death, that in order to excite the inhabitants of Grecio to commemorate the nativity of the Infant Jesus with great devotion, [St. Francis] determined to keep it with all possible solemnity; and lest he should be accused of lightness or novelty, he asked and obtained the permission of the sovereign Pontiff. Then he prepared a manger, and brought hay, and an ox and an ass to the place appointed. The brethren were summoned, the people ran together, the forest resounded with their voices, and the venerable night was made glorious by many and brilliant lights and sonorous psalms of praise. The man of God [St. Francis] stood before the manger, full of devotion and piety, bathed in tears and radiant with joy; the Holy Gospel was chanted by Francis, the Levite of Christ. Then he preached to the people around the nativity of the poor King; and being unable to utter His name for the tenderness of his love, he called Him the Babe of Bethlehem. A certain valiant and veracious soldier, Master John of Grecio, who, for the love of Christ, had left the warfare of this world, and become a dear friend of this holy man, affirmed that he beheld an Infant marvelously beautiful, sleeping in the manger, Whom the blessed Father Francis embraced with both his arms, as if he would awake Him from sleep. This vision of the devout soldier is credible, not only by reason of the sanctity of him that saw it, but by reason of the miracles which afterward confirmed its truth. For example of Francis, if it be considered by the world, is doubtless sufficient to excite all hearts which are negligent in the faith of Christ; and the hay of that manger, being preserved by the people, miraculously cured all diseases of cattle, and many other pestilences; God thus in all things glorifying his servant, and witnessing to the great efficacy of his holy prayers by manifest prodigies and miracles." (Source: A Classic Christmas. Harper One, 2009 pages 237-238)

     Almost every Christmas for the past 15 years we have celebrated the holiday performing or participating in some form of a Christmas Creche with family and friends. When our children were younger we would dress them in the various attire of the characters of the Creche, and they would act out the parts as the Nativity story was read. Some years they were angels, some years shepherds, and some years the animals. My son would often play the part of the narrator because he was of an age where he was a bit old for dressing up to act out the parts, but he was still willing to participate. My daughters and their friends would happily dress up and play the various parts. We would insert appropriate Christmas Carols to sing together throughout the program so as to be able to include all of the adults in attendance, and to generally add to the celebration and pageantry of the occasion. These are some of my happiest memories of Christmases past. 

     This year our church group has decided to perform a pageant at the Ward Christmas Party involving most of the young children. They all seem to be very excited about having the opportunity. I have been involved due to the fact that I play the piano for the young children in Primary (our children's organization - similar to Sunday School for you non-LDS readers). I have to admit, most ashamedly, I have been much less than enthusiastic about doing this again this year. As I have previously mentioned, it has been a very difficult year for my family, and me personally, this year and I had secretly hoped to be allowed to take a breather this year from the pageantry and pomp that can get so involved and overwhelming this time of year. Needless to say, I was less than excited to be dragged into doing yet another Christmas Creche and on an even grander scale that usual this year. My attitude might be compared to that of Ebeneezer Scrooge, in fact. Unfortunately, I let this attitude spill over on to some of my co-workers on this project this year and I have added discomfort and Grinchiness to their holiday season. I have been so caught up in worrying about how this all will affect me and my holiday stress (adding to an already stressful year) that I lost sight of the purpose and meaning behind what we are trying to do. I have been complaining, grouchy and downright Scroogey about the whole thing, but this morning I had an epiphany! I had a visit from a "ghost of Christmas past" so to speak. This morning I awoke thinking about the pageant and knowing that my bad attitude toward the whole thing simply had to change - for everyone's sake. So I got to thinking about our past pageant experiences and what a sweet spirit and joyful experience they had been to share with our children and our friends. I was usually the one behind the piano and rarely got to experience the entire program, but the spirit that came and permeated the room when we did the pageants was undeniable - it was really what brought in the true Spirit of Christmas. 

    Our children are all grown now and most of them have moved away, so we no longer have the opportunity to perform the Christmas Creches like we have done in the past. There are many children in our Ward who would never have the opportunity to participate in such an experience unless we provide that opportunity to them through such a venue as the Ward Christmas Party. It will be a bittersweet experience this year because of the departure of our dear friend, Bob Roll, who passed away suddenly just a month ago. Our two families enjoyed many a Christmas Creche together. How lucky we all were to have the opportunity to participate in such a special and reverent occasion that brought in the true Spirit of Christmas. This year may be one of the last that I will be asked to even participate in such an experience, and so I will choose to make it a reverent and positive experience for the children's sake. I will think of our dear friends and the wonderful memories from Christmases past that we shared. I will strive to make the "Christmas present" a joyous and reverent occasion for the children and their families. Perhaps this will help bring the true Spirit of Christmas into their holiday celebration and provide a special memory for them that will last their lifetimes. Hearts will be touched, memories will be made and a tribute (at least in my heart) will be sent heavenward to a dear friend as well as to my Lord and Savior, the Babe in Bethlehem, whose birth we celebrate this, and every, Christmas season. 

     And may God bless us, every one!

The First Noel (David Archuleta)
http://youtu.be/ZgrcBCC0xgg

Things Take Time

"There are two types of pain, one that hurts you and the other that changes you" - Unknown

Beautiful Heartbreak - Hilary Weeks - Every Step: http://youtu.be/xyX-I-um5Kk

I have finally returned to writing again, after a very difficult year.  My life journey over this past year has been one of trials, tears, fears, anxiety,  disappointments, heartache, loss, great joy and unexpected miracles. In short, it has been quite a roller coaster ride!  Extreme highs and extreme lows. Agony and ecstasy.  I feel I have lived through an entire lifetime in a year - at least I have experienced enough in one year to last a lifetime. I didn't know one person could go through so much turmoil in such a short period of time and still survive!

I have also learned the value of the phrase "things take time". Perhaps this is God's way of teaching and testing my patience. Certainly, it has tried it. I have had experiences over the past year that I never expected to ever have to go through in my lifetime. As I look back, I don't know why I never thought they would happen to me and my loved ones. I guess I lived in a type of a bubble, expecting only good things to happen in life, and not the bad. The "happily ever after" syndrome.  Pretty unrealistic. But, in spite of that fact, some of what could have turned out to be really bad turned out to be really good - even miraculous!

I have learned a lot about trusting God and His plan for me and my family over the last year. His plans are not always my plans. I have also learned  alot about God's plans for families, and that it is much bigger and much broader than I ever imagined! I have also learned that God strengthens us through difficulties and "saves" us in unexpected, but glorious ways. He compensates us for our losses. He carries us when we no longer have the strength to carry on. Truly, His grace IS amazing, and sufficient.

I have learned that I was capable of doing some really hard things. I learned how very much I love my family. I have learned that we can get through difficult times much better working together and supporting each other, than we could ever do alone. I have learned that God put this family together for a reason; that when we pull together and love and support each other, no matter what, God helps us get through the rough parts of life.

I would never want to relive this year again-ever. It has truly been "the worst of times and the best if times". But, I have learned this great lesson that, "if God brings you to it, He will lead you through it". We are NEVER alone in our trials in this life journey. We have a Father in Heaven who cares and is always there to hear, help and heal us; and He will make everything right -  if not today, then someday.

Jim Brickman: Amazing Grace: http://youtu.be/9mj_kO7LIFY

What I Want My Children to Know, Part 1

 "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; 

knock, and it shall be opened unto you:" (Matt. 7:7)

http://youtu.be/Pzmw6DDEodQ

I Stand All Amazed

     This week I had to opportunity to reconnect with an old friend. She is searching for answers to some of the "big questions" of life and felt comfortable enough with me to ask my opinion. I felt so honored to be able to tell her what I believe. I got to thinking about my own children and how much I hope they understand the same things that I shared with her. So, I decided it was important enough to blog about it. So, here it is - part 1:

"The short answer to your question, "Why do we need a Savior?" is this - because we all sin.

Because of the Fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (when they transgressed and partook of the forbidden fruit) they introduced both temporal and spiritual death into the world. If these two deaths had not been overcome by Jesus Christ's Atonement, two consequences would have resulted: our bodies and our spirits would have been separated forever, and we could not have lived again with our Heavenly Father (See 2 Nephi 9:7-9 - actually all of 2 Nephi 2 - http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2?lang=eng - is a wonderful chapter to enlighten us about this concept).

But our wise Heavenly Father prepared a wonderful, merciful plan to save us from physical and spiritual death. He planned for a Savior to come to earth to ransom (redeem) us from our sins and from death. Because of our sins and the weakness of our mortal bodies, we could not ransom ourselves (see Alma 34:10-12 - http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/34.10?lang=eng#9). The one who would be our Savior would need to be sinless and to have power over death.

Maybe a story, a parable,  by Elder Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles will better illustrate what I am trying to tell you:

"There once was a man who wanted something very much. It seemed more important than anything else in his life. In order for him to have his desire, he incurred a great debt.

"He had been warned about going into that much debt, and particularly about his creditor. But it seemed so important for him to do what he wanted to do and to have what he wanted right now. He was sure he could pay for it later.

"So he signed a contract. He would pay it off some time along the way. He didn't worry too much about it, for the due date seemed such a long time away. He had what he wanted now, and that was what seemed important.

"The creditor was always somewhere in the back of his mind, and he made token payments now and again, thinking somehow that the day of reckoning really would never come.

"But as it always does, the day came, and the contract fell due. The debt had not been fully paid. His creditor appeared and demanded payment in full.

"Only then did he realize that his creditor not only had the power to repossess all that he owned, but the power to cast him into prison as well.

" 'I cannot pay you, for I have not the power to do so,' he confessed.

" 'Than,' said the creditor, 'we will exercise the contract, take your possessions, and you shall go to prison. You agreed to that. It was your choice. You signed the contract, and now it must be enforced.'

"'Can you not extend the time or forgive the debt?' the debtor begged. 'Arrange some way for me to keep what I have and not go to prison. Surely you believe in mercy? Will you not show mercy?'

“The creditor replied, ‘Mercy is always so one-sided. It would serve only you. If I show mercy to you, it will leave me unpaid. It is justice I demand. Do you believe in justice?’

“‘I believed in justice when I signed the contract,’ the debtor said. ‘It was on my side then, for I thought it would protect me. I did not need mercy then, nor think I should need it ever. Justice, I thought, would serve both of us equally as well.’

“‘It is justice that demands that you pay the contract or suffer the penalty,’ the creditor replied. ‘That is the law. You have agreed to it and that is the way it must be. Mercy cannot rob justice.’

“There they were: One meting out justice, the other pleading for mercy. Neither could prevail except at the expense of the other.

“‘If you do not forgive the debt there will be no mercy,’ the debtor pleaded.

“‘If I do, there will be no justice,’ was the reply.

“Both laws, it seemed, could not be served. They are two eternal ideals that appear to contradict one another. Is there no way for justice to be fully served, and mercy also?

“There is a way! The law of justice can be fully satisfied and mercy can be fully extended—but it takes someone else. And so it happened this time.

“The debtor had a friend. He came to help. He knew the debtor well. He knew him to be shortsighted. He thought him foolish to have gotten himself into such a predicament. Nevertheless, he wanted to help because he loved him. He stepped between them, faced the creditor, and made this offer.

“‘I will pay the debt if you will free the debtor from his contract so that he may keep his possessions and not go to prison.’

“As the creditor was pondering the offer, the mediator added, ‘You demanded justice. Though he cannot pay you, I will do so. You will have been justly dealt with and can ask no more. It would not be just.’

“And so the creditor agreed.

“The mediator turned then to the debtor. ‘If I pay your debt, will you accept me as your creditor?’

“‘Oh yes, yes,’ cried the debtor. ‘You save me from prison and show mercy to me.’

“‘Then,’ said the benefactor, ‘you will pay the debt to me and I will set the terms. It will not be easy, but it will be possible. I will provide a way. You need not go to prison.’

“And so it was that the creditor was paid in full. He had been justly dealt with. No contract had been broken.

“The debtor, in turn, had been extended mercy. Both laws stood fulfilled. Because there was a mediator, justice had claimed its full share, and mercy was fully satisfied” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1977, 79–80; or Ensign, May 1977, 54–55).

Our sins are our spiritual debts. Without Jesus Christ, who is our Savior and Mediator, we would all pay for our sins by suffering spiritual death. But because of Him, if we will keep His terms, which are to repent and keep His commandments, we may return to live with our Heavenly Father.

It is wonderful that Christ has provided us a way to be healed from our sins. He said:

“Behold, I have come unto the world … to save the world from sin.

“Therefore, whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God. Behold, for such I have laid down my life, and have taken it up again; therefore repent, and come unto me ye ends of the earth, and be saved” (3 Nephi 9:21–22).

Let me add my testimony of the truthfulness of this doctrine. I have recently been working with the Family Support Group at church, and  I have found that by applying the principles I have learned in this program I have come to have a greater understanding of the grace and mercy of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and of his love for ALL of God's children - including you and including me. It is because of His great love for us that Jesus Christ chose to take upon Him our sins and suffer a horrible death in order that we might someday have eternal life. What we do to qualify for this blessing is to have faith, repent of our sins and continually choose to be obedient to God's commandments. There is nothing that you or I have done (short of denying the Holy Ghost after we have had a sure witness) for which we cannot repent and be forgiven. That is the beauty of the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. It is a marvelous and wonderful gift from a loving Heavenly Father, but we have to choose to accept it and act upon it.

You are a special child of a loving Heavenly Father. You have experienced many challenges and difficulties over your lifetime, as we all have, but I know that through the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, all things will be made right someday - either in this life or the next. My counsel to you would be to pray with an open and sincere heart and I know that our loving Heavenly Father will answer your prayers in His own way and in His own time. As a truth seeker, listen to what your heart and your mind are telling you. I would also counsel you to be sure that the sources that you are learning from are sincere and true. The best source for learning truth, in my opinion and God's, are the scriptures. Through them truths are made manifest if we are open and seeking for them.

To Be Continued....

I Know That My Redeemer Lives

http://youtu.be/z0NoxhsH8rE

The Leader of the Band



"Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad"

In The Living Years (Mike and the Mechanics)
http://youtu.be/4BrTFH9jmmo

     Today is Father's Day, and it has been 8 years since my father passed away. It can be a difficult day for those of us who had great fathers that have passed beyond the veil. Our thoughts are never far away from the memories of them, but especially on this day of the year.

     Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend a Youth Conference for the youth of my church. Throughout the course of the day I was able to reconnect with some friends that I had not seen in quite a while. One such friend and I took a short walk and talked a bit about our childhood. She happened to grow up in the same town that my Father was born and raised in. As a child and youth I spent quite a bit of time there, as it that was my Father's favorite vacation spot. We talked about some of the familiar sites in the town and what it was like there many years ago when both of us were young. We decided that we were probably there at many of the same holidays and times and didn't even know it! We both expressed the desire to return there someday and observe how much it had changed over the years we have been away.

    Our discussion brought to my memory the special times I was able to spend with my father there in our family's 100+ year old cabin located up the canyon from the town where he was raised. It was the one place on earth when I saw my father genuinely relaxed and content. It was home to him, I could tell. When we visited there it brought to his mind many happy memories from his childhood. He would talk about his family and the summers he would spend living up on the ranch tending the cattle and sheep, and working with his family there.

     My father's father passed away from an electrical accident when he was just shy of 10 years old. My father happened to be present when the accident took place and his mother was left a widow for the rest of her life. It was near the end of the Great Depression and it changed their lives forever.  My father's oldest brother took on the father figure role in his life because my grandfather passed away when my father was so young,. As a result, they became very close and remained so throughout his life. When my uncle passed away it was like my father losing his father all over again.

    My father and his siblings took care of his mother until she died many years later. I was a small child then and barely new her. All I really know of her was how highly my mother and aunts spoke of her and her pleasing disposition. She was a strong woman and well-loved by her children. I have one picture of her standing on the front porch of our house next to my mother, who was holding me as an infant . It was probably on the day I was given a name and a blessing at church. I also have a few letters that she wrote to my father when he served his LDS Mission (coincidentally he served in the same Mission area as my husband did, only many years earlier).

    Today I have been thinking about what it was that made my father so special. He was a gentle, tender-hearted and loving man. Generous to a fault at times. He took special care of his mother and my mother, both of whom had some serious physical challenges that they dealt with over their lifetimes. He loved them and showed that love by how he served them faithfully and unconditionally. I am blessed to have a son who seems to carry some of the same personality traits that my father had, and because of this he frequently reminds me of my dad when we are together. It is a special blessing to me.

     I have been twice blessed. There is another father with whom I have been blessed to associate in my life. He is my husband, the father of my three children. He too carries many of the great traits of my father, as well as a few that are unique to him alone. He blesses our lives as he faithfully fulfills his role as a husband and father in our home. One of the ways I knew that we were to be eternal companions was by observing the way he interacted with my father when we would visit. There was a mutual respect and love for each other that was obvious when they were together. 

     I wasn't there the day my father passed away; and that has been one of the difficult parts of his passing. However, I do believe he knew how I felt about him and our relationship. I have since reflected on the last time we were together, it was at my son's high school graduation. I was helping him pack his suitcase to return home from that trip, and I slipped a note into his suitcase for him to open when he returned home. I indicated in that note how much I loved and cared for him, and always would. I am so glad that I made the choice to write those words and put them in his suitcase that day.

     The last picture I have of us together -  me, my son and my father - was taken by a kind man who worked at the airport. My father was preparing to go through security to board his plane home and we paused to take a picture of the three of us. That man, the anonymous photographer, will never know the significance of that simple act of kindness that he did for us that day, but I will never forget it. It has meant the world to me every day since my father's passing. It seems fitting that it was a simple act of kindness that someone did for us that is the last memory I have of my father here, as that is part of the legacy that he left for me. A combination of the many small and simple acts of kindness and service that my father extended to me, and to many others whose path he crossed over his lifetime. I  hope I can continue his legacy in a like manner. Only then will I feel I have paid an adequate tribute to him, and to The One he tried to follow during his lifetime.... "My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man, I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band".

     "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (The Book of Mormon, Mosiah 2:17)

The Leader of the Band (Dan Fogelberg)
http://youtu.be/NzpiwKNecHc

"Mixed Blessings"





Blessings (Laura Story)

http://youtu.be/GMeFzFUbmJo

     Yesterday I was driving to my yoga class and I heard this song for the first time on my car radio. It was such a powerful experience that it felt like time just stopped, and I was transported to a space in time that was limitless and yet all encompassing. It is hard to explain, but I knew that hearing this song at that exact moment in time was no coincidence. It was a spiritual moment meant for me, then and there. It was the message from God that I needed to hear. It was a tender mercy to me in a time of great need. I think the thing that gave it the greatest impact was the feelings that it invoked in me; feelings of complete understanding, hope and love.

      We are all fighting battles within our souls, every day, in our own way. It is the nature of the mortal life we live, especially in these days of trial and troubles on every side. President Ezra Taft Benson said this:

"Great battles can make great heroes and heroines. We will never have a better opportunity to be valiant in a more crucial cause than in the battle we face today and in the immediate future. Some of the greatest battles we will face will be fought within the silent chambers of our own souls." ("In His Steps" Ensign, Sept. 1988).

     I find a great reassurance and understanding in this quote by Elde Quentin R. Cook. "We know from the scriptures that some trials are for our good and are suited for our own personal development" ("Hope Ya Know, We Had a Hard TIme" Ensign, October 2008).  We experience pain and heartache that are "tailor maid" for us. It is by experiencing these challenges that will ultimately sanctify us and purify us. The intent of these trials and tests is to help us to become who our Father in Heaven intended us to be. This is hard to see when one is in the midst of them though because growing pains are exactly that - painful!

   Elder Orson F. Whitney shared: "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, build[s] up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable ...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire." (Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, Deseret Book, 19785, 98).

   Perhaps I needed to be reminded of this truth yesterday and that is why this song had such an impact on me. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in the battle. That is perhaps the most important thing to remember when experiencing the fight. We continue to pray for relief, knowing that we are not alone in our battle. Maybe we should be grateful to know we are growing , and that God has enough confidence in us to make it.

"What if Your blessings come through raindrops?

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

   are what it takes to know Your near?

What if trials in this life are Your mercies in disquise? ....

We know that pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our Home....

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops,

what if your healing comes through tears.

What if a thousand sleepless nights

   are what it take to know your near.

What if my greatest disappointments

or the aching of this life

is the revealing of a "greater thirst" this world can't satisfy.

What if trials of this life - the rain, the storms, the hardest nights

are your mercies in disguise"

Laura Story - "Blessings" - The story behind the song

http://youtu.be/gjB2skJi2co

In the Arms of the Angels



"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way...."

- Charles Dickens 

(The opening paragraph from A Tale of Two Cities)

Remember When It Rained (Josh Groban)
http://youtu.be/FvWnHAhKX6E

     I awoke this morning with several thoughts running through my head. As another Mother's Day approaches my thoughts turn to my own experiences as a Mother. This has been one of the most challenging aspects of my life in many ways. To quote Charles Dickens, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...."

     I have three beautiful children, and now two wonderful "children-in-law", that bless and grace my life  in wonderful ways and for which I am very thankful. However, as I have mentioned in a previous blog, I am also the mother of three other children whom I never seen or to known.  I experienced three miscarriages during my childbearing years, and thoughts of them are never far from my consciousness this time of year. I am a mother to them as well, and a piece of my heart still aches and longs for them. Each loss was painful and devastating in it's own way, but I learned some very valuable life-changing lessons through the experiences of losing those three children.

     The first thing that I learned is that each life is precious. Before I miscarried my first baby I never really thought about how fragile and fleeting a human life can be. When I found out I was expecting our second child I was a bit overwhelmed with thoughts of number two on the way, but I was also excited. Our first child would be about 22 months old when number 2 came along. I thought that was close in age, but manageable. However, I had a feeling inside of my heart that something was not right with this pregnancy. When I began to bleed at 11 weeks into the pregnancy the realization that something could (and eventually did) go wrong smacked me in the face. I had never thought it would happen to me. This miscarriage occurred around a Mother's Day and ever since then this holiday brings this memory back to my consciousness. My husband and I had made plans to have a large number of children, and until that moment the thought that I might not be able to do so had never, ever entered my mind. I lost a type of innocence and a dream was soon shattered when the reality of the situation hit me full force. Within a week I went from expecting to suddenly not expecting any more, and it was quite a shock to both my physical body and my mental and emotional health. No answers, little support, just a lot of questions and a lot of pain. I was numb for months afterward. Mother's Day was a painful blur and while well meaning friends tried to comfort me, I found that time,  prayer and journaling was what helped me the heal the most.

     The second thing I learned is that each child is an individual being. Each of my pregnancies was as individual as each one of my children are now. I think that because of the losses I have endured, I have tried to make a better effort at being the best mother I could be to the children that I do have. Part of this process has been coming to understand and value each one of my children as the individual personalities that they are. I have tried to never compare my children to each other, but to help them see their individuality and develop their own interests and talents. Each child is a precious human being with God-given gifts and abilities, and I felt it was one of my jobs as their mother to help them find and develop these. As much as possible I allowed my children to try new things, learn new things and make their own choices and decisions. I have tried to help them see the consequences of what some of their choices might be. I have tried to support them in their positive interests, and steer them away from what I see are potential hazards and problems. As their parent, I was willing to sacrifice whatever it took to be available for them as they needed. I have discovered that sacrifice and support are two very important elements of parenting. My needs and wants sometimes had to be put on the back burner in order to make sure that my children's needs were met. Sometimes the sacrifices were not appreciated, but they were well worth it.

      The third thing I learned is that there are many ways to "mother". After my third and final miscarriage, I found myself wondering if I would ever be able to experience being a biological mother again. The physical, emotional and mental turmoil I had been through had taken a heavy toll. After much pondering and prayer I felt that I was done having my own biological children, but I wondered how I was going to handle having the dream of a large family taken from me. I cried, I prayed, I searched, and then God blessed me with an opportunity that has blessed my life in many ways. He, through his faithful and worthy servants, called me to serve in the children's organization in our church. These experiences and opportunities helped me to see that I could be a mother to many children besides my own. I discovered that there are many ways to mother, and one of them was to be sure that other people's children were learning what they needed in order to progress and become who God meant for them to be. I found that by serving in the Primary Organization of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I could have an impact, however small, on other of God's beautiful and precious children. I could be the "mother of many children" after all! I could have an impact on other people's children by how I taught, treated and loved them. This opportunity to serve in that capacity blessed my life then, and continues to bless my life now, as I see "my children" grow up and make good choices and decisions. I also still share some wonderful friendships with others with whom I served during those years in the Stake Primary that continue to bless my life.

      These are three of the things that stand out in my mind when I think about what I have learned as a mother. I'm sure there are many more, but this is all I will share here. Mothering is the hardest work that I have ever been asked to do, but it has also been the most rewarding "job" of my life. Three of "my children" are with the angels now who are caring for them, but I look forward to someday being able to be a mother to them that I was not able to be in this mortal life. I have come to understand that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ all things will be made right someday. I believe that a part of that, for me, will be to have the opportunity to raise the children that I lost in mortality.  But, for now, they are in the arms of the angels and I "find some comfort there".

Angel (Sarah McLachlin)

http://youtu.be/jVbkz_3lO3c

An Examined Life

"An unexamined life is not worth living"
- Socrates

February Song (Josh Groban)

http://youtu.be/qEKrPID-PeI

    I have a ritual that I have been doing since February 2006. There is something about losing one's parents that brings to the forefront the reality of ones mortality. So, in February 2006, I decided that I needed to write my autobiography. I think this was a response, in part, to the fact that I had just lost my last parent and I was trying to make some sense of my life. Now every February, usually around my birthday, I try to update this autobiography with details of the previous year. 

    Another factor that contributed to my decision to doing this autobiography, was the fact that neither of my parents left much of a personal history for me and my siblings, nor therefore, our posterity. My parents were wonderful people, real people. They had their share (well, maybe more than their share) of sorrow and challenges, as well as joy and happiness. They lived rich, full lives and I felt like my children would never have the opportunity to really know them or about them unless I did something about it. These feelings later led to my organizing and writing each of their biographies for our family members. That was no small task. I had to put together their stories from bits and pieces of materials and information they left behind. I did my best to put the pieces of their lives together, but it would have been SO much easier if they had either done it themselves or allowed one of us to help them do it while they were still living. There were so many questions I would have liked to be able to ask them about certain events, places and people in their lives. Some questions still remain and will forever remain unanswered. 

     As part of my motivation to write this year I decided to dig into some old photographs of myself and my family. These photos have been sitting in a box in my closet for about thirteen years. I was determined I was going to make a dent in sorting through them and organizing them into some kind of an album or scrap book. My intentions were really noble, but the reality proved to be something much different. We are not the best at taking pictures of events throughout the year, but we are really good at taking pictures on birthdays and at Christmas time. Therefore, a lot of the pictures I started working through were of Christmases past. As I began looking at them I was quite shocked at what came to my attention.  When I looked at the pictures of the Christmas just prior to my mother's death in 2000, and the pictures of the Christmas in 2005, just after my father's death, the contrast of the look on my face and my demeanor between the two photos was so stark and so contrasting that it took my breath away. The look of grief on my face was obvious, and I felt that old familiar lump begin to rise in my throat. I simply could not, at that time, continue to sort through the photos. I had to put them aside for another day and another time.

      This experience has caused me to stop and think about who I was then and who I am now, and about the journey that has led me to this place. I saw the innocence and the joy on my face as I had opened a special gift from my mother that Christmas of 2000, before she died. It was a clock like "barometer of my husband's moods" that had hung on her wall ever since I could remember. On our trip to their home earlier that year I had expressed my desire to have that item when she died, and she had decided to gift it to me for that Christmas. Did she somehow know what would happen to her in just a few months? Needless to say, it is one of my most precious possessions. Fast forward 5 years to the Christmas following my father's death. He had died about a month earlier and the look of heavy grief and anguish was written all over my face. 

     Much has happened in our family since those Christmases of not-so-long ago. Time has moved on amazingly fast, and we with it. Children have grown up and moved on, and our family has grown larger with the addition of two in-laws. We have had much to celebrate over the past few years. Still, as I approach each February I always get that tug at my heart to revisit my life story and examine my life over the past year. It just seems to help me to get a perspective and to realize my blessings and just how important it is to not take anything for grandid; and to chose to live my life fully and mindfully. Sometimes I get fearful and restless, wondering what is next along my path. I get fearful of the future and what challenges might or do lie ahead. Restless about what new adventure is just around the bend. But when I look back, I am always thankful for the blessing of having lived one more year, one more day. My hope is that someday when my children look at my life story they will see someone of whom they can be proud to call theirs, someone who met her challenges with grace, dignity, courage and faith and trust in God. 

This One's For You (A song Barry Manilow wrote for his deceased grandfather, who started him on his journey to becoming a musical legend.)

 http://youtu.be/wLeNzA1OIcM

A Time To Be Released

A Time To Be Released

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

We May Never Pass This Way (Again) by Seals and C…: http://youtu.be/i3mp4dkm1fQ     

"Elder Neal A. Maxwell reminds us: “It should be clear to us with regard to various callings and assignments that just as soon as we are sustained and set apart the clock begins running toward the moment of our release. How vital it is to manage our time and talents wisely from the moment a task begin! Later, when we have devotedly invested much of ourselves in a particular calling or assignment (and especially when it has been satisfying and we have made a real difference), we may feel the release when it comes, but that, too, is part of our schooling as disciples. Being released gives us experience in patience and humility, as well as a fresh reminder of our replaceability” (The Neal A. Maxwell Quote Book [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1997], p. 52).

            At the time a call is made, there is inherent in the call the pending date for release. We usually are not given the exact day. It may not happen when expected, and it may not be easy when it does happen. It will usually come after we have formed close relationships, shared wonderful experiences, prayed together with associates in the work, and learned to serve and love. And we may think, Why couldn’t it have been just a little longer?

            My mind goes back to the time when President Gordon B. Hinckley informed Sister Patricia Holland that, after serving only two years in the Young Women general presidency, she was to be released. The prophet, of course, was aware of many other important things she was to do, but it seemed untimely to me. In response to our feelings, he counseled, “Don’t be sad that it hasn’t been longer. Be grateful that it happened at all.” We must not look back, but always forward. We must not live in the past, for there is work to be done….

Of course, there is a sense of loss anytime there is a change. You can’t give your heart and soul to a calling and then walk away with no feelings or attachments or concern. If you could, one might wonder about your level of devotion to the calling….

            However, it is important to remember and expect that inspiration and personal revelation will continue – not as they relate to a leader ... but as they belong to every (person) in the gospel….

            The hymn title “We Are All Enlisted” reminds us that whether we have an official call to a specific assignment or not, still we are called to listen to the Spirit. We must all take part in the great conflict that began with the war in heaven and continues to rage here on the earth. Membership in the Church is itself a call to leadership, a call to lead out in the cause of truth and righteousness….

            A release from a calling does not erase our identity with the Lord, nor does it remove any of the good that has been accomplished during the time and season of our service. That remains and often grows, like seeds lying in fertile soil that blossom years later. But it frequently falls to others to harvest the garden we have helped plant....

            ….We have the assurance that when we are called home there will be no question about our being recognized at the gate. The keeper of the gate will know us. Of that I am sure.

            Our callings and titles and positions are not intended to bring us glory, but to bring glory to God. Should we ever lose the importance of that true principle, let the lines from the following poem ring clear:

The Torch Bearer

The God of the High Endeavor

Gave me a torch to bear

I lifted it high above me

In the dark and murky air;

And straightway with loud hosannas

The crowd proclaimed its light

And followed me as I carried my torch

Through the starless night,

Till drunk with people’s praises

And mad with vanity

I forgot ‘twas the torch they followed

And fancied they followed me.

Then slowly my arm grew weary

Upholding the shining load

And my tired feet went stumbling

Over the dusty road

I fell with the torch beneath me.

In a moment the light was out.

When lo! From the throng a stripling

Sprang forth with a mighty shout,

Caught up the torch as it smoldered,

And lifted it high again,

Till fanned by the winds of heaven,
it fired the souls of men.

And as I lay in the darkness

The feet of the trampling crowd

Passed over and far beyond me,

Its paeans proclaimed aloud,

And I learned in the deepening twilight

This glorious verity,

“Tis the torch that the people follow,

Whoever the bearer may be.

(In Thomas Curtis Clark, comp., The Master of Men [Freeport, N.Y.: Books for Libraries Press, 1970], p. 205)

            We must pass the torch on. And when you do pass the torch on to another, and (he) carries the title you once had, you might ask (him)…, “be a little sensitive when you tell me rightly that things are better than they’ve ever been before.” This church will continue to move onward and upward.

            The time of a release is a time to feel, not emptiness, but the fullness of an abundant harvest. In the words of Luther Burbank: “Like the year at the end of summer, I pause now, toward the end of my allotted time, to glance backward and to gather my harvest of experience and growth and friendship and memory. And what has been my harvest of the years? As though they were the grains of the field, the fruits from the orchard and the flowers from the garden, bursting now with seed for another season, I seem to see three kinds of crops: the harvest of work accomplished and aims achieved, the harvested experience and lessons that have molded and impressed my life, and the harvest of dear friendships, happy memories. And the storehouse floor groans, and the walls bulge, and the shingles on the roof have to give a little to make room, for the harvest is rich and heavy and abundant.”

(Ardeth Greene Kapp, Lead, Guide and Walk Beside, Deseret Book, 1998, pgs. 169-175)

When October Goes - Barry Manilow: http://youtu.be/Reiqwbo4b7Q

Amazing Grace



Lord of the Rings Medley (The Piano Guys)

http://youtu.be/FZNqs0YgWkM

       I really appreciate this musical tribute to Lord of the Rings by the Piano Guys. It shows all of the sides of the trilogy; the good, the bad and the ugly. It is a good analogy for life. It begins so innocent and beautiful, then somewhere in the middle it gets dark and scary and downright hard. Then, after the dark and scary times pass, or we come to understand how to navigate these parts, it can once again become beautiful and even magnificent. It also shows that order can come after the chaos and that brings beauty into life.

      I was having a discussion with some friends yesterday about dealing with some difficult life experiences. We talked about how when we were in the midst of the dark, hard and scary times of our lifes we would plead for relief. When it didn't seem to come immediately we would sometimes misunderstand why the relief that we so longed for and desired seemed not to come. Everyone has these times in their lives, it is part of the mortal experience. I have found that it is during these times that we grow the most. We have two choices during these times: one, we can become bitter and angry and resentful; or two, we can turn to God for his grace to help us through the challenges.

    There is a lot of confusion about the definition of grace among different religious sects, but I really like and appreciate this definition:

Grace 

     A word that occurs frequently in the New Testament, especially in the writings of Paul. The main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ.

     It is through the grace of the Lord Jesus, made possible by his atoning sacrifice, that mankind will be raised in immortality, every person receiving his body from the grave in a condition of everlasting life. It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts.

     Divine grace is needed by every soul in consequence of the fall of Adam and also because of man’s weaknesses and shortcomings. However, grace cannot suffice without total effort on the part of the recipient. Hence the explanation, “It is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do” (Book of Mormon, 2 Ne. 25:23). It is truly the grace of Jesus Christ that makes salvation possible. (Holy Bible, King James Version, LDS Edition, Dictionary: Grace).

    Admittedly, I have dealt with some of my challenges the first way - with bitterness, anger and resentment. All this has done for me was make me much more miserable in my misery, and that obviously wasn't working for me. What I am trying harder to do now is to "create order out of the chaos" and turn to God for his grace and mercy to help me handle the challenges I am now experiencing. God knows the beginning from the ending, He knows what I am experiencing and He knows how to succor me and help me through them. My role is to do the best I can with what I have and what I know, and then turn the rest over to Him. As I humble myself, keep an open heart, trust in and rely on Him and His plan for me and my life, I find I am much better able to navigate through the dark and scary hard times. It doesn't mean that these hard times necessarily go away or won't return in one form or another, but it does mean that with God's help I am better able to see the beauty in life and live each day and each moment to the best of my ability, knowing that God will make up the difference - either in this life or the next one.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;

trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen.

Amazing Grace (Jim Brickman featuring Ginny Owens)

http://youtu.be/qqKV09_CdI8