Everyday Miracles

"Real Life" Miracles

Ordinary Miracle by Sarah McLachlan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMSLWvK7cUc 

"We think of a miracle, such as a sudden physical healing, as an event. Actually, the real miracle is not the event, but how we perceive the event in our lives. Ask yourself which is the real miracle: when the check finally arrives, the deadline extended, the lawsuit is settled, the exception is made? Or when you cope, serene and smiling in the face of unbearable circumstances, triumphantly blowing everybody's mind - including your own - with poise and courage?

In becoming aware of this we experience the miracle of Real Life. 'In asking for miracles, we are seeking a practical goal,' Marianne Williamson reminds us, 'a return to inner peace. We're not asking for something outside us to change, but for something inside us to change.' 

(Sara Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance, November 13- 14)

Strength - Wisdom - Grace

"Strength to meet your challenges. Wisdom to embrace real life, and the Grace to be grateful not only for what you have, but what you've escaped."

Physical Therapy for the Soul

White Flag (Dido)

    I have not posted on this blog for a few months because "real life" has taken over for a while. I will not post details either, but I want to post something I read that has significant impact for me right now - today.

     Elder Richard G. Scott, of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Saints Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, explained: "Now may I share some suggestions with you who face the second source of adversity, the testing that a wise Heavenly Father determines is needed even when you are living a worthy, righteous life and are obedient to His commandments.  Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously.  When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience,  they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more....He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding,  and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain." (Richard G. Scott, "Trust in the Lord," Ensign, Nov. 1995. )

     I have, once again, been prescribed some physical therapy for a painful hip. During my initial consultation with the physical therapist, she told me that in order to fix the problem and relieve the pain (to get me from where I am to where she wants me to be), I would initially feels some additional pain and discomfort until things got back in place and on track. Believe me, they have caused me some discomfort and pain. She gave me some strengthening and stretching exercises to do at home as well. I am to do them "to the edge of the pain" and no further. And, if I feel too much discomfort for too long afterward I am to ease off a bit.  

      The correlation of this physical therapy and the "soul therapy" that I am currently undergoing is not lost on me. Often times the conditions that our bodies are manifesting are the physical equivalents of what we are experiencing in our souls, as the two are interconnected. "Soul therapy" can also be painful and difficult, and it can push me to the very edge at times. But, just as I trust that my physical therapist knows what I need to improve my physical condition, I am also trusting that my "soul therapist" also knows what I need to improve my "soul" condition.

    And for now, that is enough....stay tuned....

Let's Get Physical (Olivia Newton John)

(I can relate to the poor guy who was getting beat on on the massage table - lol). 

What a Difference a Day Makes!

"So tell that someone you love

just what you're thinking of

if tomorrow never comes"

If Tomorrow Never Comes (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/b2AAsqcJPkI

I have had a couple of experiences of the past few weeks that have, once again, reinforced the importance of expressing how we feel about someone special in our lives to them, while we still have the opportunity to do so. Everything can change overnight. One night I went to bed and all was well, the next morning I checked my Facebook and discovered that life had changed overnight.

Just over a week ago I had the opportunity to spend a few precious hours with my brother-in-law, Keith, as he was staying in a hotel not too far from where I live. We live about 1600 miles apart, and so we don't get to see other very often. He happened to be on a tour that stopped overnight in a town that was about two hours south of where I live. On a whim, he texted me and suggested that we get together for a visit, since he was staying so close by. I decided it would be a great idea so I ventured the four hours round trip to have a visit. We shared a joke or two, discussed our family members and what was going on in our respective lives, and generally had a really nice visit. He called his wife, my sister, on his phone and we surprised her with a conversation from me, her sister. We enjoyed the visit (which, of course, was too short) and then I headed out for the two hour trip north to home. I arrived about 1:30 a.m. Tired, but safe and satisfied that I had gotten to spend some time with my great brother-in-law. Who would have thought.....

A week later I woke up in the morning and glanced at my Facebook feed to find that my niece, his daughter, had posted a comment that this same brother-in-law had been in a serious motorcycle/car accident and that he was in critical condition at their local hospital. I was shocked. He was unconscious and sedated so that the medical team could stabilize his vital signs. I could hardly believe what I was reading. I immediately said a quick prayer and began to try to get to the bottom of the situation. Another niece, also his daughter, finally phoned me and told me that their phone batteries had died during the time spent in the hospital and that my sister would call me as soon as she could. I was grateful for the preparatory phone call so that I could, again, say another quick prayer and ask for help to know what to say or do to help from such a long distance away. I felt so helpless. After talking with both my niece and my sister I felt somewhat better, but I was still very much concerned for what they were all having to deal with, as well as for the life of my dear brother-in-law.

Their life has been turned upside down since then. My sister says that it has only been a few days, but it feels like it has been months. She misses him. We all do. He is one of those individuals that lights up a room just by being in it - and not just because of his stature ;-). He is kind, caring and thoughtful, generous, supportive, intelligent, and has a great sense of humor. He is also spiritual and has touched many lives with his insights and understanding heart (as is evident from the many Facebook comments and postings in which his friends and family have expressed their love and appreciation for him). He is a rock that many of us lean on for strength and support. He has had a great impact on my own life, both as a brother-in-law and as a friend. We share family history, and family ties that will never be broken. He is the kind of brother-in-law that everyone wishes they had. Just before we parted the last time I saw him, he said how glad he was to be a part of our family. I feel the same way - how glad and grateful I am that he is a part of our family. (Well done, sister dear).

Another thing that I appreciate about Keith is the fact that we are both Barry Manilow "fanilows". We also talked about that when we visited, since Mr Manilow was to do a concert in his home town the following weekend. We shared some thoughts on Barry and he suggested I put my greatest hits CD in my player for the drive home - which I did and it kept me awake as I sang along with Barry. When I was younger I was often teased because of my "appreciation" for Barry Manilow, so it is really fun to have that connection with my brother-in-law. It says a lot about him in my opinion, because those of us that are "Fanilows" stick together. Truly, "It's a Miracle" that he is still alive. A gift from God that he got for his birthday this year, even though he spent it unconscious in the hospital.  I know he has a long and difficult recovery road ahead of him, but I also know that if anyone can "(Make) it Through the Rain", he can. So Keith, I love you my brother from another mother.  Here's to a speedy recovery!

This One's For You (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/QPfjxb35ZDc

What I Want My Children to Know, Part 1

 "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; 

knock, and it shall be opened unto you:" (Matt. 7:7)

http://youtu.be/Pzmw6DDEodQ

I Stand All Amazed

     This week I had to opportunity to reconnect with an old friend. She is searching for answers to some of the "big questions" of life and felt comfortable enough with me to ask my opinion. I felt so honored to be able to tell her what I believe. I got to thinking about my own children and how much I hope they understand the same things that I shared with her. So, I decided it was important enough to blog about it. So, here it is - part 1:

"The short answer to your question, "Why do we need a Savior?" is this - because we all sin.

Because of the Fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (when they transgressed and partook of the forbidden fruit) they introduced both temporal and spiritual death into the world. If these two deaths had not been overcome by Jesus Christ's Atonement, two consequences would have resulted: our bodies and our spirits would have been separated forever, and we could not have lived again with our Heavenly Father (See 2 Nephi 9:7-9 - actually all of 2 Nephi 2 - http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2?lang=eng - is a wonderful chapter to enlighten us about this concept).

But our wise Heavenly Father prepared a wonderful, merciful plan to save us from physical and spiritual death. He planned for a Savior to come to earth to ransom (redeem) us from our sins and from death. Because of our sins and the weakness of our mortal bodies, we could not ransom ourselves (see Alma 34:10-12 - http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/34.10?lang=eng#9). The one who would be our Savior would need to be sinless and to have power over death.

Maybe a story, a parable,  by Elder Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles will better illustrate what I am trying to tell you:

"There once was a man who wanted something very much. It seemed more important than anything else in his life. In order for him to have his desire, he incurred a great debt.

"He had been warned about going into that much debt, and particularly about his creditor. But it seemed so important for him to do what he wanted to do and to have what he wanted right now. He was sure he could pay for it later.

"So he signed a contract. He would pay it off some time along the way. He didn't worry too much about it, for the due date seemed such a long time away. He had what he wanted now, and that was what seemed important.

"The creditor was always somewhere in the back of his mind, and he made token payments now and again, thinking somehow that the day of reckoning really would never come.

"But as it always does, the day came, and the contract fell due. The debt had not been fully paid. His creditor appeared and demanded payment in full.

"Only then did he realize that his creditor not only had the power to repossess all that he owned, but the power to cast him into prison as well.

" 'I cannot pay you, for I have not the power to do so,' he confessed.

" 'Than,' said the creditor, 'we will exercise the contract, take your possessions, and you shall go to prison. You agreed to that. It was your choice. You signed the contract, and now it must be enforced.'

"'Can you not extend the time or forgive the debt?' the debtor begged. 'Arrange some way for me to keep what I have and not go to prison. Surely you believe in mercy? Will you not show mercy?'

“The creditor replied, ‘Mercy is always so one-sided. It would serve only you. If I show mercy to you, it will leave me unpaid. It is justice I demand. Do you believe in justice?’

“‘I believed in justice when I signed the contract,’ the debtor said. ‘It was on my side then, for I thought it would protect me. I did not need mercy then, nor think I should need it ever. Justice, I thought, would serve both of us equally as well.’

“‘It is justice that demands that you pay the contract or suffer the penalty,’ the creditor replied. ‘That is the law. You have agreed to it and that is the way it must be. Mercy cannot rob justice.’

“There they were: One meting out justice, the other pleading for mercy. Neither could prevail except at the expense of the other.

“‘If you do not forgive the debt there will be no mercy,’ the debtor pleaded.

“‘If I do, there will be no justice,’ was the reply.

“Both laws, it seemed, could not be served. They are two eternal ideals that appear to contradict one another. Is there no way for justice to be fully served, and mercy also?

“There is a way! The law of justice can be fully satisfied and mercy can be fully extended—but it takes someone else. And so it happened this time.

“The debtor had a friend. He came to help. He knew the debtor well. He knew him to be shortsighted. He thought him foolish to have gotten himself into such a predicament. Nevertheless, he wanted to help because he loved him. He stepped between them, faced the creditor, and made this offer.

“‘I will pay the debt if you will free the debtor from his contract so that he may keep his possessions and not go to prison.’

“As the creditor was pondering the offer, the mediator added, ‘You demanded justice. Though he cannot pay you, I will do so. You will have been justly dealt with and can ask no more. It would not be just.’

“And so the creditor agreed.

“The mediator turned then to the debtor. ‘If I pay your debt, will you accept me as your creditor?’

“‘Oh yes, yes,’ cried the debtor. ‘You save me from prison and show mercy to me.’

“‘Then,’ said the benefactor, ‘you will pay the debt to me and I will set the terms. It will not be easy, but it will be possible. I will provide a way. You need not go to prison.’

“And so it was that the creditor was paid in full. He had been justly dealt with. No contract had been broken.

“The debtor, in turn, had been extended mercy. Both laws stood fulfilled. Because there was a mediator, justice had claimed its full share, and mercy was fully satisfied” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1977, 79–80; or Ensign, May 1977, 54–55).

Our sins are our spiritual debts. Without Jesus Christ, who is our Savior and Mediator, we would all pay for our sins by suffering spiritual death. But because of Him, if we will keep His terms, which are to repent and keep His commandments, we may return to live with our Heavenly Father.

It is wonderful that Christ has provided us a way to be healed from our sins. He said:

“Behold, I have come unto the world … to save the world from sin.

“Therefore, whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God. Behold, for such I have laid down my life, and have taken it up again; therefore repent, and come unto me ye ends of the earth, and be saved” (3 Nephi 9:21–22).

Let me add my testimony of the truthfulness of this doctrine. I have recently been working with the Family Support Group at church, and  I have found that by applying the principles I have learned in this program I have come to have a greater understanding of the grace and mercy of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and of his love for ALL of God's children - including you and including me. It is because of His great love for us that Jesus Christ chose to take upon Him our sins and suffer a horrible death in order that we might someday have eternal life. What we do to qualify for this blessing is to have faith, repent of our sins and continually choose to be obedient to God's commandments. There is nothing that you or I have done (short of denying the Holy Ghost after we have had a sure witness) for which we cannot repent and be forgiven. That is the beauty of the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. It is a marvelous and wonderful gift from a loving Heavenly Father, but we have to choose to accept it and act upon it.

You are a special child of a loving Heavenly Father. You have experienced many challenges and difficulties over your lifetime, as we all have, but I know that through the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, all things will be made right someday - either in this life or the next. My counsel to you would be to pray with an open and sincere heart and I know that our loving Heavenly Father will answer your prayers in His own way and in His own time. As a truth seeker, listen to what your heart and your mind are telling you. I would also counsel you to be sure that the sources that you are learning from are sincere and true. The best source for learning truth, in my opinion and God's, are the scriptures. Through them truths are made manifest if we are open and seeking for them.

To Be Continued....

I Know That My Redeemer Lives

http://youtu.be/z0NoxhsH8rE

Amazing Grace



Lord of the Rings Medley (The Piano Guys)

http://youtu.be/FZNqs0YgWkM

       I really appreciate this musical tribute to Lord of the Rings by the Piano Guys. It shows all of the sides of the trilogy; the good, the bad and the ugly. It is a good analogy for life. It begins so innocent and beautiful, then somewhere in the middle it gets dark and scary and downright hard. Then, after the dark and scary times pass, or we come to understand how to navigate these parts, it can once again become beautiful and even magnificent. It also shows that order can come after the chaos and that brings beauty into life.

      I was having a discussion with some friends yesterday about dealing with some difficult life experiences. We talked about how when we were in the midst of the dark, hard and scary times of our lifes we would plead for relief. When it didn't seem to come immediately we would sometimes misunderstand why the relief that we so longed for and desired seemed not to come. Everyone has these times in their lives, it is part of the mortal experience. I have found that it is during these times that we grow the most. We have two choices during these times: one, we can become bitter and angry and resentful; or two, we can turn to God for his grace to help us through the challenges.

    There is a lot of confusion about the definition of grace among different religious sects, but I really like and appreciate this definition:

Grace 

     A word that occurs frequently in the New Testament, especially in the writings of Paul. The main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ.

     It is through the grace of the Lord Jesus, made possible by his atoning sacrifice, that mankind will be raised in immortality, every person receiving his body from the grave in a condition of everlasting life. It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts.

     Divine grace is needed by every soul in consequence of the fall of Adam and also because of man’s weaknesses and shortcomings. However, grace cannot suffice without total effort on the part of the recipient. Hence the explanation, “It is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do” (Book of Mormon, 2 Ne. 25:23). It is truly the grace of Jesus Christ that makes salvation possible. (Holy Bible, King James Version, LDS Edition, Dictionary: Grace).

    Admittedly, I have dealt with some of my challenges the first way - with bitterness, anger and resentment. All this has done for me was make me much more miserable in my misery, and that obviously wasn't working for me. What I am trying harder to do now is to "create order out of the chaos" and turn to God for his grace and mercy to help me handle the challenges I am now experiencing. God knows the beginning from the ending, He knows what I am experiencing and He knows how to succor me and help me through them. My role is to do the best I can with what I have and what I know, and then turn the rest over to Him. As I humble myself, keep an open heart, trust in and rely on Him and His plan for me and my life, I find I am much better able to navigate through the dark and scary hard times. It doesn't mean that these hard times necessarily go away or won't return in one form or another, but it does mean that with God's help I am better able to see the beauty in life and live each day and each moment to the best of my ability, knowing that God will make up the difference - either in this life or the next one.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;

trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen.

Amazing Grace (Jim Brickman featuring Ginny Owens)

http://youtu.be/qqKV09_CdI8

    

Self-worth or Self-esteem?

"When we strive to see each other as our Father sees us,

we will look not on the outward appearance and

imperfections of a brother or sister or ourselves,

not on the person that we are,

but on the angel we may become."

 

-Ardeth Greene Kapp

 

You Are Loved (Josh Groban)

http://youtu.be/EBSwA8pMgrA

 

     This week I would like to share a more personal note. This is an edited letter I recently wrote to my daughters regarding self-worth. It is something that I think we all can learn from and need to be reminded of from time to time. Thank you for indulging me :-).

 

My dear daughters,

 

     I have had a lot of time to read and think over these past few weeks and I feel a need to share this with you. This has been weighing heavily on my mind, especially in light of what some of you have respectively been going through in their life experiences.   A lot of my sharing comes from a book by Ardeth Greene Kapp called Doing What We Came Here To Do: Living a Life of Love. As you may know, Sister Kapp is a former General Young Women's President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and has been a valuable and cherished mentor to me throughout my adult life. The chapter that I will take these quotes from is entitled "A Feeling of Worth". I think that as women we aren't always valued as much as Our Heavenly Father, or we, would like for us to be. I have come to learn that it is the nature of mortality; for some reason (perhaps the "original sin" doctrine of Eve) women seem to hold a perceived less valuable place in society. However this being said, this is not how our Heavenly Parents, especially our Heavenly Father views things. One of my greatest desires is for you to come to understand your worth as divine daughters of Our Heavenly Father. This is also something with which I have struggled in my life, and my wish and hope is that you will not have to experience the same struggles I have had with this. This is the reason I am deciding to share this with you now.

 

    In her book, Sister Kapp shares these truths:

 

     "Feeling loved, with an assurance of our infinite worth, has a tremendous effect on our ability to accept and love others. To feel loved is to feel valued, accepted, and appreciated for who we "really" are and for who we are capable of becoming...."

 

     "This feeling of self-worth comes from an inner sense of our true eternal identity as a son or daughter of God. Self-worth cannot be earned. It is a part of our divine nature as children of God. Looking inside ourselves with an eternal perspective of our divine heritage and infinite worth allows us to be more receptive to expressions of love and to express love."

 

     " The source of all righteous love is centered in God. A feeling of self-worth comes from an understanding of who we were, who we are, and who we will always be. We did not come to this earth to gain our worth; we brought it with us."

 

     "....Self-worth cannot be increased or decreased. The worth of every soul that has ever lived is absolute and infinite. It is the same for everyone. No matter what our circumstances or appearance or social status, we have worth as God's creations!"

 

     "There is a difference between self-esteem and self-worth. Self-esteem is defined as "a confidence and satisfaction in oneself" (Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, s.v. "self-esteem"). In other words, it's your perspective of yourself." (MUCH different than self-worth?)

 

     "....Circumstances of life appear to have a tremendous influence on self-esteem, to the extent that people who have been verbally, emotionally, or physically abused may even respond as they have been treated. In the movie My Fair Lady, Eliza Doolittle tells Henry Higgins, "The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated." That's a challenge we all face - to not allow our perception of ourselves to be negatively impacted by the way we might sometimes be treated.

 

    "On the other hand, self-worth cannot be earned or affected by anything that may happen in this life. Worth is constant and unchanging. It is a fact that worthiness does not determine worth. You cannot sin enough to change your worth to the Lord who loves you." (A profound truth!!!)

 

     "When we experience a feeling of God's view of our worth, we are better able to feel His unconditional love for us, to remember who we really are, and to believe we are who God says we are - a son or daughter of God with a divine inheritance." (So, when we are feeling unloved or unlovable we need to ask ourselves "What happened?" "Why do I feel this way?" Heavenly Father's opinion of us did not change, so on whose opinion are we basing our evaluation of ourselves?)

 

     "....It is not until you and I comprehend the magnitude of our eternal destiny - who we are and Whose we are - and find peace, regardless of life's circumstances, that we reach our potential. Recognizing our self-worth controls ultimately our ability to love God, to love others, to love life, and to love ourselves." (In other words, it doesn't matter where you live, but how you live.)

 

     "The need to feel loved is basic to our ability to love one another and to believe in every person's divine nature and individual worth. This inner assurance releases a powerful force for good. When we strive to see each other as our Father sees us, we will look not on the outward appearance and imperfections of a brother or sister or ourselves, not on the person that we are, but on the angel we may become." (Herein is the key - because life can throw us some unexpected and sometimes undeserving curve balls. Some circumstances may be or are beyond our own control, whether it be a crappy boss, loss, poor health, difficult roommates or relationships, they are unfortunately a part of our mortal journey. But, if we can see ourselves and others as God sees us through these circumstances, we can come through them with grace, greater strength, greater appreciation for what God has blessed us with, and the ability to continue to work toward our goal of exaltation in His kingdom - become the angels he intends for us to be. Therefore, we are twice blessed as we lovingly accept ourselves and bless others through our loving acceptance and understanding).

 

    Feel it, believe it, live it and it will be a great blessing to your life and help you to manage and cope as you face the challenges of life and trials of adversity that are a part of this mortal experience.

 

With much love.

Walk Tall, You're A Daughter of God

http://youtu.be/mHANOO2vq3E



The Light Has Come



"In the darkness even one small candle burns like the sun!"

-Roger Hoffman

He'll Carry You (Hilary Weeks)
http://youtu.be/HCVT88Dz_CM

"The message of this moment is so clear,
And as certain as the rising of the sun:
When your world is filled with darkness, doubt, or fear,
Just hold on, hold on,
The light will come."

     I have had some interesting experiences over the past week. Without going into too much detail I will just say that some of the challenging situations that I have been living through have finally ended, or will be ending soon. I have felt like I have been living in a long, dark night and looking for that "one small candle" for what feels like a very long time. I have felt "darkness, doubt and fear". It seems to be that way when we are going through some dark and stormy time periods in our life. It may begin with the death of a loved one, the loss of or change in a relationship, the loss of a job, suffering with an illness or having to live through what feels like an impossible situation. These times can bring the darkness into our lives for what feels like an eternity. But I'm here to tell you, that it does not last forever!

    Over the past few years I have wondered if it was me, if I was the only one that had these feelings of doubt and fear. I have felt at times like I was doing something wrong and God was punishing me. I felt alone and misunderstood, like no one could possibly understand what I was going through. These times have caused me to have some very deep "soul searching" sessions. I have held my thoughts, attitudes and behaviors up in the mirror and I haven't always liked what I have seen. I have struggled (and am still struggling) to make adjustments in my thought patterns, manage my emotions and my attitudes. But, I have "shown up", "been present" and "put forth my best effort", and God has made up the difference.

    I think that is what we have to do sometimes, "never, never, never give up" (thank you Winston Churchill). Some days it has been all I could do to drag myself out of bed and get through the day. Some days I have cried through most of it. I have poured out my soul in prayer, because I knew that God knew what I was going through. I have written my feelings in my journal because I just had to get them out. I knew I couldn't get through it on my own strength, mainly because I didn't have anymore strength on which to draw. I know that God knows my pain, He knows my fears, He knows my tears because I have certainly put them in front of Him many times. I know that He understands because He has suffered what I am suffering. I know I can trust him with my most intimate thoughts, even when I know that they might not please Him. I know that He loves me unconditionally. He will love me through my pain, anger and frustrations and in spite of my less than lofty thoughts and feelings.  How do I know this? Because over this past week, "the light has come", finally. The changes are happening within and without. I am feeling more hopeful, more at peace than I have felt in a very, very long time. The long, dark night is ending and the day dawn is breaking!

  Now this doesn't mean that all of my challenges and problems are going away. Heaven's no! In fact, my long awaited knee surgery is in two days, and I am feeling anxious about it. But, I also have recently been infused with the knowledge, wisdom and the hope that all of these things will be for my good, somehow, and that I can trust that God has a plan and a purpose in all of this for me. I have learned that sometimes you really do just have to "hold on" to what you know is true and right, put in your best effort and eventually, the light does come. . . . And when it comes, it is brilliant and nothing short of a miracle!

"If you feel trapped inside a never ending night,
If you've forgotten how it feels to feel the light,
If you're half crazy thinking you're the only one
who's afraid the light will never really come -
Just hold on, hold one the light will come."

(Michael McLean)
    
Hold On, The Light Will Come
(written by Michael McLean, sung by Jessie Clark Funk)

http://youtu.be/0OvPN1vtZos

Lead, Kindly Light



"Sometimes God calms the storm.

Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child."

When You Come Back to Me Again (Originally by Garth Brooks, this version is a cover, but the video presentation is great)
http://youtu.be/781uZVEPFUo

        "A lighthouse is an ensign on a hill, shining its light across the raging seas, beaconing the wayward sailor to safe waters and warning of the rocky dangers that threaten to dash their ships to pieces and relinquish them to the murky depths of the ocean.  They represent what I wanted to be, a lighthouse standing like an island in the midst of raging storms, beaming hope to those who may be lost.
            Lighthouses are unique.  No two have the same stripes, and lenses are specifically cut for that lighthouse.  A lens from a lighthouse in California would not fit one from Oregon or Virginia.  They are each different with their own character and history.  The number of cuts on the lens determines the ability for their light to pierce through the misty darkness, reaching ships farther from the shore.  In like manner, the cuts we sustain through our trials, if accepted without complaint, allow us that ability to shine more brilliantly and reach the hearts of those around us who may be struggling." (Excerpt from A True Story, Mother Had a Secret, Learning to Love My Mother & Her Multiple Personalities by Tiffany Fletcher)

      I received the above quote from a dear friend this past week. She is very much aware of the trials and struggles I have experienced over the past few years, and has been a listening ear and a great support to me through them. She mentioned that as she read this passage in the book she couldn't help but think of me and wanted to pass it along to me. I am grateful for her thoughtfulness. I cannot, however, say that I have accepted every trial without complaint. But, I do have lots of "cuts" that I hope will make my inner light "shine more brilliantly and reach the hearts of those around [me] who may be struggling."

     I happen to live in a small tourist town on the shores of Lake Michigan, and we have a lighthouse in the harbor not too far from our home. There have been many times when I have felt lonely and in need of comfort as I have walked along the pier or along the beach and looked out past the lighthouse to the water. As I watch the waves come in and go out, their rhythm seems to sooth my weary soul and I am comforted.

    There have been times over the last few years of my life when I have felt like I was in the midst of a storm at sea and the waves keep coming - wave after wave after wave - and I have barely had enough time to come up for air! It has been a time of confusion and fear, frustration and isolation. I have felt at times like no one understands what I am experiencing, let alone knows what to do to help me!

    But I have found that there is One who does understand what I have been going through, and that is my loving Heavenly Father. He has been my "lighthouse" through my stormy seas. I have held on tightly to my faith in Him and his son, Jesus Christ - the "rock". They have been the "life preservers" that have kept me afloat through the midst of these storms. I honestly do not think that I would have survived without their constant loving support and guidance. Prayer and scripture reading are the materials that make up the "life preserver" to which I have clung. Admittedly, I have at times prayed more out of habit than sincere desire, but at other times I have poured out my heart and soul to God through my prayers. Seeking guidance, peace and healing through my communications with Him. I know in whom I can trust and to whom I can look to receive much needed guidance and solace.

    I attended a large university for my freshmen year of college. I often felt homesick, alone and invisible as I would walk amid the masses of people across the campus. Often I would look up at the huge mountains in the distance and wonder, "What am I doing here"? One day as I was walking across the campus I saw an old friend, a Seminary teacher from my high school days. He inquired as to how I was adjusting to college life and I shared with him my feelings of homesickness and loneliness. Through the course of our conversation he suggested that I go home and read the words to the hymn, "Lead, Kindly Light", and it would bring me some comfort. I took his advice and I did that. This experience brought me peace and understanding of the love that my Heavenly Father had for me at a time when I needed it the most. That hymn has had a special place in my heart ever since that day, so much so that I decided to use it as the opening hymn at my father's funeral. It continues to bring me peace and comfort.

Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor pray’d that thou
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

So long thy pow’r hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!

Text: John Henry Newman, 1801–1890

Music: John B. Dykes, 1823–1876

     As I continue along this life journey facing yet another trial in the near future, I know to whom I can look to help guide me through this "storm of life". The same being to whom I have always turned when I needed a helping hand to lift me up out of the "storms of life", my loving Father in Heaven. "If God has led you to it, He will lead you through it". So, lead, kindly light.

“Light – more light!”

 – Last words of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Like a Lighthouse (performed by Drew Reese, written by Michael Webb)

http://youtu.be/p4EqYZKbWSE

(Dedicated to my dear friends, Maren and Kim B. Thank you, and may God lead you through the storms of life, as He has led me. I love you!)

On waiting

"The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or impatient.

To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith.

 Patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches. Patience and faith.

One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach - waiting for a gift from the sea."

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh from Gifts from the Sea

Beautiful Heartbreak (Hilary Weeks)

http://youtu.be/xyX-I-um5Kk

    Let's just say that patience is not one of my character strengths. It is a trait that I seem to continually have to revisit and relearn. Countless times during my life I have run up against life experiences that foster this trait. As a young women, I was one of the last of my peers to marry. We finally conceive our first child when I was unsure whether we would ever have the childbirth experience. I miscarried the second pregnancy. We conceive our second live birth, and she threatened to miscarry. After her safe arrival and time passed we tried again to conceive, only to have that pregnancy also end in a miscarriage. I questioned and I agonized as to why. Why did this keep happening? What was I doing wrong? What was wrong with me? Anyone who has ever miscarried a baby understands the emotional and physical pain and anquish that these experiences bring. All of the questions that one agonizes over when tragedy strikes or your expectations go unfulfilled. Then, a few years after the birth of our third child, I conceived again and once again I miscarried that baby.  I felt that I had asked all of the questions, but received none of the answers.  Finally, after that last miscarrige, I received my answer - the Rh Factor. My husband is Rh postive and I am Rh negative and our blood types don't mesh. More questions. Why didn't the doctors discover this information before my last two miscarriages? Why did the original lab technician mistype my blood? Why did I have to go through eleven years of questions and no answers? Why did I have to go through all of the pain and anguish of the three (possibly 4) miscarriages? What is the purpose for all of this suffering? Why me?

     The answers have eventually come, "line upon line, and precept upon precept; here a little and there a little." God allowed these experiences to teach me to trust in Him and His plan for me. These experiences brought me to my knees many times. They forced me to ask the big questions and to seek for the answers. These experiences taught me to be grateful for what I did have, and to do the best I could to care for what I had been given. I have developed an empathy and compassion for others who have experienced or experiencing similar challenges. I have since seen the wisdom in the way God has unfolded the pathway of my life. I have three wonderful children with whom I have an unbreakable bond. First and foremost, I will always be a mother.

     Other difficult life experiences have caused me to ask "the big questions". Experiences that I would have preferred not to have had. Multiple moves, the deaths of loved ones, the separation from family and friends, and now an impending knee surgery when I was just going to get started on a second career. I am trying to keep my eternal perspective about this amidst the fear and the awful stories that those who have experienced this type of surgery feel obligated to share with me (whether I want them to or not). This is not what I would have chosen for this time in my life journey. Just like the miscarriages, this is not what I wanted to have happen. I do not understand why now, why this? Especially when I have been working so hard and diligently to make future plans and move forward to build and fill what is left of my life here on this earth. Apparently, this is not in God's plan for me at this time, He has something else in mind.

     One thing that I have come to understand is that God's timing is perfect. My plan is not always His plan. He has a reason and I, once again, am having to trust Him and His plan for me. If there is one thing that I hope I have learned over all of my years of unfulfilled expectations it is that even though it may not be what I want, God's plan is better and the growth that will come as a result of my experience will be just what I need to become what God needs for me to become. To think that we are "in charge" is just an illusion. I find it is so much better when I can surrender to God's will and go with the flow and not fight it. Peace and patience come as I learn to "let go and let God". I do not know where this path is leading me, but God does. I know Him, I trust Him and I know that with his grace and love, I will be able to endure another trial of my faith and patience.  I can't help but wonder what "gifts" this experience will bring - time, reflection, healing. Only He knows, and for now this has to be sufficient for me.

I Will Follow God's Plan for Me

http://youtu.be/ri7zwb0xj9I

Life Happens!

We May Never Pass This Way Again (Seals and Crofts)

http://youtu.be/Vd6zYQPCgsc

    What a week! I finally went to the doctor for my annual physical in June and due to some knee pain in my right knee I was referred to an orthopedist and some x-rays. When my orthopedist looked at the x-rays he saw a cyst on my knee, and therefore he ordered an MRI with some dye injected into my veins to determine if the cyst he saw was cancerous. After the MRI I waited another agonizing week, to get the results of the tests. I got the results last week and it was a good news/bad news situation. The good news is that the cyst is not cancerous. The bad news is that the cyst covers about a third of the top of my tibia bone in my knee, and I also have a torn meniscus that needs to be repaired. This is such a complicated situation that my orthopedist decided he need to refer me to another specialist, an orthopedic oncologist, for treatment options. The cyst has made my joint very fragile and I was told not to do any strenuous exercise where I could risk twisting or bumping it which could lead to a break. This would greatly complicate things and be even more difficult to repair. The worst case scenario is that I might need two surgeries; one to repair each of the individual problems. The other scenario is that of one surgery in order to correct both problems at one time which would mean less surgeries, but perhaps more pain. There may also need to be some grafting of bone in order to move along the healing process.  At this point I have no idea the treatment, the recovery time, etc. - just a lot of fear of the unknown.

     I'm glad to know that there really was a reason for all of the pain and that it wasn't all in my head but, needless to say, this was not what I saw myself doing in the weeks and months following dropping my youngest daughter off at college for the first time. I had plans! I was going to cry for a while, then clean up and out her room and get things organized. I was going to purge and clean out all of the unnecessary papers and items that have been lingering much too long in my home. I wanted to do some redecorating and I had plans to start taking an online training course to learn some new skills and start a second career. I was hoping to do something to bring in extra income, not give more of it out due to medical bills! This is not what I had planned - argh!

      The first thing I thought of when I got my news was the above quote by John Lennon. Sometimes the best laid plans don't always work out and adjustments must be made - whether I like it or not. This is certainly not what I would wish for myself (or anyone else for that matter), but it is what has been placed in my path right now. I do not know the reason why, but I'm sure I have something to learn from going through it. I guess I will discover what that is as the course of the events unfold.

     I guess that one thing I am learning through all of this is to appreciated each good day that you have and make the best of it, because you never know what is just around the corner! I thought I had learned this lesson long ago, after the loss of my parents, but it seems that it had been put in my path once again to revisit. Be grateful for the positives (not cancer) and take things one step (or one moment/day/week, etc.) at a time. Trust that God has a reason for all of this and that He will be there to walk with me along this new leg (no pun intended) of my life journey. This is certainly a bend/twist (another pun - sorry) in my road that I didn't see coming. One thing I have learned from such situations is that there can be great personal and spiritual growth as a result, if it is approached with faith, an open mind/heart and trust in God and His plan for me. I will do all that I can to prepare ahead of time for what is coming, but the rest I will need to let go of and leave in God's hands and trust that He will take care of it and lead me through it. "If God leads you to it, He will take you through it", right? I certainly hope so.

You'll Never Walk Alone (The Mormon Tabernacle Choir)
http://youtu.be/WNLKl4Bxwv8

(Note: This used to be one of my mother's favorite songs. Considering she endured 5 open-heart surgeries in her lifetime, I now understand why. I love you Mom, and wish you were here now).

 

Becoming You

"Sometime in your life you will go on a journey.

It will be the longest journey you have ever taken.

It is the journey to find yourself."

- Katherine Shay

Fly Away (Jim Brickman)

http://youtu.be/gqHIslGaEyY

     Did you know that in dream lore and mythology the butterfly is the symbol of the emergent soul?  The butterfly also represents flight, freedom, and creative thinking. The butterfly is also symbolic of resurrection and eternal life.

    The symbolism of the butterfly causes me to pause and think about it's life cycle. First, it is the catapillar, lazily climbing along and chewing away on the milkweed leaves seemingly unaware of why it is doing so, only that it is it's lifestyle. Gradually, after feeling somewhat satisfied, the catapillar attaches itself to a secure limb and begins to make it's cocoon.  This takes some time but then, when the cocoon is complete, it must wait and develop. It waits...and waits... and waits. (Have you ever wondered what it is doing inside of the cocoon? My theory is that it is doing the "internal work" that it needs to do to develop into a beautiful butterfly.) Finally, after what seems like much too long, it begins to break open it's cocoon and emerge. This also takes time, and occasionally the butterfly had to rest and recouperate before it can continue on. Eventually it fully emerges. Even then it must wait a while longer, until it's wings are dry. Finally, after all of that internal and external work, it spreads its beautiful, colorful wings and flys away. It is off to unknown adventures and unexplored territory, leaving behind only the shell of the cocoon from which it emerged.

     In ways I can relate this cycle to my own life.  I was just humming along in my life (eating the milkweed). I was relatively satisfied with my life and feeling pretty content. Then, the challenges came, and I had to "attach myself to the secure limb" of my faith and my family and all that was familiar and "safe" to me. I began to "make my cocoon" as I insulated myself and began to do some serious soul searching and self-examination, all the while holding fiercely onto what I knew to be solid and true.

      Next came the cocooning stage. Days turned into weeks, turned into months, turned into years of self-evaluation, life assessment, cross examination, goal setting and self-discovery. I journaled. I wrote my life story. I took classes  I counseled and I prayed. I read and researched. I cried and I screamed. Sometimes it has been hard and frightening and I have felt like I didn't know whether I would make it, whether I would ever survive the insular world in which I existed. 

     I am only now beginning to feel like I am starting to emerge from that cocoon, finally starting to discover what it means and feels like to be a "butterfly". There are definately moments that I have had to stop and rest along the way. Somedays it feels like "two steps forward and one step back". But the important thing is that I am getting there, one day at a time. I am making the effort to break free of my cocoon and moving toward eventually emerging as a beautiful butterfly with wonderfully georgeous and colorful "wings" that were created during that insular, cocoon stage.  "Wings" that will let me fly, and take me to adventures and places of which I have only dreamed!

    

         After learning about this symbolism I seem to have seen a butterfly at very opportune moments in my journey, moments when I especially needed encouragement, support and love. I have wondered if it isn't God's, and my mother's, way of saying "keep going, keep trying, I know where you have been, I know what you are going through, and I know what you can become - fly!!!!

- - - - -

"Don't worry about searching for the kind of person you want to be.

You will discover that as you pursue that journey you will not only find yourself,

but chances are you will be pleasantly surprised and proud of the person you find along the way."

 - Joseph B. Wirthlin

"Seeing" Stars



"Not being able to see may sometimes keep us from believing that we are seen."

- Anita R. Canfield

Stars in the Night  - Barry Manilow (from his musical, "Harmony")

http://youtu.be/QIVu0K5It44

     As I child I would sit in my front yard on a clear summer night and look up at all of the stars in the dark night sky and wonder.... I would wonder about what they were, how they got there, who made them and why? I marveled at those little twinkling lights in the dark night sky.

     Of course I learned the childhood verse:

Twinkle, twinkle little star

How I wonder what you are

Up above the world so high

Like a diamond in the sky

Twinkle, twinkle little star

How I wonder what you are.

    And then there was the childhood ritual of wishing on a falling star:

     "Wish I may, wish I might

       Have the wish I wish tonight..."

     We'd make a wish, and if we believed and were lucky enough the wish would most certainly come true, right? Oh, if only it were that easy....

     Did you know that the star is a symbol of hope? (I may have mentioned this before in a previous blog entry). I really like the quote at the beginning of this entry because it has rung true frequently in my life. Sometimes I "can't see the forest for the trees" because I get so scared or so caught up in whatever crisis I am going through at the moment, that I think I am having to go through it all alone and that no one understands it. I lose sight of "the big picture", and feel like I can't "see" the purpose or reason for the challenge I am having to deal with when I am in the heat of the moment. But, I find that if I can take a step back and expand my perspective, I seem to be able to get a better understanding of why I am or have gone through what I am/have been going through.

     There is a saying that "hindsight is 20/20" and I believe it. As I look back at some of the experiences I have had in the past from this side of them, I begin to understand and "see" the reason for them. I see they happened to teach me something or test my character or values, or to help me to have empathy for someone else who is experiencing a similar crisis. I see that I wasn't really alone while going through them, that I was actually "seen" and cared for by a higher being, by God, but I just had a hard time believing it at the time. He knew and knows what I am going through and why, even when I don't. I just have to continue to believe that and trust that in the long run "all these things shall give (me) experience, and shall be for (my)good" (see Doctrine and Covenants Section 122: 7). I have to continue to hold on to that light, that star in the night, and keep believing.

 "Like a bolt out of the blue
'Fate' (God?) steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star,
Your dreams come true."

    

When You Wish Upon a Star  - Jiminy Cricket, of course ;-).

http://youtu.be/HKh6XxYbbIc

Eagles in a Storm



"Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is approaching long before it breaks? The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds to come. When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages below, the eagle is soaring above it.

The eagle does not escape the storm. It simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the winds that bring the storm.

When the storms of life come upon us - and all of us will experience them - we can rise above them by setting our minds and our belief toward God.

The storms do not have to overcome us. We can allow God's power to lift us above them.

God enables us to ride the winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy, failure and disappointment in our lives. We can soar above the storm. Remember, it is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them."

  "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings as eagles;

they shall run, and not be weary;

and they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31 KJV)

(Thank you to Susan Compagner for the information for this entry)

I Will Rise (Chris Tomlin)
http://youtu.be/qHJplQYA03E

Holding On



“When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”

– Franklin D. Roosevelt

Hold On, The Light Will Come
http://youtu.be/0OvPN1vtZos

     My mother used to say this quote by Franklin D. Roosevelt, and it has helped me "hold on" sometimes when I have literally felt like I was at the end of my rope (like about now). This past week was "one of those" weeks. It was full of demands and activities, all good things, but just very demanding and stressful on both my physical and mental capacity to endure. I am thankful to put that one behind me and to have a little down time for a few days.

     One of the activities that I participated in last week was the 170th anniversary of the organization of The Relief Society of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, an organization to which I have belonged since I turned 18 years old. It is the oldest women's organization in the world and among the membership are some of my greatest friends, heros and mentors. I am so privileged to be a part of this organization for women. I have had the priviledge to serve in some leadership positions in this organization over my adult lifetime. One such opportunity took place over 21 years ago in a small unit of the church in a small Georgia town, La Grange.

    I was 28 years old when I was asked to serve as president of the chapter of this organization in LaGrange, Georgia. At the time I had a son who was two years old, and I had just discovered I was expecting our second child, a daughter. I was overcome with feelings of inadequacy and fear when I was asked to serve in this capacity, mostly because I was so young and inexperienced as a young wife and mother and as a member of this organization. However, over the course of the next 19 months of service I learned that "with God all things are possible". I served with some wonderful ladies who are my "sisters" to this day, and who always will be so in my heart.

    The childhood saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is simply not true. This past week some things have happened and some words have been said that have caused me to question some events from my past and present, and to question my abilities and worth. I'm sure the words that were spoken were innocent in the view of the speaker (perhaps even said in jest in their mind), but they have had a effect on me. Perhaps I am just too sensitive, but I have been thinking much about what I have done in my life and with my life up to this point. It has caused me to re-evaluate some of what I thought were the most valuable and important events and experiences in my life so far.

    I value the act of remembering. One of the reasons that I keep such detailed journals is so that when times like this come (and they always seem to come back around) I can go back into my journals and re-read the entries to regain some perspective. However, this time I came upon an even greater gift that has helped me to re-adjust my perspective on these things. In 1991, while I was serving in the before mentioned capacity as Branch Relief Society President, my husband decided to return to college to pursue his Master's Degree. This meant that we would need to move closer to his school location and away from some of my dear friends and "sisters" in the LaGrange Branch. On the eve of our move, my dear friend, Lee Ann (who was also serving as my assistant at the time) put together a farewell event for me. She tape recorded some of the thoughts and messages that some of my dearest friends said to and about me that evening, and I have kept it these 21 years. This morning I dug that tape out and listened to it (and cried, of course). These dear friends may never know how much the words and thoughts that were said that night meant to me on this day of discouragement and doubt. These dear friends knew me, and know me, and it is through this sweet remembrance that I have come to remember and re-accquaint myself with me. The real me, the me before the criticisms, the disappointments, the doubts, the cynicism crept into my view of myself and my world. I will be forever grateful for this great blessing this morning and for these wonderful women and the influence they were, and still are, in my life.

    I don't know the future and what it will hold for me, but I do know that with God's help "all things are possible" and that He is to whom I will turn and on whom I will lean to help me rise above all of this strife. I don't know when, or even if, these trials will end, but I do know in whom I can trust. I am so thankful to have had this way to remember and recognize my truer self. I love these dear "Sisters in Zion" and will be forever thankful and blessed by my association with them in this life. So, thank you, Lee Ann, Chris, Amanda, Barbara, Emogene, Lee, Gaye, Claudia, Yvonne, Carol, Maren and so many others who have been such a wonderful part of my life. I love you - and I will rise!

“What lies behind us and what lies before us

are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. “

– attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I Will Rise (Shawn McDonald)

http://youtu.be/SmyTB733Pi0