We May Never Pass This Way Again (Seals and Crofts)
What a week! I finally went to the doctor for my annual physical in June and due to some knee pain in my right knee I was referred to an orthopedist and some x-rays. When my orthopedist looked at the x-rays he saw a cyst on my knee, and therefore he ordered an MRI with some dye injected into my veins to determine if the cyst he saw was cancerous. After the MRI I waited another agonizing week, to get the results of the tests. I got the results last week and it was a good news/bad news situation. The good news is that the cyst is not cancerous. The bad news is that the cyst covers about a third of the top of my tibia bone in my knee, and I also have a torn meniscus that needs to be repaired. This is such a complicated situation that my orthopedist decided he need to refer me to another specialist, an orthopedic oncologist, for treatment options. The cyst has made my joint very fragile and I was told not to do any strenuous exercise where I could risk twisting or bumping it which could lead to a break. This would greatly complicate things and be even more difficult to repair. The worst case scenario is that I might need two surgeries; one to repair each of the individual problems. The other scenario is that of one surgery in order to correct both problems at one time which would mean less surgeries, but perhaps more pain. There may also need to be some grafting of bone in order to move along the healing process. At this point I have no idea the treatment, the recovery time, etc. - just a lot of fear of the unknown.
I'm glad to know that there really was a reason for all of the pain and that it wasn't all in my head but, needless to say, this was not what I saw myself doing in the weeks and months following dropping my youngest daughter off at college for the first time. I had plans! I was going to cry for a while, then clean up and out her room and get things organized. I was going to purge and clean out all of the unnecessary papers and items that have been lingering much too long in my home. I wanted to do some redecorating and I had plans to start taking an online training course to learn some new skills and start a second career. I was hoping to do something to bring in extra income, not give more of it out due to medical bills! This is not what I had planned - argh!
The first thing I thought of when I got my news was the above quote by John Lennon. Sometimes the best laid plans don't always work out and adjustments must be made - whether I like it or not. This is certainly not what I would wish for myself (or anyone else for that matter), but it is what has been placed in my path right now. I do not know the reason why, but I'm sure I have something to learn from going through it. I guess I will discover what that is as the course of the events unfold.
I guess that one thing I am learning through all of this is to appreciated each good day that you have and make the best of it, because you never know what is just around the corner! I thought I had learned this lesson long ago, after the loss of my parents, but it seems that it had been put in my path once again to revisit. Be grateful for the positives (not cancer) and take things one step (or one moment/day/week, etc.) at a time. Trust that God has a reason for all of this and that He will be there to walk with me along this new leg (no pun intended) of my life journey. This is certainly a bend/twist (another pun - sorry) in my road that I didn't see coming. One thing I have learned from such situations is that there can be great personal and spiritual growth as a result, if it is approached with faith, an open mind/heart and trust in God and His plan for me. I will do all that I can to prepare ahead of time for what is coming, but the rest I will need to let go of and leave in God's hands and trust that He will take care of it and lead me through it. "If God leads you to it, He will take you through it", right? I certainly hope so.
You'll Never Walk Alone (The Mormon Tabernacle Choir)
http://youtu.be/WNLKl4Bxwv8
(Note: This used to be one of my mother's favorite songs. Considering she endured 5 open-heart surgeries in her lifetime, I now understand why. I love you Mom, and wish you were here now).
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