The Gift I Gave Myself

“Life is God's gift to man,

what we do with that life is our gift to God.”

Simple Gifts (Jim Brickman)
http://youtu.be/VyfNVVou878

     I recently ran across this writing I did almost 12 years go. I had "hit the wall" and knew that something in my life needed to change because what I was doing wasn't working well. It was the beginning of a long and arduous journey to a more abundant life.  This year has been one with many challenges but also many blessings, especially my working with the Family Support Group. This experience has been such a great blessing to my life and has been one of the most significant steps I have taken along . . .

My Path to Simple Abundance

December 25, 2000

What am I doing with my life? What are the aspirations of my heart my dreams, wishes, desires. So long I've put them on the shelf, tabled to a time later in my life a less hectic time, a calmer time, a time of fewer demands. In doing so I have found I spend so much time rushing from here to there, for this or that, that my life is empty – void of the dreams, wishes and desires that make life worth living.  I am in search of the peace, comfort and joy I know is out there somewhere ever elusive. The Scriptures tell us that “man is that he might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25) and ”I am come that they might have joy, and that they might have it more abundantly” (John 10:10). This is the gift I have received this Christmas -- this and the book Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach, from my friend, Sheila.

                As I ponder my dreams and aspirations a few things come to my mind:

     *To find daily peace and satisfaction in what I am doing right now, at this moment in my life.

     *To not feel the need to please everyone more than or instead of myself.

     *To feel and be happy and not be afraid to share those feelings with those around me.

     *To not worry about what others say, think or do -- or how it might affect me.

     *To freely give of my time, talents, and means without feeling worried or concerned or put out by doing so.

     *To be able to say no to things I don't really want to do or have time to do, and not feel guilty for doing so.

     *To feel joy and satisfaction in loving and serving my family and friends.

     *To appreciate and feel appreciated.

     *To use and share my creative abilities and talents. 

     *To begin or restart a long-shelved hobby or talent.

     *To not fear but have enough faith and trust in God and myself to know that “everything will work together for good”.

     *To see the good, feel good, be good -- in spite of what goes on around me.

     *To love deeply and totally, without reservation.

     *To relax and enjoy the ride of life more.

     *God has given me so much; to be able to share more freely what He has given me.

     *To some day return to school and pursue that elusive bachelor’s degree.

     *To put into practice, the gospel of Jesus Christ, and see that it does work and it does bring abundance and happiness.

     *To learn how to handle the stresses of my life -- to control them, not let them control me.

     *To discover a new talent I have, but I didn't know I had.

     *To be aware of the needs of my children, my husband, and how to meet those needs to the best of my ability and feel good about doing it.

     *To have sufficient for our needs so I don't have to worry about money, especially in November and December.

     *To be better organized -- especially on my desk and the clutter in the dining room.

     *To feel more in control of my life and my emotions.  Take better care of myself physically and emotionally and mentally.

     *Learn how to meditate and relax.

     *Be more patient with myself and others.

     *To be the daughter of God I am meant to be.

      *To feel the Christmas spirit before December 25.

          This is the start of my path to simple abundance, this is where I begin.

     While I don't feel like I am completely "there" yet, as I read this I am amazed at what remarkable progress I feel I have made along this path. I am so thankful that I took the time to clarify my thoughts and to write them down for my future reference. "A goal unwritten is merely a wish", and it brings a deep sense of satisfaction to see the progress I have made along my path. Reviewing this list also helps to clarify where I still need to do some work. I think that this year I will repeat this exercise and write down some new dreams and aspirations to work toward, since I can now cross some of these items off of the list. As Socrates once said, "An unexamined life is not worth living", and I couldn't agree more. With God, nothing is impossible, so I will put my hand in His and together we will move onward and upward.

Put Your Hand In the Hand

 http://youtu.be/hxh_EDrL_uE

Choosing Peace - A Christmas Gift

"Christmas gift suggestions:

To your enemy, forgiveness,

To an opponent, tolerance.

To a friend, you heart.

To a customer, service.

To all, charity.

To every child, a good example.

To yourself, respect."

 - Oren Arnold

Let There Be Peace On Earth (Vince Gill with his daughter, Jennie)

http://youtu.be/SaGfxSSNjhI

     Today I made a choice. A few days ago I made an arrangement to meet up with a friend to have breakfast at a local eatery. I woke up, dressed and made my way to the location. I arrived a few minutes early because I didn't want to be late. I went inside and sat down to wait for her arrival. I waited ... waited ... and waited some more. After waiting for about 15 minutes after our arranged time to meet up and she wasn't there I decided that she wasn't going to come. At that moment I had a choice to make. My choices were to a) be upset and angry with her because she didn't show up, didn't call or text; or b) make the best of the situation. I am happy to say that I made choice "b". I decided at that moment that I was not going to let this situation ruin my morning mood or set a bad tone for the rest of my day. I was not going to be upset or angry with her. There had to be an explanation for the situation because it was simply not like her to do something like that to a friend. So, instead of getting all upset, angry and embarrassed, I decided to "treat myself" to a chocolate chip bagel with low-fat cream cheese and a wild berry fruit smoothie - and they were both delicious! But more than that, I walked away feeling good inside - peaceful and content.

     I am not going to lie, a few short months ago I would probably not have been able to select choice "b", but would have gone straight to choice "a". I think I am making progress. I am choosing peace. Let's face it, none of us are perfect, we all make mistakes. I have to give some credit where credit is due - to the Family Support Group in which I have been participating for the past 8 months. This program has given me an awareness of my own humanness and some of my weaknesses, one of which is being quick to anger. I am trying to turn this weakness into a strength. I am trying to do this by making more peaceful and conscientious choices, like the one I chose this morning. I am free to choose how I will act and/or react to any given situation. Choosing peace brings me peace, joy and happiness. I feel empowered in the fact that I was able to overcome my natural tendency to anger and recognize this was a huge step forward for me. By the way, I later received a very apologetic phone call with a simple explanation for the situation. All was forgiven and smoothed over, much to the relief of my friend. It was a win, win. I felt good and happy and at peace, and she felt better knowing I was not angry or upset with her for her mistake.

     During this time of year, the Christmas season with all of the demands and stresses, I think it takes extra effort to choose peace. At the crowded mall or department store, at the loud holiday party, in the parking lot or on the streets surrounding the mall, at the checkout counter - we can choose peace. Choosing peace perpetuates peace. I am reminded of what the Heavenly Host declared on that first Christmas morning: "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace, goodwill toward men." (Luke 2:14). This morning I had a choice to make and I chose peace. What a different world we would live in if more people made that same choice. "Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me".

Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains

"Far, far away on Judea's plains,
Shepherds of old heard the joyous strains:

Glory to God, Glory to God,
Glory to God in the highest;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men!

Sweet are these strains of redeeming love,
Message of mercy from heav'n above:

Glory to God, Glory to God,
Glory to God in the highest;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men!

Lord, with the angels we too would rejoice;
Help us to sing with the heart and voice:

Glory to God, Glory to God,
Glory to God in the highest;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men!

Hasten the time when, from ev'ry clime,
Men shall unite in the strains sublime:

Glory to God, Glory to God,
Glory to God in the highest;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men!

(Text and music: John Menzies Macfarlane, 1833-1892)

Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains (Mormon Tabernacle Choir)
http://youtu.be/0onbWhPZ9Is

Is There Room In Your Christmas for Christ?

O Holy Night (Josh Groban w/scenes from The Nativity)

http://youtu.be/4Zh-yR0pbmU

     This morning I was doing some Christmas shopping in one of my local stores. I had to pick up some extra tape for wrapping some presents. I have a friend who mentioned that she couldn't find any Nativity sets in the local store where she was looking, so I decided to do some checking for them in the store where I was shopping. Much to my dismay I found sets for "A Charlie Brown Christmas", "Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer" and "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", but I didn't find one Nativity set in the whole store! It gave me pause to think. Why was I shopping in a store that didn't honor Christ at Christmas, the holiday that we celebrate his birth?!

   I have another friend who will only buy Christmas cards that feature pictures of Jesus Christ or the nativity. She has mentioned to me how difficult it has become to find those as well. I liked her suggestion and so I have been trying to focus my Christmas Cards more on the birth of the Savior, Jesus Christ. Do you know how hard it is to find Christmas Cards with pictures of Christ or his birth on them? Try it sometime and you will be amazed at how difficult it is.

   Christmas has become such a secular holiday. These days it is more a celebration of anything winter, anything except the birth of the Lord, Jesus Christ! I say put Christ back into Christmas! After all, He is the reason we celebrate Christmas each year. He was around long before Rudolph, The Grinch, Frosty the Snowman, Santa Claus or any of the derivatives thereof.

    This year due to my difficulties getting around post knee/leg surgery, I have decided to limit how much decorating I am doing at my house. The one thing that I have decided that I will decorate with is my collection of Nativity scenes. I have a ceramic one displayed in my china cabinet that my mother and I made together many years ago. It always held a place of honor in the living room of my parent's home. As I child I remember sitting by the round table on which it was displayed and gazing at it, pondering the scripture story of the birth of Jesus. I remember the feeling of warmth and peace that I felt in my heart as I gazed at the pieces finished with antique gold over the white ceramic. I wondered about what it would have been like to have been there and seen the star and heard the angels singing.

    The Christmas after my father passed away my sister and brother-in-law gifted me with The Nativity by Willow Tree. If you are familiar with this set you will recognize the fact that there are no facial expressions painted on the figurines. I love this nativity set because of that fact. The designer portrayed so much of what the figures might have felt in the way she designed the positions of their bodies. Mary is cradling the baby Jesus in her arms, lovingly looking into His face. Joseph is looking over her shoulder, keeping watch over his precious little family. One shepard is kneeling in reverence and respect, and another is lovingly holding a lamb in his arms as he looks on. Even the animals exhibit reverence for the Savior and the event of His birth. I love this set, not only for the beautiful images it portrays, but also because every time I take it out to display it I think of the dear ones that gave it to me.

     I have another figurine of just Joseph keeping watch over his beloved Mary and the baby Jesus. It is painted a pale blue and white and had a bit of an ethereal quality to it. It is not large nor expensive, but I really like the details and the design of this one as well. I have a couple of other smaller sets as well that I cherish for various reasons. One was a gift that my sister brought back from Israel when they made a trip to the Holy Land many years ago. It is made of olive wood and I treasure it because it came from there and it was such a thoughtful gift from them. It can be made into an ornament and hung on the tree if I so desire. I have another small set with individual character pieces that is made of white porcelain.

    I guess this is a round about way of getting to something that I learned many years ago while listening to a then "new" set of Christmas Carols written by a brilliant musician, Michael McLean titled "The Forgotten Carols". Each year we must choose which aspect of Christmas will get the focus of our attention. Each year we must choose whether we will "let Him in" or spend our time and attention on the more secular aspects of Christmas. Which will you choose? Is there room in your Christmas for Jesus?  Is there room in your heart for our Savior? I choose to make room and "let Him in". Christ is the reason we celebrate Christmas each year.

    "He let's us choose,

     each hour of each day,

     if we'll let him in to stay.

     Let Him in, let Him in

     Let the joy and hope begin

     Let Him in, let Him in

     Let the peace on earth begin

     And whether it be in your world today

     or a crowded Bethlehem Inn

     Find a way, make Him room...

    

     LET HIM IN"

 

Let Him In (Michaela McLean from "The Forgotten Carols")

http://youtu.be/C3f6SXPYDAU

BONUS CLIP:

Is There Room? (Hilary Weeks)

http://youtu.be/kpxuAZgS_JM

Somnambulism



I'm In A Hurry (Alabama)

http://youtu.be/CICwZ01bT3w

som·nam·bu·lism, n.

 - pronounced  - som-nam-byuh-liz-uh m, meaning: sleepwalking.


     I was first introduced to the term "somnambulism" in my Introduction to Communications Technologies class. I had never heard the term before then, but I have thought of it often since then in several different contexts. This time of year it bears asking the questions, "Do you suffer from somnambulism? Are you sleepwalking through life, especially during the busy holiday season?"

     I remember when I was a mother of young children how difficult it was on the days I didn't get enough sleep at night. It felt like I was literally sleepwalking through my days. In fact, lack of sleep is what I remember the most from those days. It was a challenge to maintain a positive attitude and be kind and loving when all I wanted to do was be able to sleep uninterrupted through the night. I still have some of that insomnia in this stage of my life, but that is for a different reason all together - though related (darned hormones).

     I have recently become aware of how much we figuratively sleepwalk through our lives. We often over schedule our time, or we feel such a deep sense of responsibility that we seem to going through life on autopilot.  Our society values business and equates it with productivity, and because of this it can lead us down the slippery slope to sleepwalking through our lives. I am not advocating laziness, but there is such a thing as too much busy-ness. So, how do you know when you are sleepwalking through your life?

    Here are a symptoms that I have noticed that would indicate one is sleepwalking through their life:

     1. Finding it difficult to relax when you have nothing on your agenda.
   
     2. Finding yourself sitting in front of a computer doing work for more than 8 hours a day, especially when you are no longer technically "at work".

     3. You can't remember what you ate for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

     4. You are so exhausted at the end of the day that all you want to do is go to bed.

     5. You lose your temper and snap at loved ones when all they want to do is be with you.

     6. You cry, a lot, and every day or, the tears lie just below the surface most of the time.

     7. You feel like you can never get caught up, there is always something looming on your "to do" list.

     8. You have a hard time feeling connected to a greater being, life force, or God. You feel alone.

     9. You feel like if you are asked to do one more thing you will explode.

    10. You don't remember the last time you felt anticipation for or joy about an event or project.

     These are just a few symptoms that would indicate you are suffering from somnambulism, I'm sure there are many more and that you could probably come up with additional ones to add to the list. Let me be clear that I am not an expert on how to manage somnambulism, but I would like to give a few suggestions from my own and others experiences, that I think can help:

   1. Take time each day to pray or meditate, preferably in the morning before you start your day. Connect with God and ask Him to guide your actions/choices for that day. Ask Him to help you determine what are the most important things that needs to be done, and to help you to let go of those lesser important ones.

   2. Read something uplifting at least once a day. I first read this idea in Steven R. Covey's book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and have incorporated it into my days. I find it helps to keep me focused on what matters most. It's a vital part of "sharpening the saw" (for you Covey fans out there).

   3. Connect with loved ones, preferably face-to-face. If you unable to be with loved ones then by all means a phone call or Skype is acceptable. I think we are too much connected via technology, so much so that we forget how to connect physically, face-to-face. There is something about seeing facial expressions and hearing voice fluctuations that makes us human.

    4. Do a good turn daily. I borrow this one from The Boy Scouts of America. If I am too busy to do something good or kind for someone on a daily basis, then I am too busy, period. It doesn't have to be a big thing, a simple smile for the grocery clerk can make their day!

     5. Slow down and do some deep breathing at least once a day, and if possible, include a 15 minute power nap. This forces you to "slow down and smell the roses", so to speak, and can really help with maintaining energy and staying focused on what matters most.

     6. Move. When I say move, I don't mean you have to spend hours at the gym (because who really has hours to spend at the gym anyway?) What I mean is to get at least 20 to 30 minutes of exercise 5 days a week. That's the minimum requirement, if you have time and energy to do more then go for it. I prefer yoga, walking or biking, but do what you love and what brings you joy.

     7. Keep a gratitude journal. When I write down at least 3 things for which I am grateful before I lay my head on the pillow at night, I find I am much happier and feel much less greedy or needy about what supposedly I don't have and I don't really need.  "All we have is all we need". This act forces me to review my day and what has happened in it; and, it helps me to see not only my blessings but also where I need to make changes.

     8. No "screens" an hour prior to bedtime. I ran across this and found it to be a brilliant suggestion! It is hard to get the mind to wind down and shut off if it continues to replay the latest adventure, drama, upsetting email or Facebook posting. Give yourself time to unwind and clear the head. And - shut off that cell phone before you go to bed! There are seriously few things that are so important they require you to be that connected 24-7! The brain needs some free space everyday, just to be able to process what has happened and categorize it to make some sense, and to regenerate more brain cells for tomorrow's adventures.

     9. And finally, give thanks to God for the privilege of living another day. Our life is a gift from God, what we do with this life is our gift to Him. As my friend says, "never complain about growing old, it is a privilege given to few". I like to do this before I fall asleep at night because I can then review how things went that day and ask for God to continue to watch over me and guide me life journey.

     These are some things that I find work for me that help me to have a better quality life and avoid sleepwalking through it. I'm sure if you took some time to think about it you could come up with some of your own. I know there are plenty of resources "out there" that can help to manage this syndrome, if we only had the time to find and read them. Hmmm, could we be suffering from somnambulism?

The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy) (Simon & Garfunkel)
http://youtu.be/TJBhdKrwTOc



A Time To Be Released

A Time To Be Released

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

We May Never Pass This Way (Again) by Seals and C…: http://youtu.be/i3mp4dkm1fQ     

"Elder Neal A. Maxwell reminds us: “It should be clear to us with regard to various callings and assignments that just as soon as we are sustained and set apart the clock begins running toward the moment of our release. How vital it is to manage our time and talents wisely from the moment a task begin! Later, when we have devotedly invested much of ourselves in a particular calling or assignment (and especially when it has been satisfying and we have made a real difference), we may feel the release when it comes, but that, too, is part of our schooling as disciples. Being released gives us experience in patience and humility, as well as a fresh reminder of our replaceability” (The Neal A. Maxwell Quote Book [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1997], p. 52).

            At the time a call is made, there is inherent in the call the pending date for release. We usually are not given the exact day. It may not happen when expected, and it may not be easy when it does happen. It will usually come after we have formed close relationships, shared wonderful experiences, prayed together with associates in the work, and learned to serve and love. And we may think, Why couldn’t it have been just a little longer?

            My mind goes back to the time when President Gordon B. Hinckley informed Sister Patricia Holland that, after serving only two years in the Young Women general presidency, she was to be released. The prophet, of course, was aware of many other important things she was to do, but it seemed untimely to me. In response to our feelings, he counseled, “Don’t be sad that it hasn’t been longer. Be grateful that it happened at all.” We must not look back, but always forward. We must not live in the past, for there is work to be done….

Of course, there is a sense of loss anytime there is a change. You can’t give your heart and soul to a calling and then walk away with no feelings or attachments or concern. If you could, one might wonder about your level of devotion to the calling….

            However, it is important to remember and expect that inspiration and personal revelation will continue – not as they relate to a leader ... but as they belong to every (person) in the gospel….

            The hymn title “We Are All Enlisted” reminds us that whether we have an official call to a specific assignment or not, still we are called to listen to the Spirit. We must all take part in the great conflict that began with the war in heaven and continues to rage here on the earth. Membership in the Church is itself a call to leadership, a call to lead out in the cause of truth and righteousness….

            A release from a calling does not erase our identity with the Lord, nor does it remove any of the good that has been accomplished during the time and season of our service. That remains and often grows, like seeds lying in fertile soil that blossom years later. But it frequently falls to others to harvest the garden we have helped plant....

            ….We have the assurance that when we are called home there will be no question about our being recognized at the gate. The keeper of the gate will know us. Of that I am sure.

            Our callings and titles and positions are not intended to bring us glory, but to bring glory to God. Should we ever lose the importance of that true principle, let the lines from the following poem ring clear:

The Torch Bearer

The God of the High Endeavor

Gave me a torch to bear

I lifted it high above me

In the dark and murky air;

And straightway with loud hosannas

The crowd proclaimed its light

And followed me as I carried my torch

Through the starless night,

Till drunk with people’s praises

And mad with vanity

I forgot ‘twas the torch they followed

And fancied they followed me.

Then slowly my arm grew weary

Upholding the shining load

And my tired feet went stumbling

Over the dusty road

I fell with the torch beneath me.

In a moment the light was out.

When lo! From the throng a stripling

Sprang forth with a mighty shout,

Caught up the torch as it smoldered,

And lifted it high again,

Till fanned by the winds of heaven,
it fired the souls of men.

And as I lay in the darkness

The feet of the trampling crowd

Passed over and far beyond me,

Its paeans proclaimed aloud,

And I learned in the deepening twilight

This glorious verity,

“Tis the torch that the people follow,

Whoever the bearer may be.

(In Thomas Curtis Clark, comp., The Master of Men [Freeport, N.Y.: Books for Libraries Press, 1970], p. 205)

            We must pass the torch on. And when you do pass the torch on to another, and (he) carries the title you once had, you might ask (him)…, “be a little sensitive when you tell me rightly that things are better than they’ve ever been before.” This church will continue to move onward and upward.

            The time of a release is a time to feel, not emptiness, but the fullness of an abundant harvest. In the words of Luther Burbank: “Like the year at the end of summer, I pause now, toward the end of my allotted time, to glance backward and to gather my harvest of experience and growth and friendship and memory. And what has been my harvest of the years? As though they were the grains of the field, the fruits from the orchard and the flowers from the garden, bursting now with seed for another season, I seem to see three kinds of crops: the harvest of work accomplished and aims achieved, the harvested experience and lessons that have molded and impressed my life, and the harvest of dear friendships, happy memories. And the storehouse floor groans, and the walls bulge, and the shingles on the roof have to give a little to make room, for the harvest is rich and heavy and abundant.”

(Ardeth Greene Kapp, Lead, Guide and Walk Beside, Deseret Book, 1998, pgs. 169-175)

When October Goes - Barry Manilow: http://youtu.be/Reiqwbo4b7Q

Amazing Grace



Lord of the Rings Medley (The Piano Guys)

http://youtu.be/FZNqs0YgWkM

       I really appreciate this musical tribute to Lord of the Rings by the Piano Guys. It shows all of the sides of the trilogy; the good, the bad and the ugly. It is a good analogy for life. It begins so innocent and beautiful, then somewhere in the middle it gets dark and scary and downright hard. Then, after the dark and scary times pass, or we come to understand how to navigate these parts, it can once again become beautiful and even magnificent. It also shows that order can come after the chaos and that brings beauty into life.

      I was having a discussion with some friends yesterday about dealing with some difficult life experiences. We talked about how when we were in the midst of the dark, hard and scary times of our lifes we would plead for relief. When it didn't seem to come immediately we would sometimes misunderstand why the relief that we so longed for and desired seemed not to come. Everyone has these times in their lives, it is part of the mortal experience. I have found that it is during these times that we grow the most. We have two choices during these times: one, we can become bitter and angry and resentful; or two, we can turn to God for his grace to help us through the challenges.

    There is a lot of confusion about the definition of grace among different religious sects, but I really like and appreciate this definition:

Grace 

     A word that occurs frequently in the New Testament, especially in the writings of Paul. The main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ.

     It is through the grace of the Lord Jesus, made possible by his atoning sacrifice, that mankind will be raised in immortality, every person receiving his body from the grave in a condition of everlasting life. It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts.

     Divine grace is needed by every soul in consequence of the fall of Adam and also because of man’s weaknesses and shortcomings. However, grace cannot suffice without total effort on the part of the recipient. Hence the explanation, “It is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do” (Book of Mormon, 2 Ne. 25:23). It is truly the grace of Jesus Christ that makes salvation possible. (Holy Bible, King James Version, LDS Edition, Dictionary: Grace).

    Admittedly, I have dealt with some of my challenges the first way - with bitterness, anger and resentment. All this has done for me was make me much more miserable in my misery, and that obviously wasn't working for me. What I am trying harder to do now is to "create order out of the chaos" and turn to God for his grace and mercy to help me handle the challenges I am now experiencing. God knows the beginning from the ending, He knows what I am experiencing and He knows how to succor me and help me through them. My role is to do the best I can with what I have and what I know, and then turn the rest over to Him. As I humble myself, keep an open heart, trust in and rely on Him and His plan for me and my life, I find I am much better able to navigate through the dark and scary hard times. It doesn't mean that these hard times necessarily go away or won't return in one form or another, but it does mean that with God's help I am better able to see the beauty in life and live each day and each moment to the best of my ability, knowing that God will make up the difference - either in this life or the next one.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;

trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen.

Amazing Grace (Jim Brickman featuring Ginny Owens)

http://youtu.be/qqKV09_CdI8

    

Peace - You Find It Where the Heart Is



The Heart of the Matter (Don Henley)

http://youtu.be/dyLvZ9uC9F4

     Like the beginning of this song by Don Henley, "I got the call today I didn't want to hear, but I knew that it would come". It was inevitable considering the situation and the personality of the individual to whom I am referring. In this case it wasn't about hearing of an old flame finding another love, but of an old relationship needing mending. Ironically, it is nearing the anniversary of the event that split the relationship into pieces in the first place. It all has to do with a complicated relationship, inheritance money and who will take responsibility for each. Long story short, it's also about forgiveness and finding peace.

     Earlier this year I made the effort to mend this long broken relationship by initiating an email apology to the individual involved, even though I did not see myself as the one at fault in the situation. I felt the relationship was important enough to me to try to repair it if at all possible, so I initiated the truce. Of course, this person had know idea about my view of what happened and the damage that was done.  I was allowing this situation to cause me anxiety and guilt, and the individual involved knew nothing of my discomfort nor could they really have cared less about it. Needless to say, they didn't see things the same way as I did. Perhaps some if it was a result of my own unrealistic expectations of what I thought the relationship "should be"; what they should have done, or been, or should be to me in my life. It has become obvious to me that what I would like to have happen is never going to happen in this situation. I think I have finally gotten to the point where I am o.k. with this fact. After many years I have been able to forgive and put to rest the issue that resulted in the broken relationship in the first place. As a result, we can now both calmly and rationally discuss this current situation from a place of caring, understanding and forgiveness.

      I will not lie and say that this phone call didn't, once again, bring a few tears at the conclusion of the call. But this time they were tears of understanding and maybe a little relief. They were also tears of grief over the reality of the situation and the loss of what might have once been, but now will likely never be. It is time to grow up and face the facts. I have finally seen it for what it really is. Yes I am disappointed, but I am also realistic enough to know that this time it is what it is, and just because I want it to be a different way doesn't make it so. It takes two to have a relationship and, as much as I would desire one, the other party in the relationship is content with the status quo.

     So, after many years and tears, I am able to be at peace with it all. What a liberating feeling that is! The knowledge that I have absolutely done all that I can do to make this relationship work and knowing that now the rest is up to the other party involved, brings great peace to my heart and mind. No longer will I continue to hold on to the hope that something different will ever come of it, because it most likely will not - at least in this lifetime - ever happen. It is what it is and until more effort is expended on the part of the other party involved, it will remain what it is. I do not feel the need to expend any more of my time or energy into a losing situation.

    This experience gives more meaning to the yuletide phrase "peace on earth, goodwill to men". I have longed to have peace about this situation for so long, and now I finally feel it. What a gift!  I can honestly say that I feel goodwill to this person. I am sincerely glad to hear that things have worked out well for them, that things continue to go well for this person, that they are happy and content with their life.

    Two very important life lessons I can take from this experience are these:



First -

and second -

Peace - You find it where the heart is!

Peace (Jim Brickman)

http://youtu.be/Pvx74fkqTwk



Self-worth or Self-esteem?

"When we strive to see each other as our Father sees us,

we will look not on the outward appearance and

imperfections of a brother or sister or ourselves,

not on the person that we are,

but on the angel we may become."

 

-Ardeth Greene Kapp

 

You Are Loved (Josh Groban)

http://youtu.be/EBSwA8pMgrA

 

     This week I would like to share a more personal note. This is an edited letter I recently wrote to my daughters regarding self-worth. It is something that I think we all can learn from and need to be reminded of from time to time. Thank you for indulging me :-).

 

My dear daughters,

 

     I have had a lot of time to read and think over these past few weeks and I feel a need to share this with you. This has been weighing heavily on my mind, especially in light of what some of you have respectively been going through in their life experiences.   A lot of my sharing comes from a book by Ardeth Greene Kapp called Doing What We Came Here To Do: Living a Life of Love. As you may know, Sister Kapp is a former General Young Women's President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and has been a valuable and cherished mentor to me throughout my adult life. The chapter that I will take these quotes from is entitled "A Feeling of Worth". I think that as women we aren't always valued as much as Our Heavenly Father, or we, would like for us to be. I have come to learn that it is the nature of mortality; for some reason (perhaps the "original sin" doctrine of Eve) women seem to hold a perceived less valuable place in society. However this being said, this is not how our Heavenly Parents, especially our Heavenly Father views things. One of my greatest desires is for you to come to understand your worth as divine daughters of Our Heavenly Father. This is also something with which I have struggled in my life, and my wish and hope is that you will not have to experience the same struggles I have had with this. This is the reason I am deciding to share this with you now.

 

    In her book, Sister Kapp shares these truths:

 

     "Feeling loved, with an assurance of our infinite worth, has a tremendous effect on our ability to accept and love others. To feel loved is to feel valued, accepted, and appreciated for who we "really" are and for who we are capable of becoming...."

 

     "This feeling of self-worth comes from an inner sense of our true eternal identity as a son or daughter of God. Self-worth cannot be earned. It is a part of our divine nature as children of God. Looking inside ourselves with an eternal perspective of our divine heritage and infinite worth allows us to be more receptive to expressions of love and to express love."

 

     " The source of all righteous love is centered in God. A feeling of self-worth comes from an understanding of who we were, who we are, and who we will always be. We did not come to this earth to gain our worth; we brought it with us."

 

     "....Self-worth cannot be increased or decreased. The worth of every soul that has ever lived is absolute and infinite. It is the same for everyone. No matter what our circumstances or appearance or social status, we have worth as God's creations!"

 

     "There is a difference between self-esteem and self-worth. Self-esteem is defined as "a confidence and satisfaction in oneself" (Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, s.v. "self-esteem"). In other words, it's your perspective of yourself." (MUCH different than self-worth?)

 

     "....Circumstances of life appear to have a tremendous influence on self-esteem, to the extent that people who have been verbally, emotionally, or physically abused may even respond as they have been treated. In the movie My Fair Lady, Eliza Doolittle tells Henry Higgins, "The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated." That's a challenge we all face - to not allow our perception of ourselves to be negatively impacted by the way we might sometimes be treated.

 

    "On the other hand, self-worth cannot be earned or affected by anything that may happen in this life. Worth is constant and unchanging. It is a fact that worthiness does not determine worth. You cannot sin enough to change your worth to the Lord who loves you." (A profound truth!!!)

 

     "When we experience a feeling of God's view of our worth, we are better able to feel His unconditional love for us, to remember who we really are, and to believe we are who God says we are - a son or daughter of God with a divine inheritance." (So, when we are feeling unloved or unlovable we need to ask ourselves "What happened?" "Why do I feel this way?" Heavenly Father's opinion of us did not change, so on whose opinion are we basing our evaluation of ourselves?)

 

     "....It is not until you and I comprehend the magnitude of our eternal destiny - who we are and Whose we are - and find peace, regardless of life's circumstances, that we reach our potential. Recognizing our self-worth controls ultimately our ability to love God, to love others, to love life, and to love ourselves." (In other words, it doesn't matter where you live, but how you live.)

 

     "The need to feel loved is basic to our ability to love one another and to believe in every person's divine nature and individual worth. This inner assurance releases a powerful force for good. When we strive to see each other as our Father sees us, we will look not on the outward appearance and imperfections of a brother or sister or ourselves, not on the person that we are, but on the angel we may become." (Herein is the key - because life can throw us some unexpected and sometimes undeserving curve balls. Some circumstances may be or are beyond our own control, whether it be a crappy boss, loss, poor health, difficult roommates or relationships, they are unfortunately a part of our mortal journey. But, if we can see ourselves and others as God sees us through these circumstances, we can come through them with grace, greater strength, greater appreciation for what God has blessed us with, and the ability to continue to work toward our goal of exaltation in His kingdom - become the angels he intends for us to be. Therefore, we are twice blessed as we lovingly accept ourselves and bless others through our loving acceptance and understanding).

 

    Feel it, believe it, live it and it will be a great blessing to your life and help you to manage and cope as you face the challenges of life and trials of adversity that are a part of this mortal experience.

 

With much love.

Walk Tall, You're A Daughter of God

http://youtu.be/mHANOO2vq3E



He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother



 "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order;

 for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength.

And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent,

that thereby he might win the prize;

therefore, all things must be done in order.

Mosiah 4:27



He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother (sung by Neil Diamond)

http://youtu.be/usZtSl8mX08

    I am currently at home recuperating from my recent aforementioned knee/leg surgery. The procedure was done about 11 days ago at our community hospital. I had to have some repair work done to the meniscus in my right knee, and I also had to have a walnut-sized cyst removed from the top of my tibia bone and filled in with some cadaver bone. The procedure went well, except for the fact that I react adversely to Demerol. Demerol is usually injected into individuals who are coming out of anesthesia to prevent the shakes, which can and does happen due to the shock to your body that has just undergone major surgery. Yes, I did wake up to a bad case of the shakes in the recovery room. The nurses surrounded me with heated blankets from head to toe and with that with a combination of other drugs, I was able to recover quite well.

   My husband has been by my side faithfully during my surgery and over this recovery period. He has been so kind to take care of me and literally wait on me hand and foot, as there is little one can do with two crutches in one's hand and a lame leg. I am so thankful for him and his loving kindness to me over these past few days. He has not complained or lost patience with me once, which I find to be truly amazing! He has served me with love and devotion, and words seem inadequate to express my deep level of love and appreciation for him and all that he has done to take care of me and see that my needs are met.

    Throughout all of this I have been thinking quite a bit about my mother and her lifetime of health challenges.  My mother suffered from a Rheumatic heart condition and endured 5 open-heart surgeries over her lifetime. Her first heart surgery was to install a pacemaker in her heart. I was three years old at the time and really don't remember any of the details of the event except that fact that I was left to spend what felt like endless days at my friend and neighbor's house across the street. My two siblings had been flown off to stay with an aunt and uncle, but my parents felt that I was too young to be sent that far away. It was originally intended that I would spend the time staying at a local day care center run by a woman in our church, but that was very short lived as I would not be comforted and cried most of my time I was there. The next alternative was to send me across the street to stay with my friend and neighbor. I would play at their house on a frequent basis, and I felt much more comfortable staying there with them. I can still remember standing in their living room looking out the large picture windows that connected the corner of their house, anxiously waiting for my father's car to turn the corner and drive into our driveway across the street.

     Four more open-heart operations were performed on my mother, some were valve replacement procedures and others were for repair work on what was already in place in her heart. I cannot imagine the depth of fear and anguish she must have felt before each one of her surgeries. I can only remember her getting emotional before one of her surgeries, her last one. She had endured so very much and wasn't sure she would be able to endure another one. Thankfully, after that one she never had to. I was blessed and privileged to be living or visiting home when each of these surgeries was performed. I can remember one of her surgeries was done while I was taking a test in one of my business classes when I attended Weber State College. The professor was quite amazed when she found out what was going on with my mother and I was present in class that day.

    Another of her surgeries took place just after the Christmas holidays. We were able to be home for that Christmas holiday and when I found out that she needed the surgery I was able to extend my stay in order to be able to care for my father and for her when she returned home. I was very thankful to be able to be there and grateful that I could at least do something to help out during that difficult time for my parents. During   the last surgery my mother suffered a slight stroke and lost some of her long term memory. It was because of this that I was able to write down some of my childhood memories for her prior to her death. That was a wonderful experience for me to be able to reminisce and to share those memories with her, and to finally thank her for always being so supportive of me and for being such a good example to me.

   My mother was a very brave woman. She suffered much over her lifetime and rarely complained. I can only imagine the fear and frustrations she must have felt due to the limitations this condition had on her life. My mother never felt sorry for herself, and she never let those limitations keep her from living a full and productive life. I have learned so much from her example of courage, patience, endurance and embracing what really matters most in life. I have learned how to live by watching her live. By remembering how she endured her suffering, I am better able to endure mine without complaint and discouragement. She had such a deep and abiding faith and trust in God's plan for her and for her life. So much so that I think she knew ahead of her passing that her time was short. As a result she prepared by pre-planning her own funeral arrangements. Needless to say, this was a great blessing to us during a difficult time.

      I have not suffered nearly as much as my mother did over her lifetime, but this past few days has put me to the test. It has not been easy and I am not a very patient person. I have been so blessed to have so much help, and by so many that have taken time out of their busy lives to prepare a meal for us, send or bring me flowers, chocolates, videos and books. I have had many caring phone calls, cards and visits that have helped me endure this difficult and trying time in my life. I am deeply appreciative of these blessings that have come from others - brothers and sisters - who have been willing to "carry me" through this challenging time. Thank you. Thank you for making me feel loved. Thank you for being willing to help carry my burden. Thank you for helping me through. You are loved.

Because You Loved Me (Celine Dion)

http://youtu.be/ih1945e4q7I

The Light Has Come



"In the darkness even one small candle burns like the sun!"

-Roger Hoffman

He'll Carry You (Hilary Weeks)
http://youtu.be/HCVT88Dz_CM

"The message of this moment is so clear,
And as certain as the rising of the sun:
When your world is filled with darkness, doubt, or fear,
Just hold on, hold on,
The light will come."

     I have had some interesting experiences over the past week. Without going into too much detail I will just say that some of the challenging situations that I have been living through have finally ended, or will be ending soon. I have felt like I have been living in a long, dark night and looking for that "one small candle" for what feels like a very long time. I have felt "darkness, doubt and fear". It seems to be that way when we are going through some dark and stormy time periods in our life. It may begin with the death of a loved one, the loss of or change in a relationship, the loss of a job, suffering with an illness or having to live through what feels like an impossible situation. These times can bring the darkness into our lives for what feels like an eternity. But I'm here to tell you, that it does not last forever!

    Over the past few years I have wondered if it was me, if I was the only one that had these feelings of doubt and fear. I have felt at times like I was doing something wrong and God was punishing me. I felt alone and misunderstood, like no one could possibly understand what I was going through. These times have caused me to have some very deep "soul searching" sessions. I have held my thoughts, attitudes and behaviors up in the mirror and I haven't always liked what I have seen. I have struggled (and am still struggling) to make adjustments in my thought patterns, manage my emotions and my attitudes. But, I have "shown up", "been present" and "put forth my best effort", and God has made up the difference.

    I think that is what we have to do sometimes, "never, never, never give up" (thank you Winston Churchill). Some days it has been all I could do to drag myself out of bed and get through the day. Some days I have cried through most of it. I have poured out my soul in prayer, because I knew that God knew what I was going through. I have written my feelings in my journal because I just had to get them out. I knew I couldn't get through it on my own strength, mainly because I didn't have anymore strength on which to draw. I know that God knows my pain, He knows my fears, He knows my tears because I have certainly put them in front of Him many times. I know that He understands because He has suffered what I am suffering. I know I can trust him with my most intimate thoughts, even when I know that they might not please Him. I know that He loves me unconditionally. He will love me through my pain, anger and frustrations and in spite of my less than lofty thoughts and feelings.  How do I know this? Because over this past week, "the light has come", finally. The changes are happening within and without. I am feeling more hopeful, more at peace than I have felt in a very, very long time. The long, dark night is ending and the day dawn is breaking!

  Now this doesn't mean that all of my challenges and problems are going away. Heaven's no! In fact, my long awaited knee surgery is in two days, and I am feeling anxious about it. But, I also have recently been infused with the knowledge, wisdom and the hope that all of these things will be for my good, somehow, and that I can trust that God has a plan and a purpose in all of this for me. I have learned that sometimes you really do just have to "hold on" to what you know is true and right, put in your best effort and eventually, the light does come. . . . And when it comes, it is brilliant and nothing short of a miracle!

"If you feel trapped inside a never ending night,
If you've forgotten how it feels to feel the light,
If you're half crazy thinking you're the only one
who's afraid the light will never really come -
Just hold on, hold one the light will come."

(Michael McLean)
    
Hold On, The Light Will Come
(written by Michael McLean, sung by Jessie Clark Funk)

http://youtu.be/0OvPN1vtZos

Lead, Kindly Light



"Sometimes God calms the storm.

Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child."

When You Come Back to Me Again (Originally by Garth Brooks, this version is a cover, but the video presentation is great)
http://youtu.be/781uZVEPFUo

        "A lighthouse is an ensign on a hill, shining its light across the raging seas, beaconing the wayward sailor to safe waters and warning of the rocky dangers that threaten to dash their ships to pieces and relinquish them to the murky depths of the ocean.  They represent what I wanted to be, a lighthouse standing like an island in the midst of raging storms, beaming hope to those who may be lost.
            Lighthouses are unique.  No two have the same stripes, and lenses are specifically cut for that lighthouse.  A lens from a lighthouse in California would not fit one from Oregon or Virginia.  They are each different with their own character and history.  The number of cuts on the lens determines the ability for their light to pierce through the misty darkness, reaching ships farther from the shore.  In like manner, the cuts we sustain through our trials, if accepted without complaint, allow us that ability to shine more brilliantly and reach the hearts of those around us who may be struggling." (Excerpt from A True Story, Mother Had a Secret, Learning to Love My Mother & Her Multiple Personalities by Tiffany Fletcher)

      I received the above quote from a dear friend this past week. She is very much aware of the trials and struggles I have experienced over the past few years, and has been a listening ear and a great support to me through them. She mentioned that as she read this passage in the book she couldn't help but think of me and wanted to pass it along to me. I am grateful for her thoughtfulness. I cannot, however, say that I have accepted every trial without complaint. But, I do have lots of "cuts" that I hope will make my inner light "shine more brilliantly and reach the hearts of those around [me] who may be struggling."

     I happen to live in a small tourist town on the shores of Lake Michigan, and we have a lighthouse in the harbor not too far from our home. There have been many times when I have felt lonely and in need of comfort as I have walked along the pier or along the beach and looked out past the lighthouse to the water. As I watch the waves come in and go out, their rhythm seems to sooth my weary soul and I am comforted.

    There have been times over the last few years of my life when I have felt like I was in the midst of a storm at sea and the waves keep coming - wave after wave after wave - and I have barely had enough time to come up for air! It has been a time of confusion and fear, frustration and isolation. I have felt at times like no one understands what I am experiencing, let alone knows what to do to help me!

    But I have found that there is One who does understand what I have been going through, and that is my loving Heavenly Father. He has been my "lighthouse" through my stormy seas. I have held on tightly to my faith in Him and his son, Jesus Christ - the "rock". They have been the "life preservers" that have kept me afloat through the midst of these storms. I honestly do not think that I would have survived without their constant loving support and guidance. Prayer and scripture reading are the materials that make up the "life preserver" to which I have clung. Admittedly, I have at times prayed more out of habit than sincere desire, but at other times I have poured out my heart and soul to God through my prayers. Seeking guidance, peace and healing through my communications with Him. I know in whom I can trust and to whom I can look to receive much needed guidance and solace.

    I attended a large university for my freshmen year of college. I often felt homesick, alone and invisible as I would walk amid the masses of people across the campus. Often I would look up at the huge mountains in the distance and wonder, "What am I doing here"? One day as I was walking across the campus I saw an old friend, a Seminary teacher from my high school days. He inquired as to how I was adjusting to college life and I shared with him my feelings of homesickness and loneliness. Through the course of our conversation he suggested that I go home and read the words to the hymn, "Lead, Kindly Light", and it would bring me some comfort. I took his advice and I did that. This experience brought me peace and understanding of the love that my Heavenly Father had for me at a time when I needed it the most. That hymn has had a special place in my heart ever since that day, so much so that I decided to use it as the opening hymn at my father's funeral. It continues to bring me peace and comfort.

Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor pray’d that thou
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

So long thy pow’r hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!

Text: John Henry Newman, 1801–1890

Music: John B. Dykes, 1823–1876

     As I continue along this life journey facing yet another trial in the near future, I know to whom I can look to help guide me through this "storm of life". The same being to whom I have always turned when I needed a helping hand to lift me up out of the "storms of life", my loving Father in Heaven. "If God has led you to it, He will lead you through it". So, lead, kindly light.

“Light – more light!”

 – Last words of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Like a Lighthouse (performed by Drew Reese, written by Michael Webb)

http://youtu.be/p4EqYZKbWSE

(Dedicated to my dear friends, Maren and Kim B. Thank you, and may God lead you through the storms of life, as He has led me. I love you!)

Simple Things, Great Gifts



“Think of what a better world it would be if we had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon, and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.”

 – Barbara Jordan, United States Congresswoman

Simple Things (Jim Brickman, featuring Rebecca Lynn Howard)

http://youtu.be/YcUKvmqUCek

     I have been thinking a lot lately about "simple things". I think this is because of all of the chaos and upheaval I have been experiencing in my personal life these days. Last week I experienced the great pain and chaos (and 5+ hours in E.R.) of having a small kidney stone. Who knew that a 6 mm x 3 mm rock could wreak such havoc? If you have ever had one, I'm sure you can "feel my pain".  It amazes me how much pain and chaos this small stone has caused both in my physical body and in the world around me. It has totally disrupted my life for a week and wreaked havoc on my system. 

   But, if I look at this situation and turn it around and look at the "small and simple things" that bring joy into my life, my perspective changes. Sometime ago I made a "joy list" and saved it on my computer. I have revisited and revised it a little. I am glad I did this exercise so that, at times like these, I can go to it and remind myself that "all is not lost" and "this too shall pass" (pun intended ;-)). I can still have joy, in spite of the pain, if I choose to look at it from a different point of view.

 

My Joy List

1. Beautiful flowers and gardens

2. Beautiful music

3. Beautiful artwork (anything Thomas Kinkade)

4. Good chocolate

5. Time with family

6. Feeling the love of God through the Spirit

7. Helping others to feel the Spirit through learning, teaching and serving

8. Sunshine

9. The cat purring while sitting on my lap 

10. Holding my husband's hand

11. Autumn Leaves on the trees

12. Scented candles

     As much as I am able I am trying to surround myself with these simple things, trying to maintain some sort of balance between the positive and the negative to help me experience some joy in my life right now. 

   I think back to when my children were young, and we had less committments, money and time, yet we seemed to take great delight in the small and simple things of life. We enjoyed going on walks, playing games together, building with blocks, doing puzzles together, playing dolls, snacking on milk and cookies and naps. They were busy days, but simpler times. These seemingly small and simple things were the building blocks of good relationships. They promoted the secure foundation that my children needed in order to someday go out on their own and build their own lives with courage and confidence. As this quote states:

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."  ~Robert Brault

Simple Gifts (Yo Yo Ma and Alison Kraus)

http://youtu.be/fYi9Vr8bHJY