Angels Among Us

"Our fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have passed away from this earth, having been faithful, and worthy to enjoy these rights and privileges, may have a mission given them to visit their relatives and friends upon the earth again, bringing from the divine Presence messages of love, of warning, or reproof and instruction, to those whom they had learned to love in the flesh." (President Joseph F. Smith [1838-1918], Gospel Doctrine 5th ed. (1939), 436.

Angels Among Us (Alabama)

http://youtu.be/zCYFPMjCgKA

It was Thanksgiving evening, November 27, 2014. The events of the day, the dinner, the cleanup, the conversation, were winding down and we were settling in for the night. My husband was watching a ball game in the den. My daughter was sleeping in preparation for having to work from midnight to 6 a.m. on Black Friday. My married children were spending the holiday with their in-laws.  I was alone and restless, beginning to feel that longing for home, family and friends that I have known so often on past Thanksgiving days. We were alone and lacking in company this year, so I decided that I needed to do something, anything, that would help take away some of the lonely, longing, homesick feeling that I could feel creeping into my soul. 

I had some yarn and knitting needles that I had put aside to knit another dishcloth, like my mother used to make, so I decided to bring it out and see if I could get one done before the evening was over. I sat down in my chair and began knitting. I turned the television on and decided to see what was worth watching that might bring me some comfort. I noticed on INSP that they were playing a series of The Waltons for the day, specifically Thanksgiving related shows, one of which was titled "The Waltons: A Thanksgiving Reunion". It was set in 1963, the Thanksgiving following when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. The entire clan was returning to the family home for Thanksgiving dinner. I had enjoyed watching this television series when I was younger, with my father sitting in his chair across the room, so I decided to watch is while I knit (something my mother usually did at home in the evenings). 

As I began to knit and watch the show I began to feel a warmth and comfort come over me. I have had this feeling before and was pretty familiar with what it meant - my father was nearby, checking in on me. He passed away near Thanksgiving 9 years ago. We we very close and I have occasionally felt his presence at times when I have needed him over the past 9 years. I think had he been visible on this side of the veil he would have been sitting in the chair next to me, he felt that close to me. l felt his presence there throughout the remainder of the show. I said nothing to my daughter, who later joined me, but I felt certain that daddy was there. It would have been so like him to come and check in when I was feeling so exceptionally down on this Thanksgiving because of the loss of a dear friend and brother just a few weeks prior. 

We usually spent our Thanksgivings with this dear family, but due to the current circumstances felt it better to allow them their privacy allowing them to grieve their great loss of a beloved husband and father. Thanksgiving was Bob's holiday, and we have spent countless Thanksgiving dinners seated at their table and enjoying the feast and company, so this year felt exceptionally lonely and sad. Each year Bob would lead the sharing for those of us seated around his table to tell the one thing for which we were most grateful this year. It was different without them this year, without the sharing, the laughter and the games of "Ticket to Ride" seated around their dining room table with a football game playing on the television in the background and a fire in the fireplace. Good food, good company and good times. I think that had I sat around that table this year the one thing I would have shared that I was most thankful for would have been for having had Bob and his family as such a wonderful and big part of my life and the life of my family over the past 15 years, and most especially over this past year. They have been such a wonderful and much needed support to our family through the difficulties we have experienced over the past year or so. They have truly been angels as they have offered love, support and service to our family, and I will miss the close association we have had with Bob. 

Now, as another chapter has closed on that life that once was. I am sad. I, too, must take some time to grieve this great loss in our life. I hope to share more special and fun times with his family, but it will somehow not be quite the same without Bob there. I will miss his sense of humor, his smiling face, and his hugs. He truly was someone that I would consider an "angel among us", and I hope that he, like my father, will decide to check in on us once in a while and share his love with us once again. 

Angels We Have Heard On High
http://youtu.be/sb0Jg96bWMo

I Found You Then I Found Me

I Found Me

"It might seem backwards to some
Like tying your shoes before putting them on
Maybe it is out of sync
Out of order, a mystery
I found You then I found me

I had been looking, it's true
I just didn't know I was looking for You
You introduced me to me
By showing me glimpses of who I could be
I found You then I found me

(Chorus)
Let's stay together always
You bring out the best in me
I know I'll never be lost again now that
I found You, I found You, I found You then I found me

Like the tide being pulled by the moon
Night and day I will follow You
Like a puzzle that needs the last piece
You find what's missing and make me complete
I found You then I found me

(Repeat chorus)

The me with wings to soar
The me with courage to leave the shore
Unafraid of what I cannot see

As crazy and strange as it seems
I've never felt more like me
How did I ever get by
Without You, without you

So, (repeat chorus)

(Hilary Weeks on SAY LOVE, 2013)

I wish I had a clip of this song to share with you here, but I don't. This song has come to mean a great deal to me, especially over the past year.

For the past 2 and 1/2 years I have been serving as an LDS Church Service Missionary working as a facilitator with the Family Support Group program (part of the church's Addiction Recovery Program). For the first few months I was getting to know, understand and work  this developing program. Since then I have been applying the principles of this 12-Step Program, based on gospel principles, in my life and what a glorious difference it has made! I do not think I could have survived the past 2 and 1/2 years without it! Heavenly Father and an inspired bishop got me involved with it, and it has made an enormous difference in my life (thank you, David!).

In our weekly Family Support Group meetings we use a manual called Healing Through Christ (which can be downloaded free of charge at www.healingthroughchrist.org).

I have been so blessed through studying and working this program.

Although my life over the past few years has been challenging, I have been able to get through it with the help of this group and the associated materials. It has truly been a godsend for me, for which I will be eternally grateful.

As a result of this program I have felt more peace, and been able to experience joy again. I have come to better understand myself and my relationship to my Heavenly Father through the atonement of Jesus Christ. It is a one-of-a-kind self-improvement program, and has been a life changing experience. Words cannot adequately express my depth of love and gratitude for all I have learned and experienced, and for the strength it has given me. This program has helped me to strengthen and refine my relationship  with Christ, as well as with other family members and friends. I have been able to, and continue to, find the "real me" - and that is a truly beautiful thing. Like the song says...

"I found You, then I found me! Let's stay together - always."

I would encourage all who feel the need to improve themselves and/or strengthen their relationship with Christ to check out the resources available on the website noted above. I assure you, you will be glad you did.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

Look to God and Live

"Do you see through troubled eyes;
Is you heart sore with complaint?
Are you trapped by desperate lies;
Has the light of hope grown faint?

Learn of Him.
Ask Him to forgive,
Hear His words and obey.

Learn of Him,
Seek the gift He gives,
Look to God and live.

Do you know your deepest fears
Can be swallowed up in light?
And peace can follow pain
Like the morning follows night.

Learn of Him,
Seek the gift He gives,
Look to God and live.

All things bear Him witness
All His words are true.
The word's a living lesson
That His love will reach to you.

Learn of Him.
Ask Him to forgive.
Hear His words and obey.

Learn of Him.
Seek the gift He gives.
Look to God and live.

(Steven K. Jones, 1995)

My trip to Salt Lake City, 8-6-14 to 8-20-14

https://plus.google.com/117433820681562383971/stories/69859184-6073-333e-932d-6fd6fc055b08147f60061a4?authkey=CL2E5tKX247eLQ

Things Take Time

"There are two types of pain, one that hurts you and the other that changes you" - Unknown

Beautiful Heartbreak - Hilary Weeks - Every Step: http://youtu.be/xyX-I-um5Kk

I have finally returned to writing again, after a very difficult year.  My life journey over this past year has been one of trials, tears, fears, anxiety,  disappointments, heartache, loss, great joy and unexpected miracles. In short, it has been quite a roller coaster ride!  Extreme highs and extreme lows. Agony and ecstasy.  I feel I have lived through an entire lifetime in a year - at least I have experienced enough in one year to last a lifetime. I didn't know one person could go through so much turmoil in such a short period of time and still survive!

I have also learned the value of the phrase "things take time". Perhaps this is God's way of teaching and testing my patience. Certainly, it has tried it. I have had experiences over the past year that I never expected to ever have to go through in my lifetime. As I look back, I don't know why I never thought they would happen to me and my loved ones. I guess I lived in a type of a bubble, expecting only good things to happen in life, and not the bad. The "happily ever after" syndrome.  Pretty unrealistic. But, in spite of that fact, some of what could have turned out to be really bad turned out to be really good - even miraculous!

I have learned a lot about trusting God and His plan for me and my family over the last year. His plans are not always my plans. I have also learned  alot about God's plans for families, and that it is much bigger and much broader than I ever imagined! I have also learned that God strengthens us through difficulties and "saves" us in unexpected, but glorious ways. He compensates us for our losses. He carries us when we no longer have the strength to carry on. Truly, His grace IS amazing, and sufficient.

I have learned that I was capable of doing some really hard things. I learned how very much I love my family. I have learned that we can get through difficult times much better working together and supporting each other, than we could ever do alone. I have learned that God put this family together for a reason; that when we pull together and love and support each other, no matter what, God helps us get through the rough parts of life.

I would never want to relive this year again-ever. It has truly been "the worst of times and the best if times". But, I have learned this great lesson that, "if God brings you to it, He will lead you through it". We are NEVER alone in our trials in this life journey. We have a Father in Heaven who cares and is always there to hear, help and heal us; and He will make everything right -  if not today, then someday.

Jim Brickman: Amazing Grace: http://youtu.be/9mj_kO7LIFY

Physical Therapy for the Soul

White Flag (Dido)

    I have not posted on this blog for a few months because "real life" has taken over for a while. I will not post details either, but I want to post something I read that has significant impact for me right now - today.

     Elder Richard G. Scott, of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Saints Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, explained: "Now may I share some suggestions with you who face the second source of adversity, the testing that a wise Heavenly Father determines is needed even when you are living a worthy, righteous life and are obedient to His commandments.  Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously.  When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience,  they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more....He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding,  and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain." (Richard G. Scott, "Trust in the Lord," Ensign, Nov. 1995. )

     I have, once again, been prescribed some physical therapy for a painful hip. During my initial consultation with the physical therapist, she told me that in order to fix the problem and relieve the pain (to get me from where I am to where she wants me to be), I would initially feels some additional pain and discomfort until things got back in place and on track. Believe me, they have caused me some discomfort and pain. She gave me some strengthening and stretching exercises to do at home as well. I am to do them "to the edge of the pain" and no further. And, if I feel too much discomfort for too long afterward I am to ease off a bit.  

      The correlation of this physical therapy and the "soul therapy" that I am currently undergoing is not lost on me. Often times the conditions that our bodies are manifesting are the physical equivalents of what we are experiencing in our souls, as the two are interconnected. "Soul therapy" can also be painful and difficult, and it can push me to the very edge at times. But, just as I trust that my physical therapist knows what I need to improve my physical condition, I am also trusting that my "soul therapist" also knows what I need to improve my "soul" condition.

    And for now, that is enough....stay tuned....

Let's Get Physical (Olivia Newton John)

(I can relate to the poor guy who was getting beat on on the massage table - lol). 

Of Apples, Walnuts and Honey

 "If thou wilt do good, yea, and hold out faithful to the end, 

thou shalt be saved in the kingdom of God, 

which is the greatest of all the gifts of God; 

for there is no gift greater than the gift of salvation." 

(Doctrine and Covenants 6:13)

The Homecoming (Hagood Hardy)
http://youtu.be/xXeHIfMBZtQ

Autumn always brings forward memories of home; memories of apples, walnuts and honey. Maybe this is why the high schools and universities always hold their homecoming events in the Fall. 

The home in which I grew up had an apple tree in the front yard. I loved that apple tree! When I was a child I would climb up into the tree and stay there for hours reading, writing or doing a handicraft. It wasn't a large enough tree in which to build a fort, but boy, the apples were the best in town! They would always ripen in about September and we could hardly wait to eat them, along with some neighbors and strangers who would walk by on the sidewalk and help themselves to the fruit. That used to make my father angry because it was dishonest to him and he hated dishonesty. One of the things that irritated my father the most about our apple tree situation was when the children from across the street would watch to see that we were not at home and then help themselves to several of the apples, but rather than eating them they would line them up across the busy street in front of our house and watch the cars run over them and smash them. As you can imagine, this made my father livid. I kind of think that was the purpose the children had in doing what they did all along - to make my father mad. There was absolutely nothing he could do about it, especially after he arrived home to find a line of smashed apples in the street in front of our houses. I think he spoke to the children's parents about the situation, but they never did anything to prevent it. To my Depression Era father, it was a terrible waste of precious food. My father worked hard to maintain the integrity of the apples on that tree. He pruned it, sprayed it and nurtured it so as to produce the best crop he possibly could from it. In fact, one of the only memories my children have of my father and visiting their house was when he got angry at them for losing their toys in the tree and climbing it to get them down. It was his baby. One of the great things about the relationship between my father and this apple tree was the fact that we could never eat or preserve all of the fruit that it produced, so my father would load some of the apples into 5 gallon buckets and deliver them to friends and neighbors in the area. It is rather funny because he would get so angry when the apples were stolen, but when he gave them away, well, that was a different story. Sadly the apple tree was cut down a few years after my father died and we sold the house. The next occupant neglected the tree and it finally died and had to be removed. Perhaps it too mourned the passing of my father in its own way.

One of the other trees that we had on our property was located in the back yard of our home. It was a Black Walnut tree. I remember the day my father planted that tree as a sapling. I remember asking him how big he thought it would get, and if it would get big enough to shade the back side of the house. He said that he imagined that it would, but it would take a long time to get there. My father cared for that tree as he did the apple tree and other trees on the property. He sprayed it, pruned it and cared for it and, like the apple tree, it produced an overabundance of walnuts that my father would gather and lay on newspaper in the basement of our house to dry out. Once the hulls were dried he could take them off of the nuts and would crack the nuts and put them in jars, or simply take the whole nuts, and deliver them along with the apples to neighbors and friends. It was a real source of joy to my father to be able to help provide for his neighbors and friends, and he enjoyed the visits that went along with the deliveries. My father loved to talk and could find friends or make friends most anywhere he went.

The other item that I always think of in conjunction with the apples and the walnuts is honey. My father helped to manage a honey production plant that was owned and operated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was part of the church's welfare system. When my father retired it became like another job for him to go down to the plant and oversee the operations and production there. It made him feel needed and was a source of pride for him. It was a sad day when the production was moved to Welfare Square in Salt Lake City and they decided to shut down his honey plant. It was like he was fired from a job, and he grieved it. I, and many others, were recipients of jars of honey produced at that plant. He was very proud of the job he and others did there.

At my father's funeral his friend and Home Teacher (for those who know what that is) spoke. He brought some visual aids to help him with his talk: apples, walnuts and a jar of honey :-). In his talk he used them as symbols for some important lessons of life, lessons that my father knew and understood well. The apples, he said, symbolized "the sweet taste of service". The walnuts represented "the hard knocks of life and enduring to the end". And the honey, he said, represented "the sweetness of the Lord, Jesus Christ, and his Atonement". It was a beautiful talk and one that I remember well. I have it on a CD that was recorded of that service and I listen to it occasionally, when I am missing my father and want to be reminded of his legacy. A legacy that has become a great blessing in my life. I watched my father serve others with love and compassion. I watched him and my mother endure many of the hard knocks of life, yet they both endured faithfully to the end. I know that both of them understood and applied the Atonement of Jesus Christ in their lives, and because of that Atonement I know that I will one day be reunited with them and "live together in love".

My father passed away near Thanksgiving of 2005. In tribute to him each Thanksgiving I make a special salad that contains - you guessed it - apples, walnuts and honey! It is a sweet reminder to be thankful for the wonderful legacy of a wonderful father, friend and mentor who is greatly missed in my daily life.

Homecoming (Jim Brickman)
http://youtu.be/zp4a0Cmn4ag

Wisdom via Hindsight

We May Never Pass This Way Again (Seals and Croft)

http://youtu.be/i3mp4dkm1fQ

     I have been thinking about writing this post for a while and finally decided that today is the day. I hope that at some time in the future, when my own daughters and daughter-in-law need it, they will come to this blog post and read and re-read it. Perhaps it will help them, and others, understand and do things differently than I did. They say that hindsight is 20/20, so I am going to share some things that I learned over the years. How I might have done some things differently had I known then what I know now as a post stay-at-home motherhood and current empty-nester.

     What sparked my decision to finally write about this was a phone call the other day from a sweet, young mother who was at the end of her rope. She has several children, all of which are age 6 and under, and she is currently pregnant with another. She was feeling overwhelmed with her life, and she felt like she needed a break from her children before she did something she might regret. I was her "phone a friend" lifeline that day.  My heart went out to her and her situation. I have felt like her at various times in my own life and so I could most certainly empathize with how she was feeling and what she was going through. We love our children and are very thankful to have them. We feel a tremendous sense of responsibility to care for them and fulfill their every need, but there are times when being with them 24/7 is simply more than we can handle. Having "been there, done that",  I am going to share with you some of what I learned about those years and what I would have done differently if I had it to do over again....

     First of all, I would have taken more time for myself to develop my own interests and pursue some of my dreams. There simply has to be more of a balance in life. When one is in the midst of raising children, especially small children, we feel so selfish and guilty when we take even a little "time out" for ourselves. I am not suggesting that one goes overboard to the point of neglect or of being obsessively self-serving, but what I am suggesting is that you set aside a few hours or an afternoon one day a week to do something for yourself. It is very easy to loose your identity when you becomes a wife and a mother and it is very important, even essential, that you have something you can call your own that identifies you as an individual person - as you. For me, it was my taking the time to teach piano lessons for a couple of hours a week. It was something that I loved to do, it kept me in touch with my own skills and talents, it was of service to others and it also helped to bring in some much needed extra income to contribute to the family budget (or have some play money fore me - guilt free). It was a small amount but I can't count the times that it was just enough to cover what was needed. It has been a great blessing in my life and it blessed the lives of others - both student and parent. I felt good about what I was able to contribute to the world through teaching and adding to the beauty of the world through music education.

     Another thing that I would do is seek out  the support of and friendship of others who are in similar situations. Women need other women - girlfriend! I tended to isolate myself and think that I could do "it" all by myself, and even worse, that I had to do it all by myself. I suffered in silence and that was a big mistake. I needed to be around and talk to adults, especially when I was home with toddlers and infants all day. There are only so many episodes of Barney and Sesame Street that one can handle in a day (or Dora or Teletubbies  or ________ fill in the blank here)! When I was a new mother and living in a state far away from family and friends it soon became clear to me that I had to do something about my isolation and loneliness or I was going to go crazy (or MIA). I had a dear friend from back home who suggested that I get involved with La Leche League, which is an organization that supports and helps women who are breastfeeding their children. It was, hands down, THE best decision I ever made for my mental health! I found a local chapter of the group and attended one of their meetings. I was hooked. I soon found a group of like-minded women who had children my own children's ages and who were going through what I was going through and feeling what I was feeling. It was a miracle! We started a playgroup as well as getting together for the monthly meetings. Our children became friends as did we. Admittedly there were some challenges due to some differences of religious opinions, but for the most part we were able to set those aside and find more things in common than were different. La Leche League became one of my "lifelines" when we moved from town to town for schooling and jobs during those early years of our children's lives. It became a constant in the midst of chaos. I will be forever thankful for those dear women who supported and helped me during the good times and the bad times of those years. They helped to keep me "off the ledge" many times.

     And finally, I would have kept up some of my professional skills, either by taking a class and/or dabbling in my field of choice. Not to the point of neglecting my children, but only to the point of being able to keep up my skill set. At this time in my life I am facing a situation that the skills and training I received in my profession are no longer of use in the same way as they were pre-babies. I was trained as a secretary and worked in that field prior to having my first child, but  I have not worked in that field for many years and I no longer have adequate skills to work in an office environment as a secretary. I would need to go through retraining in order to work in that field now, and I figure that if I have to be retrained anyway that I would rather get my education in something that I feel more passionate about than working in an office as a secretary. I am also finding that the field that I have been working in for the past 20+ years is losing ground (as a piano instructor) to more exciting, instantly gratifying extra -curricular activities such as soccer, softball, gymnastics, dance, etc. I hate to see the devaluation of learning to play the piano (or any musical instrument), and I think that it will become a rare talent and skill in the future. It is not an instant gratification talent, but one that takes time and practice and patience to perfect and I see too few willing to put the time and energy into perfecting this talent.  The world will be a much sadder place without music in it, and those who play it well. I find it very difficult to find a young student who is willing to put in the time and practice and patience that it takes to become a skilled musician. My career choices have and are becoming obsolete, and so  I am finding myself at this point in life having to retrain myself in a job market that desires younger, thinner and better skilled employees than what I have to offer. Attending college in middle age is much harder than if I had continued to pursue my degree along the way and continued to dabbled in the field of study as I went along in life. So my advice, get the degree or training skills while you are young, but if you can't do it while you are young, just do it - and keep a finger on the pulse of your area of expertise. The world is changing so fast with the new technologies that exist that a degree or skill might become obsolete in the future, but if you keep an eye on the changes and can tap into it to whatever extent you can, you won't regret it in the future. And, it will make your future "empty nest" years (yes, they do eventually come) much easier to navigate.

    So, the bottom line is:

     Don't give up on your dreams; find a way to follow them,
     Enjoy play dates with your girlfriends and their kids, and
     Never stop learning.

That's The Way It Is (Celine Dion)
http://youtu.be/sLSWJtxvaUY