A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.”
― Maya Angelou
― Maya Angelou
http://youtu.be/TtGY4G7II6s
I have two tools that I use to help me "sing my song" of life. One of them is my life story, the other is my journal. I started writing my life story about six years ago, just after my father died. I was trying desperately to make some sense of what was happening in my life, both physically and emotionally. It was a very confusing and difficult time for me and I needed to feel grounded and get some sense of direction in my life. I decided that since both of my parents were gone there was really no one else who knew me and my life story better than me, and that I had better make a physical, written documentation of it. My mother and left a short autobiography before she died, but it was incomplete. My father left behind lots of documents and papers that I had to sort through and try to make sense of and piece together to come up with the story of his life (I was not happy about this). After that experience I vowed I would not leave the responsibility of telling "my story" to my children. So, I started writing my own autobiograpy and I continue to update it annually, usually in January, to keep it current. I want future generations to know who I am , what I did and what I value. I want them to know me. And, it helps me to reflect on my life - where I've been, where I am and where I am going.
The other tool that I use is my journal. I have kept a journal since I was about twelve or thirteen years old. My early entrys were more like a daily log of my activities. I think that it has been since my parents died that I have been more diligent and detailed in my journal entries. It has become a sanctuary for me, a safe place where I can express my thoughts and feelings without fear, judgment or rejection. I love to write in my journal! It clears my mind of clutter and helps to organize my thoughts. It helps me to process issues that I am dealing with and helps me to clarify what course of action should be taken to resolve some worries or problems. I try to choose journals that "speak to me". I love to write in a journal that "says something" about my style or my preferences. I prefer bound journal books to spiral bound journals, and I love those that have inside pockets for momentos. I try to "free write" without any particular form and no judgments. I try to be sincere and write what is truly in my heart. I treasure these journals and enjoy going back and re-reading some of my entries. I have stored precious feelings and memories in them. I guess, in a way, they are an extension of who I am - the good, the bad and sometimes, the ugly. My hope is that some day my children and grandchildren may one day read them and come to know who I am. Perhaps some challenge that I have faced and resolved might help or inspire them through something in their life that they are experiencing. But for now, they are my source of self-discovery and peace.
"Reaching for something in the distance
so close you can almost taste it
release your inhibitions
feel the rain on your skin
no one else can feel it for you
only you can let it in
no one else
no one else
can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
live your life with arms wide open
today is where your book begins
the rest is still unwritten."
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