Only Kindness Matters

Hands (by Jewel)

http://youtu.be/lk0bKfC8XSE

     The past few weeks/months of my life have been, let's say, challenging. The have involved a serious illness in both me and my husband, being forgotten or criticized by those who I thought were my friends, some personal financial challenges, some extended family relationship challenges, and  the sudden death of a friend's husband - you get the picture. Not the most calm and peaceful time of my life.

    These challenges, and the circumstances that surround them, have brought home to me the importance of being kind, considerate and thoughtful of others; of loving and caring about others and what is going on in their lifes; and of being willing to serve and help one another during times of need while we are on this journey called life. All to often we get so caught up in the business of our lives and what we think is so important, that we fail to see the needs of others that might be right in front of our faces. We neglect the small, simple acts of kindness that come to mean so much to someone in their time of need.

     For example, a few years ago I was in a position of authority that I think made me more mindful of and sensitive to the needs of those individuals around me. One day, while I was going about my activites, I noticed one woman who looked a little sad and the thought came to me that there was something wrong. The timing wasn't right for me to talk to her at that time, so I decided later to give her a call and inquire as to how she was doing. We talked for a few minutes, she assured me that everything was "fine" (how many of us just say that so automatically - whether it's true or not). So, I went about doing my routine. A few days later I received a "thank you" note in the mail. In this note the individual whom I had telephoned told me that at the time that I called her she was contemplating her individual worth to God and to her family. She told me that because of that phone call she felt that it was God's way of telling her that she had worth and that she was loved. She felt that God knew who she was, what challenges she was dealing with and that someone really did care about her. Wow, I had know idea that a simple telephone call could make such a difference!

      This individual is the woman who's husband died suddenly.  I hope that by some chance she remembered that phone call, as well as other conversations that we have had over the years, and that they had made her feel loved enough that she felt able to trust me enough to call me during her time of crisis. It was a difficult thing to experience with her, but I am so honored that she felt comfortable enough with me, and trusted me enough, to dial my phone number and ask for my help. For me, that was the greatest compliment she could have ever given me.

     Since this time of crisis there have been individuals who have questioned as to why this woman called me instead of them. I wondered about it myself for a while, but I have always tried to be loving and kind to this woman. I have known about many of the challenges she has had over her lifetime, and I have tried not to be judgmental but rather have compassion and empathy for her and her situation - to simply love her. I think we have established a relationship of love and trust, and I hope that it can continue as she struggles to come to grips with life as a young widow/single parent.

     Every day I am faced with a choice. I can choose to be kind, loving, compassionate and helpful; or I can can choose to be angry, bitter and resentful of the behavior of those around me. I cannot choose how others will act toward me, but I can choose how I will act and react toward others. I choose love, "sweet love". "It's the only thing that there's just too little of". 

     "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other in the kingdom." (President Spencer W. Kimball, "Small Acts of Service", Ensign, Dec. 1974).

What The World Needs Now is Love

(Jim Brickman and guests)

http://youtu.be/9ka0AEWXkE8

What Matters Most?



Simple Things (Jim Brickman)

http://youtu.be/_MWPjaABtuM



     Every day we give up a portion of our precious lives for what we value most. What do you value most? What matters most to you? It is really something to stop and think about. You only have one life. You only have one chance each moment of each day to do what you do, so what do you choose to do with that precious moment? How do you decide what matters most or what is the most important thing that needs to be done at that moment of that day? Where did these values come from? From your parents? From your past? From your own life experiences? From your religious beliefs? You choose each day what you value most by how you spend your time.

    Life can get pretty messy sometimes. There is so much sadness, grief, sorrow, anger, injustice and just plain pain that goes on in, and around us, every day. How do we separate ourselves from it? How do we protect ourselves from letting it permeate our lives? How do we find what's "right with the world", when everything appears to be so wrong? How do we stay connected to "the world", but not become part of "the world"?  I suggest that one way is to turn off the television and tune out the internet occasionally, just to catch a breath.

   I don't know all the answers, but I will tell you what seems to work the best for me. Perhaps by sharing what I do, it may help you.  One of the first things I do in the morning is to pray. I believe in God, and I believe in His Son, Jesus Christ, and because of this belief I feel it is essential for me to talk to God each day through prayer. As I ponder what I want to talk about with God it helps me to focus on the things that matter most to me, the things that I am the most grateful for in my life. When I feel sorrow or anger, grief or pain, lack of understanding, a need for guidance in my life or a need for some peace, God is where I turn. I also turn to God's word through the Scriptures. I try to spend some time each day reading, pondering and studying God's word. Praying is how I talk to God. Scripture study is one way that God "speaks" to me.

    Another thing that I try to do at least a few days of the week is to do some form of exercise.  I am unable to do every kind of exercise that I would like to do due to some physical limitations, but I try to at least do something. One of my favorite forms of exercise is yoga. Yoga helps to slow down my thought processes and focuses my mind on the present, on just "being" for 20 to 30 minutes in my busy day. I sometimes struggle with anxiety, and by doing my yogic breathing I am able to release some of the tension and anxiety that sits in the pit of my stomach. It has made a world of difference for my physical and mental health. I also enjoy doing some strength training and stretching a few times a week, usually along with the yoga. It makes me feel like I have accomplished something, done something good for my body.  It makes me feel powerful and strong enough to handle what each day brings my way.

    One of the best things that I use on a daily basis to help me focus on what matters most is music. It is a rare occasion when I don't have some sort of music playing in the background. Different types of music can make me feel different ways. If I am especially tense or anxious, I play some more relaxing types of music. It is usually instrumental, usually piano or strings, and it is slow and calming. If I need energy then I play something more upbeat and positive, a little soft rock or oldies. And if I am angry or frustrated, bring out the harder rock - not acid rock (no fan here) - but something with a more intense beat and rhythm. Then sometimes I go out and take a walk with the ear phones in or hop on my stationary bike and ride away until those feelings are worked through (this way I am not taking my feelings out on those around me - which helps to preserve those precious relationships).

    I enjoy being out of doors as much as possible. I think that focusing on and connecting with the beauties of nature in the world around us helps us to get a better perspective on what really matters, and on who made it all possible.I gives us a better view of "the big picture". I especially enjoy digging and working in my flower garden. There is just something about "the cycle of life" that one experiences through gardening that helps to put things into perspective. When it feels like all the world around us is full of ugliness, stepping outside and into a "beautiful world" just seems to make everything feel better.

"God is in His heaven; all's right with the world."

Beautiful World (Jim Brickman featuring Adam Crossley)

http://youtu.be/2VzmOCcopB4

Childhood and Learning to Love Yourself

“You must love yourself before you love another.

 By accepting yourself and fully being what you are,

your simple presence can make others happy.”

 - Author Unknown -

Greatest Love of All (Whitney Houston)

http://youtu.be/IYzlVDlE72w

      (The loss of such a great artist as Whitney Houston, at such a young age, is such a tragedy. God bless Whitney Houston and her family. May she finally rest in peace.)

      This song, originally performed by Whitney Houston, is one that I have always loved. I think I love it because the words have resonated so much with me over the course of my life. I have always believed that "children are our future", that we should "teach them well and let them lead the way". That we should "show them all the beauty they possess inside" and "give them a sense of pride, to make it easier. Let the children's laughter remind us who we used to be."

     I think that much of my love for children comes from their ready love and acceptance of me. I think I also admire their untainted innocence and love of life. I have always enjoyed being in their presence, and feel priviledged when I had the opportunity to do so. I have wanted to instill in my own children (and sometimes in others) a sense of their value and worth to God and to the world. Some of this desire stems from my church work over the years with children, but I think that it also comes from the loss of three of my own as a result of miscarriages. Losing something that you love (or want to love) so much, certainly makes you appreciate it much more and makes it all that much more precious when you do have the blessing of receiving it. This is one of the primary reasons that I chose to be a stay-at-home mother. I didn't want anyone else to raise the children with whom I had been blessed. I have learned so much from each of my children, much more than what they have learned from me. I think of how sad it would have been if I had never had them. (And this is why I get so angry when I hear of or see parents who abuse their precious children).

    I learned in my Sociology class last year, and again recently, that young people are waiting longer to marry. I also learned that when they do choose to marry they are waiting a longer time to have children, if they have any at all; and that the number of children that they are choosing to have is much smaller than it used to be. I think this is a real tragedy. Children are such a blessing! They teach us so much about ourselves, they give us unconditional love, and they give us such a wonderful perspective on the world and our (and their) place in it. They help us to overcome our own selfish tendencies and force us (or should force us) to change and become better people. They teach us to put another individuals needs above our own. As we sacrifice our own wants to the fulfill the needs of others, it forces us to"grow up" and to look at the world from a different perspective, and usually that is a very good thing. It is a good thing not only for ourselves and our families, but for the world at large. We come to realize that it isn't "all about us", but that we are just a small part of the whole. What we contribute to the whole, whether via ourselves or our children, depends on how we choose to live our lives and how we choose to teach our children how to live their lives. Children believe everything their parents teach them (for good or for bad), so we must be careful as to how we act and what we teach them. Having children should cause us to take a good long look at how we live our lives and what we want to teach our children about how to live theirs.

     For me, learning to love myself has been a lifetime challenge. I grew up in a stable home with two loving parents and two siblings. Our family wasn't perfect, but for the most part I had what I needed and I felt loved. I didn't understand until I was married and raising my own children, what a blessing that was in my life. As I have gone through life and heard about the life experiences of my peers and others around me, I have truly come to appreciate what it means to be "born of goodly parents". My parents were very good at instilling a sense of pride, self-respect and self-confidence in me. I think that I knew at a young age that I was "of worth". I learned at a young age that I was valuable, not only as a child of God, but as a member of my family. When I would have the inevitable "differences of opinion" with my peers (and my siblings), my parents always tried to made me feel accepted, loved and safe. I was able to develop skills and talents because of their encouragement and support. I gained confidence in myself and in my ability to succeed and triumph through difficulties and challlenges because of these opportunities. I was given a strong sense of moral values (a sense of right and wrong), standards and integrity.  This came not only from my parents but also from other leaders and mentors in my childhood and adolescence. I have learned things through making my own mistakes in life that I wouldn't want my children to have to experience. Sometimes these mistakes have caused me to doubt my judgment, have clouded my thinking and have caused me to question my worth. I think that one of the greatest challenges that we have as adults is to learn to love ourselves in spite of our foibles and faults. Ultimately though, I have come to learn that what or who I will be is up to me. What my life will turn out to be is the result of my choices and my actions.

    I have always been a pretty independent person, sometimes to a fault. I have had to make choices and take a stand on issues that were sometimes less than popular among my peers. It is important to me that when I look in the mirror, I want to be able to look myself in the eye and like who I see looking back at me. Sometimes these choices have "led me to a lonely place" because they haven't always been the easy or popular way of doing things. Sometimes my motives for doing things have been misinterpreted or misunderstood. When these times have come, I have had to rely on the knowledge of the love of my God for me, the love of my family for me and, last but not least, the love and respect I have for myself to give me strength and to get me through.

    Truly, learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all - and I think that it will be a lifelong pursuit for me to be able to achieve it. It is something of which I have to remind myself on a daily basis. "You are loveable and capable". My mantra (thanks to Josh Groban) had become:  "Don't give up ... because you are loved."

You Are Loved (Josh Groban)

http://youtu.be/EGLSk3AVcUU

Live, Laugh and Trust Yourself

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live" (Goethe)

The Innocent Age (Dan Fogelberg)
http://youtu.be/uunU0Aoup_I

     I have recently been going through some photographs and trying to get them organized into albums. I think it started when my sister asked for some pictures of her as a young child. She told me that she didn't have very many pictures of her from her childhood, and she wondered if there were any in the slides that I had inherited. I found many, as that seemed to be the preferred method of record keeping for my father back in the day. I was able to scan some onto my computer and send them to her. It was fun to see her at that age, as I am the youngest and never remember her during those years. There were some of her laughing and playing, dancing and posing. I was amazed as the happiness and innocence I saw in her face.

     I also found a few pictures of a younger me in the slides. It was fun to scan those and see what I looked like so many years ago. As I looked into the eyes of that toothless 5 year old, I was hit by the innocence and pure joy that I saw in my face at that young age.  There were some of me with my two siblings by my sides, holding my hands. A favorite is of me mimicking my sister's pose, our brother by my side, with a shot of a great canyon opening up behind us. I continued to look through the photos, and it seems that as I got older the joy and innocence disappeared from my face and the pictures reflected more seriousness and forced smiles. I was the youngest of three children, with mother that had a rheumatic heart condition who underwent 5 open heart surgeries in my life time. I think that the weight of growing up with those challenges showed on my face at times.

      Then I started compiling some photographs of my husband from his babyhood through about age 19. I wanted to put together a photographic "This is Your Life" for him to be able to see what has happened over his lifetime as he is approaching his 50th birthday. What a cute baby and young child he was! So much energy and lust for life. He was so loving and solicitious of his younger siblings (he is the oldest in his family). And how sweetly he interacts with his mother. Is it any wonder why I love him? As I went through these photos I saw events that occurred in his life that I was not a part of because we met in his young adult years. I learned more about who he was, what he valued and what his family valued as I saw the interactions in these photos.

     Finally, I then went through some more photos of our life together that I have been meaning to scrapbook over these past many years. In these photos I found pictures of each of our children at various ages and stages of life. It brought back a flood of memories of what life was like when they were younger. I remembered how we interacted with each other and what fun we had back then! I wondered how they view their "growing up" years, now that most of them are grown up and on their own.

    I think it is so sad how we often lose the love for life and the simple joy that we carried with us when we were children, or even when we had young children. Of course we all have to grow up, but it saddens me to lose the innocence and trust in myself that I had so strong when I was a child. I seemed to really know who I was back then. We all seemed to know what we loved, where we belonged, what we wanted to do, what we wanted to be (or at least we thought we did). We didn't care much about what was going on around us, as long as we were safe, well fed and loved. Thoughts of things like wars, death, taxes, financial worries or relationship challenges were the farthest things from our thoughts back then.

     But, life goes one and we grow with it. It is nice to be able to look back and reminisce about those times. I like to think that it doesn't mean that there can't be happy, fun times now. I guess it's all in the way we choose to look at things and in the way we choose to live our life. It's about choices after all, isn't it? I think it's a matter of really knowing ourselves and not losing ourselves, our true selves, along the sometimes rocky roads of life. Sometimes it takes things like looking at old photographs - looking at where we have been - to see how far we have come. Deep down we still have elements of those children inside of us, it's just that now we are trapped in adult bodies. Can we still reclaim the joy and fun of life? I think we can if we chose to look for it. Perhaps if we had more simple, innocent fun more frequently there would be a lot less incidents of suicide in middle age!

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/43714272/ns/today-today_health/t/suicide-spikes-among-middle-aged-women/

     The best years don't have to be behind us. The best can be yet to come. I think a lot of it depends on our point of view and our attitude. As we learn to love ourselves again, we can be our own best friend. It's a matter of trusting ourselves to know what we need; to not being afraid to ask for it and/or go out and get it. We can choose to give up and give in to life, or we can choose to keep going - to look for and find the joy and the fun. Try new things, get out of our comfort zones and be more than we are now. Life doesn't have to end at 30 or 40 or 50 or whenever, as long as we don't give up. It gives new meaning to the term "enduring to the end". The future looks bright when you chose to look on the bright side of life (Thank you, Monty Python ;-)). As a good friend used to always say, "Happiness is a choice". Yes, I guess it really is.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (Monty Python - of course)
http://youtu.be/JrdEMERq8MA