The Road of Life

The Road of Life

At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there, sort of like a president. I recognized his picture when I saw it, but I really did not KNOW Him.

But later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in back helping me pedal.

I don’t know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since.

When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but very predictable. It was always the shortest distance between two points.

But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains and through rocky places at breakneck speeds; it was all I could do to hang on!! Even though it looked like madness, He said, “Pedal!”

I was worried and was anxious and asked, “Where are you taking me?” He laughed and didn’t answer, and I started to learn to trust.

I forgot my boring life and entered into an adventure. And when I’d say, “I’m scared,” He’d lean back and touch my hand, and with a smile would simply say “Pedal”.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey, my Lord’s and mine.

And we were off again. He said, “Give the gifts away. They’re extra baggage, too much weight.” So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving, I received, and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He’d wreck it, but He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear high rocks, fly to shorten scary passages.

And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places. I’m beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.

And, when I’m sure that I just can’t do anymore, and when I fear we’ve taken the wrong path, He just smiles and says. “Pedal!”

Bicycle Built for Two
http://youtu.be/-4IxVeRTCA4

Becoming You

"Sometime in your life you will go on a journey.

It will be the longest journey you have ever taken.

It is the journey to find yourself."

- Katherine Shay

Fly Away (Jim Brickman)

http://youtu.be/gqHIslGaEyY

     Did you know that in dream lore and mythology the butterfly is the symbol of the emergent soul?  The butterfly also represents flight, freedom, and creative thinking. The butterfly is also symbolic of resurrection and eternal life.

    The symbolism of the butterfly causes me to pause and think about it's life cycle. First, it is the catapillar, lazily climbing along and chewing away on the milkweed leaves seemingly unaware of why it is doing so, only that it is it's lifestyle. Gradually, after feeling somewhat satisfied, the catapillar attaches itself to a secure limb and begins to make it's cocoon.  This takes some time but then, when the cocoon is complete, it must wait and develop. It waits...and waits... and waits. (Have you ever wondered what it is doing inside of the cocoon? My theory is that it is doing the "internal work" that it needs to do to develop into a beautiful butterfly.) Finally, after what seems like much too long, it begins to break open it's cocoon and emerge. This also takes time, and occasionally the butterfly had to rest and recouperate before it can continue on. Eventually it fully emerges. Even then it must wait a while longer, until it's wings are dry. Finally, after all of that internal and external work, it spreads its beautiful, colorful wings and flys away. It is off to unknown adventures and unexplored territory, leaving behind only the shell of the cocoon from which it emerged.

     In ways I can relate this cycle to my own life.  I was just humming along in my life (eating the milkweed). I was relatively satisfied with my life and feeling pretty content. Then, the challenges came, and I had to "attach myself to the secure limb" of my faith and my family and all that was familiar and "safe" to me. I began to "make my cocoon" as I insulated myself and began to do some serious soul searching and self-examination, all the while holding fiercely onto what I knew to be solid and true.

      Next came the cocooning stage. Days turned into weeks, turned into months, turned into years of self-evaluation, life assessment, cross examination, goal setting and self-discovery. I journaled. I wrote my life story. I took classes  I counseled and I prayed. I read and researched. I cried and I screamed. Sometimes it has been hard and frightening and I have felt like I didn't know whether I would make it, whether I would ever survive the insular world in which I existed. 

     I am only now beginning to feel like I am starting to emerge from that cocoon, finally starting to discover what it means and feels like to be a "butterfly". There are definately moments that I have had to stop and rest along the way. Somedays it feels like "two steps forward and one step back". But the important thing is that I am getting there, one day at a time. I am making the effort to break free of my cocoon and moving toward eventually emerging as a beautiful butterfly with wonderfully georgeous and colorful "wings" that were created during that insular, cocoon stage.  "Wings" that will let me fly, and take me to adventures and places of which I have only dreamed!

    

         After learning about this symbolism I seem to have seen a butterfly at very opportune moments in my journey, moments when I especially needed encouragement, support and love. I have wondered if it isn't God's, and my mother's, way of saying "keep going, keep trying, I know where you have been, I know what you are going through, and I know what you can become - fly!!!!

- - - - -

"Don't worry about searching for the kind of person you want to be.

You will discover that as you pursue that journey you will not only find yourself,

but chances are you will be pleasantly surprised and proud of the person you find along the way."

 - Joseph B. Wirthlin

Cookie Cutter Fashion



"Spiritual experiences aren't meant to be homogenous, only harmonious - not in unison, but in unity.

If all souls developed in cookie-cutter fashion, we would have spirituality by duplication rather than by waiting and transformation."

 - Sue Monk Kidd (from her book, When the Heart Waits)

     I really like this quote by Sue Monk Kidd.  Too often we fall into the thinking that we have to be just like everyone else in order to have value or worth. My dad always told me, "It takes all kinds to make a world" and he was absolutely right. I think that if God had wanted us all to be the same, He would have made us that way.

   Each of us has our own spiritual path to walk (and I'm talking spirituality here, not religion), and they are as individual as the people that are experiencing them. They are transforming in their own way.  I find that even within a religious community the emphasis sometimes is placed too much on the programs, with less regard for the individuals whom the programs were designed to serve.

     One of the first things I learned as a teacher in my religious community was that if I wanted to have an impact and be effective, I had to love those whom I served or taught. How can we love those we have been called to care for if we don't even know them as individual personalities? Too often snap judgments are made if the individual doesn't fit the "cookie cutter" mold of whatever perception or expectation that we have in our minds of what/whom the individual "should" be. When that individual doesn't "fit the mold" they are discarded or discounted as having less value or worth. God loves ALL of his children, not just those that "fit the mold". We are all products of our upbringing, our fears, our individual life experiences, our perceptions and our expectations - whether they are correct or not. We never know where people are or have been in their lives, only God knows that. We are not all "round pegs" fitting into "round holes". Some of us are square pegs, oval pegs, rectangular pegs that feel like we are being pushed to fit into "round holes", and that simply does not work well for any of us. 

    Each of us is unique, and we look at the world in our own unique way.  God made us that way, with individual gifts, abilites, interests and talents, so that we would learn to use these abilities to work together to make a better "whole". After all, the "whole" is really only as good as the sum of it's parts. As life gets more complex we come to understand that we need each other and each other's talents and abilities more and more. However, if we never take the time to get to know what those are, then how can we use them for the greater good? We all make poor choices, or mistakes. We all have room for improvement and we all must walk - individually - the path that God has placed before us. No one walks the same path, feels the same feelings at the same time/way/place. I think we would all benefit if we try to remember this and tread a little lighter, show a little more compassion and kindness, and lift a hand to help each other a little more as we proceed on this journey we call life.

Heal the World (Michael Jackson)

http://youtu.be/G8YeL8NR8WY

This Is The Moment!



This is the Moment - Jekyll and Hyde
http://youtu.be/Ym0UaDiguQY

      Wow! What a few months these have been! Talk about a roller coaster ride!

     I have been trying patiently (well, really my patience has been tried) to figure out my next step in my life. I have been trying to wait patiently for some indication, some inspiration from above what the next move should be for me. Finally, after months of tears, fears and prayers, the moment of understanding has finally arrived and it has been awesome to see all of the pieces fall into place.

     I have been wondering a lot about my life over the past six months. Wondering why I was born into the family situation into which I was placed. Wondering why I have had some of the life experiences that I have had, especially in dealing with illness, loss and grief. I have wondered about certain aspects of my personality, essentially why I am the way I am. I believe that God made me this way and put me in my life at this time, in this way, for a reason - but what is it? I have recently discovered some of what that is and it feels so amazing to finally know and begin to understand.

    Elder Orson F. Whitney (1855-1931) who was a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said this: "To whom do we look, in days of grief and disaster, for help and consolation? ...They are men and women who have suffered, and out of their experience in suffering they bring forth the riches of their sympathy and condolences as a blessing to those now in need. Could they do this had they not suffered themselves?" (As quoted by President James E. Faust in the Ensign, Feb. 2006, 3)

     This is it! This is an answer as to so many of the "why's" in my life.Without going into too much detail, I have been asked to be a group leader with a Family Support Group through my church. This program and what it does to help others is helping me to put into place some of the pieces that have been missing in my life. It is answering the "why" questions in truly inspirational ways! I would never, in a million years, have thought that I would be involved with a program like this; and without the strong suggestion from a couple of inspired friends,  I probably wouldn't be. I feel so grateful for the opportunity to share some of my life experiences, and hopefully help others who are going through similar situations in their lives. It is helping to make some sense of it all. As we share we all learn, and it's miraculous what happens. "No man is an island, no man stands alone". We need each other and we need to admit and understand that we need each other. My father used to say, "it takes all kinds to make a world" and he was exactly right.

This Is It! - Kenny Loggins with Michaela McDonald
http://youtu.be/U8SSdyflGN4

(Note: The story behind this song, listed below the video in the link, seems especially significant and fitting - enjoy!)

"Seeing" Stars



"Not being able to see may sometimes keep us from believing that we are seen."

- Anita R. Canfield

Stars in the Night  - Barry Manilow (from his musical, "Harmony")

http://youtu.be/QIVu0K5It44

     As I child I would sit in my front yard on a clear summer night and look up at all of the stars in the dark night sky and wonder.... I would wonder about what they were, how they got there, who made them and why? I marveled at those little twinkling lights in the dark night sky.

     Of course I learned the childhood verse:

Twinkle, twinkle little star

How I wonder what you are

Up above the world so high

Like a diamond in the sky

Twinkle, twinkle little star

How I wonder what you are.

    And then there was the childhood ritual of wishing on a falling star:

     "Wish I may, wish I might

       Have the wish I wish tonight..."

     We'd make a wish, and if we believed and were lucky enough the wish would most certainly come true, right? Oh, if only it were that easy....

     Did you know that the star is a symbol of hope? (I may have mentioned this before in a previous blog entry). I really like the quote at the beginning of this entry because it has rung true frequently in my life. Sometimes I "can't see the forest for the trees" because I get so scared or so caught up in whatever crisis I am going through at the moment, that I think I am having to go through it all alone and that no one understands it. I lose sight of "the big picture", and feel like I can't "see" the purpose or reason for the challenge I am having to deal with when I am in the heat of the moment. But, I find that if I can take a step back and expand my perspective, I seem to be able to get a better understanding of why I am or have gone through what I am/have been going through.

     There is a saying that "hindsight is 20/20" and I believe it. As I look back at some of the experiences I have had in the past from this side of them, I begin to understand and "see" the reason for them. I see they happened to teach me something or test my character or values, or to help me to have empathy for someone else who is experiencing a similar crisis. I see that I wasn't really alone while going through them, that I was actually "seen" and cared for by a higher being, by God, but I just had a hard time believing it at the time. He knew and knows what I am going through and why, even when I don't. I just have to continue to believe that and trust that in the long run "all these things shall give (me) experience, and shall be for (my)good" (see Doctrine and Covenants Section 122: 7). I have to continue to hold on to that light, that star in the night, and keep believing.

 "Like a bolt out of the blue
'Fate' (God?) steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star,
Your dreams come true."

    

When You Wish Upon a Star  - Jiminy Cricket, of course ;-).

http://youtu.be/HKh6XxYbbIc

The Hungry Years



The Hungry Years (Neil Sedaka)

http://youtu.be/y8WZ9cMeVhM

     I recently had the opportunity to take some time to read through some old journal entries to fulfill an assignment for church. I started reading entries back when my husband and I first moved to Georgia from our home in Utah with our infant son. It was almost 25 years ago. I was a young and busy mother, and he was even busier as a newly employed 4-H agent fresh out of college. He was eager to succeed and I was anxious about being a fairly new mother of a four month old. We had just moved across the country from our family, friends and anything familiar. Considering I had never been any further east than Evanston, Wyoming, we had taken on quite an adventure. It was quite a culture shock for us, but we were young and adventurous and thought that we were ready to "seek our fortune" and  make our way in the world.

     I read entries that covered the entire 7 1/2 years that we lived there. They brought back many, many memories and feelings. Some of them were happy, and some of them were gut-wrenching.  I laughed, I cried and I felt the feelings of those moments over again. Those were some very difficult days. Some days we weren't sure how we were going to make it. Money was tight and there was a lot of stress with the move, starting a new job and living in a strange place with few friends and no family nearby. There were days that I thought I would lose my mind. I remember the loneliness and the long distance phone calls. This was in the days when we had to pay some pretty hefty long-distance fees if I wanted to call home. There was no such thing as an Internet, Facebook or email back then. In order to communicate with my family and friends I would have to chose an inexpensive time to call with a two hour time difference to worry about, or write a letter (yes, that's what we did back then). I remember anxiously checking the mail, hoping to receive a letter or package from home. My mother would usually write on a Sunday and mail it on Monday, so I could expect the letter by Wednesday or Thursday at the latest. I would send pictures of us, especially of my children as they grew up, in hopes that my parents would still feel like they were part of our life. I looked forward to Sunday evenings when I could call home for the cheaper rate and talk longer with my parents. I can't count the times I would hang up the phone and then bawl like a baby. Our family vacations were trips "home" to see our family, so that our children would at least have some idea of where they came from and that they were part of a larger family. Like I said, those were some difficult days.

     But, as difficult as those days were they were also days of enormous personal growth. The challenges that we faced and worked through together bonded and strengthened our relationships and our love for each other. It was a time of great introspection and testing to see what we were made of and what we really valued. We had to learn to prioritize and chose what was the most important and what wasn't. We worked together to communicate with each other and solve problems that we faced. We sacrificed and watched out for each other's welfare because we were really, literally, all we had. Our church family became enormously important to us because they became our "family" away from family. We forged friendships that have lasted a lifetime. We helped each other deal with life's ups and downs - the births, the deaths, the tragedies, the joys.  The burdens and the blessings we shared were what brought us closer together. I think this is an element that is missing in the current society in which we live. Everyone is so isolated and busy, so "plugged in" to their electronic devices, technologies or the latest activity, so much so that we neglect to connect with each other - even when we are in the same room! It is one of those times that I question whether these modern technological communication devices are a blessing or a curse!

     My parents never did "go online", despite how much we tried to get them to "modernize". Yet, I wonder if maybe they didn't have the right idea after all. I have decided that not all modern technology is a blessing. I guess it isn't the device itself, but how we use it that is really the crux of the issue. I know that my life would be much harder without the Internet, email, cell phones, Facebook and Skype to be able to stay connected to my children who are living so far away. But, interestingly enough, we seem to connect and communicate less, not more, with these modern devices. Maybe we just take each other for grandid and don't take the time to share our life and time or express our loving care like we used to in "the old days". It seems to take a crisis or a tragedy for us to realize that we need each other, and then we make the effort to connect.  Some days I wonder if all of these changes that have come about over the past 25 years are really bringing us closer, or if they are distracting us so much that they keep us from connecting to one another on a much more intimate and deeper level. Now it seems to be almost too easy to communicate, so much so that we don't appreciate and make the effort to stay in touch.

     What I guess I'm trying to say is: "I miss the hungry years, the once upon a times, the lovely long ago, we didn't have a dime... those days of me and you, we lost along the way.....everything we wanted was everything we had.... Honey, take me home, let's go back to yesterday.... Looking through my tears, I miss the hungry years." However, not enough to go back to long distance phone calls and snail mail ;-).

The Star-Spangled Banner

Francis Scott Key - The Origin of The Star Spangled Banner

http://youtu.be/lrhUMhAmsHo

     Two years ago I had the priviledge of viewing the original Star Spangled Banner that was on display in the Smithsonian Museum in Washington, D.C. It was truly a privilege for me and a very emotionally moving and touching experience. I have always loved and appreciated the flag that is the national symbol of the country that I love. My father served in the U.S. Air Force and later the U.S.Air Force Reserves, and I think that because of that I have always felt a strong sense of patriotism for the United States of America and especially it's symbol of the stars and stripes. I was usually the one who made sure that the flag was displayed on the flag pole that was attached just outside of the front door of my house where I grew up. I just seemed to have an innate appreciation for this symbol and for the meaning behind it.

     There have been several times in my life when the sight of this flag has moved me to the point of tears. One of those times was on the morning of September 11, 2001. As I watched the television coverage of the horrible events of that morning, the fact that the flag was being held aloft by some courageous and heroic firefighters gave me great peace and comfort. The flag still waved, in spite of the awful attacks that had been assaulted on my home soil. The events of that day also had a large impact on my son. He drew a picture of the twin towers with the American flag flying over head that I have kept in his scrapbook.

     My son decided that as part of his Eagle Project with The Boy Scouts of America he would install a flagpole in the front of the church building where we met. Part of his Eagle Ceremony was to raise the American flag for the first time on that pole. This also took place on September 11, a few years after the original attack. It was a very moving and emotional experience for me as a stood watching these young men in uniform carefully attach the flag to the pole and raise it above our heads. We then recited The Pledge of Allegiance.

    As I mentioned earlier, my father served in the U.S. Air Force and U.S. Air Force Reserves. When he died we were asked if we would like a military ceremony to accompany his burial, to which we replied that we definately would. As I sat in the cemetary and the Air Force cadets folded (and refolded for precision) the United States Flag that had been draped on the top of my father's casket and handed it to my older sister, I got a huge lump in my throat. When the buglar started playing Taps in the distance and we heard the 21 gun salute, I could no longer control my emotionals and they spilled out as tears the poured down my cheeks. To this day I cannot hear Taps without crying.

     Today in church we had the privilege of singing The Star Spangled Banner as a closing song. Everyone stood as a sign of respect. As I read the words to the song there was one verse that really struck me. It is in the third verse, a verse that is very often not sung, and it goes like this:

"Oh, thus be it ever, when free men shall stand

Between their loved homes and the war's desolation!

Blest with vic'tr'y and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land

Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserved us a nation!

Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,

And thus be our motto: "In God is our trust!"

And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!"

    These are important words to remember, especially in this day and time when so few individuals remember God, let alone praise Him for preserving our nation and allowing us to live in peace in this country! Freedom isn't free! So, on this July 4th, it is good to remember those who have both served and died to keep us free; and to give credit to Him in whom "is our trust", for our "vic'tr'y and peace". It reminds me of another patriotic hero from history who showed his patriotism to his country, and to his God, with a flag....Captain Moroni, whose story is found in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ.

Alma 40:11-13

 11 And now it came to pass that when Moroni, who was the chief commander of the armies of the Nephites, had heard of these dissensions, he was angry with Amalickiah.

 12 And it came to pass that he rent his coat; and he took a piece thereof, and wrote upon it—In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children—and he fastened it upon the end of a pole.

 13 And he fastened on his head-plate, and his breastplate, and his shields, and girded on his armor about his loins; and he took the pole, which had on the end thereof his rent coat, (and he called it the title of liberty) and he bowed himself to the earth, and he prayed mightily unto his God for the blessings of liberty to rest upon his brethren, so long as there should a band of Christians remain to possess the land—

Alma 41:18-22

 18 And he said: Surely God shall not suffer that we, who are despised because we take upon us the name of Christ, shall be trodden down and destroyed, until we bring it upon us by our own transgressions.

 19 And when Moroni had said these words, he went forth among the people, waving the rent part of his garment in the air, that all might see the writing which he had written upon the rent part, and crying with a loud voice, saying:

 20 Behold, whosoever will maintain this title upon the land, let them come forth in the strength of the Lord, and enter into a covenant that they will maintain their rights, and their religion, that the Lord God may bless them.

 21 And it came to pass that when Moroni had proclaimed these words, behold, the people came running together with their armor girded about their loins, rending their garments in token, or as a covenant, that they would not forsake the Lord their God; or, in other words, if they should transgress the commandments of God, or fall into transgression, and be ashamed to take upon them the name of Christ, the Lord should rend them even as they had rent their garments.

 22 Now this was the covenant which they made, and they cast their garments at the feet of Moroni, saying: We covenant with our God, that we shall be destroyed, even as our brethren in the land northward, if we shall fall into transgression; yea, he may cast us at the feet of our enemies, even as we have cast our garments at thy feet to be trodden under foot, if we shall fall into transgression.

and, finally

Alma 60:36

36 Behold, I am Moroni, your chief captain. I seek not for power, but to pull it down. I seek not for honor of the world, but for the glory of my God, and the freedom and welfare of my country. And thus I close mine epistle.

Now that is a true patriot!

The Star Spangled Banner (Whitney Houston)

http://youtu.be/eS4v431Mlak