Homeless

"A house is made of bricks and stone,

A home is made of love alone"

    - Author Unknown

Homeless (Michael McLean)
(From: The Forgotten Carols)

Homeless, homeless
Like the Christ child was.
Homeless, homeless
But there is hope because
He came down to Earth to lead us,
He vowed he'd never leave us
Homeless, homeless,
For in His love there is a home.

Homeless, homeless,
was His humble birth.
Homeless, homeless,
and still He changed the Earth.
Nothing kept his heart from giving,
Though most of His life was living
Homeless, Homeless,
He showed it's how we live, not where.
When His homeless days on Earth were done
He went home to where we all came from.
And he went to prepare.
A mansion for us there.

He gave His whole life to lead us
And I know He'll never leave us
Homeless
For in His love there's a home.
We are not homeless.
There is a home.

  
      For a Christmas present my first Christmas away from "home", my mother sent me the Mormon Tabernacle Choir vassette tape of their album "I'll Be Home for Christmas" (no subliminal messages there, and yes, I'm dating myself ;-)). She knew how much I would be missing being "home" for Christmas that year. The first Christmas "home" to Utah after our move, I was introduced to this song by Michael Mclean. I instantly was enchanted by the words to this song. Particularly, because they could be related to such a variety of life experiences.

      I have relocated many times during my married life.  It has only been in the last 13 years of our almost 26 year marriage that we have lived in the same home. So, I know a little bit about relocating and feeling "homeless" at times. Usually these moves were meant to better our situation, either with a new job, further schooling or to change to a new environment. For a while we kept trying to find the "perfect location" where we could be happy. One day I finally came to realize that it's not about where you live, it's about how you live that matters most. Once I realized this, the moves stopped and the "real work" of building a joyful, happy life together really began. I don't know why it is that we always tend to look outside of ourselves to find the solutions to so many of our life challenges. We have a choice as to what we will focus on and how we will let it effect us. Some of the greatest growth comes as we learn to manage trials and find workable solutions, and still manage to be moderately happy.   Sometimes the answers are found in changing our current living situation, sometimes the answers are a matter of trusting God and His plan for us, and often the answers are found within each of us and how we choose to live our lives.

  Over the years this song had taken on new meanings for me. One Christmas that stands out in particular to me was the year after my father died.  Earlier in that year my sister and I had sold our childhood home. My son had just recently left home to serve a two-year mission for our church. I was missing him and feeling the losses through extreme loneliness. The words to this song had new meaning for me that Christmas. I realized that even though I no longer had my childhood home to return to, I wasn't really homeless. Christ never really had a home in his adult life, yet he managed to build a life of love and service that set an example that millions still follow today. Even though my son was away from home, living "as a stranger in a strange land", he wasn't homeless because he had the love of Our Heavenly Father and the example of His Son, Jesus Christ to guide him. I realized that even though I know longer had a "home" to return to, my parents had given me a firm foundation upon which to build and carry on my life.

     This year neither my son, nor my daughter will be able to be "home for Christmas" this year.  The past few years have brought a lot of changes to our family dynamics. Through it all I have I have learned that God knows us and our circumstances, that He loves us and will be there to help and guide us, and that "in His love there is a home" and so we are not truly ever "homeless". We may not be able to all be together physically for Christmas this year, but we will be together in our thoughts, our memories of Christmases past and in our hearts.  If "home is where the heart is" then the the heart is always home for Christmas.... "if only in [our] dreams".

I'll Be Home for Christmas (Michael Buble')
http://youtu.be/E4aA_K2MF5E

Welcome Home

"Where we love is home.

Home were our feet may leave,

but never our hearts."  - Author Unknown

Welcome Home (by Jim Brickman, Victoria Shaw)
(From his album: Home)

You're a sight for these poor eyes.
You're the deepest breath I've taken
in a long time.
And I saved you a place right next to me,
like always.
Did you know I watched the stars at night
Wondering if you could see them too,
And if everything was all right?
Not a day went by
when you weren't in this heart of mine
All the time, all the time.

Welcome home, welcome home.
I've been praying for this day
since you've been gone.
Welcome back to these arms.
And I've waited for you for so long,
Welcome home.

I've saved all the cards and your letters too.
Oh, they helped be through each day
when I was missing you.
Do you know how good your laugh sounds to me?
It makes everything feel just the way it's supposed to be.
I'm gonna hold this moment
like a picture that I freeze in my memory.
The sweetest memory.

Welcome home, welcome home.
I've been praying for this day
since you've been gone.
Welcome back to these arms.
And I've waited for you for so long.
Welcome home.

Welcome home, welcome home.
I've been praying for this day
since you've been gone.
Welcome back to these arms
that have been waiting for you for so long.
Welcome home, welcome home.

     Today my son and his wife are coming home for Thanksgiving break. They recently moved to Arlington, Virginia for a job and further schooling. We are so looking forward to seeing them, and having them home for a few days. Unfortunately, my daughter and her new husband won't be able to be home with us this year. We both have been struggling with her living so far away and being unable to visit as often as we would like to. She did have an opportunity to come home a few weeks ago for a short visit and we were able to enjoy our brief time together. Through all of this, I began to think about various times in my life when I have struggled with homesickness.

       I can remember when my husband and I had been married about 22 months. He had finished getting his Bachelor's Degree that Spring and was about to start his first "real" job. We had had to relocate to a place that was far away from much of anything that was familiar - home, family or friends. When I awoke on the morning of my first Thanksgiving away from home I remember praying, "God, just help me just get through this day".  As I stood looking out of the window of our new home into all of the unfamiliar surroundings, longing for home, I felt a comforting peace come over me. The only way I can describe it is as if a warm blanket has been placed around my heart. I knew I wasn't alone. I knew that there were those who loved me, who were missing me as much as I was missing them. I knew that my Heavenly Father knew how lonely I was, and how much I needed to feel His love for me in my heart that day. I needed to know that He knew what I was going through, and that He would be there to help me whenever I needed Him.

     Fast forward eighteen years, to Thanksgiving 2005. My father had just died a few days prior to Thanksgiving day, and I had flown home alone to attend to things there. Once again, I was far from home and feeling lonely and missing my family and friends. The funeral had been the day before, and I was spending this Thanksgiving day with my sister and her family. A friend of hers had invited us over to share their Thanksgiving meal. As I awoke that day my mind flashed back to that Thanksgiving day eighteen years earlier, when I had felt those feelings of peace and comfort in my heart as I looked out the kitchen window. Oh, how I needed those same feelings that Thanksgiving day - and they came. They came through the sharing and caring of this dear woman and her family; and, as my sister and I were able to reminisce about memories of Thanksgivings past.

     Now I stand at another Thanksgiving crossroad. I am thrilled to have my son coming home, but I am missing my daughter and she is missing home. Oh how I wish I could give to her what I felt in my heart on those two occasions. The peace and love of a caring family, who is missing her just as much as she is missing them. And, the love and comfort of a loving Heavenly Father who knows her circumstances, her feelings and her need to feel his loving arms around her. As much as we wish we could all be together for this Thanksgiving I know, and I hope she knows, that she is never truly alone and that "home" is only a prayer and a heartbeat away.

A note about the song below:

     I first came in contact with this Barry Manilow song the Christmas after my mother died. I waited to share it with my father due to the tender feelings we both had that first Christmas without mom. Three years later I recorded it and sent it to him to listen too, along with a card for what would have been their 50th wedding anniversary. I found this tape in his home, near his favorite chair, as we were cleaning out my childhood home. I like to think that he listened to it frequently and that it brought him some comfort in the lonely hours at home. I also believe that:

that someday when my time
is drawing near
I'm gonna hear

welcome home
welcome home
where there wil always be
somebody waiting
there for me
when I go home
home sweet home
everyone smilin' just for me
when I go home

Welcome Home (Barry Manilow, Mindy Sterling)
(from the album: Here at the Mayflower)

in my life
I have seen
far away places
wild and serene
but nothing I saw
prepared me for
the mat on the floor
saying "welcome home"

time flies
see the moon rise
as I'm makin' my way
through another long day
but I'll go
to a place I know
in my heart I know
there's just no place like home

welcome home
welcome home
to that place
that's safe and warm
always a shelter
from the storm
I'm going  home
welcome home
roll out the wlecome mat
for me?
I'm goin' home

sometimes
I remember
all the days I never knew
if I would ever make it through
but just when
I'd give up again
I'd remember when the days
were stormy
home was always
waitin 'for me
sayin

welcome home
welcome home
where there will always be
a welcoming light on
just for me
when I go home
welcome home
no place
that I would rather be
than goin' home

in my heart I know
that someday when my time
is drawing near
I'm gonna hear

welcome home
welcome home
where there will always be
somebody waiting
there for me
when I go home
home sweet home
everyone smilin' just for me
when I go home
in my heart I see
somebody waiting
there for me

welcome home
welcome home
it looks like a
starlight symphony
I'm goin' home

Be the Change

"You must be the change you want to see in the world."

Mahatma Gandhi Indian political and spiritual leader (1869 - 1948)

Thankful  by Josh Groban
http://youtu.be/yoygmylt2iM

Somedays we forget to look around us.
Somedays we can't see the joy that surrounds us.
So caught up inside ourselves.
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for what we know can be.
And on this day we hope for what we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change.
And even though we all could still do more.
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves there so much sorrow.
It's way too late to say "I'll cry tomorrow".
Each of us must find our truth.
It's so long overdue.

So for tonight we pray for what we know can be.
And everyday we hope for what we still can't see. 
It's up to us to be the change.
And even though we all could still do more.
There's so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences there is a place were all connected.
Each of us can find each other's light.

So for tonight we pray for what we know can be.
And on this day we hope for what we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change.
And even though this world needs so much more.
There's so much to be thankful for.


     There is a philosophy that happiness is a byproduct of gratitude. You may have heard the saying "develop an attitude of gratitude". Perhaps too often we let "things" or "events" outside of ourselves determine our attitudes and views on life, and, therefore, we let them determine our happiness. I know that I have been guilty of  doing this. It's the old syndrome of (and we all do it) "when I get enough money, I'll be happy", or "when I meet Mr. Right and get married, then I'll be happy" or "when I buy that new car (or house or you fill in the blank _____) then I'll be happy". But what if those things never materialize? Or what if they do materialize and then are taken away in some twist of fate or misfortune? Do we let this devastate us and send us into an emotional tailspin?  This, I believe, is the true test of one's character. Can you be happy even without all of those "things"? Can you be happy even when things aren't going like you planned? "Happiness is a choice." And it is something that we must choose every minute of every day.

     I don't want to sound hypocritical, especially because those who know me know that I have my "Debbie Downer" days, sometimes more frequently than my "don't worry, be happy" days. Life is hard and messy, let's face it. But, do we have to let what happens around us determine what happens inside of us? Life isn't perfect, it isn't easy, but it isn't meant to be. Let me share an example to illustrate what I mean. When the Spanish conquistadors conquered the Inca population in ancient Mesoamerica they ravished them of all of their gold and preciouse metals, among other horrific things that they did to them. The Spanish then carried their bouty back to their homeland country of Spain. There they basked in the wealth and riches that they had obtained (stolen). They "ate, drank and were merry". They viewed themselves as conquerers of the savages, successful and powerful as one of the richest civilizations on the planet. However, that same gold later became their downfall. Why? Because they became complacent. They didn't have to "work" and the certainly didn't "want". They had more than enough for what they needed. This ease of life made them lazy, it made them stagnant, and it made their lives purposeless and meaningless (sound familiar?). They didn't have to struggle for anything because they seemingly had everything. They didn't have to be innovative or be creative in order to survive or to obtain their wealth or status, because they had everything they wanted right there in front of them. The rest of poorer Europe was having to create new technologies and innovations in order to move forward and get ahead. This effort lead to the invention of modern technologies and the Industrial Revolution! The eventual result of this was great wealth and power for Europe - eventually even more wealth and power than Spain. The Europeans moved forward, thy "grew", while Spain stagnated. And, what's more, the people of Europe had greater self-respect and dignity as a result of an honest day's pay for an honest day's labor. (Undoubtedly, there were abuses that went on during those times, but let's leave that for another discussion). The bottom line is that when things are too easy, we get lazy and complacent and we stagnate. If we don't move out of our comfort zones then we can't grow and can't reach our full potential. When we have to work for something, whether material, spiritual or emotional, we come to appreciate it more. We learn and grow and develop in new ways and in the process it builds our dignity, our self-esteem and our sense of self-worth.

     These past few weeks I have been conducting an experiment. Earlier this month I decided to take advantage of a challenge to start each day with a post to my Facebook of one thing that I am thankful for. It's called "30 Days of Thankful". I have noticed something. When I start my day thinking about one thing for which I am thankful, my focus changes. I have been less focused on the problems and challenges that I face or on what I don't have. I have been more focused on the ways I have been blessed and the opportunities and things that I do have. Sure, the problems and challenges haven't gone away (and in some cases have gotten bigger) but I have seen that to every dark cloud there truly is a silver lining - we just have to take the time to look for it. It's about what we choose to focus on. It truly is "up to us to be the change, and even though the world needs so much more, there's so much to be thankful for".

To Think I Had It All, All The Time!

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." e.e. cummings

All The Time (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/PfA-yW_ErTo

Almost three years ago a returned to school after a twenty-three year hiatus. It was absolutely one of the most difficult things that I have ever pushed myself to do. As you can imagine, there were all sorts of reactions from those around me. Some were supportive, others not so much. So many people couldn't wrap their head around the fact that a middle-aged woman would return to college after such a long hiatus. "Why?" they would ask, "would you want to do that at this point in your life?" "Why not just stay with the status quo?" I had reached a point in my life when I knew that I needed to make an adjustment. I needed to grow, or I felt like I would just curl up and die. I saw a future with all of my children grown and on their own rapidly approaching. I wondered what I would do with all of the "free time" that would come as a result of their being gone and my having less responsibilities to them. It was a daunting future, and I was trying my best to determine what I really wanted to do with myself in that future. I thought a lot about what I used to like to do when I was younger (and single, I might add).  I have always enjoyed learning new things, and I was always a pretty good student. One of my passions has always been communications, so I determined that that would be a good field of study for me. A major in Communications was non-existent back in my day. The first class that I enrolled in at the University was "The History of Communication Technology". It sounded interesting and challenging, which it turned out to be.

One of the most difficult parts of my return to school after so long was the feeling that I just didn't fit in there. I was much older than the majority of the students in my classes. I received quite a few stares and some shuns. Frankly, I was old enough to be most of their mothers! I also had two children of my own in the age range of these kids. I found that to be a great advantage as I could relate to what my fellow students were "into", because my own young adults were "into" it as well. My own children were able to help me get started and to become knowledgeable about the technologies that I now needed to be able to manage and handle in this new world. It was a very different world from what it was when I last attended college back in the '80's. Eventually, I met a few students who could appreciate a "non-traditional" student in their midst.

But, by far the greatest challenge that I have had over these past 3 years is believing in myself and that I am able and capable of handling what is thrown at me. It is definately a different world from what it was way back when, but I have learned so much and grown in confidence and courage. I have discovered along the way that who I was in 1985, is not who I am today. Who I was and what I thought I wanted back then, isn't what I want to do or be now. I have changed so much over these past 25 years. It was a good place to begin, and it has been a process of self-discovery and growth. My current major has changed, and I am going in a different direction than I originally thought, but it feels right for me now. I just had to take that first step, which was definately the hardest, but I would do it all again to get to where I am now. "The first step back's the hardest, but those who've done it say, 'take it, take it, take it and thank God you're on your way'. Take the step and thank the Lord your finally on (your) way." (Michael McLean).

"Believe. Believe in yourself. Believe in the One who believes in you. All things are possible to she who believes."

Believe (Josh Groban)
http://youtu.be/VoZsS0zq1hs

Learn To Be Still

"If, like Herod, we fill our lives with things,
and again with things;
if we consider ourselves so unimportant that
we must fill every moment of our lifes with action,
when will we have the time to make the long, slow journey
across the dessert as did the Magi?
Or sit and watch the stars as did the shepherds?
Or brood over the coming of the child as did Mary?
For each one of us, there is a desert to travel.
A star to discover.
And a being within ourselves to bring to life."

Author Unknown

Learn To Be Still (The Eagles)
http://youtu.be/gjBvxyEAyos

     It is about this time of year I usually find myself with way too many things on my plate and way too little time for everything - especially myself! I snap at my husband and my children. My house is a disaster. I grumble because I don't have enough. Enough help, enough time, enough money or enough resources to do it all - or at least what "everyone else" thinks I "should" be doing. You can imagine what a musician's life can be like at Christmas time! I'm a grouch and I make my life and the lives of those around me, miserable. About now I usually "hit the wall" and realize that I am over scheduled, over committed, over stressed, over tired and overwhelmed.

ENOUGH!

    This is when I need to stop, to be still, and to take some time to sit back and re-evaluate how I am spending my most valuable asset - my time. How can I simplify? Do I really need to spend my time and energy doing some of the things I am doing? Do I really need to bake those cookies or that dish for the potluck? Can't I just purchase them from already made from the grocery store? Who will care anyway?  Do I really have to chaperone that dance, accompany that song, or attend that party, even though everyone is "screaming" that they just "have to have me there". Really? What if I just say "no", won't that event go off without me? I have always been a "pleaser" and so I am especially susceptible and vulnerable to wanting to please everyone else on the list - except myself. I feel so guilty when I can't do everything everyone wants me to do. It's an illness. My name doesn't usually even appear on "the list", let alone at the top of it!

     Something that I am learning about myself is that I have to "learn to be still". If I don't take care of myself then who will? You know the old saying "if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy", well I find it applies in this case. I am the "heart of the home", so then it makes sense to put "Momma" back on the list - hopefully at the top of it. It's time for a little "joy" break, a little "extreme self-care" (as Cheryl Richardson calls it).   It becomes time to prioritize, eliminate, and/or "just say no". The holiday season is supposed to be a happy time for all, but it is hard to feel happy when you don't - even though you are "supposed to". If I am not feeling the "joy of the holiday season" - or the joy of living in general -then perhaps it might be time to "be still" and look into my heart and decide what it is that I really need and/or want, and what it is that I really don't! What will bring me joy? What won't, and if it doesn't then why am I doing it?

     I think that what I might just need is a silent night. A night without having to meet anyone else's demands but my own. Hmmm, maybe even a "spa" night. Well, this might just turn out to be the best gift I can give myself this year!

I Need a Silent Night (Amy Grant)
http://youtu.be/OowjEFrSWfs

Love is What I Believe In

"It is better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all"

Alfred Lord Tennyson

What We Believe In (Jim Brickman)
Covered by Cindi Hall
http://youtu.be/k0VDWg44HbE

      Today I had one of those moments. They don't come frequently (at least not for me), and they are so subtle that if I'm not paying attention it will pass by unnoticed. Let's just suffice it to say that we are not alone in the universe, and I was overcome with that knowledge today. There are those who exist in another sphere, not too far away, who are aware of us and our need to reconnect with them from time to time. Some people won't understand, but that doesn't change how things "really are". It kind of reminds me of what Luna Lovegood tells Harry Potter in The Order of the Phoenix, when only she and Harry can see the magical flying creatures that are taking the carriages to Hogwarts. The only ones who can see them are those who have seen and experienced great loss through death.

     I remember the one and only visit that my mother made to my current home in May of 2000. She was having some chest pains (she had a rheumatic heart condition, eventually dying of congestive heart failure), and she was taking nitroglycerin pills for the pains. She had a difficult time going up and down stairs and she was fatigued. She slept a lot during the visit. It had been a long and difficult car trip for my parents to make in order to bring us some much needed furniture for our "new" home. Somehow my father had loaded the furniture into the back of his 1980- something Ford pick up truck, and they had made the 2000-ish mile trek to our house over 3 days. We were so happy and thankful to see them when they came bearing these gifts, and so sad to see them leave when the time came for them to make the return voyage. It had always been difficult to say good-bye to them when we parted, but this time felt exceptionally difficult. So, I sat down at the piano and pulled out this music by Jim Brickman, "What We Believe In". As I played and sang along I knew that that might have been one of the last times I would see my mother alive. As it turned out I had the blessing of having two more opportunities for short visits while she was still alive and somewhat coherent. Thankfully, I was able to be with her the day before she died. Unfortunately, I was not so lucky with my father's passing.

     It had been a trying trip for them, so why did they make it? Because they loved us. We sacrifice and do things that we might not ordinarily do, or want to do, for those we love. Sometimes it can break your heart to love someone and have to leave them, or they have to be apart from you for some reason - a job, school, work, death. Believe me, "good-bye" is a word I've hated all my life* because I associate it with great pain and heartache! "Now love can break your heart when you say goodbye, but love is worth the pain, and all the tears we cry" because it really "is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." There's a line in the movie "The Other Side of the Mountain" in which Jill Kinmont says something like this about her fiance, Dick Buek, that died in a tragic accident. "How lucky I am to have found someone and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful." So on days like today I realize just how much I miss them, and just I how lucky I was to have had them as my parents and that ---

"If love is what we believe in
I'll see you in Heaven's first bright star.
If seeing is believing,
I look into the sky and there you are,
you're not that far,
'cause love is what we believe in"

*to quote Barry Manilow - http://youtu.be/WxSjAOPVDl0
(then I and "go on and cry 'til (I) run dry - it's all right")

Facing the Pain

I Will Remember You
http://youtu.be/XQtAOuBjysc

"Facing the pain gives you a power that opens your heart in a new way and makes you appreciate the light - and helps you to understand that life is unimaginably precious." Pamela Allerdice

Last night I attended a Memorial Service sponsored by our local Hospice because both of my parents have passed away. My mother died in May of 2001, just a few days following Mother's Day. My father died in November of 2005, just a few days before Thanksgiving. As you can imagine, these two holidays hold special significance for me, but they can also be rather difficult to get through. I find that I have to allow myself "extra space" in my life during these times to be able to pause and reflect. I have to take some time to remember them and face some of the pain that comes after losing those you love. If I don't do this I find that the grief and pain find me, and the results are so much worse than if I choose to deal with it on my time and terms. My emotions run high and I am a little touchier than usual during these anniversaries. These are moments when I want to tell all of the other demands in my life to "leave me alone, can't you see I'm grieving"! But, those demands don't understand (for the most part) how it feels to grieve, to miss someone so badly that it physically hurts. The broken heart heals over, but the scars still remain. The days that lead up to the anniversary dates are always worse than the actual date. It's a relief when it finally gets here and I take the time to acknowledge what has happened, reflect and grieve, then take a moment to examine where I am now in my life and express gratitude for one more day. Life has been lonely without my parents. I am learning to appreciate my life now, to "bask in the richness of living". I am learning how to live without them here, still knowing that they will always be near. They gave me my life and a foundation from which to build my life. They gave me love and taught me how to love. They "gave me everything they had, they gave me light". So, I guess that the least I can do is pause to remember them on those anniversary dates; and, by doing so maybe they will remember me too - wherever they are. So here you go Mom and Dad, "This One's for You". (Note: my mother's favorite flower was a pink rose, and we were both Barry Manilow fans, so this video clip warms my heart.)

"Don't let your life pass you by, weep not for the memories".

This One's For You (Barry Manilow - which was written for his beloved grandfather, who gave him his start, after he passed away).

http://youtu.be/wLeNzA1OIcM

Healing Tears

Just Let Me Cry (Hilary Weeks)

http://youtu.be/zt0BKDOe3x0

I believe that everything happens for a reason
We're not just tossed by the wind and left in the
   hands of fate
But sometimes life sends a storm that's unexpected
And we're forced to face our deepest pain

When I feel the heartache begin to pull me under
I dig my heels in deep and I fight to keep my ground
Still at times the hurt inside grows stronger
And there's nothing I can do but let it out

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

When I agreed that God could put this heart
   inside me
I understood that there would be a chance that it
    would break
But I know He knows exactly how I'm feeling
And I know in time He'll take the pain away
But for now

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

I have felt joy the kind that makes my heart
    want to sing
And so my tears are not a surrender
I'll feel that way again
But for now
For this moment

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

I believe that everything happens for a reason

    I'm a cryer, I admit it! I haven't always been a cryer, but I'm a cryer now. Maybe it's what happens as we age. Maybe it's what happens as we go through life and allow ourselves to actually feel the full impact of what's going on inside of us. I used to be embarrassed to cry in public, probably because so many people view crying and tears in public as a weakness. I confess I have probably been guilty of some of that myself when I was younger, but not anymore. Life is messy sometimes, and just plain hard. Bad things happen to good people.  I think it took the death of my father and the compassion of a loving friend to help me understand the necessity of crying to help me begin to heal. At first after my father died, I would try to control the tears and "be strong" - for who? If found that this just gave me panic attacks and a huge headache! I had to come to terms with the fact that tears heal us. If we "let it out" then we aren't holding it in. It's a release of our feelings and our emotions. God gave us tears to help us heal. I usually feel such a relief after I have a good cry. Why walk around in life on the edge of tears and wanting to let it out, but fearing what "everyone else around us will think"? Who cares? It's not about what they are feeling, it's about what I am feeling. As Shrek says, "better out than in" ;-). I think that if we cried more there would be less need for all of those anti-depressants! So, I'm giving you permission to go ahead and cry - sob, weep, bawl, bewail, blubber, boohoo, burst into tears, let go, let it out, grieve, mourn - because only then can we begin to heal. (Now there, don't you feel better?)

Hear Me (Tears into Wine) - Jim Brickman (lyrics)
http://youtu.be/zB0tvJSM0lo