"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." e.e. cummings
All The Time (Barry Manilow)
http://youtu.be/PfA-yW_ErTo
Almost three years ago a returned to school after a twenty-three year hiatus. It was absolutely one of the most difficult things that I have ever pushed myself to do. As you can imagine, there were all sorts of reactions from those around me. Some were supportive, others not so much. So many people couldn't wrap their head around the fact that a middle-aged woman would return to college after such a long hiatus. "Why?" they would ask, "would you want to do that at this point in your life?" "Why not just stay with the status quo?" I had reached a point in my life when I knew that I needed to make an adjustment. I needed to grow, or I felt like I would just curl up and die. I saw a future with all of my children grown and on their own rapidly approaching. I wondered what I would do with all of the "free time" that would come as a result of their being gone and my having less responsibilities to them. It was a daunting future, and I was trying my best to determine what I really wanted to do with myself in that future. I thought a lot about what I used to like to do when I was younger (and single, I might add). I have always enjoyed learning new things, and I was always a pretty good student. One of my passions has always been communications, so I determined that that would be a good field of study for me. A major in Communications was non-existent back in my day. The first class that I enrolled in at the University was "The History of Communication Technology". It sounded interesting and challenging, which it turned out to be.
One of the most difficult parts of my return to school after so long was the feeling that I just didn't fit in there. I was much older than the majority of the students in my classes. I received quite a few stares and some shuns. Frankly, I was old enough to be most of their mothers! I also had two children of my own in the age range of these kids. I found that to be a great advantage as I could relate to what my fellow students were "into", because my own young adults were "into" it as well. My own children were able to help me get started and to become knowledgeable about the technologies that I now needed to be able to manage and handle in this new world. It was a very different world from what it was when I last attended college back in the '80's. Eventually, I met a few students who could appreciate a "non-traditional" student in their midst.
But, by far the greatest challenge that I have had over these past 3 years is believing in myself and that I am able and capable of handling what is thrown at me. It is definately a different world from what it was way back when, but I have learned so much and grown in confidence and courage. I have discovered along the way that who I was in 1985, is not who I am today. Who I was and what I thought I wanted back then, isn't what I want to do or be now. I have changed so much over these past 25 years. It was a good place to begin, and it has been a process of self-discovery and growth. My current major has changed, and I am going in a different direction than I originally thought, but it feels right for me now. I just had to take that first step, which was definately the hardest, but I would do it all again to get to where I am now. "The first step back's the hardest, but those who've done it say, 'take it, take it, take it and thank God you're on your way'. Take the step and thank the Lord your finally on (your) way." (Michael McLean).
"Believe. Believe in yourself. Believe in the One who believes in you. All things are possible to she who believes."
Believe (Josh Groban)
http://youtu.be/VoZsS0zq1hs
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