Learn To Be Still

"If, like Herod, we fill our lives with things,
and again with things;
if we consider ourselves so unimportant that
we must fill every moment of our lifes with action,
when will we have the time to make the long, slow journey
across the dessert as did the Magi?
Or sit and watch the stars as did the shepherds?
Or brood over the coming of the child as did Mary?
For each one of us, there is a desert to travel.
A star to discover.
And a being within ourselves to bring to life."

Author Unknown

Learn To Be Still (The Eagles)
http://youtu.be/gjBvxyEAyos

     It is about this time of year I usually find myself with way too many things on my plate and way too little time for everything - especially myself! I snap at my husband and my children. My house is a disaster. I grumble because I don't have enough. Enough help, enough time, enough money or enough resources to do it all - or at least what "everyone else" thinks I "should" be doing. You can imagine what a musician's life can be like at Christmas time! I'm a grouch and I make my life and the lives of those around me, miserable. About now I usually "hit the wall" and realize that I am over scheduled, over committed, over stressed, over tired and overwhelmed.

ENOUGH!

    This is when I need to stop, to be still, and to take some time to sit back and re-evaluate how I am spending my most valuable asset - my time. How can I simplify? Do I really need to spend my time and energy doing some of the things I am doing? Do I really need to bake those cookies or that dish for the potluck? Can't I just purchase them from already made from the grocery store? Who will care anyway?  Do I really have to chaperone that dance, accompany that song, or attend that party, even though everyone is "screaming" that they just "have to have me there". Really? What if I just say "no", won't that event go off without me? I have always been a "pleaser" and so I am especially susceptible and vulnerable to wanting to please everyone else on the list - except myself. I feel so guilty when I can't do everything everyone wants me to do. It's an illness. My name doesn't usually even appear on "the list", let alone at the top of it!

     Something that I am learning about myself is that I have to "learn to be still". If I don't take care of myself then who will? You know the old saying "if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy", well I find it applies in this case. I am the "heart of the home", so then it makes sense to put "Momma" back on the list - hopefully at the top of it. It's time for a little "joy" break, a little "extreme self-care" (as Cheryl Richardson calls it).   It becomes time to prioritize, eliminate, and/or "just say no". The holiday season is supposed to be a happy time for all, but it is hard to feel happy when you don't - even though you are "supposed to". If I am not feeling the "joy of the holiday season" - or the joy of living in general -then perhaps it might be time to "be still" and look into my heart and decide what it is that I really need and/or want, and what it is that I really don't! What will bring me joy? What won't, and if it doesn't then why am I doing it?

     I think that what I might just need is a silent night. A night without having to meet anyone else's demands but my own. Hmmm, maybe even a "spa" night. Well, this might just turn out to be the best gift I can give myself this year!

I Need a Silent Night (Amy Grant)
http://youtu.be/OowjEFrSWfs