Choosing Peace - A Christmas Gift

"Christmas gift suggestions:

To your enemy, forgiveness,

To an opponent, tolerance.

To a friend, you heart.

To a customer, service.

To all, charity.

To every child, a good example.

To yourself, respect."

 - Oren Arnold

Let There Be Peace On Earth (Vince Gill with his daughter, Jennie)

http://youtu.be/SaGfxSSNjhI

     Today I made a choice. A few days ago I made an arrangement to meet up with a friend to have breakfast at a local eatery. I woke up, dressed and made my way to the location. I arrived a few minutes early because I didn't want to be late. I went inside and sat down to wait for her arrival. I waited ... waited ... and waited some more. After waiting for about 15 minutes after our arranged time to meet up and she wasn't there I decided that she wasn't going to come. At that moment I had a choice to make. My choices were to a) be upset and angry with her because she didn't show up, didn't call or text; or b) make the best of the situation. I am happy to say that I made choice "b". I decided at that moment that I was not going to let this situation ruin my morning mood or set a bad tone for the rest of my day. I was not going to be upset or angry with her. There had to be an explanation for the situation because it was simply not like her to do something like that to a friend. So, instead of getting all upset, angry and embarrassed, I decided to "treat myself" to a chocolate chip bagel with low-fat cream cheese and a wild berry fruit smoothie - and they were both delicious! But more than that, I walked away feeling good inside - peaceful and content.

     I am not going to lie, a few short months ago I would probably not have been able to select choice "b", but would have gone straight to choice "a". I think I am making progress. I am choosing peace. Let's face it, none of us are perfect, we all make mistakes. I have to give some credit where credit is due - to the Family Support Group in which I have been participating for the past 8 months. This program has given me an awareness of my own humanness and some of my weaknesses, one of which is being quick to anger. I am trying to turn this weakness into a strength. I am trying to do this by making more peaceful and conscientious choices, like the one I chose this morning. I am free to choose how I will act and/or react to any given situation. Choosing peace brings me peace, joy and happiness. I feel empowered in the fact that I was able to overcome my natural tendency to anger and recognize this was a huge step forward for me. By the way, I later received a very apologetic phone call with a simple explanation for the situation. All was forgiven and smoothed over, much to the relief of my friend. It was a win, win. I felt good and happy and at peace, and she felt better knowing I was not angry or upset with her for her mistake.

     During this time of year, the Christmas season with all of the demands and stresses, I think it takes extra effort to choose peace. At the crowded mall or department store, at the loud holiday party, in the parking lot or on the streets surrounding the mall, at the checkout counter - we can choose peace. Choosing peace perpetuates peace. I am reminded of what the Heavenly Host declared on that first Christmas morning: "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace, goodwill toward men." (Luke 2:14). This morning I had a choice to make and I chose peace. What a different world we would live in if more people made that same choice. "Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me".

Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains

"Far, far away on Judea's plains,
Shepherds of old heard the joyous strains:

Glory to God, Glory to God,
Glory to God in the highest;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men!

Sweet are these strains of redeeming love,
Message of mercy from heav'n above:

Glory to God, Glory to God,
Glory to God in the highest;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men!

Lord, with the angels we too would rejoice;
Help us to sing with the heart and voice:

Glory to God, Glory to God,
Glory to God in the highest;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men!

Hasten the time when, from ev'ry clime,
Men shall unite in the strains sublime:

Glory to God, Glory to God,
Glory to God in the highest;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men;
Peace on earth, goodwill to men!

(Text and music: John Menzies Macfarlane, 1833-1892)

Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains (Mormon Tabernacle Choir)
http://youtu.be/0onbWhPZ9Is

Peace - You Find It Where the Heart Is



The Heart of the Matter (Don Henley)

http://youtu.be/dyLvZ9uC9F4

     Like the beginning of this song by Don Henley, "I got the call today I didn't want to hear, but I knew that it would come". It was inevitable considering the situation and the personality of the individual to whom I am referring. In this case it wasn't about hearing of an old flame finding another love, but of an old relationship needing mending. Ironically, it is nearing the anniversary of the event that split the relationship into pieces in the first place. It all has to do with a complicated relationship, inheritance money and who will take responsibility for each. Long story short, it's also about forgiveness and finding peace.

     Earlier this year I made the effort to mend this long broken relationship by initiating an email apology to the individual involved, even though I did not see myself as the one at fault in the situation. I felt the relationship was important enough to me to try to repair it if at all possible, so I initiated the truce. Of course, this person had know idea about my view of what happened and the damage that was done.  I was allowing this situation to cause me anxiety and guilt, and the individual involved knew nothing of my discomfort nor could they really have cared less about it. Needless to say, they didn't see things the same way as I did. Perhaps some if it was a result of my own unrealistic expectations of what I thought the relationship "should be"; what they should have done, or been, or should be to me in my life. It has become obvious to me that what I would like to have happen is never going to happen in this situation. I think I have finally gotten to the point where I am o.k. with this fact. After many years I have been able to forgive and put to rest the issue that resulted in the broken relationship in the first place. As a result, we can now both calmly and rationally discuss this current situation from a place of caring, understanding and forgiveness.

      I will not lie and say that this phone call didn't, once again, bring a few tears at the conclusion of the call. But this time they were tears of understanding and maybe a little relief. They were also tears of grief over the reality of the situation and the loss of what might have once been, but now will likely never be. It is time to grow up and face the facts. I have finally seen it for what it really is. Yes I am disappointed, but I am also realistic enough to know that this time it is what it is, and just because I want it to be a different way doesn't make it so. It takes two to have a relationship and, as much as I would desire one, the other party in the relationship is content with the status quo.

     So, after many years and tears, I am able to be at peace with it all. What a liberating feeling that is! The knowledge that I have absolutely done all that I can do to make this relationship work and knowing that now the rest is up to the other party involved, brings great peace to my heart and mind. No longer will I continue to hold on to the hope that something different will ever come of it, because it most likely will not - at least in this lifetime - ever happen. It is what it is and until more effort is expended on the part of the other party involved, it will remain what it is. I do not feel the need to expend any more of my time or energy into a losing situation.

    This experience gives more meaning to the yuletide phrase "peace on earth, goodwill to men". I have longed to have peace about this situation for so long, and now I finally feel it. What a gift!  I can honestly say that I feel goodwill to this person. I am sincerely glad to hear that things have worked out well for them, that things continue to go well for this person, that they are happy and content with their life.

    Two very important life lessons I can take from this experience are these:



First -

and second -

Peace - You find it where the heart is!

Peace (Jim Brickman)

http://youtu.be/Pvx74fkqTwk



"To Every Thing There is a Season"





“Fall. Stand. Learn. Adapt.”
― Mike Norton, Fighting For Redemption: Hangambiiki

Where Do I Go From Here? (England Dan and John Ford Coley)

http://youtu.be/sDdyA7Ka40Q

    Autumn seems to always make me very introspective and nostalgic. I have recently been re-reading through some of my handwritten journal entries for the past few years. It is interesting to read my thoughts and experiences from this side of them. When I am going through the events I feel like I just have to write to get the feelings out of me and on to the page. As I read them in retrospect, I see attitudes that I have miss-taken and some character weaknesses that need to be revised. That is one of the beauties of keeping a consistent journal, I can learn from my writings and understand where I need to adapt, and what course corrections I need to make along my life path.

    It's comforting and reassuring to know that I can adjust my patterns and thinking, I can change. I don't have to, nor do I want to, repeat the undesirable patterns. There have been times in my life when I have felt a little "lost" and a little unsure of where to go or what to do next. It seems that when I take the time to read through my journals I get a better sense of who I am, where I came from, and what direction I need to go next to become who I want to be. Some of my choices I am not proud of,  and those are the times that I beat myself up a little and feel ashamed; but they are also the times that make me want to change my course and learn from them, correct myself and not repeat the same mistakes.

     Other entries make me feel good about how I handled a particular situation which could have turned out really bad. The writing has kept me on an even keel and let me vent my frustrations and feelings in a "safe place", before I reacted and did something that I know I would have regretted later. I think sometimes we just need "someone" to "talk" to, someone to tell us we aren't "lost". My journal does that for me.

     When I am in a bad place in life it has helped me to reread about a time in my life when I was in a really good place. A time when I felt secure, confident, wise. When I reread what I wrote at those times and I take the time to pause and think about what my wiser self wrote, I am amazed that it came out of me! It motivates me, inspires me to keep going, and to once again try harder to get beyond whatever it is I am struggling with that is keeping me from being my best self.

     To me, life spirals in cycles. I think of our life cycles much like the seasons of the year, and they often correspond. Like the changing of the seasons, we have our time to be introspective. We have our time of  hibernation (or incubation?), to rest, renew, and regroup. We are still living, still growing (sometimes more than we know), even when we appear to be dormant. When the "season shifts" we are then better able to break forth and blossom, baffling the world with our brilliance! (Well, at least we hope so ;-)). "To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1). I guess it's time to bring out the sweaters and turn on the heat....

"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."

[Albert Camus]

 

Lost (Michael Buble)

http://youtu.be/LFq3HIEucjs

The Awakening



King of Anything (Sara Bareilles)
http://youtu.be/RPk4_XfYhjg

The Awakening

(Author Unknown)

"A time comes in your life when you finally get it ....

When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting, and crying or struggling to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tail endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's o.k. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...

And in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, and what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live; who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you own your parents, family and friends.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly o.k....and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect and you won't settle for less. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone... and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR, itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in it's most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can."

Ghosts - Learning to let go of the past

Ghosts (Dan Fogelberg)

http://youtu.be/J1hGidVkigI

"Sometimes in the night I feel it
Near as my next breath and yet untouchable
Silently the past comes stealing like the taste of some forbidden sweet

Along the walls in shadowed rafters
Moving like a thought through haunted atmospheres
Muted cries and echoed laughter

Banished dreams that never sank in sleep
Lost in love and found in reason
Questions that the mind can find no answers for

Ghostly eyes conspire treason as they gather just outside the door
And every ghost that calls upon us brings another measure in the mystery
Death is there to keep us honest and constantly remind us we are free

Down the ancient corridors, through the gates of time
Run the ghosts of days that we've left behind
Down the ancient corridors, through the gates of time
Run the ghosts of dreams that we left behind

Sometimes in the night I feel it
Near as my next breath and yet untouchable
Silently the past comes stealing like the taste of some forbidden sweet

And every ghost that calls upon us brings another measure in the mystery
Death is there to keep us honest and constantly remind us we are free
Down the ancient corridors and through the gates of time

Run the ghosts of days that we've left behind
Down the ancient corridors and through the gates of time
Run the ghosts of dreams that we left behind"



Let's be honest, we all have "ghosts" in our lives. Past relationships, bad experiences, poor choices, mistakes - that come back to haunt us some days.  Memories of past mistakes, losses and grief, major paradiem shifts that felt more like a "life quake" than a mere "shift". So, how do you deal with them, make them manageable? Sometimes I've cried. Sometimes I've screamed. Sometimes I've prayed. Sometimes I've chosen to be angry.

But what I find that works the best for me is to forgive. At times it has felt so counterintuitive. I want to revive those "ghosts" and relive and rehash the events, mostly trying to just make some sense of what happened. The "how" the "why" the "what if". I've analyzed (probably over-analyzed and overthought, knowing me), and I've mentally flogged myself over and over again for being so naive and stupid. But what good does that do? It just reopens the wounds. Yes, the scars are there and always will be, but what good does "reopening the wounds" and reliving the past do? It means having to heal over again, and again and again? And who has the energy or the time for that?!

What I've learned through much anger, pain and suffering is that if I can see myself and others as human and fallable, I am better able to forgive myself (and others) and let go of the "ghosts" from my past. Mistakes were made, bad things happened, feelings were hurt and I can't undo the past. But, I can choose to not let what happened in the past dictate how I will decide to live the rest of my life. Reviving these "ghosts" from the past over and over just keeps me from enjoying the present and the future. It saps my energy, it hinders me from feeling happiness and joy, and it keeps me from fulfilling my fullest potential.  Jesus taught that we should "forgive those who trespass against us". He taught that we should "love thy neighbor as thyself", not instead of thyself.   Isn't that what the Atonement of Jesus Christ was for? To let Him handle what we can't (and don't need to anymore?) "We are free" to choose. Forgive self, forgive others who knowingly (and sometimes unknowingly) have hurt us, or hold on to the pain and anger and continue to be victimized, to be miserable and to make those around us equally miserable.

"If you keep carry that anger it'll eat you up inside.... I've been trying to get down to The Heart of the Matter because the flesh will get weak and the ashes seem to scatter. So I'm thinking about forgiveness, forgiveness, even if you don't love me."

The Heart of the Matter (Don Henley)

http://youtu.be/ncF6q3QeltU