"In the darkness even one small candle burns like the sun!"
-Roger Hoffman
He'll Carry You (Hilary Weeks)
http://youtu.be/HCVT88Dz_CM
"The message of this moment is so clear,
And as certain as the rising of the sun:
When your world is filled with darkness, doubt, or fear,
Just hold on, hold on,
The light will come."
I have had some interesting experiences over the past week. Without going into too much detail I will just say that some of the challenging situations that I have been living through have finally ended, or will be ending soon. I have felt like I have been living in a long, dark night and looking for that "one small candle" for what feels like a very long time. I have felt "darkness, doubt and fear". It seems to be that way when we are going through some dark and stormy time periods in our life. It may begin with the death of a loved one, the loss of or change in a relationship, the loss of a job, suffering with an illness or having to live through what feels like an impossible situation. These times can bring the darkness into our lives for what feels like an eternity. But I'm here to tell you, that it does not last forever!
Over the past few years I have wondered if it was me, if I was the only one that had these feelings of doubt and fear. I have felt at times like I was doing something wrong and God was punishing me. I felt alone and misunderstood, like no one could possibly understand what I was going through. These times have caused me to have some very deep "soul searching" sessions. I have held my thoughts, attitudes and behaviors up in the mirror and I haven't always liked what I have seen. I have struggled (and am still struggling) to make adjustments in my thought patterns, manage my emotions and my attitudes. But, I have "shown up", "been present" and "put forth my best effort", and God has made up the difference.
I think that is what we have to do sometimes, "never, never, never give up" (thank you Winston Churchill). Some days it has been all I could do to drag myself out of bed and get through the day. Some days I have cried through most of it. I have poured out my soul in prayer, because I knew that God knew what I was going through. I have written my feelings in my journal because I just had to get them out. I knew I couldn't get through it on my own strength, mainly because I didn't have anymore strength on which to draw. I know that God knows my pain, He knows my fears, He knows my tears because I have certainly put them in front of Him many times. I know that He understands because He has suffered what I am suffering. I know I can trust him with my most intimate thoughts, even when I know that they might not please Him. I know that He loves me unconditionally. He will love me through my pain, anger and frustrations and in spite of my less than lofty thoughts and feelings. How do I know this? Because over this past week, "the light has come", finally. The changes are happening within and without. I am feeling more hopeful, more at peace than I have felt in a very, very long time. The long, dark night is ending and the day dawn is breaking!
Now this doesn't mean that all of my challenges and problems are going away. Heaven's no! In fact, my long awaited knee surgery is in two days, and I am feeling anxious about it. But, I also have recently been infused with the knowledge, wisdom and the hope that all of these things will be for my good, somehow, and that I can trust that God has a plan and a purpose in all of this for me. I have learned that sometimes you really do just have to "hold on" to what you know is true and right, put in your best effort and eventually, the light does come. . . . And when it comes, it is brilliant and nothing short of a miracle!
"If you feel trapped inside a never ending night,
If you've forgotten how it feels to feel the light,
If you're half crazy thinking you're the only one
who's afraid the light will never really come -
Just hold on, hold one the light will come."
(Michael McLean)
Hold On, The Light Will Come
(written by Michael McLean, sung by Jessie Clark Funk)
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