“At the end of life, you will never regret not having passed one more test,
not winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal.
You will regret time not spent with a husband, a child, a friend, or a parent.”
– Barbara Bush-
Friends With You (John Denver)
We live in a very mobile society, and summertime seems the be the season for relocation! It seems like just about every summer for most of my life at least one of my friends moves away. I am thankful for modern technology (i.e. Facebook) that makes it easier to stay connected to each other, but somehow it just isn't the same as a face-to-face encounter. Friends have moved away for a multitude of reasons, jobs - lost or gained, schooling, moving closer to family, and simply the desire for a change of scenery.
I find myself longing for the days of my childhood when society, at least in my world, seemed to be much less mobile. I grew up living in the same house and the same neighborhood until I was 22 years old, so I had a fairly stable and predictable childhood. Once I was married and had a child, however, I too became mobile. I was counting the number of times I have moved since I married and so far, the total is 8 times in the first 14 years of our married life. We have lived in our current location for over 13 years. As a result, I now have friends living in various parts of the United States from Georgia (hi Lee Ann and Chris) to Utah (hi Kim and Jody) with several more locations in between.
No matter where I have lived, I have been blessed to find at least one good friend. The hardest thing is when one of us, or sometimes both of us, move away from each other. Our lives have crossed at a moment in time and become part of each other's tapestry of life, if even for a brief moment. As I have been thinking back over my life there seems to be certain events that I will always associate with certain people with whom I have shared those special, sacred moments - and I am very grateful that our life's paths have crossed. They have left "footprints on my heart" and in my life.
This summer is no exception, another good friend will be moving to California this July. I will miss her and her family, but am also happy that she has the opportunity to live closer to her family after being away from them for the past 20 years. I admit, I am a bit jealous as I have not had that luxury in my own life for very long, just a brief 22 months after I was first married. It is challenging and lonely to live so far away from my family. As a result, my friends become my family, and when they move away a part of my heart goes with them.
Some friends don't have to move across the country for me to miss them. Some friends have changes come into their lives that make us drift apart. I experienced this when I returned to school three years ago. I was extremely busy during those three years and as hard as I tried not to, I lost the connections that I had with some of my friends. Now those friends have, for various reasons, moved on with their lives - one by choice, and the other by circumstances beyond her control. I miss them, and now that my life has slowed down a bit, I am lonely without them. One of the reasons that I returned to school was for what I thought would be an opportunity to make some new friends. I was sadly disappointed, as I didn't find too many 20-somethings that wanted to be friends with an almost 50 year old. I was closer in age to my professors, than to the students! It turned out that what I thought would be a solution to a problem, just created more problems for me. As I think back on my time in school, I don't regret taking the classes and learning (though it was an expensive trail to follow), I do regret that I didn't find more friends with whom I could spend time. But, as I have stated in previous postings, I went back to what was familiar to me - not realizing how much circumstances and I had changed over the years.
So, the search goes on to find "where I belong" and find the people who share my same interests and passions. Honestly, sometimes it is a very lonely journey and I wonder if I will ever feel "at home" again. Having spent a great deal of my life in the same place, I know how it feels to feel content and comfortable in a place. Regretably, even after the 13 years I have lived here, I do not always feel that way. I wonder if I ever will again. Maybe I just need to do a little more exploring and "get out of my confort zone" a bit. Try to find some new interests and hobbies, voluteer or take another class and explore something different and see where that path might lead. I am not much of a risk taker and it puts me way out of my confort zone, but I am feeling that "grow or die" feeling creeping back on me once again. If I can just keep it all in balance. I have been "sitting patiently with the waiting" for a while now. I guess it's time to pull myself back up and put myself back out there. Perhaps "I'm ready to take a change again....after all" We'll see.
Ready To Take A Chance Again (Barry Manilow - of course!)
No comments:
Post a Comment