By accepting yourself and fully being what you are,
your simple presence can make others happy.”
- Author Unknown -
Greatest Love of All (Whitney Houston)
(The loss of such a great artist as Whitney Houston, at such a young age, is such a tragedy. God bless Whitney Houston and her family. May she finally rest in peace.)
This song, originally performed by Whitney Houston, is one that I have always loved. I think I love it because the words have resonated so much with me over the course of my life. I have always believed that "children are our future", that we should "teach them well and let them lead the way". That we should "show them all the beauty they possess inside" and "give them a sense of pride, to make it easier. Let the children's laughter remind us who we used to be."
I think that much of my love for children comes from their ready love and acceptance of me. I think I also admire their untainted innocence and love of life. I have always enjoyed being in their presence, and feel priviledged when I had the opportunity to do so. I have wanted to instill in my own children (and sometimes in others) a sense of their value and worth to God and to the world. Some of this desire stems from my church work over the years with children, but I think that it also comes from the loss of three of my own as a result of miscarriages. Losing something that you love (or want to love) so much, certainly makes you appreciate it much more and makes it all that much more precious when you do have the blessing of receiving it. This is one of the primary reasons that I chose to be a stay-at-home mother. I didn't want anyone else to raise the children with whom I had been blessed. I have learned so much from each of my children, much more than what they have learned from me. I think of how sad it would have been if I had never had them. (And this is why I get so angry when I hear of or see parents who abuse their precious children).
I learned in my Sociology class last year, and again recently, that young people are waiting longer to marry. I also learned that when they do choose to marry they are waiting a longer time to have children, if they have any at all; and that the number of children that they are choosing to have is much smaller than it used to be. I think this is a real tragedy. Children are such a blessing! They teach us so much about ourselves, they give us unconditional love, and they give us such a wonderful perspective on the world and our (and their) place in it. They help us to overcome our own selfish tendencies and force us (or should force us) to change and become better people. They teach us to put another individuals needs above our own. As we sacrifice our own wants to the fulfill the needs of others, it forces us to"grow up" and to look at the world from a different perspective, and usually that is a very good thing. It is a good thing not only for ourselves and our families, but for the world at large. We come to realize that it isn't "all about us", but that we are just a small part of the whole. What we contribute to the whole, whether via ourselves or our children, depends on how we choose to live our lives and how we choose to teach our children how to live their lives. Children believe everything their parents teach them (for good or for bad), so we must be careful as to how we act and what we teach them. Having children should cause us to take a good long look at how we live our lives and what we want to teach our children about how to live theirs.
For me, learning to love myself has been a lifetime challenge. I grew up in a stable home with two loving parents and two siblings. Our family wasn't perfect, but for the most part I had what I needed and I felt loved. I didn't understand until I was married and raising my own children, what a blessing that was in my life. As I have gone through life and heard about the life experiences of my peers and others around me, I have truly come to appreciate what it means to be "born of goodly parents". My parents were very good at instilling a sense of pride, self-respect and self-confidence in me. I think that I knew at a young age that I was "of worth". I learned at a young age that I was valuable, not only as a child of God, but as a member of my family. When I would have the inevitable "differences of opinion" with my peers (and my siblings), my parents always tried to made me feel accepted, loved and safe. I was able to develop skills and talents because of their encouragement and support. I gained confidence in myself and in my ability to succeed and triumph through difficulties and challlenges because of these opportunities. I was given a strong sense of moral values (a sense of right and wrong), standards and integrity. This came not only from my parents but also from other leaders and mentors in my childhood and adolescence. I have learned things through making my own mistakes in life that I wouldn't want my children to have to experience. Sometimes these mistakes have caused me to doubt my judgment, have clouded my thinking and have caused me to question my worth. I think that one of the greatest challenges that we have as adults is to learn to love ourselves in spite of our foibles and faults. Ultimately though, I have come to learn that what or who I will be is up to me. What my life will turn out to be is the result of my choices and my actions.
I have always been a pretty independent person, sometimes to a fault. I have had to make choices and take a stand on issues that were sometimes less than popular among my peers. It is important to me that when I look in the mirror, I want to be able to look myself in the eye and like who I see looking back at me. Sometimes these choices have "led me to a lonely place" because they haven't always been the easy or popular way of doing things. Sometimes my motives for doing things have been misinterpreted or misunderstood. When these times have come, I have had to rely on the knowledge of the love of my God for me, the love of my family for me and, last but not least, the love and respect I have for myself to give me strength and to get me through.
Truly, learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all - and I think that it will be a lifelong pursuit for me to be able to achieve it. It is something of which I have to remind myself on a daily basis. "You are loveable and capable". My mantra (thanks to Josh Groban) had become: "Don't give up ... because you are loved."
You Are Loved (Josh Groban)
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