Fix You (Coldplay)
http://youtu.be/Fuqkz_sZDos
I had a difficult weekend. After a wonderful holiday break with three of my five children, I had just sent my youngest daughter back to college across the country. It felt like I was sending her back into a "den of lions" because of her living situation. It was hard to let her go, and I was feeling anxious, tired and vulnerable. I have to admit it was so nice to be able to be "checked out" of my real life for the three weeks of the break, and I sure wasn't expecting to get pulled back into reality in such a intense way.
I received a text message on Saturday asking for me to do a favor for a friend. This "favor", in my opinion, meant the abdication of what I saw was their responsibility, not mine. I built in my pause, hesitating to accept the request. I felt a bit irritated by what I felt was an unreasonable request. I tried to wrap my head around how I could help, but not take on more than I felt was reasonable on my part. After a few moments I responded in a positive manner, with a caveat that I only do a portion of the task that I felt was reasonable for me to do, and adding that it would be dependent on my feeling comfortable after researching the task. Shortly thereafter I received another text removing the request for the favor altogether. At this point I was a little confused, but felt o.k. about the action. However, as events unfolded over the next 24 hours, I sensed that my friend had taken offense over something and had hurt feelings. She sent a series of messages to me indicating that she felt hurt by what had occurred. I was essentially ignorant of what was going on. I have tried to befriend this person, but felt that at this point I needed to put up some boundaries and protect myself and my family from the negativity and accusations that were being flung my direction, so I decided I had to cut off the communication.
In addition to the above mentioned incident, I had another experience that also inflicted some pain my direction. Someone else was apparently offended by something that was supposedly done to them at my hands. However, when the details were made clear, it became apparent what the situation actually was, how it came about, and that no offense or harm was ever intended toward the supposed victim of the offense. Hopefully, that is now cleared up and will not be "held against me" ever again. But, it too made me feel vulnerable and defensive.
Yesterday, my daughter's first day of the new semester, she phoned with some possible solutions to the "lion's den" issue. She also shared with me how things were going that first day back at school, her anxiety and worries, fears, etc. I was already on overload from the previous few days and so I finally just sat down at my kitchen table and had a good cry! I was over tired, over wrought and anxious about what had been happening and I was unsure about how I was going to be able to withstand the issues, and be able to make my life manageable again with all of the chaos going on around me. I wanted to quit!! And so, I decided to say a little prayer and asked my Father in Heaven for help to know what to do. Almost immediately I felt peace and a prompting about what I need to do to be able to deal with and manage the circumstances in which I now find myself. For me, it was a miracle!!!
Now, I am a caring person and I don't like to feel like I have caused another person pain. However, some in my sphere of consciousness don't seem to feel the same way about me, and don't seem to mind inflicting their "issues" onto me or others around me. I'm sure you know some of these people - the perpetual "victim". These "victims" think that we all need to allow them their weaknesses and idiosyncrasies at the expense of our own peace of mind and quality of life. I have decided that at some point, I have to be able to draw the line, put up the boundaries that I need to in order to protect myself and my loved ones from the "arrows" that are pointed in our direction. I refuse to be the target any longer. I cannot "fix" them or their "issues", but I can "fix" me and decide not to let that element into my sphere of consciousness to effect me and my peace and happiness. This is a big step for me because I tend to be a "pleaser". I am learning that sometimes to be a "pleaser" means giving up pieces of yourself - your dignity, your self-esteem, your peace and your sanity by allowing another person to dictate to you how they think you should be treating them. When in reality, they need to take a good long look in the mirror and examine their own flaws and fix them themselves, not expect me or anyone else to do it for them. Believe me, I have enough flaws and challenges of my own to deal with, I do not need to fix theirs as well.
In reality, we all have things about ourselves that we need to work on, and I'm not just talking about what people might see on the outside. Things that might be changed by dieting (a whole other issue for me - especially this time of year) or by cosmetic procedures. We all need to have a good "heart examination" and take a deep, long look inside of us. Where is our heart? Are we inflicting our "issues" or pain onto another because of one of our own weaknesses or "pet peeves"? Whose responsibility is it to "fix" us anyway? As I have learned from my own experiences, there is One to whom we can truly turn when we find ourselves facing these issues and challenges. One who truly cares and One who knows what we need and how to "fix" us. A loving Heavenly Father.
I have started to keep a penny in a small plastic bag on my desk. Why do I do this? Because, as you will recall, the saying "In God We Trust" is engraved on the penny. This is the side that I tend to keep up and see when I look down at that penny. It serves as a reminder to me in whom I can place my trust and to whom I can look when I need help and guidance to help me with the challenges and "issues" that I face on a regular basis. Maybe this is something that might help you too. The peace of mind that is gained from doing this is priceless. What have you got to lose? Only the cost of a penny and a glance.
http://youtu.be/bf3IBf7uL9k
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